is this man alove and sex addict? Keith Caldwell, Dale City VA
Cinzia7558
involvement with a woman was 5 years before, that he missed having a
significant other in his life, and that he was looking for a marriage partner.
He understood I was only looking for a marital relationship.
Our relationship was only by e-mail until Feb 99, but during that time I caught
him in April 98 telling someone he did not want marriage, and in Oct 98 sending
out introductions to women in Atlanta who were looking for marriage or LTR
partners. I almost called off the relationship in April, but he said it was
just talk on the Net, nothing else. I called off the relationship in Oct, but
he came back later and blamed it on difficulties at work in Kuwait and turning
to sexual talk on the Net to handle the pressure. He apologized both times,
saying he wouldn't do those kinds of things again. I accepted his
explanations.
We met in Feb 99 in Woodbridge, where he had moved in January. We were
immediately attracted, but I almost called things off because while at his
apartment in Woodbridge, a valentines balloon bouquet was delivered from a
woman. He told me it was a married woman he e-mailed with. He admitted he'd not
give up the cyberspace flirtation as he'd promised months earlier, but he
assured me that now we'd met in person he would and could. We made up, agreed
we loved each other and it should not be lost over balloons. He said we were a
couple and it wasn't a matter of IF we marry, but WHEN. We were sexually
intimate, my first time since my divorce in 1981. He asked we exchange rings
as a promise we would be together again. He asked to meet my father, and I
took him to my parents. However, as we were parting from that week visit, he
said he had some residual fears of marrying again and needed some time to get
over them. I agreed to wait til the summer.
In April 99, I caught him flirting on the Net again. I'd called him at home in
Dale City (he had moved to a house there by then) to ask why I'd not had e-mail
for almost a week, was he ill or anything. He said he was working late and
didn't have time to send any e-mail for a few days. I found out a day later
he'd shot off 19 emails to a woman he was flirting with during those same few
days, suggest he'd come to visit her. I called things off again, returned his
ring, and asked for mine back. In the time since, he has admitted to me has a
problem with flirtation, he called it his "bad habit." We remained friends,
but he knew I was looking elsewhere. In early July 1999 I invited him to a
"last farewell" dinner, He told me he didn't want to lose me, suggested we
elope the next day, or that he give up his job and come to where I am. I told
him I didn't believe him. But, just to give him the chance to prove sincere,
the next morning I asked that we check his e-mail inboxes and outboxes. He
refused. We stayed in contact as friends, and I told him I would be back in
the area in mid-August. I suggested we cook a meal at his house, and I bake a
birthday cake for him, as a "last farewell part 2." Two days after I left him
he e-mailed that he'd not given up the hope of being my husband one day. I
reminded him that until I could walk by his computer without him getting a
guilty look on his face, this wasn't an option and I was looking elsewhere.
But, only a day after that, two weeks ago, I did a search on Yahoo for his
name, Keith Caldwell. I believe it was my guardian angel whispering in my ear
because up popped a web page from a woman who saud she loved him and wished him
happy birthday. I had seen this woman's name on a stuffed animal and small
book in his house, a book about love. He had told me she was an old and loved
girlfriend, who was now dead, "resting peacefully". On her web page was a poem
he had also sent to me, and swore he had written for me, last year when we were
courting. I wrote to him, and asked what the two fibs meant: her being dead,
and the poem being for me. He wrote she had gotten pregnant while he was in
Kuwait and they had parted EARLY in his tour (he left for Kuwait in May 97). He
had no explanation for telling me he wrote the poem for me. I then questioned
how he could have been abstinent for 5 years, if he was involved with her
before he left Kuwait. At first he said he'd made a mistake, it had been 4
years, not 5. But I reminded him he left for Kuwait May 1997, only six months
before contacting me.... not 4 years or 5 years. I then contacted the woman
and found out she had in fact been his girlfriend for 4 months before he left
Kuwait. They had exchanged wedding rings before he left, as a promise to be
faithful to each other until his return. They continued to write, he continued
to tell her he loved her, and they met again in June 1998 when he was back in
the states, and had sex. She had become pregnant 4 months before, and told him
after he returned to Kuwait. He called off their relationship, not mentioning
that he had been talking to me about marriage for the six months before. But
they stayed in contact, he tried to give her support during her pregnancy and
they met again in Jan 99. At that time, he held her daughter and fed her, he
met her parents, he told her he loved her, he had forgiven what happened, and
they would be a "3". They had sex again. He neglected to tell her he had a
date to meet me the next month to see about marrying me. He last contacted her
on 1 Feb by phone, saying again that he loved her and would be in contact once
he was settled in Virginia (which he actually was already). She never heard
from him again, she had no phone number or e-mail address for him. When she
got my e-mail and learned what he was doing with me, it finally answered her
question about his disappearance.
