i have written another kebab

[hapless fool]

have you any idea how fucked i am?
trapped in the 21st century

my head criminalised me tonight
i feel so incredibly pissed
and i've had a lot to smoke too

i think i may turn the tv on in a bit
i think there maybe something good on

well i have had the nicest times
hey
i think i may top myself now
well at least i think in my head i can still achieve anything

:)

i got my bike off a tree
and i have a beer
i am not prepared to talk about the rest because i am too much of a
private person

suffice to know
i don't have a fucking clue
i'm thinking of buying a car
in fact i must buy a car
the main thing is that i still have
well i have a little bit of dope

i was like fucking lost today
weightless
it was like fucking incredible
whatever suits you
hearing rap

i was like on the internet today
going wobba wobba oi oi oi
as hapless fool
and i went out as the hapless fool
in my head
i didn't care anymore

eh
i keep hearing rap i don't like
hey i don't agree with all the lyrics
but if they put it to a good beat it don't matter
so long as it's true

'every lost session becomes a new lesson'

herbaliser

we are all infinite
hey
well if you encounter every experience at every time
in your mind you can replay it
and hey your mind is pretty bored with the past having played in it
it's concerned with the future
that's what dreams are about

i keep looking around
the only think i lack is matches
which means i have to go out to the kitchen for a light now and again
well at least twice
before i go to bed

i'm drinking lager
carling black label in fact
which is quite acceptable and fizzy as lagers go
but does do your head in a bit
i remember
in the morning
it does

i think i may be facing testing times
hmm
yeah

hmm

its like been really weird tonight
i think i may i dunno what i will to tommorrow
it's been a really big experience of freedom this
even though i lost eight grand
lost it plain and simple

see i remember counting 13 and i say 14 cos i was counting it
and i do remember it was either 13 or 14 ok lets say 13900
then i went to the airport to visit despy
then i was like back two days later
then i got my currency changed back
and it was like 6000

and i've like worked it out
no i haven't

haven't a clue where it went in fact

oops

fucking hell
i am enjoying this

i had a really strange night in the airport
see when i decide to go i'm gone especially when it's long distance
i mean like just .. go
so i'm at heathrow with 14 grand
and i wait up and change in the morning
at thomas cook (i used to work for their parent company by the way)
and i used to get a discount :|
well i just like threw them the cash
and they counted it and they exchanged it

well anyway
i came back 8 grand short
i dunno what it was
could have been the exchange rate i dunno

i was a bit miffed
specially since i bought her perfume and i didn't even get there
anyway
i've begun to think everyone is shallow

completely shallow
like a 1 molecule film

like i was in this place once and i went in with a book and it was
really
obvious and like i walked out without the book and it was like because
i'd haplessly put it there or not i don't know
but i can't help suspecting they nicked it
i really don't know
but it plays on my mind

never mind

i saw some photocopies the other day
photocopiers are getting really good
a few years back someone showed me a green tenner
completely green
i was thinking
well hey
i want a matter tranferal device
and i want like a bottle of whisky
and a few downers
yeah
sleeping tablets
and like
well
nothing is impossible
an internet connection to a little tiny universe which actually
consists of
fuckville usa aka earth

yeah

and i want a microscope
and i want to email periodically and tell the how fucked they all are
and laugh at them
which is thunderstorms

yeah
fucksville earth

can i have a mint julep?

ubba ubba oi
wonky wonky wonky wonk
ubba
dim de dim de dim

I

WANT

A

FUCKING

MINT

JULEP

man gets a spliff
and a can of carling
and sweet happy memories

:|

hey
fuckit
i wanna wind that cash
i wanna reel it in
ah want cash so bad
ah fuckin want it

ah wanna lotta fuckin cash man

ah want so much cash
ah want enough
ah wanenough not to worry
noway fuck
no worries at all
enough fucking cash
and a fucking big computer system
cos lets say (hic)
you people have lost contact with what a computer system is
cos you got the 'windows' <---- (ugh) disease.

yeah

its' fucked
what a pile of shit
well i went into it recently
and i had a look around
and what didn't fail was like
well it's pretty fucking basic let's face it
they have not done anything special

they just held together the ship
the massively bloated expanding ship
the only one on the ocean delivering

windows is a DISEASE get the message

windows is such a disease it is an extremely malignant pustule

it is like beyond a disease
hmm
the company is going to break up
hmm
as inevitable as european union

and we don't like microsoft

:|

well you don't get support from microsoft do you?

fuckem

BOYCOTT MICROSOFT

all you fucking two bit losers out there running your pissy little
office
systems on windoze NT whatever
well you haven't got a clue

a) you're paying microsoft money
b) you're paying microsoft money
c) you're paying microsoft money

on about three levels

and i'ts FUCKED

GET OUT OF THE BUSINESS SHITHEADS YOU ARE FUCKING AMATEURS

well if you want real development you go open source

every time

yep

:|

that's what i think

if you want robust software you go open source

yep

if you want shit and your organisation going down because you can't
pay the
licence fees (hey do you know they double them now and again) well go
for microsoft

well i'm gonna sue them fuckers
i'm gonna sue them cos my business went down in about 1991 cos they
let me down
those FUCKERS

I WANNA RIP BILL GATES HEAD OFF

yep

HE DON'T FUCKING DESERVE TO LIVE FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME
THE FUCKER

i fucking supported him i sold him units i got him rich
i will spit down the twitching remains of his neck

fucker

yep

:|

then i will wrap him in plastic and THROW HIM TO THE DOGS
yeah

yeah

fucker

then i will barbecue his balls and watch people i don't like eat them
without
knowing it

he he he

yep

i hope he like
well i hope he don't stink too much
yep
i think everyone gets stinky after a while
bugger
cos
well fuck i wanna be the nice version of bill gates
like bill gates $$$ / richard branson
yeah
but untouchable cos i don't give interviews
yeah

an i've got like a network
and it's like
well it's fucking BIG

and it's bigger than your network ha ha ha
an i want to remain in my bunker and alone cos i still like
programming like
cos i'ts full of infinite mathematical possibilities
but it's written in english like
or logic
or like strange archaic codes which fill registers and set flags

and we can go to people like the cogi indians and say

well i left that one out cos i don't know what i'm talking about

and they should be left alone

hmm

strange concept
have the americans heard of that concept
leaving people alone

hmmm

hmm

its a bit hard to do
especially when you're watching as you can and don't particularly like
the way
a place is being run
it doesn't 'appeal' to you or suchlike
understandable
we wouldn't want to disturb your tv dinners

i think i'm going to get my heart broken
hmm
shit

oh dear

well never mind
i think i may not though
but it has all the signs
never mind

hmmm

fuck
i think i'll buy a car
hell
what the fuck
well i do need wheels
and it is heartbroken preventive medicine

i wish i had my radio

i'd tune into some friendly voices
talking bout stupid things

crazy
toys in the attic

i think i may wibble

wibble wibble wibble
wibble wibble oi oi
oi oi oi oi

wibble

i am like wibbling

i have some more beck
first album in fact
i dunno
no i don't think i'll put it on
and something else reminds me of someone else so i don't think i'll
put that
on either

i wish i had my radio

:(

wibble

trying to light a candle off the electic stove
not possible
not possible really
i mean
fucking use
i dunno
no fucking matches
nothing

fucked
all i need is a fucking match

i have chocolate
and heinz big soup

i think i may wibble

wibble wibble wibble

i think i need a spliff

sound of eyballs rolling round looking for weed
sound of dope being cut up
sound of paper rustling
sound of door closing

wibble
my intransigence has been deeply disturbed

:\

no i lied i didn't do that above
sound of tobacco pouch being picked up and tossed somewhere visible
sound of eyeballs rolling as i still can't find the weed

sound of drawer opening
sound of drawer closing

still can't find the weed

like i don't want to pick anything up
it can't be in my pocket

wow
i found the weed

today i was suspecting everyone was a policeman

:(

maybe i am really untrusting?
hmm

that is like
hmm
well you've got to beleive in the state haven't you?

well i found the weed anyway that's the main thing

i need some pink floyd
tonight i think i need some pink floyd
hell
what the fuck
i dunno
if i had a radio i'd stand the chance of hearing some pink floyd

roger waters pink floyd

i feel pretty annihilated to be quite honest

hmm

i may have been facilitated by a facilitator

well

i think
i dunno
someone built up my confidence for me (thank you very much)
i think i need an amnesiac injection

amnesia

sleep
hmm

ever get afraid of sleep?
well i have been lately
fucking right i have
because lately my dreams have been so fucking depressing
but strangely enough i've felt so up in the days
you know what i mean
fuckit
party over?
i don't think so

:|

it was so sweet the other night
cos i was in my room with a friend and like they;re all partying
outside
and i thought it was like another crap party with like well i thought
there
must have been some shitheads cos the plant got wrecked well anyway
they were
all so nice
cos i went out there for a light and they were all like nice nice nice
and pissed pissed pissed
and it was ok
cos normally i hate dealing with pissed people
but it was ok
i'm still drinking the second lager left in the fridge from that
little event
(i left an iou)

never mind

well it's ok

now i can't find the knife

hmm

i remember a long time ago
i remember getting let down
like fucking seriously
hmm

well i hope i've got some drugs

never mind
there is no way i can sustain this pace
fuckit
if i get let down i'll like
well
fuckit

i think i'll get some LSD man
yeah

fuckit
i wanna what the fuck
i'm not going anywhere

well i was walking along a beach and someone gave me this strange pill
and next
minute i tell you wot i was like not there at all
cos like the fucking beach was the same but i wasn't there you know
what i mean?
i mean i wasn't THERE.

yep

outta here
absolubtely
remove my brain

ah wann afly
ah wanna fly with teh seagulls up there
ya see?

never mind
hmmm

<sound of paper rolling>

despicable evil people?
sister to sister
brother to brother
brother to sister
sister to brother

how do we lose?
well you hear that in business a lot
but mostly they still lose
its funny
it's funny how crap 'managers' can be

mah fucken opinions is all

:|

wibble

anyway who the fuck do they think the 'we' is anyway
huh?

ahm just the hired hand :|
treat me like a focken monkey and we'll be ok

stoned
watching bbc 24hour news

a fucking good balance to the political insensitivity of cnn
bbc
radio free europe
they are so radical they fucking refused to wear black after the queen
mum died

whoever it is they fucking own the station
yeah
but at the same time they keep us suppressed
big time
they train peoples thinking here and i'ts ugly

see now they say you can publish any book
i'm being forced to read sartre
someone said 'read sartre read sartre'
well i don't know
i'm a bit afraid of the little pamphlet

the trick to avoid hangovers is to take painkillers before you go to
bed

they said in the pub (hic)
that nostradamus was wrong about the two towers and it's like going to
be israel
palestine
fucking hell

well i wanna copy of nostradamus
that is my mission for tomorrow
it's friday

i am stoned
and slightly embarassed by my unformatted writing
i'm going to bed

ah wanna mint julep

its friday night and i;m well hungover
i have been stressed
i think a bit
but i've been smoking a lot of killer weed

i don't think they
wah wah wah
i think i;m losing it

i sort of like blundered round today
in pain
it was like not good at some stages
seriously losing it i was
the only good bits of the day were lying reading a new book (i made
sure to buy a new book)
and going on the internet for a bit
i read some stuff
i dunno what i read
then some people talked about weed to me in loud voices and i was like
browsing www.seedbank.co.uk
which is a good enough site i like the colours
its like good and compact and commercial

and it sells dope seeds
i did actually order some from it last year
but only one survived
it's up north somewhere
i was thinking there was one growing out of my plantpot
but i think it's just another little bit of mint
really small like
its the wrong shape anyway
i seem to remember dope seedlings having jagged leaves

well anyway
i bought a book on john dee and another by an american writer who's
writing about mohammed ali
which is entertaining enough

i look around here and think
i dunno
i've got the red light bulb back in
the other week it was doing my head in but now i want it
it counteracts i dunno or seems to make the screen more readable
what i'm typing on is blue on black
i'm very happy with my system right now and i've got enough to play
with
fuck
golf has just come on tv
i really am not into watching golf

never mind

i bought two books and a comic and the paper and even the daily mirror
it was ok
i really wasn't in the mood for papers this morning even though i did
the crossword

i kissed a girl last night
she kissed me back
she patted me on the arm today which is positive

i don't even want to think about it
wibble

figured out something
you have a lot of control over sound using linux
cos i started using aumix or whatever with the cd player (the drivers
of which at least need sorting out)
i dunno
it's slow in response
anyway
well i'm sure my little speaker was getting somewhere close to being
blown up
i was very impressed
i found out that the standard audio was like running at something like
30%
and you can push up the line the cd
synth whatever that is dunno whether it has any effect
combined they really well it pushes my cheap little speaker to
distortion
but all the same you can hear more
you really can
hmm

its a tiny speaker
i need a cable for the other speaker

i bought 2001ad the comic as well
i really couldn't face it before
the book is entertaining though

there's no moon tonight

i was reading stuff on the internet before and i completely forgot
what it was
oh yeah
they say they found chinese weapons in afghanistan
and it was really a nothing story
cos they did explain that they were probably leftovers from long ago
or something else i can't remember

i dunno
i am into guns in the same way that i am into train sets and computers

i wouldn't mind a go of a bren gun
yeah
that would be wild
hey
hmmm
well i dunno
i like bangs and lound noises
bonfire night is brilliant
even though i spent the last one in hospital

i am not in the pub much lately having been barred
which is doing me a big favour
i have decided to become world champion surfer again
hmmm
i dunno
i'm always in a really wild ideas mood with a hangover

i was thinking of starting a landscape gardening business this morning
talked about it to at least one person i remember

i went to the bank
i've laid out 40 on weed (haven't seen it yet)
but i still have quite a lot left here
enough for several large spliffs

its still golf on tv and i only have 1 channel

:|

cd skips
fuck

fishcat
meowburble

i've got cat pictures all over the wall
cats and tigers
so.
i was on the internet before and was called a racist homophobe by that
dick renekita

they're interviewing tiger woods
he seems programmed
i think he was injected with so much self beleif from the very start
i was reading about some young golfer who recently won a big
competition
he was like i dunno
he got behind but he says he wasn't worried
people like that have so much focus
i wanna get that

i wanna week off the booze next week
and i'm not going to drink anything
just drink water

i think i will
it's in the offing

i ate some junk today
i can't remember
plenty of chocolate

i almost bought a music cd cos i like the lady on the cover
just from a photograph
never heard her
risky when it costs a tenner

today i was hungover
i cycled to town with people
dropped the bike off
went for a few beers
bought a big photo of a tiger running through the snow subtitle 'wild
and free'
went for about three more beers
went for a chicken burger which was strange the people in the place
were really strange
they were really talking loudly as if they wanted everyone to hear
their little intrigues
went to another place met the husband of this girl who is a programmer
got taken over by him a bit and had about three more pints
made my excuses and left
he's doing stuff for nintendo

it was quite interesting
i found him to be pleasantly manic

we were talking about AIs he writes AIs
he was talking about the minimal space these things need to run and i
was like agreeing
he was talking about his office but i can't remember i think i blanked
that a bit
i keep thinking of getting a dog
i really think i may get a dog
i wanna collie dog
a sweet little collie dog
only problem is i don't like dealing with shit

girlfriend a doesn't like dogs
but i think girlfriend b'll dig it

i was thinking of getting a landrover this morning also
i was deliberating petrol costs
i dunno
i dunno
i was thinking of doing gardening
ground clearance such like
mowing

well the bitch has gone with all my money and the phone don't work

:(

i was being miserable about poplog last night
i was ranting on that i don't like java and the course uses java and i
was like being miserable and really missing poplog
i was saying that when i did my final programming project in poplog i
was getting really inventive using new ideas and getting credited for
it
just like the old days
poplog was rock solid

