Canadian Security Intelligence Service's Counter-Surveillance Manual

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Robert James

Mar 25, 2020, 4:39:53 PM3/25/20
It seems Spy vs. Spy, ą la Mad Magazine or Harry Palmer; in this recently
released C.S.I.S. publication:

I have always been fascinated since birth with the Cloak & Dagger stuff; be
it technical SIGINT or social HUMINT. Specifically as an old-time
"privacy" buff; I keep situationally aware of all methods - no matter whom
the source. Let's analyze the current threat environment, shall we?


First of all; just stay home!!! We are ALL relatively more safe in Canada,
Australia, New Zealand and the European Union; than we are in backwards
countries that jail and torture civilians long-time without due process for
minor or made up offences. Countries such as Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia,
Russia, North Korea, China, Eritrea, Belarus or the United States of
America for example.


Don't walk around with small packets of <<<sugar>>> up 'yer bum. Bring a
burner phone without teh p0rn; but NOT a dumb one - being a luddite could
get y'all sent to second screening. If the phone is wiped of contacts & old
call logs; they will think you are hiding something. Do not piss off TSA,
they can touch you in ways only Chester the Molester could dream of.


Did you pack your bags yourself? Are you carrying any gifts from others? No
shite Sherlock Holmes! If y'all don't know what ya got - dump it before you
meet the "plastic gloves". Never leave your bags alone, Vladimir Putin
could sick a perfume bottle of Novichok in there; while you had 'yer head


Your poorly designed quote "camouflaged" unquote passport from the Conch
Republic micro-nation ain't gonna pass gas from any ass these days. Also a
valid VISA means more than just a cancelled maxed-out credit card!


Facial recognition has killed anonymity, so leave the Guy Fawkes mask at
home. "They" know exactly who you are the SECOND you walk past a CCTV!


The Kanadianland Embassy can not do jack-all for y'all. So don't get sent
to the Lubyanka's basement in the first place. Seriously, all your home
government can do is tell family you are banged up abroad. Joint Task Force
2 is not going on a rescue mission for your sorry prison ass!


Put 'em in a <<<Burn Bag>>> or <<<Diplomatic Pouch>>>, just like *Air
America* smuggled heroin in Tide soap powder boxes for Hmong's Vang Pao.


They sink ships in all five Oceans! Keep yer yap shut when strangers start
asking probing questions. SUCH AS IF BEING ASKED IF YOU KNOW ANY WHORES -
BY A TAXI CAB DRIVER (the very next day after you may or may not have got
lucky). Or being asked in a bar full of Asshole-Neo-Nazis about your cell
phone's battery life; by so-called musicians who do not know diddly about
instruments. Or being approached alone in other bars, being asked questions
about autonomous vehicles. Or being met on Subway Trains by so-called
homeless people (who are piss-poorly faking a mental illness) with an EMPTY
folding shopping cart; pretending to bin for liquor containers (without
picking up the two beer cans RIGHT UNDER the seat beside them). Or other
so-called homeless people who are WELL DRESSED with FAKE DIRT on their
face, holding WELL DESIGNED donation boxes, standing on the street corner
endless stream of empty taxi cabs. Or pretend love birds who are CLEARLY
uncomfortable kissing each-other just to avoid identification. Or people
who follow you to a bus stop, assume you are going on a specific bus - then
flunk when you backtrack AND FOLLOW YOU ON THE ACTUAL BUS you were planing
to get on in the first place. Or people who sit RIGHT NEXT to you, in wide
open empty malls and peek at your laptop/documents - observing you smiling
at kids playing around (BTW the answer is YES, I *really, really* want
children someday; they are sooooo cute).... then get startled to high holy
hell when you start following them, after you pretend to leave. Or anyone
who verbally calls you an "undercover cop" in front of everyone in public;
and THEN JUST SECONDS LATER trys to push drugs on you. Listen, I could go
on and on and on and on; but I'll digress to the next subject... ... ...


