Your Brother Is Twice As Tall As Your Sister

[Apolito Ghosh]

DEARABBY: My older sister, "Olive," moved to the West Coast three years ago. My parents, my two older siblings and I live on the East Coast. During this past year, Olive has grown more and more distant from us. She always has an excuse when we try to set up a group Facetime or even a phone call. This has happened dozens of times now.

Most recently, our extended family set up a Zoom call with about 30 of us. Everyone was able to make at least a portion of it, including all my cousins and aunts and uncles. Olive, however, said she will "be there next time" because she needed to do some mulching around her house and wanted to start limiting her screen time.

DEAR BROTHER: Do you know why your sister moved to the West Coast? Was it job-related, or could it have been that she needed space and didn't feel she could have it if she lived geographically closer? Because her withdrawal has become increasingly overt over the past year, it's important that someone understand what is driving it.

A relative other than your mother (who got hung up on twice) who is close to Olive should give her a call and, in as gentle a manner as possible, explain the family is worried about her and ask if anything is wrong that any of you can help with. She may be having a difficult time emotionally, or she may simply be craving some space. But you won't know until someone can get a straight answer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister is morbidly obese, and we are very concerned about her health. We know her weight is a delicate topic, but if she were drowning in a lake instead of in fat, we would try to throw her the same kind of lifeline.

DEAR SCARED: Your sister-in-law is well aware that she is dangerously heavy, so this is a subject you can address only once without causing a rift in the family. The message might be accepted better if it came from her brother, and it should be phrased something like this:

"I hope you know how much I love you. My wife and I are deeply concerned about your weight because we're afraid we might lose you. If there are issues that have caused this, would you consider talking to a counselor about them? If your doctor can't refer you to someone qualified, we can ask ours for some names. And if what I have said is hurtful, I sincerely apologize and hope you will forgive me. I won't bring up the subject again."

Well fast forward to now, millions of deaths and many medical negligence cases later, the real truth is coming to light. I debate sepsis is an actual disease. Unlike heart disease, diabetes or cancer, sepsis is usually the result of something else, like a cut or scrape, surgeries or invasive devices. We are all at risk. Sepsis is a dire emergency that can kill the young or the old. It does not discriminate.

My mother passed on May 4th to sepsis. She was fine one day and the next in excruciating pain. Turns out a small cut she got on her knee when she fell got infected and that was enough to get it. The hardest part is how quickly it all happened. And how unexpected it all was.

6 years ago I was feeling bad like I had the flu. I went to my primary care doctor and he called an ambulance. 24 hours later I was in a coma that lasted 7 weeks during that time I developed ARDS a complication from sepsis. My blood pressure bottomed out and I was starved of Oxygen due to my lungs full of fluid. By some miracle I survived with serious damage to my body. I spent two years in speech therapy and occupational rehab. I was an engineer I went back to college at 46 graduated last year. I had to relearn most everything. Sepsis took my life and hit the reset button. I have huge memory gaps that have never came back sometimes I look at vacation pictures and I feel like I was photoshopped in. I had never heard of sepsis prior to this.

The question is How can a rip occur in a hospitalized patient to the point that within 2 days she was dead? No surgery. Free air and a rip in her bowel which put her into sepsis shock. How can this be determined to be a natural cause of death because she caught pneumonia AFTER being intubated. Grieving, disturbed and confused.

My mother passed away 29th august from sepsis shock her kidneys stop working she could not breath all from aspiration pneumonia she got a sore throat 3 days before she went to hospital on the night she went to hospital she had flu like systems rang the ambulance they took her to hospital 2 days later she was put in a unconscious state and died 3 days later we just fort she had a sore throat

Hubby came down with flu type a on tuesday. Called ambulance on thursday. Is in the ice still on a ventilator. Heart is infected, brain is infected, kidneys are sitting down. They will begin dialysis today. Embolic strokes. My husband is 50 years old, in perfect shape/health. Please pray for Joe.