:(

i HATE java

wa wa waah

im trying to think what i ate today
and indian rice thingy
a pasty
cereal
a small chinese meal
chocolate

:I

crisps
i can't walk out of there without getting a packet of walkers prawn
cocktail flavour crisps

i have mineral water though
and enough dope
tobacco
matches
candles

fuckit
life is good

:|

when i get my shed allotment and forge i want to start fucking around
with glass
cos people i dunno
there's a lot of good glass around
i just thought i could try to do something with it
no wouldn't like to blow it
i dunno
i would have the tomatoes under glass anyway
you can get tomatoes quite late under glass
if i remember quite rightly

i get the feeling i'm going to get shot down soon by someone expertly
for being a prick on the internet
hmmm

well i'll just find out all about them and find some way of insulting
them back
don't try it
it upsets me anyway gets me on a downer
i only hate renekita because he hates me

:|

problem with golf is you have to really watch it
you can't like
i dunno
its just highlights anyway
it seems well i know it's a very rich game
i .may. get into it someday

i think i'll put 'mellow gold' by beck on
i haven't heard it before

i think i've got my drinking under control
only once every two weeks am i completely wasted

beckham got injured
he's like got a broken foot
wot the fuck
it'll just push the team harder to get into shape
we are going to fucking win it this year
absolubtely

i think it's going to be one of the most controversial fantastic world
cups we have ever seen
and germany are going to get fucked

shafted
in the first round

i was talking to someone who was talking about someone else who is
living on an allotment
now that's an idea

hmm

i was talking last night about getting a caravan on the side of a hill
i dunno
i think it would really help my head
i don't fucking like dealing with people as a rule

sss s stuttering
ff f fuckit

my mint plant has gotten over it's trauma

its like ok
its like a bit i dunno the leaves are a bit dirty but they're too
small to clean
the other flowery plant still has flowers on it
it is really fresh looking and healthy
the other little sprig of mint is firing off little offshoots

for some reason tonight there seem to be more cars about
must be something on
i really don't feel like going out
not at all

now they've started something in the kitchen
well i need a piss so i'm going to have to see what it is
hmmm
i do need a piss

i've got one i've just rolled here
i am thinking
well i need a piss before i smoke it

pissed into a can then outta da window

lighting candle
lighting spliff

well i must say that was probably one of the worst hangovers i've ever
had
i knew the carling would do it
fucking shit chemical riddled lager
trashy lager

tasted good enough while it was fucking me up though

i went out to the kitchen
being around people who are getting pissed actually helped my hangover
i just started getting stomach pains though

man i have plenty of milk
i may make tea
someone broke the stove top expresso thingy when they replanted the
mint plant in it
never mind
and i have fresh ground coffee too
never mind

:(

i think i may be losing my mind

wibble

i just played my guitar for a bit which refreshed my head
i can't understand why i didn't like the red light two weeks ago
now i'm like i dunno
i can't even stand the candle i think i'll blow it out

i got the nicest box of matches today
its like scottish bluebell original quality matches made in sweden
and the box is blue with an old fashioned scrolling logo in blue and a
colour picture of mountains behind
and the match heads are blue

you know i lost the neclace someone gave me a few weeks ago?
the yin and yang one
fuck
shit
hell

what if biology met a kind moore's law (maybe it intrinsically knows)
and it gave us the facility to invent computers
i think biology may know what it's doing ... it's controlling but it's
not aware
it's trying to find a way out
it's trying to find a way off the planet
properly
without recourse to the planet again ever

i wish i had my radio

apparently i'm getting this room cheap according to them all
i think i'll stay here
i dunno
i think i will though

wibble

i got stressed out about the candle but now i've turned it on again
the glare of the light sort of matches the raw feeling in my throat i
get when i draw

spell misisipi

aha i've just tortured mint plant #2
i've turned it away from the light so it has to grow in the other
direction and balance out

i think i'll get a 'the goddess is dancing' bumper sticker like they
have in byron bay
or a 'magic happens' one
and drive around
probably get my head kicked in
well i need furry dice anyway

what the fuck
and a fucking radio that works

i used to drive for miles just to drive late at night when i was
working
it was sort of refreshing ending up somewhere in the dark and the rain
and walking around a bit
i used to have a petrol card so i could go anywhere

jest keep the stereo pumping

wouldn't be doing it now
fucking price of petrol in this country
diabolical

never mind
more grass and trees

:)

ifn i had my system sorted i'd have a mickey mouse cartoon playing now
in a window somewhere

the one with the ghosts
that'd be nice
i've been trying to rip cds
but i'm not able to play them
i wanna know a bit about formats maybe
i dunno
need broadband
see if i had broadband i could just click somewhere now and then find
out about mp3 formats
and maybe get into it ... decode
i dunno
well i dunno
dunno at all really
haven't got broadband

apparently (i read today)
south korea has the most advanced internet in the world
somethink like 20% of citizens have broadband vs 1% in the states
(rich but slow moving and thick)
and about .3 percent here
british telecom is still being allowed to fuck us all over constantly

bastards

hey i saw a badger again last night
it was inside where the bins are
i was looking at it still zinging after kissing and thinking strange
thoughts
they look very spooky in the streetlight

catdograbbit

apparently they will go for you if approached
fuck
second one i've seen - the first one was also running away from me

i shoulda bought lea and perrins sauce today
i knew i wanted it for something while i was looking at it
it would go so nice with the soup

fuck yeah
well what do i have
i have soup and some barbecue sauce (i do like things spicy)
and i have muesli
yep

trying to think
i was blatantly asked for a slice of my lyons syrup cake last night
and now the rest of it i don't know where it is

i think i'll get the chocolate out
in a bit

mummy sent me chocolate bars for easter
maybe she thinks i can melt them into a bunny

friends are talking about starting a band

well i'm fucking staying here is what

idea for a website:
bankjob proposals

wibble

chocolate
i just lit another candle
i got red ones
i may start doing ritual magic again

wibble
bless me father for i have sinned
im a satanist

wibble
i am actually a white witch but chicks dig that

:|

wibble

man ah had the focken dts this morning
don't fucking help when trying to roll spliffs

the chocolates naff
i prefer cadburys bournville

listening to beck
i;m a loser baby so why don't you kill me?

really good actually

good beats

time is a piece of wax falling on a termite thats choking on the
splinters

im going to rip all these even though i can't play them
i am sure it is ripping ok
well the files are appearing

i should get organised and get a dvd drive and cable for the other
speaker
im listening to everything in mono these daze

ooh there's a dirty movie on at 12:40
indecent seduction
hmm
well it says there may be spicy bits in it

i have tea and cereal

hmm the comics looking more and more interesting
i think i'm gradually getting my cognitive facilities back

or maybe i should leave them in the jar

:\
wibble

you know when i bought my flowering plant i was asking the lady in the
shop does it flower right through the year
and she was looking at me like i was gay
well thankyou very much gays you ruined it for everyone cos there are
people around who like flowering plants and don't walk funny

there is actually nothing i want to do right now
i could do with some of those straps so i could maybe hang upside down
for a bit
skinning up

ooer 'indecent seduction' is on in three minutes

complete fucking ignorance about drugs is killing people

today was a wild ride
i was like moaning with my head in my hands at one point
my mates always used to laugh at me (in manchester) on a sunday
morning
cos i get the worst hangovers
i think i smoked heroin one of those mornings
i was at someones house it was sunny and someone said 'try this'
and i was like so completely cured of the hangover
i was going 'what the fuck was in that'
and they were going never mind sonny

the beck album is a bit wild
i think he tried to sound fucked up aka tom waits

ooh the films on
erk its an american family drama
i don't particularly want to watch it
i get enough of that from despy
i dunno
i just don't feel like watching something like this is all
unless it jumps straight into some sex
no hangon
i maybe could get into it
if i had a burger

well i got my bike off the tree
and i got it in to be serviced yesterday
so i pick it up on monday
so i'll be mobile

fuckit
i wanna look at some cars
there's a rover going for 950 in this yard
i dunno
it looks straight
its a diesel
you don't get much advantage from driving a diesel these daze
its not cheaper
in fact i think it may now be more expensive
well anyway
i fancy a rover
i have never owned a rover
they seem big inside
big and relaxing
i need that

and girl bs eyes lit up when i mentioned i may get a car
shallow
but i need a car anyway

i think i may go and lie down, read my book

someone was telling me about political history the other day
and they were going on about the magna carta the root of all modern
politics i think
probably wrong but like everything comes from here anyway in the
fucked western world
so that may be right
she said that corruption has always been built into political systems
from the start
it's part of the way it works
i thought ... right
there's always going to be corruption
no that's wrong
but there were always be corruption where there isn't intelligence

aw robot wars extreme is on in half an hour
survival tv
see i am looking forward to the next hour despite being hungover

i am spoilt for decision cos the films getting sexier
hmm
fuckit
bbc2 won't tune in
no robot wars
:(
waiiil

:( :(

waaail

hmm
poker on 4
hmm

i feel wasted

now some silly soldier thing is on

i had an idea the other day
well it was today actually

i thought of some way in to getting to understand software
it was like a lightbulb going on in my head
and i wanted to do it
but i need more kit
so i need a car

its exciting
stuff really excites me about what you can do today
where we are all poised
software way behind capabilities of hardware constantly
and most people locked into the maze ...

of software
it doesn't have to be that way
but some companies actually like it that way
inpenetrable
closed
complex

it should be cruisy
i prefer it cruisy
all i need is two network cards a cable and something else
and a cable from that too

i got an assembly program the other day
it is really good
its minesweeper
and from what i remember it is like 300 lines long with the docs in it
too
and it looks high res
vga
windowed
and it has it's own mouse control
well i was looking at it and thinking
its just using system calls which is why it's so short
then later on i was reading about the pentium
and the fact that you can't really disassemble anymore because it is
hard to do because
i dunno
they were talking about instructions being generated on the fly but i
don't know where
they go so fucking fast
i think what i need to do is develop a library
a library i'm happy with and stick to that
i dunno
i could stick it on linux and use their system calls
get to know that because i have the source
i dunno
i've been fucked over so often through bad platform decisions i'm
afraid to trust anything anymore
i was talking to that guy last night about the possibilities of doing
assembly safely under linux
which i think must be the way to go (no way do i want to get into a
reboot reboot situation)
he said he's never used linux
he said he uses directx which disappointed me a bit

you know what's really a problem here?
i mean i am getting to know a lot about the system but i don't have
the sources
i would like the sources
i have never done a kernel rebuild
no i think i have once
i don't remember
i like the idea of being able to strip my system down to the hard disk
give it a straightforward network connection
transfer just the sources and gcc and do a full build
i want to do that again and again just to watch it

the computer i first started programming on had register lights

you punched in the first few instructions to take the boot loader from
the tape

those days i used to blag technical support
the internet was just a pipe dream

i remember one night setting up installation software for the next day
and i ran it
and i was supposed to clear the sources so it did and that was my
installation software gone
i spent til like 4am linking frames
like don't touch the disk find shit and link up the frames
i got enough of it back for it not to be a problem

this film reminds me of the joke
son comes back home after school says daddy daddy i learnt all about
sex education today in
class and then i slept with the teacher
father goes 'schucks son dats my boy .. are you going to do it again'
son: i will as soon as my bum heals up

well i was really impressed by that assembly program (minesweeper)
cos it assembles links and runs quite ok but it hangs
but i dunno
it has vga tiles which look 3d enough it has full mouse support and it
also plays a game
the code is very simple (being assembly)
i wanna find some more that uses system calls

it was written by some guy in korea i think
if it hangs (and it hangs completely)
i dunno
its always got to be memory leaks
leaks of any kind
or maybe it;s not getting enough memory

i wanna know how the debugger works
the debugger is well big (in terms of instructions) in linux - gdb
another reason why i need a lazer printer

i got into a monitor mode last night
and the characters were like half the screen
it was strange
i'd forgotten all that stuff existed

i was drinking 'hobbit' bitter last night
it was very sweet
it was ok

i think it was the red wine and the can of carling which finished me
off

theres such a good howto on linux
its the systems that people have managed to run it on
minute ...

