Please remove me from your mailing list

[Jacqueline Hogan]

Hi.   I don't really know how I became a member of your list.  Would you please remove me from this list as it is extremely annoying to continually receive irrelevant emails such as these.   Thankyou

[Yael Clark]

Are some people receiving emails that I am not? The discussion emails are all numbered sequentially and I haven't missed any but I haven't had any nuisance emails either. Or  are the discussion emails themselves unwanted?

Just curious.

 

Yael Clark, Psychologist
www.supportingparents.com.au
ph: 0438 559 601

[Dale Rodgie]

Hi Jacqueline

The answer to your question appears in every email you receive:

To unsubscribe from this group, send email to ANZJFT-un...@googlegroups.com 

On 11/04/2007, at 5:42 PM, Jacqueline Hogan wrote:

Hi.   I don't really know how I became a member of your list.  Would you please remove me from this list as it is extremely annoying to continually receive irrelevant emails such as these.   Thankyou

<EAAFE18A-704B-41A6-A022-1ABD0D1F2DB4>

--

Dale Rodgie

Aziom Web Design

Phone: (07) 3252 1677

Mobile: 0416 268060

Email: da...@aziom.com.au

Web: http://www.aziom.com.au/

[Grevis Reid]

Hi ,

 My experience of men is that men are often looking for solutions( they like to "fix" issues and problems) and often this means they are thinking of solutions rather than listening them selves to others like partners peers and counsellors.

I often say if there was a "patch "to fix problems such as poor communication and listening then all men and me included, we would be wearing one.

 

In the meantime men have to work at improving relationships , listening , and taking responsibility for  negative,critical ,unthinking actions as well as feelings emotions,not having all the answers ,waiting,sharing,etc,etc.

Men in my experience, make uncomfortable things small (minimize) , dont like to be wrong( hence its someone else causing the problem) or just cant see beyond the immediate problem.(what do I need to do to stop her leaving- will I say sorry again? or just make some promises, like last time?) 

So teasing this out takes some persistence, some challenging , some normalising " men are often like this......., and remembering that men are supersensitive to themselves though  often rough with others (did i mention double standards?). men are scared of touchy feely emotions and yet are often very raw and emotional about themselves. The fact that they are only springing into action after 23 +/- years of anger and abuse or silence or avoidance doesnt mean they are insensitive, quite the reverse.

 

Some one said we should not declare war on men and I agree however, the damage needs to be named in order for men to see a quick fix wont be sufficient and not all men want to accept the level of change that is required. My experience is that men will only engage only to the point they can see a benefit. We all know change takes effort- regrettably not all men want to put in the hard yards as the change requires calling into question male privilege, entitlement, and other benefits of being male strong and right.

 

However I get a buzz when the light dawns .... a man i am working with said that after 12 months of work that he had realized that the person and the behaviour are different. He said he just couldnt see it and suddenly the curtains parted and he could see. he can see he has a choice about his behaviour. WoW

Cheers

Grevis

 From: Yael Clark

To: ANZ...@googlegroups.com

Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2007 11:21 AM

Subject: [ANZJFT: 190] Re: "irrelevant emails"

[Craig Horn]

I agree Grevis.  I think one of the reasons men sometimes don’t feel listened to is that for the therapist to acknowledge the perspective of others in the relationship seems like a slight in itself, as you say a challenge to the “benefits” of being male, or just a challenge to acknowledge the validity of emotion instead of seeking practical solutions.  Tricky.

In the vein of not declaring war on men, I sometimes think we’re a bit quick to expect men to be scared of the touchy feely.  Surely enough many are, but some pretty rugged blokes can respond quickly to the opportunity to express themselves emotionally.  But maybe it is linked to motivation; what’s in it for me to let my guard down?

Craig

 

---

<BR

[Tom Blume]

I've been silent through all this discussion, which is not my normal style. I think it's because I find it so hard to generalize about men (even though I have been known to do so occasionally). I consider gender to be a powerful organizer of our experiences, and I see many social forces operating to turn men into a separate species, but I continue to see amazing exceptions. (I love to watch people's faces as I tell my story of going from army sergeant in Vietnam to nursery school and daycare teacher). I worry that we are likely to walk into a room with an individual, a couple, or a family and only perceive what we are prepared for.

In the end, I don't think that trying to make sense of them (us) as a group is very helpful. Becoming more flexible and better able to engage with others--unique, surprising, and sometimes frustrating others--is something that continues to challenge me.

Tom Blume

---- Original message ----

Date: Wed, 11 Apr 2007 21:55:49 +1000
From: "Craig Horn" <ceh...@netspace.net.au>
Subject: [ANZJFT: 196] RE: [ANZJFT: 195]
To: <ANZ...@googlegroups.com>

Body: Open

Thomas W. Blume, Ph.D., LPC, LMFT, NCC
Associate Professor
Department of Counseling
Oakland University
Rochester, MI 48309-4401
(248) 370-3069
www.ircounseling.com

[emilio merino]

I only received at the begining of the discussion one junk email.

Emilio

>From: "Yael Clark" <ya...@alphalink.com.au>
>Reply-To: ANZ...@googlegroups.com
>To: <ANZ...@googlegroups.com>
>Subject: [ANZJFT: 190] Re: "irrelevant emails"

><< imstp_pets_cat1_en.gif >>

_________________________________________________________________
Te gusta estar en control, crea tu propia experiencia en Internet
http://live.com

[Grevis Reid]

 Thanks. I would like to hear more of how people  have changed and what helped. We can not assume ( makes an ass of 'u' and 'me' ) how people are. It is up to them to say and decide what they want.

 

 I have a mentor ( volunteer) assisting in one of the groups I facilitate; he is regular Army and he has/is addressing his use of power and control and violence that caused his wife to leave. He acknowledges his abusive ways and has worked hard to regain the trust of his former partner and child - which he has, and although his marriage has ended, he has grown as a person and as a father. He says that his family and his relationship to them is the most important thing.

 A site that may have some relevance is www.ntv.net.au about men's behaviour change

 

Grevis

----- Original Message -----

From: Tom Blume

To: ANZ...@googlegroups.com

Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2007 12:25 AM

Subject: [Norton AntiSpam] [ANZJFT: 197] Re: [ANZJFT: 195]

I've been silent through all this discussion, which is not my normal style. I think it's because I find it so hard to generalize about men (even though I have been known to do so occasionally). I consider gender to be a powerful organizer of our experiences, and I see many social forces operating to turn men into a separate species, but I continue to see amazing exceptions. (I love to watch people's faces as I tell my story of going from army sergeant in Vietnam to nursery school and daycare teacher). I worry that we are likely to walk into a room with an individual, a couple, or a family and only perceive what we are prepared for.

In the end, I don't think that trying to make sense of them (us) as a group is very helpful. Becoming more flexible and better able to engage with others--unique, surprising, and sometimes frustrating others--is something that continues to challenge me.

Tom Blume

---- Original message ----

Date: Wed, 11 Apr 2007 21:55:49 +1000
From: "Craig Horn" <ceh...@netspace.net.au>
Subject: [ANZJFT: 196] RE: [ANZJFT: 195]
To: <ANZ...@googlegroups.com>

Body: Open

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