RE: [ANZJFT: 191]

[Paul Rhodes]

hi, its great to see that the discussion is going so well, I have been particualrly interested in the ideas about how men are not neccesarily resistant but that our way of doing therapy needs to be tailored to their way of thinking and relating; I also like the comments about men being rugged and not neccesarily scared of emotions; it seems to me in some of my own social relationships that some men like things to be spoken of directly and in a no nonsense way that does fit with tough things that have to be done in therapy. The key of course is engagment which allows you do do so much afterwards; it also works the other way round though, I have been amazed by the kind of bond that can be established between men (me and the client) if challenging is done compassionately but very directly; it feels like some men are really quite desperate to meet someone who is strong enough and sensitive enough to challenge them about behaviour that they already know is not helping them and those they are close to; after it's done the bond seems to be established, as mates, but also perhaps there is a sense that the therapist can do what their fathers couldnt, place boundaries while being caring. These can be some quite moving moments in therapy.

 

I'm thinking about a case I have seen with my team lately where a man had frequent affairs and disclosed them readily wiothout seeming to care about there effect on his wife and kids. In the reflecting team he watched while we challenged him quite stridently about his integrity and about the part of him that was desperate to change; he broke down and then gradually over the next two sessions started to tell us about his history of child sexual abuse and how he was frightened to face it.

 

These, of course, are rare experiences, but it makes me think that there is quite a myth out their about men in therapy, that they are more difficult that working with women, women can be very difficult to work with too !

 

Paul

-----Original Message-----
From: ANZ...@googlegroups.com [mailto:ANZ...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Craig Horn
Sent: Wednesday, 11 April 2007 6:25 PM
To: ANZ...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [ANZJFT: 191] Re: Nope, no SPAM for me

Yes indeed, bring it on!  I am also a new practitioner with a background in agency work, and this is a great discussion to follow.  Just to be clear my comment about “thin” discussion was in relation to the number of responses as against the number of “spam” related messages I was receiving (which I have sorted out now – thank you).  Certainly not a comment on the quality and content, which is indeed meaty as has been noted.

 

As a new practitioner some of the points raised resonate, some are new and interesting.  I am a firm believer that both men and women have their unique issues that need to be acknowledged – yet there are so many to keep track of, and that’s before the personal and individual issues emerge!  I have struggled to make the transition from community agency social worker with a diversity of roles, to session based therapy in private practice.  But I still see the same gender and social issues.  As Robin and others have noted here, the issue of social construction of maleness, from the time we are little boys and enforced by males and females as we grow only for us to find that much of this is actually not helpful in managing feelings and relationship issues, is huge.  I often perceive that men I’m seeing are disempowered and genuinely unsure of what to do – and interestingly rather than try to play overt power games with me, such as Yael described, seem more likely not to come back because in spite of what I thought were my best efforts to be attentive and responsive, they feel they have not been listened too.  At this point their confusion often becomes mine... and so I look forward to the rest of the discussion!

 

Craig Horn, Sale

 

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From: ANZ...@googlegroups.com [mailto:ANZ...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Yael Clark
Sent: Wednesday, 11 April 2007 12:07 PM
To: ANZ...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [ANZJFT: 177] Re: Nope, no SPAM for me

 

Just to answer your question, Craig from Sale. I have not had any "pending message" emails. These should only go to a group moderator. Are you a moderator? I did get one SPAM email from a bogus subscriber inviting me to fund his worthy cause- no thanks! As I said, if you go to the website and read and post from there then you need not have any of these emails in your inbox. As to the discussion being "thin"- it seems some people want fewer emails (less discussion) and some want more ("thicker" discussion). As a private practitioner after years of agency work I am feeling rather isolated from colleagues right now and I really appreciate online discussion and support so bring it on, I say!

Yael (Melbourne)

-----Original Message-----
From: ANZ...@googlegroups.com [mailto:ANZ...@googlegroups.com]On Behalf Of Craig Horn
Sent: Monday, 9 April 2007 7:46 PM
To: ANZ...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [ANZJFT: 172] Re: Unsubscribing

Just curious, is anyone else getting a lot of emails from google groups, saying message pending, because I am, and they are spam.  I get more of those than I do discussion emails, which have actually been a bit thin I thought.

 

Craig Horn

 

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From: ANZ...@googlegroups.com [mailto:ANZ...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of DEB GIBBONS
Sent: Tuesday, 10 April 2007 12:42 PM
To: ANZ...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [ANZJFT: 171] Re: Unsubscribing

 

I would like to unsubscribe too

 

deb Gibbons

-----Original Message-----
From: ANZ...@googlegroups.com [mailto:ANZ...@googlegroups.com]On Behalf Of ti...@nzbase.com
Sent: Tuesday, 10 April 2007 12:34 PM
To: ANZ...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [ANZJFT: 170] Unsubscribing

Can I unsubscribe to this email group please?

 

I did not realise how many emails I would be receiving.

 

Thanks

Tina McTear

 

 

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