Intel 8088/4.77 0.02 Tim Van der Linden <tim...@innet.be>
Intel 8088/10 0.05 Tim Van der Linden <tim...@innet.be>
Intel 8086 0.5 Kin Lau <ga...@zot.io.org>
Intel 286 Tandy 0.75 Joey Hess <jo...@kite.ml.org>
Intel 286 Nec V20/16 0.88 Vasilhs Ventirozos
<r00...@hotmail.com>
Intel 286 0.99 Anders Stenback <sten...@hehe.com>
Intel 286/8 VAXMate 1.03 Andrew Costa
<c_c...@wahnapitae.on.ca>
Intel 286/10 Commodore 1.30 Hans-Joachim Baader
<ha...@grumber.inka.de>
Intel 286 PS2 2.32 Morillas C.H. Antonio
<mor...@fie.us.es>
Intel 286 PS2 2.34 Joey Hess <jo...@kite.ml.org>

i mean the 8088 is about eighteen years old now
that is impressive
but i'm sure he don't run X

strangely enough these systems will still be useable

in some way some form some application they will be quite happily
useable

its weird that the 286 i think it was the first 16 bit processor
it only gets .75 first off
just cos they didn't clock them very fast i suppose

i dunno
that processor wasn't multitasking

really stoned and out of it the other night i was thinking of writing
a processor
emulator i was thinking about this
but i don't think i'ts possible
i dunno

many people have got to figuring how java byte code works and have
just stopped
they have decided to have their stuff produce java bytecodes anyway
because
it is multiplatform
but it's slow
slow slow slow
but then again i don't think it'll be so slow if it's well written
if you understand the model and how it runs

they're animals anyway so let them lose their souls

what a shit film

i dunno
i suppose it's entertaining on a certain level

and the men in black shall always get shot

or made to look small reduced

i feel sleepy but not tired
nice feeling

slow now is relative
slow as in a processor is still blindingly fast
fast enough i think
i'm just trying to get myself to like java

its morning
i slept well
the phone still don't work

the place is trashed
i think they're all hungover

someones been fucking about with a car outside my window for two hours
engines running and stereo keeps playing
i wish they wouldn't
i may go back to bed

iwent out
got milk
went on the internet

i think i'll stay in today
mainly cos noones come round or called and i'm barred from the pub

the mail has a frontpage with something like '10 days that changed the
world'
(close to it) about the queen mum having died
she was 102
i can't help thinking somethings wrong with the nations psyche

i hate the mail
only thing i like about it (sometimes) are the cute articles about
animals they
do

brits are supposed to like animals they like sticking to stereotypes
it's safe
conservative

i bought some coffee called 'rocket fuel'
its supposed to have more caffeine in it
i don't know why i did really especially as it was 2.60

aha it's got guarana extract in it
i thought i'd try that

i have milk i may make one
i feel lousy

i dreampt i was on a bicycle rickshaw or something with some strange
lady
i was kissing her but didn't really like her or i did
i was confused
she seemed a lot like my mother

there is still fucking golf on the tv

the boom box tribe outside my window have gone away
i just turned up some jazz and they left

i was looking at their car it was lowered but just a ford not to my
taste really
i'd like to lower an old jag
black out the windows
yeah

i may get a shower
i went out to the newsagents crusty
i can't even remember much reading the paoer
can't have been much i did read it
my stomach hurts

i am listening to some good jazz
its just fast horn breaks over what sounds like i dunno
it's hard to figure out what people are playing lately (all the
electronics)
it may be guitar through some heavy pedal

organ and fast horns

i HATE renekita

i don't particularly want a box on the faq its just the principle is
all
its just something he's got that he can hold over me

this dope is the finest most sweet smelling shit

im saving the stalks cos i know i'll get fucked off them even

they've got hairs
they stink

i can't even remember what i did last night
this. fuckit

putting coffee on

i keep telling people about when i'm going to get dynamic
pathetic

burt lancaster in trapeze is on later
hmm

nothing

im beginning to miss the golf

well if it was my last night on earth i had a tv that was working and
i planned it
tonight from six i would watch

brookside (liverpool soap)
you've been framed (quiz show i think) while i'm making food
moment of impact: road crashes and bad wine (opening the wine)
the news
screen tests of the stars
after they were famous featuring virginia mckenna of born free (sort
of interesting)
then i'd like flip between parkinson with ali g the premiership
(football)
jane fonda film the morning after starting on five too
then i could lapse slowly into unconsciousness through 'air america'
1990 mel gibson and robert downy jr

4.25 am edge of the universe: the discovery of new worlds (repeat)
fucked. smoking dope

5.25 countdown

i really am past caring

weird
there are two unrelated programmes featuring 'born free'
one reviewing the author who wrote it
and that other thing about the woman who was in it
i remember being into it when i was little
i have the matt monroe song to it here in fact

i bet all my friends have completely forgotten about me now
i haven't seen anyone for a near a day

i am seriously thinking of getting a dog
collie pups are 150
i think i'd get one from up north though
i don't want a southern dog

i think i need a dog i really do
hmmm
i just
i dunno
it would sort of cheer me up to have something else like living its
life haplessly with me

and dogs are pretty hapless

wibble

on welsh tv we have y clwb rygbi wonder what that is

ew it must be club rugby
strange
never thought i could understand it ever
but then we have newyddion a chwaraeon

wot?

but they do get bill and teds excellent adventure

ooh er catch 22 the film is on early
i didn't really like the film i dug the book
but i dunno
it would make good wallpaper tv
ifn i could see it
dudley moore died a few weeks ago
there's a '67 comedy by him on as well
i dunno
dunno at all
im amazed i never got to see arthur
i think that must have been just when i started missing good films

y welshi
y i speaky welsh now
y ug

this dope is so strong smelling

i think trapeze is going on
now my pc has got candle wax all over it

years ago at a cross point i almost bought a triumph herald
it was red convertible with a white roof

i feel like doing something radical to change my life
getting a dog
hmm

hmm i'd have to fit my life around it
i'd have to try something
be a bit more responsible cos i've someone relying on me

i do like huskies
but i dunno a collie dog they're intelligent
but i dunno
i like the look of calmer dogs
an alsation even

i just want a dog that OBEYs and i think collies are like that

i feel like getting a bottle of wine
i beleive sometimes i behave completely naturistically
i like it and i think having a dog will help with that

fuckit
walking for wine

i have my book anyway

lost my keys
fuckit
you know i could keep my keys on the dog
just whistle and you don't only know where the keys are it brings them

it
i don't want a dog that's been neutered

im thinking having a dog could be a bit of a nightmare
i should forget it

fuckit
where r my keys

foun

mm different tobacco

i am listening to jazz covers of popular songs
like the police
i dunno
i suppose

i could do with a digital tv
i wanna be entertained

to think beyond my boundaries
which is hard to do when you've got a crap tv and one crummy channel

ew
i just got smoke in my eye

don't rub it
ark

well if despy were here i could just sit here wibbling and she'd run
to the
kitchen and get some water

dogs wouldn't be good for that

second books on john dee which should be interesting

i wanna read that
don't know anything about him

it's called 'queens conjuror'

i think i'll make coffee

this coffee is actually quite nice
its dark
i dunno what guarana does i think its just a stimulant like caffeine

i remember drinking purdeys gold and a red bull one afternoon when i
was working
i was off my tits
completely
you look around and combine and you can actually get high off legal
stimulants

well i think it was the fact that i combined them
i tried drinking about twelve expressos in a row once at a station
that works
but its i dunno
i was hungover at the time its hard to tell

i remember this girl had come to meet me cos she wanted to go out with
me
i rejected her
she did actually turn me off completely

she was fucked in the head
always seemed to be depressed when i was having a good time

if i had the web now i'd be looking for something called 'do the right
thing'
by someone called pattie maes who is a programmer
i was told she had very good ideas and a good website

wesbite

box
want box

best thing about alt5 is you don't have to ask to be a member
then you can just post what you want and ignore everyone else

nothing can be off topic in alt5

i would like to turn the tv on but i can't reach

what is your mission
pass my degree
mission status?
incomplete
what do you mean incomplete
well i'd have to work like buggery to pass the first year but i'm
really not into that
don't you think you'd better get your head sorted out?
yes

i want a dog
that's my reward
something nice for my life to get me motivated
i think
wibble

well thinking about it the dog i get will already be alive so i'm not
taking anything out of the system

maybe i could just go and see a few see what i think

or i could go to the dogs home
cos i know they do put them down
i could get a dog that's been around a bit and shits in the right
places

i dunno
this is doing my head in
dilemma for the day

burt lancaster is kissing a moll

they had big passionate swooning kisses in those days

although she just walked away with a look like ew you've got a woody

life as a program?
like a computer program?
hmm
like you're destined for certain things and you can't manipulate
stringspace?
hmmm
i wonder
determinism

now burt lancaster is taming a lion and the moll is looking on
lion looks right pissed off

now burt lancaster is holding his wrist and staggering round in his
tight pants

the moll is bandaging it
she's now got her cheek against his hand

now tony curtis is pacing the streets
there's a girl on the balcony coming to see him
now an old crone

no its burt lancaster
i thought i saw tony curtis
crap tv won't tune in

now he's holding her hands staring into her eyes and wibbling shit

yep it is tony curtis they cut

now tony curtis and burt lancaster are looking miserable outside

i think i may read

i wonder

you can't see the moon cos it's in shadow
but can you see it at all?
can you see it a bit dim like
blanking out stars

i think i'll go to sainsburys#
its just the bus ride is so traumatic
and getting back

i am going to sainsburys

got back
had a line of coke off someone

i have red wine and pizza and i scored dope
well it certainly shifted the remnants of my hangover

i put a bit of it into a joint just to see
i don't recall it doing anything
watching only fools and horses on tv

golfs on now
the only fools and horses was a video
i think i may open the wine
its a good one

hmm
i want some magic playing cards
i had a line and i don't feel depressed at all
its still there but now i'm thinking 'deal with it'
im depressed about a girl because i kissed her and now she's with
someone else
supermarket trip was ok
it wasn't that packed
i got a pizza

i could do with my big leather chair
chairs look after you
the wine is ernest and julio
well im just thinking i could move my computer to the bed
but the monitor is 22" and i can't like i can't be bothered moving it
i'll just sit here
maybe get a pillow

yeah i'll get a pillow

whats doing my head in
fuckit
i need to smarten up my image
how can i expect to keep girls like that when i'm such a shedhead?
well i need to get busy
for whatever
maybe i need to tell despy but i suppose i already had
anyway she did it to me this year and from what i heard she did more
than me
fuckit it's not very nice
this is not very nice

but the wine is
wot the hell

well i only flew over there cos she sent me subject heading 'the bar'
cos i did ask her about it and we are honest with each other
i may post it
i find it to be quite a piece of writing
well
reading about john dee which is ok
although a bit long winded being a historical work
certainly better than the last pile of tripe
which amounted to a series of magazine articles about mohammed ali
bruce lee
i sort of thought 'why am i reading this?'
but the cover and the reviews really pumped it up as being masterful
writing
i dunno
i just felt like i was reading a penthouse article in the barbers or
something
i didn't feel like i'd just spent eight pounds on a book

i feel the person who wrote it was a lousy person
well the subject isn't speaking to him anymore
but he did cover it well 'meetings with ali'
but he's hardly a true writer
the rest of it was just there to boost his ego and it was getting
wearisome
(several passages were repeated elsewhere in the book)
'the zen of mohommed ali' by davis miller

should have been more of an honest bio of the subject
i dunno
the subject respects it
it was just made to boost the ego of the author who always wanted to
be a boxer

from the book
i think muhammed ali is cleverer than people think
still
i think the author was disrespectful

i was with people earlier and i think they thought i was sulking or
something
well i probably was sulking
i had this sort of i dunno
well i still felt hungover until i had the line
then i went and made some cynical comments about everything in general
and left
can't be good

i still want to buy her a bunch of flowers
i think i will
listen despy you're married
and i like well i did try
and you are asking me a lot
fuckit
she won't have me anyway
but i've never 'gone after' a girl like that
maybe i'm making a fool of myself
we had such deep conversations
she wants me to go to have an aids test with her
i don't know where she's coming from exactly

the wines nice
i think it's what you'd call dry
i never figured out completely what dry means i a wine
being wet
but this has a sort of dry feel cos it has sediment
its a good wine

all the way from california
where my despy runs wild and free
she is a wild horse in the desert

ok she's in michigan
but i dunno
the best album cover i have ever seen is new order
for that regret single ok it wasn't an album
but i had regret
its really technicolor imagery of like plains and horses and flames
and
scyscrapers and people with beachballs and suchlike. surf too
maybe i've forgotten the name and the address of everyone i've ever
known
there's nothing i regret

its so good
its an honest single
i would like a place i could call my own
have a conversation on the telephone
wake up every day i would be a star
no regrets (something) for my wounded heart
i was upset you see almost of the time
you were a complete stranger something something something

i was upset you see almost of the time
you were a complete stranger
now you are mine

ba da da de bip

change down and face the strain
changes
come on all you rock and rollers
pretty soon you're gonna get older
time may change me
but i can't change time
i say that time may change me
but i can't change time
strange fascinations

and these children that you spit on
and try to change their ways
their quite immune to your something
they're quite aware what they'er going through
ch ch ch ch change down
and face the strain
changes

don't tell them to 'snap out of it'

time may change me e e
but i can't change time
time may change me e e
but i can't change time
beep beep beep bee dadada
whistle beep beep beep beep beep beep
pewee pewee pewee e e e e

everyone here drinks a lot
everyone here does drugs a lot
everyone here

well i am going on a detox next week
i have already said as much (something so beguilingly interesting
maybe?)
to one of my lady friends
good grief
well i must say she looked like someone who had done a lot of coke
recently
i was quite intrigued
she looked ok
fuckit
then again
i think i'm in headgame city
and my own should be quite enough
i really want enough money to be untouchable ... beyond
a casual observer nothing else
and a participant on my own terms

i am going to try to isolate myself
yep
from next week

well its true i like to type
and maybe i'm being unfair to despy
cos my seduction over internet was quite complete (hic)

i am fascinated by despy
i used to be into jigsaw puzzles you see
every day i open email and learn something more about her
i can't say what i want to say to her because it's not possible over
email
over telephone either (but i do try)

and i don't know
i don't think she advises me much
i .was. thinking that she wore the pants

i was just in the kitchen and one of the girls gave me some spicy
sausage
good grief i miss my leather chair
it looks like in here (major features)
two wardrobes on the wall going down to the window
closest wardrobe has a tv in it
plants on the windowledge
bed beneath the window
desks up to the wardrobe
computer here
all kinds of paper and shit all over the place ... cds
a rock
nothing else really
bookshelves

fairy lights (not working)
rest of the room is red
i have a red lightbulb
two chairs
a guitar
a bin
a laptop

paintings strange assorted girls who are trying to be artists have
given me
world domination plan
the zen of mohammad ali
ash

books on assembly language programming os's and ai
you know 'lindows' is out?
it runs windows applications
i don't know whether it's free or not but it's linux
ok betas are out
whenever i read 'computing' the trade magazine i sort of laugh
hu hu hu
hu hu hu
wibble

i like sql
and it is truly open source
truly and absolubtely from the ground up open source
in two large versions
i wanna steal all the sql algorithms and write something
something large and bloated like SAP

but better
infinitely better
cos i'll .be. writing it see
and i'll have a degree in ai
and it'll be part of my thesis
but they make me work don't they?
the government don't pay me money to do this
so i'm fucked
really

linus torvalds was paid by the government to fuck around for years
while he
completed the degree
our government don't give a shit
they are pig ignorant to the true talent like me

not the people who are learning it the people who have learnt it and
want to
exploit it
the people who have seen their sick and diseased industry for 15 years
and
want to just advise
separate and discreet

well everything is shit really

an maybe i'd only be despys second husband

fucking sick is what it is
at least i have red wine
and dope

(sound of another crummy joint being rolled together)

hey i think mediocre has been getting bad press recently

i think people should try to remove themselves from the media now and
again
well i find it difficult (well i never have) given up papers
but i certainly gave up tv for a few years (well ok i did weaken at
the end)
but it was aussie tv and crap so i stopped again
it did like make me think differently
and i knew a few tv addicts .. watched them watch the tv
and i certainly think they were thinking differently from me
try it
you do start thinking differently

despis even a sport fan
i love her bones

in my shed when i get it
i want old tvs just lying round so i can learn about them and
gradually fix them

i want to adapt them to my computer system
i've always been thinking that
in australia i was after an old seventies tv projector
i dunno why
i was going to hook my commodore 64 up to it and get into symbolic
magic

that was the idea
i even walked into a tent at a surf competition asking him how much it
cost to
hire diamond vision
fifteen grand i think he said

man i was .out there. those daze

those hazy summer daze

with manic storms with hailstones even

fuck i miss that place.. australia
don't miss the people much

from that time at least.
business

or what i thought was business til i got ripped off

i think i'd better start writing the next story
i am beginning to repeat myself

fuck
red wine

well i'd like to go back to the mid eighties and beat up a few
teachers
if i had a time machine
say like hi <bam>
pick that up