I don't begrudge him any lifestyle he chooses, that is his right. He can do
what he likes with whomever he likes and that is his business. BUT when we met
in February 99, I believed he'd been sexually abstinent for 5 years. He didn't
tell me he had unprotected sex with another woman only the month before. I
agreed to sex with him, only after his commitment that we were a couple and
getting married, and because I believed he'd been abstinent. If he had told me
he had unprotected sex the month before, I would never have agreed to it. I
would have called off the relationship then.
Keith took away MY right to choose how I lived my life, by keeping secret his
relationship with this other woman, and his sexual activity. The last time we
had sex was only two weeks ago, and it was unprotected. I have asked him if he
had unprotected sex with anyone else since February, when we became physically
involved. He has refused to answer my question. He believes he is "clean" but
has agreed to give me a copy of his next HIV test as proof.
I have given only facts. I came to love this man very VERY much, as if he were
my husband. I accepted him as human and with faults, but I made it clear that
fidelity in all ways was a requirement for marriage to me. Keith took away my
right to NOT have a relationship with him if he was involved with someone else,
by not telling me about her, and my right to protect my own health.
I love all the wonderful things he is as a man, and I will never forget his
support to me this summer when my mom became ill with cancer and then passed
away. I told him many times he would have no problem having all the
relationships he wanted, and ALSO being honest. There are many women looking
only for recreation on the Net, or for fantasy relationships. There is no need
to lie. But I was a real person wanting a real relationship and a real
marriage. And he had no right to lie to keep me in his life, to engage me in
relationships and activities I would otherwise not have done. He has told me
he is sorry. But, I have asked him to change his behavior so that any women he
is involved with now, and any women he might be involved with, will not have
this experience. His only reply "Fuck you."
stephan...@aol.com
There are a few things I found interesting about your post. The first is the time he claimed he spent in Kuwait. He started communicating with me sometime in early 1998. At that time he told me he had been retired from the military for several years and had recently purchased the home in dale city. He told me he was working for the government in a civilian job. We exchanged pictures via mail. The pictures he sent were of him on a vacation trip to Jordan and other parts of the middle east which he said he had recently returned from. I suspect he simply told you and the other woman he was still in the military and had to travel to Kuwait so he could have uninterrupted time to court other women such as myself. At that time he was in the middle east for leisure, not work.
The valentine's day bouquet was from me. I was not some married woman seeing him on the sly and it is insulting to me that he told you I was. I thought I was in a serious relationship with an intelligent, loving man that I would spend the rest of my life with. I was adamant from the very beginning that I was ONLY looking for a long term relationship that would someday result in marriage.
The poem. I had to laugh when I read this. I too received a poem from him that he claimed he wrote only for me. I honestly can't remember what the poem said, but I recall it had something to do with dreaming of me and waking up sad to find it was all a dream. I wonder how many other women received this "special" poem.
For 10 years this man lead me on and made me believe we would someday marry. I questioned his fidelity once and he became enraged and almost broke off our relationship. He claimed he was nothing but faithful to me and was insulted that I would even question his intentions and love for me. I was so young and naive at the time that I actually believed him. He was 15 years my senior. In the 10 years he continued this farce, I did not date or even entertain the idea of cheating. I thought I was in love and had found everything I had been looking for.
In 2008 it all suddenly ended. Emails and phone calls became fewer and fewer. He claimed he had a lot of irons in the fire and didn't have much time to communicate. I received one last email in September of 2008. In October I tried to contact him because I hadn't heard from him and I was concerned. He had some health problems earlier in the year and I thought something had happened to him. He read my email, but never replied. In fact he never contacted me again after that. I was heart broken and devastated to the point I had to seek counseling to get me through it. I was confused and bewildered, but finally got over it. It took me three years to even have the desire to date again. I still have trust issues, but am happy to say I have been married to a wonderful man for the past 3 years that has helped me through that.
I have no idea where Mr caldwell is at today, nor do I care. I realize this post is a little old, but I suspect keith has has not changed his ways. If this is seen by someone else that is or has been one of his victims then it has served it's purpose.
jia tomar
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