!Jones UP - Murphy's Rules of Warfare

[Duke of URL]

Murphy's Rules of Warfare:
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Don't draw fire. It irritates the people around you.
/ Don't look conspicuous -- it draws fire. (This is why aircraft carriers
are called "Bomb Magnets")
// Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
/// Try to look unimportant -- they may be low on ammo.
//// Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
///// Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
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There is always a way.
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Radios will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support.
/ All flares will be discovered to have been waterlogged/lost/used as soon
as you desperately need close air support.
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If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
/ The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
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When you are short of everything but enemy, you're in contact.
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Incoming fire has the right of way.
/The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly
fire.
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When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
/ Five second fuses only last three seconds.
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When in doubt, empty the magazine.
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Recoilless rifles... aren't.
/ Suppressive fire... won't.
// Friendly fire... isn't.
/// Tracers work both ways.
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Anything you do can get you shot -- including doing nothing.
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Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
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The easy way is always mined.
/ Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
// Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
/// If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed at you.
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Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the
ground.
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Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered
automatic weapons.
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If G-d had meant for us to be Marines, we would be born with no hair,
multi-colored skin and an aversion to hot water.
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You, you, and you... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.
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Who cares if a laser-guided 500-pound bomb is accurate to within 9 feet?
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Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
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Push to test... Release to detonate.
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Combat will occur on the area between two adjoining maps.
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The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
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Don't ever be first, don't ever be last, and don't ever volunteer to do
anything.
/ Never tell the man in charge that you have nothing to do.
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Supply has only two sizes: too large and too small.
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It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
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A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
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When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
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Never forget your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
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A Purple Heart just proves you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid
enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
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If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
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You are not Superman.
/ You are not Rambo, either.
// GI Jane is NOT going to be assigned to your foxhole.
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No plan survives the first contact intact.
/ If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission
properly.
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If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.
/ The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly
fire.
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The important things are always simple.
/ The simple things are always hard.
// The easy way is always mined.
If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU!
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No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
/ The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
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Beer math is: 2 beers x 37 men = 49 cases.
/ Body count math is: 2 guerillas + 1 portable + 2 goats = 37 enemy KIA.
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Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
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If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than
your fair share of objectives to take.
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When both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they are both right.
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Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
/ Professionals are predictable -- it's the amateurs who are dangerous.
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Murphy was a grunt.
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Murphy's Law of Infantry: WALK, WALK, WALK... FOREVER!
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Murphy's Military Laws: Basic Training Theorems:
If there is an inconvenient time for the Drill Instructor to find out what
you are doing, turn around and take a look... he's standing right behind
you.
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The clod who can't stay in step invariably finds his way directly behind you
on a 10-mile march.
/ When you get paired off at random for some sort of demonstration, you will
always draw the guy with 2 left feet/hands/brains.
// The same clod will - despite 20 warnings from the tower - have his M-16
set on automatic instead of semi-automatic.
/// He will have a sneezing fit just as he pulls the pin on his first live
grenade.