:|

girl told me the other night i flinch when she puts her hand up to my
face
why do you do that she was asking
she was quite nice then i went all wibbly

fuckem
i;m an ANARCHIST
they created an ANARCHIST

my last boss but one was an anarchist
i didn't really get it until he spoke about systems and smashing them
well he certainly helped smash the system i was working on
i dunno i wanted it all but he would only let me work on part of it
and i was trying to go bigger but he wouldn't show me stuff
then i ended up storming in to see the directors and getting
permission
by the time i got to examine the true system i was too weary
i'd been fightin them for a year

i don't know whether i;m an anarchist it just seems a good label
for what i think lately

we had a sadistic little prick teaching us biology who used to bonk us
on the
head with a human femur
and it hurt
it hurt a lot
what a sod
i hope he's dead now

and i was good at biology
wibble

maybe i should stop blaming other people but man i went through the
mill at school

man i went through the mill
nobody had a worse time than me at school
i used to dread going in

and i was studious
bastards!
man i want to smash the state

i never had any teachers who were on my level
they were all way way up above it
it was always like
if you don't do this you don't do that then you'll never ever succeed
you'll never .ever. succeed thats what they told us

i've been imprinted with some bad psychology

i remember i got my ocd because i was pushing too hard
then it was breaking down then i was pushing too hard again

i wanted to be good at everything
maybe it's not their fault maybe i didn't choose
i remember seeing the chemistry teacher at the end saying i've just
got onto
a computer course and thinking
well i dunno i liked him
he was a bit suspect but i liked him
well i was thinking fuck you know i can do something which i beleive
in
something which i can already do
cos i was given a zx81 for christmas and thats the thing that's the
only
thing which got me into computing

it was so cool
it was like black with like a textured keyboard
and the manuals were sci-fi they had sci-fi images on the cover
and inside was BASIC fast mode slow mode peek and poke
i wrote a dissembler i wrote games it was so easy
i learned
the best thing i think i should have done (but never got round to) was
a tape
filing system
just call me the facilitator i was never a rabid manic games
programmer

i facilitate
manage me correctly and i will give you anything you want

maybe i'm just a prey on good management cos i never got on with those
who didn't
know fuck all

now ahve lost me matches

now i'm in the kitchen drinking with them all
and worrying about my matches

i keep wandering

...

yep

i am getting pissed in the kitchen

i can't find the dope

well i went
and i decided to come back
i like drunk what booze i had
and i like rolled them a fat joint

well i can say one think for renekita
he either has stamina or pure ignroance

i think i'ts both
well i suppose he's on the side of right
so it's ok

:|

tobacco
makes you vomit more effectively

i think whats lacking in the I.T. industry
is people who are prepared to say
well this works that way this works this way
easily
without pretension
like it isn't a secret anymore

interviews should say:
would you like to come into this enviromnent
cos lets face it
whenever you pass an interview you feel up yeah
but it's only a hillock
like: would you like to work in this environment
face it
objectively
7.5 hours a day
for the rest of your fucking life
with all the complication
would you?
well. what is capital?
i must say
the dicks in charge have devalued capital in the last century
an ahm not a socialist ahm not anything just me
fuckit
ahm a fucking anarchist deconstructionalist
if i wanked less i'd be fucking hitler

well i'm an anarchist deconstructionalist who has a passionate belief
in formal logic
if it gets stagnant destroy and renew sort of thing. or get new
territory
don't let the population fester

i am really disappointed in the people governing us all
they are very very very very very very very very very very
shortsighted

well keep these people away from media is all i can see cos they're
impressionable
or they've been impressioned enstamped and they think anything they
can't understand is EVIL

fuckem
we've left them behind
the new intelligensia has left them behind

fuckem
:|
fuckem

'well we're dickheads and we want to employ you and we want you to
keep quiet about anything you learn'
well ok

'well we'll pay you lots of money and you'll have STATUS'
well ok

but don't tell anyone we're stupid ok
ok

...
just pay me lots of money ok?

fuckem
fuckem fuckem fuckem
well
you know what i think?
i think open source needs organisation it needs MANAGEMENT and it's
not getting
that now at all
oh no
i think we need to start exploiting the competitive nature of open
source participants
we need to start a planetary republic
for people who KNOW
for people with a wider sphere of thinking
and we may all have a war every fifty or so years
but it'll just be a deep and heavy flame war on the internet
or in chess
because we'll all be so divorced from each others emotions enough so
that it'll suffice
see half of war is the satisfaction you get out of hurting each other
so relations will be governed purely symbolically we won't have an
emotional relationship
with whoever we are occupying the same space as (current theology
would say 'competing with')
and it'll be all ok
we can all have a spliff together now and again and it won't matter
it never ever did matter because we have enough SPACE
but we never ever took the time to learn how to get to that space
we were all too busy fighting each other to get to what we thought was
the last space
now we know that space is infinte
WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM?
get over it

WAR IS NAUGHTY

:|

bad.
stopit

well i was out of my skull one night and i thought what if? and
beleived in it#
now i like being permanantely trolleyed

:\
wibble

i think i'd better stop caning it or i'll end up fuggy

watched while the party in the kitchen rolled a pure one out of my
dope smiling
i remember i was sat next to this girl who is very nice
and i blathered on about politics or someting then yelled buyakasha at
the
person who'd been taking too long and said he could roll the spliff
perfectly
then they were all playing drinking games and i was playing them too
create your own reality

i am smoking pure weed now too
i thought wot the hell
i'm going on a diet next week
i'm going to drink only mineral water for a week
clarify the system
it may sound stupid but it was done as an article in the sydney
telegraph
some journalist did it and was like ok
you will be ok
you have plenty enough body fat
i did it at least twice in oz and once about a year or so ago
that was a bit sad really
see i was building up to the office christmas meal but i wasn't
invited being
a contractor
then the guys in the office set up a separate meal but i didn't have
any money
to hand
since i've been back in the country i haven't had a cashpoint card
i think it has been a concioius decision
even though i have been trying to get one
they all asked me to put sounds on last night
i went from slow mournful jazz to techno to jungle
i tell you wot my pc is far etter at playing than my little ghettoe
blaster
well i dunno
i seem to get the impression the sound quality is pretty good
although i can't tell because i have been turning it up quite a bit
lately
and i only have one speaker

sounds stopped
fuckit
more jazz

well this is blues from jazz magazine
fuckit
don't really like blues
we;ll see

i have played this cd about five times and i can't remember what's on
it
well i can while it's playing

it seems a bit upbeat to me
maybe it'll do me good

no food for a week
it's gonna be fucking hard

its like the ultimate detox
and i'll have my bike back on monday

well i'll buy a car next week
and i think
i think i'll bring the budgie down
i hope the bike is ok after it's service
he says it needs new brake cables
its only four months old
fuckit
i dunno
bikes have gone like jap cars
i didn't even have a spanner for mine

i think i've given up tobacco too
i'll just smoke pure weed from now on
ifn i can get it

cheap enough
i dunno
i'll just have to smoke a lot less

man i want to eat a trifle
i'm going to the store in a minute to get some milk goods
hell it'd better be open
i had a pizza late last night
i remember it being mediocre
i don't think i want any pizza tonight
just some fucking trifles or something

they've got a package called matlab they're using here
i was in a lecture months ago when the lecturers showed us a graph
then showed us the equation forming the graph and what it meant in
terms of ai then he showed us the program which would do the same
thing
well i'm thinking
i may get matlab up and running on this system
fuck i need a lazer printer

shitloads of money to print off manuals
but i may just display them on the other screen use postscript and
only print
out selections
yeah

matlab i found extremely impressive
especially since the code was java
hell i can't even remember if he ran the code
but it was doing what the equations were doing
anything can
that really struck me
i don't think i ever really understood that
now i'm not sure if anything can
if any program code can

i need my chair from up north
i need a car
having a car will relax me
i may even go surfing
fuckit
thinking about it i'm reasonably close to france
i could always get down there for a week
i could always lose my mind

there are some fucking big waves down there
hossegor
it looked extremely nice on some of the photos i saw
world champions live there

it looked like really heavy and gnarly
but relaxed somewhat different
cold

its an ocean beach
means it'll be good in the summer too
i fink

citizen eco drive
a revolutionary watch
you know theres been sport on for ten minutes and i've only just
realised it's rugby

an it's fucking st helens
my home town

what a disgusting place

fucking hell i forgot how good rugby is
i'm yelling at the other team to beat st helens

i am beginning to think i may be right in saying all policemen are
stupid

oh man
im 36
what a wakeup call
someone slap me

i've been going to make that cup of coffee for an hour now
but its ok cos i have a spliff
now i want the coffee

ok the pope was pretty guilty but what about those hundreds of years
ago
who worked people to death?
six million ways to die

i like the ideas of all the little codesets in linux
codesets are intricate
i like codesets
you can do a lot with codesets

i am the fucking master at codeser manipulation
to me codesets ARE software

bloke opposite who i thought was a cop was like checking his car while
waiting
for his pregnant wife (well she may just be fat but i think she's
pregnant)
he looked tired and stooped but he had a nice car

bitch gave me a line last night
she's corrupting me

it was rather good
i did all the pointless things like cleaning the kitchen fixing things
i left my bedroom pretty much alone though

well you stare into a shell
and you see little images
and there's sound coming out
laughing and giggling

well you stare up to a wall
and there's a river with smoke
and people answering the telephone
from different films

i think i'm a post modernist
well i'll have to look it up but i think i'm a post modernist
i like what i would think of as being post modernist
i wanna get grey boiler suits and shave my head
get a landrover grey
walk about in the forests with strange electrical equipment

i need straight As next term
i need to get through this
i need to DO this
i need to be in it

:|

i need a car
and a lazer printer
i need to find a way out of work
not fucking working no way
but i did see
there are people pickig up the trash in a lorry round brighton
and they have a picture of che guevara on the side of it
and they're called waste revolution or something
well nothing against binmen my uncle was one
but i'd rather do landscape gardening
or even washing dishes
although i don't like not seeing the knives
you know when you stick your hand in cos you have just like to wash
the dishes
no i don't like that

i was borrowing a corkscrew last night and i looked into someones
place
and their kitchen is the same as ours
but they had like big posters where they'd drawn course notes all
round the
kitchen
they're biologists
biologists always seem really keen

well ah like the pixels me

programming is difficult
when i started trying to wing it in java i found i was getting way low
marks
because i hadn't implemented key concepts (they do like tell you what
the concepts are ... what to use)
well anyway
i ended up writing stuff that may have been a bit procedural
anyway
i like the idea of using it for ai
we've only been like doing business system stuff up until now
just to learn it
well anyway
i had better get straight as next term
it's the only way i have out of this mess
i think i'd better start taking myself a lot more seriously

ontrack
absolubtely

i've just seen a robin a wren and a blackbird uotside my window
wrens are tiny

i wanna examine the software revolution
thats what i want to do
i must go to the library

i could prove to you now that 80s hardware could improve your business
even 80s hardware
and 80s software for development

i saw a blobby disk in manchester last year (a blobby disk is like a
ton of
pirated software on a cd) and it had PICK tm on it
i was thinking fuck a full installation version of some form of PICK
from
PICK systems

how the fuck did it end up on a blobby disk
then i thought i remembered
PICK is big
PICK still runs very many successful business
having been quite close to some businessmen and seen them operate i
was
extremely impressed at how easy it is to open doors
you've just got to come up with something tell them 'i can save your
business some money'
i think i'd need access to peoples accounts in order to do that evenso
one time i

well (and this is nine hours later) i smoked my last joint
and started drinking water
now i'm fucked again
drinking baileys irish creme
smoking pure ones

i started studying but i just couldn't hack it
it BORED me
i;m going to have to find a way
what way?

i was so full of shit today
but i was given some coffee by the man who wrecked the mint plant
and he was apologetic

baileys
fuckit
paula yates used to get pissed on baileys
and this dope is wrecking my throat
but relaxing me
i did some running round today
i feel like some alien species
the crazy guy running round on a mission somewhere always
and all his hair sticks up
pure dope

i think i may get a shave tomorrow even though i don't want to
and 'x' is with tom when i went round
who's tom?
i had to walk round look a fool cos the phones are out
i dunno
we wer really having a CONVERSATION today
she studies philosophy she's ok
but she's gradually taking her cds back. one by one

i was like at the bustop it was doint my head in
i kept walking into the road to look
see if the fucking thing was coming
and there were like lads talking loudly behind me
and i wasn't interested usually i listen
i felt really shit
i had an indian meal which was going cold
and the i got on the wrong bus
i just assumed it was the one back but it turned off
i had to get off and i ended up NOWHERE
i mean fucking nowhere
i didn't know where to walk to find the bus stop back
then i was at another diabolical bus stop and i was just like thinking
fuck
this is horrible
i am tired
its horrible
i felt wrecked
i couldn't think of anything to look forward to
i was thinking of hiring a cab and just losing like seven quid
there weren't any cabs available
the bus came and i got home
but it was still a slog from the bus stop
i got in i went out yeah i remember i got dope
then i walked down the hill and went to see my friend who is also a
girl
but she wasn't in
and now i know someone else who i think isn't talking to me
i think it's probably because i look so glum lately and no fun
guys you should be fun for the chicks
fun fun fun all the time and they'll like you
well i'm not fun for her anymore cos she rejected me
i didn't even stay
i dunno
maybe it's just on my part
maybe i can be fun for her again
fun fun fun <hop>

i would phone dave tomorrow but the phones are out
this place is fucked
i mean really fucked
they couldn't call the engineer out of bed so like a thousand people
go without
a phone for about THREE DAYS
which is affecting peoples lives
and making them miserable

:(

see?

cos she used to phone me last week and it was all ho ho ho how are
you?
meeting up every time and it was nice
freedom
we do not have enough time
i mean things are different here things are better
i never had time to think
i've got so much time to think ifn i want to
but i think it';s like pavlov and stuff
i'm used to having pressure on me and no time
now i have no pressure and plenty of time combination
so i'm putting pressure on myself deliberately :(
i have low self esteem and i want to punish myself =
i hate myself
cos being yourself looking at yourself is like seeing the ultimate
cliche
she keeps asking me why people are so horrible generally
i keep telling her to be more independant
fuckem