Being a white hat cyber-security buff, I can not confirm or deny that
everything is hackable and/or wire-tappable. Oh' who am I kidding; we ALL
KNOW computers and smart phones are broken! Every enemy foreign nation &
almost any kid in their mom's basement can remotely activate your webcam or
microphone. There is thousands of Metasploit scripts and nice point-n-click
malware/RATs out their; all it takes is a Google search or DarkWeb purchase
using PonziCoins. Hell, just type "Autopwn" into YouTube; for Pete's sake!
Jesus; both the CIA and NSA Red Team's tools have been leaked, and used in
massive destructive attacks by bad actors / cyber-criminals who are
CONTINUING to screw up my interwebs. Assume your laptop is either
physically or software-ally keylogged, assume your calls are recorded.
Russia's FSB/SVR/GRU had access to EVERY SINGLE Yahoo mail account; and
Phil Zimmermann is the Gmail killer. BLUE TEAM FOREVER; used USB flash
drives found on the ground NEVER! Moscow; please STOP emailing me Macro
infected Microsoft Word documents, and ProtonMail "requests" to quote
"change" unquote my passphrase, darn it.


Beware of narcissistic sociopaths; buttering you up. Learn the traits and
realize you are being used; they want to take you down with them. Don't do
shit for no-one that you would not otherwise do yourself. TRUST NO ONE!
This includes gorgeous young TLA agents on the internet; that will do
"anything" for a dollar.


Bump Keys are available online that can crack your tumbler lock in a
second, no locking picking still required. Your new neighbours in the
apartment right above you (that is apparently supposed to be vacant
according to the landlord, but contains nothing but a suspiciously out of
place air mattress) could stick cameras down your window and microphones
down your ventilation staff. Don't think your storage locker is
anonymous... and be aware of cars following you in through the gates;
without entering their security code that would otherwise be required to
de-alarm their own non-existent shit.


Don't have 'em on you, don't let anyone plant 'em on you, don't manufacture
'em, don't order them online, and don't do 'em. Real peace officers are not
spies, and prison is an absolute shit-hole. Worse yet; it could be tainted
with carfentanil, or just be total bunk. Nuff said!


Tell the truth or STFU! In the digital age everything can be verified. We
all live online now, wither we know it (by posting to Usenet) or not. The
internet is everything now. If you have a smart phone (without a removable
battery) your location is tracked 24/7/365 by everyone on Planet Earth.
Consider buying a trustworthy and sturdy faraday cage bag... if you
actually give a fuck.


Sex??? Yes please!!! Being schizotypal (not schizophreniac) I'm lucky to
get un-protectively laid once a year. If I get the chance to cuddle up with
a beautiful woman (or passable shemale) WITHOUT reaching for my wallet; I
know for damn sure something is up. Look, their is always the chance your
sexual encounter could be on candid camera and uploaded to PornHub. Unless
you are married, and fear being blackmailed to your wife... who cares. Get
me a honey-trap, and let everyone watch HANDS-FREE; there would be far more
entertainment for every actor involved. Just check her identification,
verify all the holographic security features like a bartender; making sure
she/ze/zir is kosher of age.


It's really just a list of your family/friends, for enemy intellijamence
agencies and trolls like Brad Carter (Phone Losers of America) to harass.
Follow the Kanadian Sexurity 'em Intellijamence Surplus' advice to be
discrete online... The Internet is not Las Vegas, without end-to-end
encryption; everything is public and stays nowhere.


Alex Jones, and other right-wing extremist / conspiracy theory nutcases
could be paid agents of the criminal Russian government; who are making a
FORTUNE spreading bullshit. Get the truth, and double check your facts...
to avoid looking like an ignorant lemming. If someone told you drinking
bleach cures cancer, would you try it? Don't be stupid!


As a childhood pre-teen phone phreak; SWIM used to LOVE jumping in the BFI
bin, behind his local MaBell central office. Lots of great big techie
books, un-shredded documents (that may or may not have contained some very
important data like switch logins), gently used hardware, software CD-ROMs
and anything else hidden under dirty, wet coffee grinds. If you toss shit
away, assume someone will rummage through it! This is exactly how police
forces get your DNA in a database, btw.


If a bad actor walks into a bank or applies for a loan online, and
convinces the bank TO GIVE THEM CURRENCY (which banks digitally manufacture
out of thin air)... why the hell is that considered YOUR FAULT?!?!?! The
banks and credit agencies are putting the burden on you for THEIR
INCOMPETENCE, and lack of due diligence. Credit agencies and debt
collectors don't honestly give a damn if you are a victim of fraud. The
Equifax data breach, and their handling of it proves this fact!


Being a Winnipeger, who's hometown hero is Sir William Stephenson (the REAL
James Bond who pwned M16 / OSS / Camp X)... there are countless bums ready
to stab you in the back with a shiv over five bucks or a pack of smokes. So
don't preach to the choir, m'kay.

Remember: Have a plan and a back-up plan.
Travel Smart!
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