Testimony

[negono]

Living with mental illness is like living with a wound that never
heals which mars and distorts your greatest pleasures and your finest
moments. It creates a lonely alienation by creating a gap between you
and others that can never really be bridged. My own condition began
thirty years ago as a result of two major breakdowns in a matter of
months, requiring hospitalisation. The condition, had I known it at
the time, might have only lasted for a couple of years before righting
itself while I was on medication. Unfortunately I got involved in an
inner city charismatic community that encouraged healing by faith. To
be fair, there were more than a couple of testimonies from people who
stated they'd been healed of various ailments, both minor and serious.
So I stepped up for healing prayer, declared my faith and went off
medication. The leaders of this community applauded my action,
encouraging faith. However, as my condition deteriorated, they had
less and less to do with me until I finally left the community, moved
back to my parents' home and broke down one last time after nearly a
year of miserable agony. Nobody from the community followed me up or
enquired about me and what may have been a temporary condition became
a permanent disability. This was thirty years ago and I've lived much
since then and had an interesting life so far. The Scriptures have
been the mainstay of my stability, along with the medication, and I've
been privileged and honoured to meet many good Christians who have
been gracious, loving and kind towards me. I've also met many so-
called Christians who leave me wondering whether they've actually read
the bible and, if they have, what they think it might really mean. I
often feel that Christians themselves are the biggest obstacle to the
gospel of grace, but then I remember the good ones. My conclusion is
that, taken in ones or twos my fellow Christians can be everything
you'd hope for in a disciple of Jesus, but taken collectively in the
religious culture of churchianity, you're often left to wonder where
the gospel of God's love, grace and compassion has gone. We live in
hope.