WHAT DO I KNOW
despy once told me that she said 'go i am the shit i am the shit i am
the shit'
before you go out the door
but she is like more timid than most (i get the impression) and can
let people
take advantage of her
like in life anything generally

anyway i read about capra today
the photographer he was going out with ingrid bergman
all the love letters were in the article (times uk)
it was really sad
i think he was a strong person
well i don't actually think that i just think that he was never ever
lacking of sex
i think it makes a difference
i think i need a wife in order to progress
at all
fullstop

in casino i like the cold scenes
scenes charged and heavy with emotion
i don't remember but it must have been in split level open glass
seventies houses
with pink carpets
or the like
white leather suites
glass coffee tables
blinds
chrome coffee maker
the latest in chic
oven hood
lady clacking round the kitchen in tight pants
with yellow short sleeved shirt
fuck i can't find the joint

well minsky beleives in frames
we can only make sense of individual entities in a frame of reference
i think that is true
it's one of the most interesting things i have heard in the field of
AI
i think about the fact that aboriginal children need to be taught
differently
than their western counterparts in australian schools
they think differently
tell them a story and they'll remember it
and they can only express well in terms of a story
it's just different
not dumb just different

so
frames
mr memory man putting things down in rooms of a vast house of many
dimensions
that he's worked on (the only bit of his memory that he has) and he
can remember
the position exactly because the FRAMEWORK is there
all frames are is symbolisations
situation room frame of mind

am i getting out of it?
i just want to talk
in the real world i talk incessantly
but i'm alone tonight
fuckit
thank mars for the internet

the place seems be walking round full of people stoned but slightly
puzzled
cos they have no money

or bikes locked to trees cos like it's too far to town man
or people sitting on barstools and yelling about how wrong it all is
and everything is fucked
maybe they've never learned to specialise
and remain quiet about it

maybe i could pretend i'm blind
so i could have a guide dog
so i could take it into lectures and hug it protectively
well the lectures here seem divided between falling asleep boring
riveting
how boring is this fuck how much more boring can he get (puzzled but
awake)
and like
well getting told off by margaret boden obe for 'yawning without
covering my mouth'
well it was quite a feat to get to that lecture
boring but ok
there was no theme
i think she should start using a whiteboard

but i remembered everything of value from the lecture and recited it
verbatim
in a later seminar
i was fucking brilliant!
<proud> <beaming>

i was ok at seminars
mainly cos i have so much intrinsic knowledge (hic) about the subject
i got into ai when i first decided to build THE MACHINE
which was going to be a box originally like oraq

well i'm still going to build it
i've just got to fit myself into another system before i can commence

i've run out of tobacco
fuckit
despi is so cute on the internet
she needs me

i talk about despi to strange people, people she has never met all the
time
the girl i kissed has even said 'hows despi' at least twice
well i talk about despy all the time it's a hobby of mine
i'm trying to justify it by saying it's like a jigsaw puzzle
and i'm into them
but it has a few more dimensions than that

and i've only just realised what desp4bigrl means
cos i just thought it was an interesting anachronisym
but it like pans out

as DESP FOR BI-GIRL
cos she was probably too stoned to change her name from what she'd set
up for chat
and i know she has actually slept with a woman i asked her
and i'm thinking that's why they don't like her on alt5. it's because
they
think she's trash
and they were all really horrible to her
it's all recorded
and i've never ever seen one insult from desp to someone else
ok well maybe a few
but there are always more to despy
this is what i do in my spare time folks - research despy

folks?
what am i saying?
well i don't give a shit
i'm going to post this to comp.databases.pick
cos i did talk about pick a bit so it's not off topic

teacher to pupils 2030
things are not necessarily nice
but it's ok
don't try to make them nice
just go with the flow

exist
subsist
work for the SYSTEM

its a mill it just goes round and round
thats the nature of mechanisms
stop the ride i want to get off

well i think it may have something to do with mechanisms

i am under pressure
right now

you know i used to be under pressure from finance directors who told
me they
were losing 15 grand a day just by me not being there?

they're saying 'on digital' (digital tv) on my crap tv
'more power to the finger'

despy: 'if you don't mail me it's over'
me: 'you've never said anything so true'

the worst thing about dope? i am now having a deep problem with
reality when
i encounter it
it's like i don't agree with it anymore i can't function
when thinking like that it's like i can't trust my body not to implode
or destroy itself

i got so BORED while behaving myself
i mean horrible horrible crushing boredom
thinking oh no ... water?

i think the un should look at something
well
i dunno
the un will end controlling capital
i dunno
maybe move into financial regulation

this dope does smoke rather well
and i have a good 1/3 pint of baileys left
which is good whatever the time of day (cheers)

well the nhs in britain is STILL FUCKED
and managers outnumber beds on wards
they do talk like that
and i met an nhs manager (michael gilfillan) in glasgow
in fact worked for him
and he was the stupidest person i have ever met in my life
the other stupid people i knew were lower school pupils
but this guy was STUPID
he was an nhs manager
thorougly STUPID

one of the other contractors on our team once said 'the first think i
would do
in an emergency is punch him out'

i went into a situation in an nhs i.t. department where i went in to
do something
which they'd been trying to do for six months
they just didn't have the class

i did it in a day

so i was a drone walking down school corridors
then i was a drone droning down motorways
now i'm a drone

man i ate that entire madras
that was nice
keema nan as well
fucking beautiful
well i scarfed it
it was so fucking nice
i still have onions left!

ooer there are popadoms
i forgot about them

eat
smoke dope
drink
eat
smoke dope
drink
eat
smoke dope
drink

well man when dopes growing it's givig off oxygen and when it's not
it's
like pretty good too
grow more dope people
its completely obvious ... useful as a material, pleasant
and it gets you stoned!
:\
wibble

fucking london marathon
fuckind depressing tv
like the bbc 'showpiece'
ug
always hungover on a sunday
watching the fucking london marathon nothing else on
and thinking about the glorious week ahead
hands shaking

interviewing some dull bitch who is a marathon runner and actually
quite horny

watching a bbc reporter with a bog standard haircut wibbling

bbc reporter just said about when i fight started in a match 'then it
descended into the mediocre and disappointing'
i think that'll be my new online name 'mediocre and disappointing'

sort of think you'd read on a report card
well i feel ok
thankyou very much it's been a nice night
g'day

fuck it's got whisky in it!
>barf<

well i am pleasantly pissed
thanks mr baileys!

i feel like a furniture removal van on a long slow road in the fifties

i got pissed at a fucking pick something or other meeting oh eye it
was a launch thing of 'redback'
presentation or whatever slide show
crap suits
free drink
i didn't actually drink that night
but hell my office did
i had never thought that people over 40 flirted
it was quite wild
i can't remember
how i got there even
crazy
hmmm
where was that?
i went to one in australia too i am sure
you know i can't remember
but i remember going to the jamaica inn

strange
the things that happen
the people who lie to you
the people who tell such lies
i think the world is divided into thieves and non-thieves

well i'll wake up with dope tomorrow
and feel a bit sad
because my new start didn't work out
but i may buy myself a new radio set (the 130 electronics experiment
kit one is just a crystal radio)
to cheer myself up a bit

an i'm doing something now
i'm really enjoying my system
well whatever
man
like driving a ford fiesta
well that was an american car
it was the only car i ever had where i actually preferred to walk
i like linux
all i want really seriously is to have it on more than one processor
crazy

stuff is always really crazy
not trapped though
not ever trapped

fucking intrusive cameras
like how much shit and pain do these newscrews have to get?
i am sure there is something quantian which means they are actually
causing it

well whatever
the shit is the shit is the shit is the shit is the shit

i definitely watered the plants today

well i've got water
i don't need to go out

life goes on
something cheered me up this morning but i can't find the batteries
this keyboard is fucked
some people are thinking somewhere
well today i went up in an aeroplane and it was really fucking cool

:)

neigbours (i think ) is on
well it looks like oz
smiley happy person in a mini moke

no it's a golf cart

we are all in cubes
frames

man i just had a coughing fit
and all like the crap tasting stuff came into my mouth
i had to spit
but it's good to be getting the poisons out of my system

someone is coming over doing me an ounce for forty five
i could start dealing hmmm
slowly
i know someone who can get any amount of coke too

dealing could be an intricate web of paranoia which would keep me
alive and
interested in life

hmmm
i wouldn't sell to just anyone
no way
no
i shouldn't even think about it

good grief
but i'll be staring at an ounce (probably) and it'll be whispering are
you
going to smoke all of me?
you?
alone?
fuck.

well it is the last week of the holiday
reentry
the line i had the other day was very nice
i was like
i dunno
i felt
well i felt ok
i felt completely ok
motivated
sort of thing
then i sort of tranced out and ended up planning like everything in
the future
ten years ahead
i was going to stop everything and drink mineral water for a week to
detox
then i like flew out to get a curry and a bottle of wine - got lost a
bit
it was like
well i hate not having wheels

then i drank a bottle of baileys here last night and now i still have
the wine
enough dope
i have managed to do something with linux i think
well something i thought was stopping something else was for another
reason
which i had overlooked
so i've got something to do in that department i don't mind staying in
i am slowly trying to move a pc

is wine open source?
i would like to think so
i've got wine running here
and it'll run one of my old systems (i think)
which'll be nice
my old system in a little window on linux
so i can poke around get things running again

there are people around with closed minds
closed little sealed wrapped tight minds

you've got to introduce them to shit gradually

i'm watching the weather
ho hum
it's flickering

i am actuall using the portable without a keyboard
cos it hasn't got one
i am still quite fond of it

when it boots

screens gone dim
when i tried to clean the keyboard
well all i can say is don't take the keys of a compaq notebook
you'll never get them back on again
i still have them though
now it won't boot
aha
floppy inserted

thank fuck
big problem with the laptop now though
mouse touchpad don't well the left button won't click anymore
i've got a batchfile to do what i want to do (copy files off)
but i can't even make a bootdisk
fuck
to dos
the keyboard only just works
typing on the membranes
takes ages

but thinking about it now i can't even get to dos
yes i can
i just hit return on the menus
weird
the mouse click still works on the menus
this is strange
fuckit
i dunno
it's somethign that either works or doesn't

not that
i got past that and now i'm trying to get wine to run a dos exe
bugger

well wine is getting interrupts it don't know about
it says it can't even support vga
i think i'll get a coffee
i may try another dos executable
well i run another executable it runs but not in vga
again
it doesn't even know vga
it says it is 'unable to open font vga'
so i have to find them
trawl around
fuck this
i bet it's huge
i would love the wine source on a floppy
i bet i know what it is without even looking
linux don't give it access rights or that account - to the fonts
i havfe found where they are but i'm going to make a coffee

so looked at them
and i found the 'fonts' directory is empty
that means i'll have to get them off the internet
i don't think they provide the fonts because i think the fonts are
copyrighted
so now i've got to think about where exactly
where exactly do i get the fonts from on the internet?

or maybe i just find out what fonts are needed and make my own
yeah
i could do that sure but i need the fonts to run AREV

well maybe there is a basic set of fonts somewhere under open source
license
x2 came round sat drank some of my wine and drew on the bed
it was very strange what she drew i think she's trying to send me
messages

well im interested in fonts now
and hey look at this
well i feel sometimes like linux is fighting me
i wanted to get a list of fonts

i've given up
nothing should stress me
i have a secure system and a fanciful knowledge of FRAMES

i know you can minimise the universe in your head
with just one hand
held up high
i can block you out out of sight
peekaboo
little earth

hmm
i maybe should like
i dunno
there doesn't seem to be any real dosemu documentation
well kill a directory package gone
start a directory name a package

how the fuck
i am trying to figure
there are a lot of documents knocking round with the name of my system
on the banner
bigger than the hospital address i know
how the fuck did that happen
it's quite wild
i think my brother in law maybe smokes too much dope

its like working in a shop working in a hospital pathology lab
long periods of time go without seeing any customers
and now and again you'll see a lab technician hovering over a
microscope
saying 'mrs g don't look too good'

'tum te tum
did anyone water the plants?
'

oh nope
well i'll water them

i got the impression that the lab always gives the first opinion
yep
and then the dumb doctor waddles off with it

well i was standing around then someone else hit someone else
completely with a brush handle
and then there was like a fracas
and then like
we were standing about staring down at the grid.
nothing happened
its strange
apparently (according to the newpaperman who interviewd him in prison)
the doorman at the hotel where john lennon was shot was telling
chapman to 'get away' get away now
flee
cos he'd been talking to him before
it was a strange book that one
published by virgin

then we have someone out of rem going beserk on a plane and getting
away with it completely
i wish i was a fucking judge
then we have presedential iniquities
embarassig situations which are reported worldwide
and quite insane people on the internet who rabbit on about whatever
they want
cos they just like typing

and text
and graphical representation of any kind
people who want to play around with obscure graphics modes now and
again and get paid for it
who have a battered pc with an interesting bios
and little servers dotted around the living room to database and
categorise everything

when i first saw a real database i thought it defined the universe

now we have 'data mining' which is fast tools
computers now are too mathematical everything .. packages are too
mathematical
we need to start looking at the DATA and just using maths
integrating it more successfully with our programming languages

maths is fine .. maths is FAST

but there aren't enough mathematicians who can really program in a
data-wise way
i dunno
it's just the impression i got
theres just such a division in computer languages
those which get things done which everyone sneers at and those which
do things in the most efficient way
but getting things done does mean timescale
and don't even ask me to bring 'project justification' into it
that's just an organisational term
i don't like the idea of intellectual copyrights
like thats fucked
and what is 'blatant abuse'
well
i was asked earlier today (because i was wibbling on about it)
did i ever get my lab system copyrighted
i didn't
but i was looking into it
a pick system was a big thing in copyright law many years ago
i was offered a job by them

twice in fact

as a manager
i think i have always been selfdestructive
or maybe .lacked. .confidence.
i was offered a managers job and i didn't take it

and i like the guy
and the whole operation was sweet
and there was the prospect of foreign travel
they had an american arm the second time i went to see them

in interviews they suck your brains

how often would you get the offspring of a competitor drive to you to
be questioned and asked about what you think of things at the crunch
anytime?
just by picking up a phone?
i used to love interviews
maybe because i was quiet amazed by the audacity

i have homer here
it's a blue book
it's really nice
homer

i do like dipping into homer

i remember now
they were doing LEGAL systems using pick
and i didn't take the job
and they were using AREV
arev is the best software i've ever seen
ever before or since
i miss AREV
i want AREV running here
i want to fucking rewrite it
fuck openinsight it was a mess
they didn't think big enough encompassing enough
they were pandering to the masses

salesmen still pushing arev are taking the piss
they're still selling it at 900 a copy
it's 16 bit for fucks sake
what is going on?

i have a copy

:)

its special
worn out in fact
data weighs a ton

i have a set of data
i have a set of real data

thats nice
hmmm

i used to work on a credit card system that was interesting

specially when you narrow the search down to names
addresses everything i could have got into blackmail
hours of idle lunchtime entertainment

well i never looked much but some bills were interesting

and best thing i did off one command using prime information
unique surnames
cos they have a keyword in the VOC of prime information
UNIQUE
select all names displaying UNIQUE

fucking powerful
i used to write scripts for the salesmen

easy

never enough memory

its always amazing when you are going out on site
just how manky departments are
just the same as yours
you wouldn't want to work there

full of pretty young girls in tight dresses looking strangely
dessicated
trapped

dogs fucking women
thats what i like looking at on the internet
dogs fucking women
maybe i'm perverse

yip yip yip ooh ooh ooh
ooh

crazy

maybe it's a reminder of all the office girls i've seen and fallen in
love with
and their diabolical lovers

ah wanna fucking mint julep
ah fucking do

and i want despy delivering it dressed in whatever trips my switch
that night
yeah

or maybe i'm quite delusional
:\
wibble
maybe i'll sniff her and not like her
or maybe she'll do the same with me after seeing the wrecked pictures
i sent her
where i was like quite out of control in the internet cafe
and swearing at people around me (but not drunk)
or swearing at the system cos it was windows and i don't like windows

and swearing at the cafe owner now and again saying it's all so shit
all so shit
i do tend to rave when i'm around machines

wibble
harmless
i think i am quite harmless
you are talking to someone who wants to live in a perspex cube below
the surface of a pond
hidden

maybe i beleive in love

these are the contents of my head
this is what i feel
do you know what i feel?
do you want to know?

tories say the nhs is failing and must learn lessons from health
services abroad
well healthcare and even nurses can be bitches
nurses are the carriers of the hand of the state
i think nurses should be paid well
given respect
told they will have a career
provided with anything

wop wop wop
woppity wop wop wop
wop wop woppity wop wop
wop wop wop

buyakasha!