I am concerned that the medical profession fails to look for infections that can quickly morph into sepsis. I have been shocked to see that signs of infection in the elderly are dismissed because of their age. Not all elders are suffering from dementia. I am also concerned that there is a trend to not actually physically examine a patient anymore. So many infections can be physically seen. The elderly often do not display the extreme signs that someone younger shows. Their white count may be slow to react and they may have a low grade fever. And all this while the infection is rapidly progressing in their body. The most prominent symptoms may be only mental confusion and weakness. In the case of our family member, we actually had to find the sign of the infection while our loved one was in the hospital for 4 days and we were being told that she was suffering from sudden dementia and should be placed into hospice. Within 12 hours of receiving the IV antibiotic, she was completely lucid again. Can you imagine how many nurses and doctors had rotated through that room and the family had to spot the infection? What was that? Was it lack of training on their part? Was it an unconscious prejudice against the elderly? I remember the ER doctor lecturing us early on that society cannot afford to care for the elderly anymore. To say that I have lost faith in the medical profession is an understatement. I also have noticed that too many ER doctors are aggravated with the increase of elder problems showing up in THEIR ER. I believe that many cases of elder sepsis can be avoided if there is at least one ER doctor on shift that is trained in gerontology. The population is aging and the medical profession needs to make the necessary adjustments. We were extremely lucky. My advice to other families is to not be afraid to educate yourself and ask lots of questions. Stop worrying that you will offend the medical staff. As long as you are polite, you can be persistent. Trust your intuition and do not underestimate your personal knowledge of your loved ones usual level of cognitive and physical health. Time is of the essence in all infections, but most especially so with sepsis. Thank you to all who have contributed to this website. It was invaluable to us. Tell others.

My mother is currently in critical condition with septic shock. No one had a clue anything was wrong until no one had heard from her in 4 days. She was found unresponsive. They did cpr. Used the paddles and brought her back. She is still unconscious with a breathing tube. They are giving her large quantities of heart meds to raise her blood pressure without those she would be gone. It is so difficult to watch. Im lost. The doctors s@y we need to decide if we will take her off the ventilator or not. I know what she would want but i dont know if i can do it. If anyone has advice i will surely take it. Thank you

On April 9 2018 my beautiful mother fainted and cut her head, got stitched up at the local hospital and was sent home. The next day she became very ill and was rushed to the ER where she was barely treated for suspected concussion. She had invasive group A strep and sepsis had already begun to take her from us, and the doctors missed all of the telltale signs. She continued to decline in general hospital ward for 2 days until she crashed and they finally realized she had sepsis. She went into shock and then lay sedated for 1 week in ICU while her body died one limb at a time. We removed her supports when we were told that she we would require full amputation of her arms and legs. She was my best friend and she deserved, as we all do, to enjoy her retirement, her wonderful marriage, her grand babies. If doctors would have stopped long enough to pay attention and follow protocols, she would have gotten what she deserved.

My wife was cleaning pus pockets out of her throat evidently she scratched her throat and got streptococcus in her bloodstream. The strep infection caused DIC which sent her into septic shock and she died in 20 hours. She was the love of my life.

My wife was 42 years old the healthiest person in our whole family she was cleaning pus pockets out of her throat with a Q-tip. Evidently she scratched her throat with the Q-tip got streptococcus in her bloodstream which turn to DIC and caused her to go into septic shock she died in 20 hours. She was the love of my life.

My mom and last parent is currently battling sepsis and went through a terrible time during the past 5 years. She was unfortunate to get breast cancer 5 years ago and had a small tumor removed. It was very early stage and after the surgery she got chemo and hormone therapy, which utterly ruined her life. She was so happy and full of energy all the time up the point after she had chemo and Hormon therapy. She could no longer work and got depressed because her immune system was bad and she had such uncertainties about how well she would fell. Days she would be okay and others she would be completely drained from energy and not be able to get out of bed. It soon spiraled into a depression and she got anxiety. Here in Denmark she went to tremendous efforts demanding by the government over a period of 4 years to asses her ability to work in order for her to get a pension and she had been pushed around in between so many councils, job try outs and meetings where she was just about to reach the end and could finally relax and not worry about anything more in her life since she was qualified for early retirement.

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