Corporate Lessons...
Dennis
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower
when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one
should
go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up
in a towel
and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next
door
neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel
that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800
dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the
towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her
husband
asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob, the next door
neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk
in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when
they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a
puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of
you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in
the Bahamas, driving
a speedboat, without a are in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and
the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says
to the
manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after
lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 3
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw
the crow,
and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"The
crow
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow,
and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate
it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Corporate Lesson 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of
that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why
don't you
nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more
dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there
he was
proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by
a farmer,
who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
Corporate Lesson 5
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell
to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped
some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,
it began
to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He
lay there
all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard
the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!