:)

buyakasha!

:) :) :)

BOYAKASHA!

:)

wop wop wop
woppitty wop wop woppity
wop wop wop
woppity wop wop wop
wop wop wop wop wop

hmm
review of labour laws
hmm
making it easier for employers to hire and fire employees
---> :|
wop wop wop
woppity wop wop wop
woppity wop wop woppity

bing bishkam
woppity wop wop wop

bing
bingy bingy bingy bing

wop ara raka wop wop
bingy bingy bishkam wop
woppity wop wop wop

demi monde you never replied to my email
my email about two years ago
well you never replied to it
and now i've called you fat
so it's over

:(

wop

wop wop wop wop
woppity wop wop wop
wop wop woppity
wippety wop wop wippety wop
oink oink oink
rinky dink oink oink oink
oinkitty oink oink
oinkitty oink oink oink oink

oink woppity
oink woppity wop wop wop

aw i don't know
well i'm an ALIEN what do i know

wop wop
woppity wop wop wop
well you are fat

face it
fucking hell
i need a pizza

oinkitty wop wop woppity oink
wop wop wop
wop wop wop wop

woppity wop oink oink

oink oink
wop wop

oinky oink woppity woppity oink oink
oinkitty oinkitty wop wop

wop wop wop wop

she tuned it into channel 4
now i've got billy connoly
he's discovered lancashire
i think he's heading to london
he is marginally offensive/funny
i think he's funny
cos he doesn't give a shit
carries it off

i think he's doing well
he's uniting the classes

everyone hates him in glasgow
what the fuck
you can support who you like
:|

im a fucking royalist

:|

i hate him
but i tolerate it
i choose to tolerate it

i need spicy chicken
i need spicy chicken right away

i need a lot of cash
cos the cunts are in charge
well i don't want to live in the world
i want to live competely symbolically

maybe i;m delusional
hmm

[hapless fool]

this place is cold and silent

i am trying to blow my speakers up

plant b the one i stole has died
plant a the one i bought is thriving

the mint is fine

i have a nicely rolled spliff before me
it's very big

there's a bottle of good wine here also

crazy

well i asked despy if she was going insane
she said yes
i think she should be locked up in a nice place with soft soothing
lights

i need to buy a stamp

i don't really want the wine
being hungover and all

i went out yesterday
it was very sunny
we walked along the pier
then we went on fairground rides
then we watched a film
it was very nice

i am trying to figure out what she wants from me
she won't sleep with me (i have broached the subject)

its crazy
she's a goth

i feel like a drink
yeah
hmmm

hmm

something strange is happening to the internet
always

i was on it the other day when i got rebooted
and i know it was rebooted

i hit something *reboot*
fucking ridiculous

i think windows is wide open
that's what i need for internet (haven't got a connection here)
i have my linux box here and there's no fucking way i'm going to
connect it
to the internet

yet

i wannan encrypting filesystem

i was in a club years ago
and i was sober
i dunno
i think i was driving
wasn't so irresponsible those days

girlfriend says to me like (upset)
i only like you when you're drunk

fucked really

fairground was good :)
i looped the loop yesterday

i need some focken speakers man
these are shit
little pc speakers

ugh

ok i suppose
i've only got one :(

i think if you post something without a stamp on it they still post it
just charge the other end

hmmm

i like
im like three days away from a stamp

i wanna know all about little electic motors
they're really sophisticated by now
and the fact is
if you get the little electric motor out of things you can use it
its like funny
you could draw your curtains anything
control it with linux and good software

all you'd have to know is a bit about transformation and things
and how not to blow yourself up

i wrote a load of other shit the other day but i've left it i think

here it is:

i am slowly skinning up
i feel everyones out to get me

i think there may be chips in the oven

i just found a pencil looked at it
walked to the other side of the room and wrote 'massive paralellism'
on a whiteboard

i think the oven may be ready now

someone just took my cigarettes

hell

little bits of little bits of like tin like all over the fucking place

i don't know what to think

ah wanna go surfing
ah wanna go focken surfing

there are chips cooking in the oven
that is a positive thing

i could do with a mint julep

can i please have a mint julep?

i'd really like one

well at some stage tonight
i dunno
tonight was ok
like last night
well in fact tonight was better than ok
tonight was OK

i think i'm learning to economise
i could do with some milk

FUCK YOU GOOGLE

LEAVE

FUCK THE FUCKING PLACE

man i feel so much better for food!

:)

i am actually enjoying myself immensely now
the prospect of more sex drives me higher

do you reckon eating a sausage roll out of someones cunt sounds
alright?
a warm sausage roll with ketchup

yeah

yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

i have barbecue sauce

man i've got a scooby snack here
jazz
dope

i'm really happy

:|

despy: 'then i was one of the wild people'

this is getting very wearying

bollocks to nuns

man i ended up with the observer today

fucking giles brandreth interviewing nuns

oh pulease

says they had really 'peachy complexions'

ew

manky

i'm wondering if he sniffed them

ew

i have matches

swan vestas

smoking

gonna smoke a pure one

my head is twitching

ew manky

fast smoke
cig smoke

good grief
crumbs

gonna talk to despy
hang on two hours

just been on the internet
i like clicked to reply to the fact that linus torvalds is retiring
from developing the kernel
my pc shut down
it was quite cute

i think i may try jam with barbecue sauce

no tobbacco
loadsa dope no tobacco
waiting ... tappity tap

well i may have a pure one in a bit
then hell fuck it'll have to be another one
well it's better than tobacco
clean out the system a bit

i'd better get a plate
the dealer was so happy to see me

hell
it was nice
walking around in the sunshine with kat

i am thinking of walking to a 24 hour garage

i see a cd
bust reboot

indicator of the regress of society #57
how far would you walk for a can of coke?

they're all tarts

music for airports

a pure one i think
before everyone else gets it

:|

wot the hell

hmmm
plate

looks around for plate

ahm gonna be like super mashed

everything is fucked
i broke my plate tonight
i only have a load of pasta and a banana
its 1am

hell

i think i may save the weed until things get brighter

everything is fucked
i'm not going to smoke it
going to bed

5am
walking for cans of coke

well its got to a stage where i';; take the dope
and the wine and te caamomile tea to bed

fuckit
phone me she says
yeah i'll phone her

:|

doh

:

what the fuck am i on about?

lemme see

oh good grief

well i still think i could do the fucking job
absolubtely

just get civilised and only swear on the internet
task needs managing
yeah

i could do that

concept: despi only wants me for my money
well i haven't got any left
thanks despy

people who don't bring other people water should be cast out

christian rights got them anyway
they're embedded
like the nra

i want comics

:(

waaah waah waah

i may ask my latest acquisition to toddle off to town and get stuff
for me

well i've seen some kitchens in my life
but hers is immaculate

listening to 'melancholy and the infinite sadness'

sgot dodgy tracks on it
i think it was a bit ambitious but it's nice :)

trip hop
nah
i wanna play songs now

i have one of my favourites now
jackass

beck

i am so stoned

going doing my washing was weird

this cd software is shit
it is linux
problems its got
it is very very good
but driver development is fragmented
a standard approach is needed yeah

plug and play should be taken away from microsoft
ripped off big time (in the same way as the ibm bios was)
then like
not ripped off redeveloped functionally
based on whats already there

i wanna go if i ever signed an agreement when i first signed on with
google
somebody should sue the mofos

their site is bland

my pc died a few days ago
i think i may have had something to do with the auto power off thingy
which must be on an interrupt
well the fucker wouldn't come on again

it did eventually i don't know why
i'd been replacing drives but i know i hadn't fucked anything up

pc two (faster one) is just waiting
i need someone to ride out and get me two network cards and a cable

fuck yeah

could do it myself but im way too scared of spending money
and lazy

its summer fuckit

two plants
one flowery one herbal nice
its like truly weird cos i was out yesterday
and i was that like out of it and in a hurry
i got those licquorice papers that she doesn't like

she rolled me three before she went out this morning
gotta be bad for me

hmmm

ugly chick

ugly ones tend to sniff around quite a bit

freaky really

i must get some milk

fucking shop closes
well ok it closes late but i need milk

i am listening to beck

i wanna get a steel guitar
someday

yeah

one of my mates has a dulcimer
it freaked me out because he suggested playing it with me in the
sunshine
i don't think so

i tried jamming with her the other day
it just didn't work
she's going to mix some tracks for me and i've got to try and do
something
send it back

she's got cool edit pro

way to go

i want a microphone and a new guitar
steel
cos it's really warm and sunny

i like the beachboys
birds and shit

need to learn some songs cos soon i'll be busking
play em what they know and they'll throw money at you :|

for some reason this spliff is giving me toothache

and a cough

its like there's something else in this
maybe i've hit the motherlode

i wonder how springs work?

i wanna know about ports

fuck
i did the laundry
now i don't know which towel is clean

i lost a lot of towels in zurich
i spent the night like at this strange place by the river

i slept on the sofa
it was very nice
i think i would like the restaurants
well one i went into to get a pizza looked like
it looked like
well i wanna fucking stay here
you people are friendly
and nice
and it was interesting

they have a scene there

aw
my favourite sad song that i had forgotten about came on

aw

:(

maybe i'll learn it
im sure she could show me the chords

i think beck is strange
he has gone strange
people are telling me i've gone strange (or something)
but i'm not worried about it

i dunno
hmm

not worried

:|

i wanna lie on the dirt in america

scooby snacks

i think i may get a tattoo

someone talk to me before i get a tattoo

editors are cool
but you've got to make them multidimensional

i need a fucking mint julep

ooh lost teh cd

mummy?
will i go to hell if i read sartre?

fucking hell
beck raps

i've heard there's a new neil young album out
they were saying he's a bad boy for limiting at least one band
turning up when he liked

they say it's ok
i wanna hear it

i liked mirror ball
that was all him
and pearl jam

he's a hero
guitar disturbing the tv

it's a crazy album
out there

a million lyrics

i remember having this album when blair got in
and the people upstairs were like partying and i should really have
been up there with them

it was a crazy house
i should never have moved

it was sunny enough
i liked it

its weird
done all my washing and i'm still dressed in grunge

want milk but i don't want to get changed
aaaaargh

stuck here
i know
there's milk powder in the kitchen i think it don't belong to anyone
i think it's in the common area cos someone put it in mine once
i can make some coffee
yeah

i have like 1/3 an ounce of dope too
no i don't i have miniscule quantities for my own personal use

sponging off my parents has crossed my mind

my chair needs repairing
my lamp needs repairing

im not getting enough sex because my clothes are worn out and im
repulsive

if the computers die the company dies

if the computer system degrades the company slowly degrades

evolutionary adaptive systems
and databases

REAL databases

well written by me

i need some fucking alcohol for this monitor

bitch go get me some alcohol!

a sock'll do
hummpfh

screen cleaner

i like fucking hell
fucking hell

child on fire

the sun is nice

people are seeing patterns in the trees

my ex boss barricaded himself in the university in the sixties
cos they didn't agree with what they'd been taught
philosophy
all wrong they said

you wouldn't ever want to employ him
except carefully
he was a radical

a radical pisshead

pissheads like to sit on a bar stool and fix the universe

very loudly
spluttering

waving their drink about
going quiet and mumbling for a bit then starting again
on a new topic

apparently incitement is a crime

my spliff roller should be back soon

i had a full scale pissed up
i don't think it was but hell yeah
i think we were getting reasonably pissed
and a new guy was out with us he'd just started
a contractor
there was i and him like pissed spluttering
swearing at each other
i think i walked out
yeah i went
i can't remember

it was funny
never ever used to get that sort of thing in england
i dunno
i really should have said things sooner
i really should have had him removed

well i did really
but i was so fucking burnt out i swore i wasn't going to work anywhere
again
got renewed
six months in fact
hated the drive though
the drive in the morning
hated the drive anytime
we got free books
:(

should have stayed

it was sort of a nice drive in a way
down from the hills to the ocean

nice shops on the way if you wanted anything
big set of traffic lights which i actually enjoyed sometimes

it was a nice place
i found it mystical in parts

plants are watered nothing to do

i've got an assembly language tutor somewhere else
i said to despy i may be back because i need something

sound of dogend landing on broken plate

sound of ash being cleaned off broken plate

can i have a mint julep

can i?
please?

i'll shut up if i get a mint julep

sound of drawer opening

sound of drawer closing again

sound of other drawer opening and closing
sound of dope bag landing on a cd

tappity tap

sound of cd rom drive bay door opening
sound of cd rom drive bay door closing again

sound of jackass by beck

the dog on the front of that album is insane

odelay

i hope he's got to doing whatever he wants

dope is like
i dunno
its so fresh and smelly
crumbly

a really big head .5 for twenty quid

ever been in a room with people shagging
well if you go backpacking long enough sooner or later it'll happen
i was on the bottom bunk and people were shagging on the top bunk once

something i prefer to forget
especially since she was pretty

good grief

i remember driving out on my own for like a meal and a walk around
it was a very strange place

i found the newsagents like i dunno
it was strange
i didn't get it
people were either too friendly or they were not

pass the dutchie from coast to coast

despi i need a beer

i'm not outside i'm aside
don't smoke it it'll make you sleepy

don't touch it or the tobacco'll fall everywhere
in the sunshine

well i'll have another drink

strange porn

big organisations
fallacies

phone conversations

go away
write me a letter

i wanna tweed jacket
and bicycle clips

don't make helmets law

i bet i can play bass better than her
fuckit
we ended up with the same bass scales book

i hate learning stuff

i dunno
its crazy

i want some software

dope man
plants got a hold of me

go to the processor
embed

i saw 'godfather' the other night
they went to the mattresses

naw i think the horniest chicks ever were in the movie the other night
it was strange
it was about a family
i don't know what i thought about it
i don't know if i even liked it

good acting
more or less faultless acting

horny women
my age
housewives all of them

popular sites are horny housewives

maybe i should jump track

want a good night out?
do an E just before you go

apparently there was mescalin kicking around a few weeks ago
i dunno
hell
i read a story on the internet about this guy in the sixties who threw
himself
into a blast furnace after too much acid

i'd rather be visited by a hart and a hind
then follow them into the forest

i like this
i am like
well i have enough coffee

people good to have around
those who tell you to buy things because you're stingy with your money

i would like a carafe of decent champagne

crystal
carried by a butler

please leave it on the tall table over there
and take the mint julep glass away

jeeves i may take some air later please leave the door open

whats mp3?
the biggest cd autochanger in the world

well im not going out i think i'd like to get into mahler

gigastreamers
yeah tapes
yeah
i bet you can get a few albums on a streamer tape
a fast streamer with
i dunno
you'd have to have like really good scheduling software with it

when exactly did you go nuts mr fisher?

on the internet:
how many peoples disks are mostly empty all the time?

with encrypted filing systems it wouldn't be a problem

encrypted filing systems which are open source and people to keep an
eye on
them

microsoft would end up shipping software with fake version numbers
but that's checkable easily enough

hmm
i don't beleive in life after death

not at all
people are fooling themselves

yep

i want a cat on a lead

and a lot of prawns to keep it happy
i wanna take my cat into the pub

free with computer shopper

:(

all i want is binutils

cool programmers - people ontrack
the guy who wrote REBOL

but hell
it was really shit at first
i may go and have another look at rebol
hmmm

i like looking at new languages

theres all kinds of new shit written on top of the java virtual
machine

i was thinking this morning
the main reason i'm failing my degree is because i don't like rational
rose
hate it intensely in fact

and i didn't even want to try the other one poseidon
it depresses me
people were saying one or the other of them falls over
i mean fuckit

i think sooner or later developing database applications will be like
driving
a fork lift truck

well my shoes gave out so i'm suing the company

we had kids running round well into their twenties dressed as cowboys
in my
home town

it was a strange scene man
i'm glad i left it
even though i do love the place

there is no way you could get a mint julep in a bar anywhere there

not a proper one
something they'd slammed together if you're lucky

i would hate to meet any of my old schoolfriends

i bet they're all semi retarded by now

centrism

bad things
coughing and blowing away the dope

i wanna do some work
but the thought of high level programming depresses me
i could use them as tools
i want to properly examine a processor

i want a fucking oscilloscope

what is america?
most of the world thinks america is bad

i think america would be pretty good
ifn you were living there

i could ask for ECT

my friend likes to be fucked up because it keeps her creative

she paints
and im going like
well you are really good
with some strange intricate ideas

lights
small lights in big rooms

i've just been invited somewhere for tea and crumpets

dunno waht to wear

chat up line
well you're not that hot but you're interesting enough and i
desperately want
to shag you

and i bet you like sex too
and i bet you're really horny

can i have a mint julep?

i need to clean my fucking teeth

i wonder if you can drive devices off static?

receding badly
i think i'll start calling myself gringol on the internet
well i think i'll skin up

time trip #1
the hairy guy at the table with loads of printouts
and he's getting loads of money and loads of cars
what he wants really
but he's like not getting any support
and he's like up to his neck in code
and he starts going around slamming things
cabinet doors i remember

then i start coding for him then the company blows apart

strange
i think the marketing department let us down

what is this?
drug simpsons episode
never seen it

drugs r bad man
drugs r baad

well i hung out with him and then he went nasty and now i'm buried on
a beach

:|

good grief
i smoke again

its crazy how organised i am

i wanna line printer
no fucking about i wanna line printer

one for development one for marketing

they're quite expensive
you can get cheap paper but it fucks up the tractors

crazy
i keep ending up watching fresh prince
i don't think i can stand it
if its got will smith in it i want the new stuff

i wanna download dvds on broadband
and be able to pay for them
and get them verified
then keep them
and they're mine

how can this work
i want mp3
but i don't want to pay for that
hell i don't know
encrypting filing systems
they can't do anything about it

i hate this programme

like
i was watching italian job last night
sat through it

cars are scarey

:(

i want a scanner
a fast scanner that loads
i think

yeah

a laptop
airfares

despi ahm stoned

hey get me brochures

shopping frenzy

:|

no credit
cash
deliver

security
gates

bet the queen mothers smelling a bit by now

what the fuck is bbc4?

you never had to wait for typewriters to warm up

i went out today and walked in the hills
there was a strange pond
no trees about
what trees there were looked desolate

i also flew a kite which was nice

i am waiting for a pizza

watching the news

i have another two weeks of this
ifn i want

the dope is going well and helping me sleep
tonight i watched fear and loathing in las vegas

very good comic acting

they're at a police convention where they don't like drugs
they have a ton of drugs in that movie

apparently you can smoke lsd

i like car movies
i think so
cars are staid

american cars seem to have bouncy suspensions
like beds on wheels

all i have now is dope and a little milk
i may smoke some of it

i would like a mint julep coloured spare tyre
yeah
that'd be nice
a mint julep coloured spare tyre

in my big wallowing cadillac convertible

i was reading about fonts last night
fonts are interesting
they still engrave them you know?

people spend a lot of money on fonts

crazy
i dunno
well i suppose they're copyrighted

i have licquorice flavour papers

aha
something i want to know about
are trolls terrorists now too?

sound of jumper being taken off
sound of shabby tshirt being put on

it's getting warmer

i think the dregs of tv must be eamonn homes or whatever guesting on
parkinson

what a dick
he should be shipped back to paddyland

class tv is ulrikka jonsson in something skimpy
even now

i think i get too much bbc
its the only channel i can tune you see

idea:
she only wants me for my weed

excuse me mr governor can i find a completely nonreligious school for
my kid?

one of my fellow students was barricaded inside palestine last week

israel and palestine
the americans have just said enough is enough and are calling them
both enemies

i don't think there's enough serious software to analyse that problem
something with all the players encoded every single one of them
problem resolution through statistical analysis of prior situations
then careful placement of individuals with power to resolve

can i have a mint julep?
oi oi oi <clap>

i want a mint julep then a fuck

the prettiest like .me. sort of woman i saw in the street yesterday
i was thinking of running after her

she'dhave ruined me

i'd like a suitcase full of cash and airline tickets onhand all the
time for just such an occasion

or maybe a bunch of flowers
maybe i'm fucked up

i was just watching her walk away snubbing people
i want one i want one i want one of them :|
how can i when i'm just a chair potatoe?

maybe i should buy x a bunch of flowers

maybe i shouldn't

maybe i like shouldn't because she sneered at the joint i handed her
today
because it had spittle on it then sneered when i said i would give her
a blowback instead

maybe i just like hip chicks and passing them joints of my weed

but she says she's taking me to an italian restaurant next week
bitch just won't get the message

i've been with her every day for a week which has been strangely
unstressful
she's so young i've got a decade and a half on her
but she has a penetrating gaze and a strange way of winning over me
or not
maybe i'm delusional

wibble

delusional
oi oi oi
<clap>

wibble
oi oi oi
<clap clap>

anyone see that russel crowe going ballistic outside a restaurant?
well actors used to have far more class

he spat at someone
then he took a bite out of someone else
neck i think

what a fucking animal

i ate all my jaffa cakes
now i'm fucked

cup of tea i think
wibble

music goes round in circles
if i don't have the correct cd on hand i sometimes feel i could go mad

its luvvie hour on parkinson

i want to see whats on tv but i can't reach it

i used to have a remote somewhere

crazy thing to say?
despi ah need space

only four or five email messages have passed between us in three days
maybe she deserves it because she's married anway and therefore
definitely EVIL

i won't even go into it

man i've just remembered i've got kipper fillets

:)

i may look at the tv pages

i wonder if blair and bush have got it together yet
i wonder if they've like fucked

i bet blair is rarely on top
fucking tv pages for yesterday and dan almost goes round the room
screaming and smashing everything up

nothing is right

:(

the bbc impressionist on the bbc
dull television

well the royles is on
then grand national highlights
then i dunno

everything is shit
pass another joint

a 78% perfect spliff

<sigh>

<sound of lighter>

blah blah blah

mad animals should be shot

mad people should be contained

mad animals should be contained

they're interviewing an old 'brookside' actress
who was actually quite a character

its a soap in england
so far in brookside close they've had a siege
a murder with the wife buried under the patio
a religious cult ...

kipper fillets
smoked fish

i like the look of car lots
i like the nice way they present cars
i like the way the doors are always open
i like the way theres people with loads of time for you and they
always want to chat

i like the feeling of sitting in a car and thinking
piece of shit?

shall i waste this guys time?
hmmm

the car i want is always sold

i wanna work as an unpaid hand in a rolls royce garage

well they are stately pieces of metal

i dunno
and the v8's got to be worth something

or whatever
6.5 or so it's reported

like a swiss watch
never open the case

i bet they have done lemons
i bet they have

you can pick a rolls up in this country for a couple of grand
but i'd need top hat and tails
impossible

no
don't tell me i'm going mad

i think i've gone off old cars because it was quite stressful driving
one
well i dunno
stressful and relaxed
breezy

but the brakes don't work too well and you're always stressed about
scratching it
or writing it off

writing it off was a real pleasure
i think i threw a tantrum

:|

i have been playing sobokan
it's defeating me
but i haven't played games for a long time and it's good
i think
i dunno whether there is something which makes it all possible
one reason for never powering off

can somebody invent a reverse microwave?
it must be possible
like a microwave which cools or even freezes?

hell i beleive everything can work in reverse
it must be able to
that's the nature of systems

i have water
everyone in the house has just got in pissed

i think there may be an argument
maybe i should look

i should never have eaten those jaffa cakes

:I

good grief they are pissed

sound of eyeball rotating to look at the dope
now looking at look at the dope look at the dope

well parkinsons finished
now we've got grand national highlights to look forward to

good grief
i think i may roll one
it only helps me sleep

ah
it's the royles

i find the title song really sad
oasis
half a world away

royles is funny
they tried to do comedy real comedy soaked in irony without canned
laughter
they succeeded
they are a real family farting and scratching in the living room

i remember being there years ago watching tv
and me dad was sitting behind me and he sneezed
next minute i'd put my hand across to the plastic 'poof' which was
near the gas fire
i said look the poof has melted and sort of smelt it before i realised
it was me dads snot
i have no real family memories after that
maybe here and there
crazy

i shoulda settled
now im fucked

shit they're knocking at the door asking for weed
i won't sell it
not here

anyway it's one of lifes little luxuries which i like having around

i don't think i'll open the door again
<sound of lock clicking>

i feel ancient

<sound of doorbell ringing>

oh fuck not a party

life is less than ideal

i told her i'm avoiding people
like i don't like it
dealing with people on a day to day basis
stressful

i may become a hermit and just mail despy

but trolls are terrorists now so they'll be after me

is there anywhere you can live and just exist without having to earn
money?

jail?
maybe despy has it right

hmmm
maybe you get an internet connection

maybe i could lie down in the street and bawl until a van comes to get
me

tell the state they can either spend a fortune on antipsychotic drugs
or just get me a mint julep

i have completely missed the royles
bad signal anyway

i can see myself tied to a chair in a corridor screaming
WHERE'S MY FUCKING LIGHTER
WHERE'S MY FUCKING LIGHTER
WHERE'S MY FUCKING LIGHTER

hopping it
wibbling

and they're all ignoring me
so i may as well be napoleon

:|

sometimes i think you have to get pregnant to get status
i'm fucked

i will not open the door
they're calling me from the kitchen
they want dope
brats

hell get organised

i want a fucking mint julep

:|

i wish she would phone me
i wish she would come over and smoke my dope
good grief

i think i may turn the television over

switch channel

i can hear some music
i think there is like
i dunno
it sounds like rapping

maybe i should stop smoking the weed and go to bed

an old man is singing on tv
he's pissed
the royle family are singing with him

i think i may go out and internet

it's early

i smoked the day away

felt like a million fucking years

best bit was on the hill with the kite

living

hell

slowly skinning up

i miss surfing

:(

grand nationals on

:|

THE GRAND NATIONAL
the trials
the tribulations
the shot horses

ooer

you know it was called off one day
cos they started it and the starting mechanism fucked up or the
starter was completely out of his depth
and there were horses going round the course the fences
and there were horses who hadn't started
it was crazy
betting industry must have lost millions
everyone bets on the grand national
once a year

its fucking high
horses jumping blind

i am waiting for them all to disappear so i can eat my kippers

yeah yeah yeah

there's a shadow hanging over me
i have a big stone of flint

well it looks like a race

and they're all over the chair
manic
it was a really nice day

i should have put a bet on
there really should be a betting shop on campus

part of the reason the queen mum must have lived so long she got to go
to the
grand national and jump up and down every year

must have helped her arteries
then quite a few stiff brandies

what a great race
winners get put out to grass

bindaree

well i'll call it what i fucking like

:|

<hop>

'evian water is as unique as its origin: 15 YEARS of filtration
though the heart of THE FRENCH ALPS'

it is actually very nice

water tonight

wine last night
it gave me a small headache
i really liked my bed in the morning

only the most expensive drink will suffice

they sell coconut milk in the shop

www.bluedragon.co.uk

i am going to look at my plant

see it actually wilted today
so i gave it evian

it looks far far happier now
grateful even

i wanna know about water filtration
wot it takes to recreate evian

hmm

i need a matter replicator

wot would happen if you got a matter replicator but you could only use
it on the
stuff which was in the room you were in when you finally got it <yawn>

well i would be left with like
hell at least the room has a tenner in it

so i'd be ok
:)

but then again
sooner or later someone'll pick up on the same serial number
fucked

but ... HA! a bag of weed
but that'd make me OUTSIDE SOCIETY

there's nothing really

aha
pound coins
they don't have serial numbers on them
thinking about it all i'd need is a penny and a good excuse
irritating the fuck out of a lot of bank tellers

telling them you work in an arcade

but i could take my rock of flint into a lab with another one and
saying
tell me how i did that?
i could sell my brand new electronics kit 130 at car boot sales again
and again
i dunno
what if the device couldn't be removed from the room and you were only
renting it?
what if you replicated yourself
it would work out i'm sure
that would be fucking crazy

like:
hi

<wave>

scratch my balls

it's you that i adore
you'll always be my whore
i'll pull all your crooked teeth
you'll be perfect just like me
we will never be apart

watched a porno today
it was actually quite a turnoff

i am looking at a western
mexican church
bell tower

horses

biggest mass killer ever in the uk?
qualified doctor about three years ago
300 people (counting)

well if i was in government
i would have thrown civil servants into the british medical
association
to say what the fuck is going on here?
YOU people are employing doctors who are killing people
TELL ME NOW exactly what is going on?
in a room with all the heads of that organisation
just like that

i seem to recall i was blathering on a lot last night

i must go

this is doing my head in

oh this is the western where they're going in and out of tents with
busty women

:|

eject

i think i'll get the notebook
the one which when i get out all i can think is i want to sue compaq

what a piece of shit

i dunno
overrated
ok it's got a feel but
it fell apart

:(

i can still get it to play music with a lot of fucking about
i dunno

i want a coffee but they're still in the kitchen

when did you get your lobotomy mr president?

i am so sick of this film
keep losing the tv guide

despi keeps saying 'did you see fear factor'
she thinks we've got the same channels programmes everything
i keep saying 'i don't know what it is'
but i bet it's good

at one stage she had webtv and she sent me pictures of what she was
watching
it was wrestling
fucking hell
i think she was showing me their arses
i really can't recall
i was drunk a lot of the time

i know what her fridge looks like
i seem to recall it having magnets

my next job 1st day:
boss: what are you doing?
catfish: i'm mailing despi :|
fuck off

phone conversation with despi
me: YOU'LL GO TO JAIL
her: i'm going to fucking jail honey <shucks>

me and despi are on the slow boat to hell

question to despi yesterday:
are you going insane?
despi: yes

she must be very mad
its very uncool to have an internet relationship
she'll end up turning nerdy

i've seen some nerds on my travels
couch potatoes

pizza and a minimal sixpack every night

it's ten to one

i do have earplugs

despi has sleeping tablets
i envy her

i think i offended my friend today by telling her that her bassline
seemed to
be adapted from fritz barbers adagio for strings i think (hic)
or maybe i tried to impress her i don't know
flatline

its like really crazy
its like really crazy knowing somebody only on the internet
and the odd phone call

well im back with the film
tv don't tune in so well

gunfighters
oh dear
well he fell over quite convincingly

i think we have a party starting next door
i fear for my weed

my mint plant is very nice
is fucking jacobs ladder horror film on tv and it won't tune to the
channel
frustration

for some reason
i keep doing things with linux then forgetting them
then i find that well i've been doing it the slow way
then i remember it a few months later and start using it again
now i can't remember what it is
but it was interesting
i dunno
i think
i find that if everything about a computer system isn't made explicit
to me
at all times
then i'll never learn
all i am graduating to (i think) is making things more explicit
that means back to the base
the hardware
i'm trying to learn assembly safely (if you know what i mean)

with assembly you only need little bits of code
you only need little bits of code for everything
if it's written well enough
i think
modularly

slowly graduating towards skinning up
the only thing that disturbs me about this party is i don't know who's
out there

it's one
i do have earplugs

all i ask for is dope a knife to cut it with
matches papers and little pieces of cardboard

that's all i ask
dry white wine on thursdays
chianti on tuesday

and a mint julep

i want to carve little stick figures out of matches

and stick lollipop sticks i've found in the street in pots around the
house
feed them with super growth formula
stand around waiting
look glum

well if i'd have seen myself from the past i'd have said well it's all
dank and grotty
:(

don't worry he digs it

i fear for my weed

mmm licquorice papers

hey mr processor
let me in!
tell me your ssecrets

she won't sleep with me cos she thinks i'll think her bodys ugly

hmmm

macros

hmm

i wanna know how every register works
i wanna know what instructions work best with what registers
i want to know what instructions work best for anything ... why are
there so many instructions?
i wanna know how to multitask

i wanna know how to use and abuse interrupts

i need some fucking tools
hell yeah
good grief
there is nothing i can use
i will have to write them all myself

:|

fuck

plants not got as many flowers
and i think it got traumatised by the sun today

i can't even find the screen memory

:|

everything is so out of control
i need broadband

i think i may despoil the foyer of some BT offices

with really heavy grade silage

or at least the carpark

well outside really

fucking tv won't tune
may as well do the BBC too while i'm at it

the drug scenes out of that film were really good
fear and loathing
cos they are like its funny
they go into a casino after sniffing ether
and it's crazy
out of a car
waving money at the doormen
into the club
continuing to wave money at people
then like
they're sitting down for a drink
and the whole bar turns into a carousel
then they everyone turns into monsters

its quite a funny film
i don't know
there were some very good moments in that film

its a bit 'out there'
yeah

like where he takes like something they've found which is stronger
than LSD
and he seems to be ok but a bit warped
then he like wakes up in the hotel rooms days later
looks around and the whole place is decorated
there are candles and everything

he's been ordering food for days straight and can't remember

last time i was in japan (passing through)
i drank the entire minibar in the airport hotel room
they ask you to sign for it on the way out
well i had absolubtely no money (not for that anyway)
it was very enjoyable
very very enjoyable
nice whiskies brandies wines beer peanuts snacks nice
coffee and tea
yep
and japanese tv is brilliant
and the view out of the window was incredible it was the highest
building i'd ever been in
and the toilet was electronic
and everything was electronic
it had airconditioning and there was good music on the radio

i tranced out
i was going to be a jazz musician next stop
i did find myself getting a tad depressed

i remember finding some porn on the tv and it sufficed

good grief
i was full of a cold

japanese tv is extremely funny
inventive

stylish

love is drunk all the time
eject -t

well i must say
wall i must say and i've just realised something
turned on my notepad which is running windows 98
and i've got redhat linux here
the linux clock hasn't updated for summertime and yes i have the date
right
somebody should have addressed that
that shouldn't be happening

no hang on it's wrong
neither of them did

i hate the .crisis. nature of being drunk
i can get stoned till like 4am at least
i think

well
if i get food down me earlier

i keep thinking of lemons

i think i may venture out for a cup of tea

now in the film they're canooing down a river

i wish i had an oxo cube

and whisky in my tea

well hi desp
i must say i have been away for a few days
but this is a present to you
something for you to read
bits of it anyway

i can't help thinking that despi and i are living in a kind of
synchronicity
at least

waiter i will have a bottle of port

;|

put it there on the chippendale table

put it there next to the decanters which you should have refilled by
now
some bread
and take my good lady from the floor

despi i know you can't drink me under the table
hell

some cunt on alt5 said i must have been drunk when i got to detroit
well hell no
but i was drunk by the time i'd got back to london

silly

i barked my shins on a bench heading into passport control
i think i'll sue them too

the makers of the bench is who
everyone

i wanna be a fucking lawyer
and i won't use emotion in the courtroom
i'll just use cold logic

:|

i actually sat and watched a porno with my new friend earlier
and she's given me lolita to read

i don't know where she's coming from

we talk about sex all the time
i am puzzled

it is weird
i think it should be stressing me out

well i don't know

go with the flow

maybe i really am bad

:|

<puzzled>

its so crazy
but she's married

apparently compaq was going quite cheap recently
no wonder

i seem to recall them being bought out anyway
hp wasn't it?

i think the problem with computers (as a whole) at the moment has to
do with the representation of information
where the most relevant .information. is
how to deliver the most relevant .information. up consistantly
computer systems must start determining .relevant. information

they are pretty unaware as far as information goes, currently

shame

i think i'd be (if i got to manage anything) inviting salesmen of bad
products out just to humiliate them
yeah i'd take their lunch

i hate not knowing what time it is

i beleive in privatisation
business had it (again and again) they ruined it so now the government
has to take it back

peter principle
consistant levels of mediocrity in the management of old organisations

consistant levels of frustration in the engineers, creative people

all i've seen is burned out frustrated creative people
and dumb dumb frozen frustrated but sated management

well that was saturday night
this is sunday morning

to hold a flower i can keep

i could go and mail despi
s37bf7p

despi i am not in a relationship i have a right to be a shedhead
you?

get some fucking spectacles

you know if i stay on this course japanese is on it and i could go?
you can even surf in japan

maybe i'm a dreamer
la dee dah

don't you think it's time to start achieving despy?
don't you think you ought to get your arse in gear?

hmm
vicodin
dope
hmm

sleeping pills
hmm

:| <--- not happy

and i need you to rescue me despy
wah wah wah

you are actually probably quite free to enter this country

but anyway you did say on the phone 'maybe i won't like you'

and now you're unhappy
but you're always unhappy
i haven't changed anything

libra = incapable of making decisions

incapable of doing anything with you (i think maybe you're quite a
severe case)

hello earth

with my hand held up high

i can block you out out of sight
peekaboo little earth

with my heart and my mind
i can be driving driving home
with you asleep on the seat

i get out of my car
step into the night
and look up to the sky
there's something bright
travelling fast
look at it go
just look at it gooooo

(c) kate bush

i think biggest issue internationally
should be equality in access to information

yeah

information what is information <musing>
well information is anything
not even blah blah blah blah lost it

ho hum

i think i may light another joint watch some tv and cook later

mummy i stayed up alnight!

:)

well i kicked your fucking car in cos you blocked me in

:|

i wanna read something i think
i wanna read something and get back to you

i dunno what it is (worn) but it's got conciousness in the title

ooh fuck it's heavy

i think it's a bit vague
new science

lets see

before an action is performed in the real world it is typically
planned in the
conciousness using a model

yep

the better the model the the more successful the action

well there is luck

no way fuck
i think i've drunk too much alcohol lately
no way fuck can i read this shit

just now
hell
i don't like his style anyway

actions transforming into operations

hmm

aha

actions transforming into operations and fading from the conciousness

becoming unconcious actions.

you listening lenore?
its called learning

ok now it lapses into vagueness
which really means i can't understand it

then we have motives
see if you don't have motives you just lay on the couch

i need some serious software even to study this shit
hey

i don't fucking know
all i need at the moment is a couple of network cards
i was blathering that to my sweet friend today

i want her to help me get my bike off a tree

maybe i can start going into the bar disguised maybe they won't
recognise me

thankyou linux/windows i don't know what time it is

hmm

you are connected to the internet <pause>

your clock is not synchronised do you want me to fix it? <pause>

zzz

do you have any space you can provide to the network today? <pause>

zzz

your system has been restarted all services are satisfactory <pause>

despy is online do you want to talk to her?

zzz

zzz ug ug

well i have another mint plant
it's a bit battered i hope it survives

and the kitchen is clear now
i can eat my kippers when i want

i wonder
hmm
i wonder if you can get sleeping pills easily?

i am listening to beck
which i thought'd do my head in but is pretty good early morning music

maybe bbc 24'll be on?

:)

somebody wrecked the mint plant
i dunno
and there's a spoon all twisted and bent

maybe they're terrorists

yo bbc24 is on

:)

question: why is your portable wrecked dan?
i wore it out chatting to lenore

am i worth it despy?
do i give good text?

two turntables and a microphone

she played two new basslines to me today
sais she likes to remain fucked up cos it keeps her creative
which i think is a bit ropy
the trick is to remain marginally fucked up
but then again lenore says things like be fucked up be fucked up
cos when you're fucked up you're mailing me
maybe she'll only like me when i'm pissed
and even .. even on the phone recently when i was there swearing off
alcohol
she like didn't like it
i could sense she didn't like the idea of me not ever drinking again
which i was saying
... i want to be a good husband i said

what the fuck am i on?

well i do know this weed has been consistantly strong
hmmm

hmmm

i can't even sniff her down the phone

but i know what she smells like cos i bought her perfume
but i've never even smelt that
i don't know i wouldn't ... scary
i think it would drive me insane
i respect her choice of brand enough

it was fucking expensive

:|

i was tranced out at the airport i was so happy to be going to see her
i'd have bought her anything but i didn't want to embarass her

i wish robert deniro would stop promoting himself
shut up and just act

despi in ten years i will rescue you from the pavement

despi i said i'd give you the money to come over

<whine>

today on the hill with dave was nice
we met a guy walking his dog
he was nice
he had a 'dope' tshirt on and he was telling us about the history of
the place
and the way to get to this pond

which was built because a nobleman killed his horse on the spot (he'd
ridden it too hard)
and he decreed there should be a pond there to water horses

it was very nice
i wondered how deep it was

right on the top of a hill

i could live underwater in a perspex cube

nobody would ever know i was there

:)

kippers on toast
it's the jism

then a spliff

despi ahm fucked up
come get me
wibble

tomorrow i need a bar of chocolate

i thik i made a ropey spliff
its making me cough

well what i know i did do is not put enough dope in it
tobaccos making me cough

i just adjusted the clock on my pc
manually

:|

i recall us talking about life
daves life which was good because i talk too much

well you don't have to read it

i just thought it'd be good to put stuff to usenet
hey i lived this is how i feel right now sort of thing
wotever

i beleive the internet should bring more openness

i really don't want to go and mail despy tonight
i just feel depressed about it

despi i'm here
i'm thinking about you

hell i need chocolate
i have jam
<sigh>

i want a future where everything is instantly available
i think
well i want it anyway
banana milk and a marsbar
right away jeeves!

even a swiss roll
or one of them with alternate jam and ice cream
correctly microwaved so it just just starts melting

or chocolate liquors tons of them

and a mint julep

maybe a bottle of decent brandy
and more chocolate

dark chocolate

smoked out
i think i'll go to bed

just got up

don't think that way: how?
well i could put my brain in a jar until i'm willing to talk to it
again

in a dream last night i stole someones spliff it was in a fruitbowl
no-one was around it

then i was sliding downstairs on something
and kicking through doors at the bottom

i have just got up
i have just lit up

i have to dial a number this morning and humour anouther young girl
(she's bored i think)
be entertaining .. viable
despicable

hell they've all been around more than me
why did they ruin the plant?

:| <-- puzzled

well i think it's ok
it's just a bit battered

i got out there last night and it was replanted roughly in the
expresso pot
bits of it were everywhere
there was a twisted spoon
poltergeist maybe

maybe i'm despicable
hmm
i don't feel despicable

shower i think
ug