THE DICKHEAD CALLED BRAD GUTH

[THE COLONEL]

"Brad Guth" <brad...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:291133aa-210f-424b...@kk9g2000pbc.googlegroups.com...
On Feb 5, 4:52 pm, Double-A <double...@hush.com> wrote:
> Reposted from 4-24-2005.
>
> I walked the path to Susan's bed
> I meant to say goodbye
> Approaching to her side I found
> But only death and sky
>
> The trees within her sacred grove
> They only hear me cry
> As emptiness engulfs my soul
> With only death and sky
>
> The trees now whisper soft and grim
> A hymn of sad reply
> The forest air oppressing me
> With only death and sky
>
> The iron bells shriek out your name
> Their throats refuse to lie
> And I return the path I came
> From only death and sky
>
> But I could not help turning back
> With all my strength to try
> To call you back once more to me
> From out your death and sky

IP: 207.118.93.157
Decimal: 3480640925
Hostname: 207-118-93-157.stat.centurytel.net
ISP: CenturyTel Internet Holdings
Organization: CenturyTel Internet Holdings
Services: None detected
Type: Broadband
Assignment: Static IP
Blacklist:

Geolocation Information
Country: United States
State/Region: Washington
City: Gig Harbor
Latitude: 47.3293 (47° 19′ 45.48″ N)
Longitude: -122.5801 (122° 34′ 48.36″ W)
Area Code: 253


DON'T QUIT YER DAY JOB, DICKHEAD.

[Brad Guth]

On Mar 20, 10:29 am, "THE COLONEL" <dogpa...@caribbeancity.net> wrote:
> "Brad Guth" <bradg...@gmail.com> wrote in message

You must be the love child of Harlow and Hagar, with rabbi Saul Levy
doing the honors of circumcising your brain.

[Double-A]

Come now. We are all here in the beautiful PNW together. Since we're
neighbors, let's be friends.

Double-A

[THE COLONEL]

"Brad Guth" <brad...@gmail.com> wrote in message

news:355e8fa9-0042-4fed...@j1g2000pbq.googlegroups.com...

My hogasaurus was circumcised long ago. It was so big it took a team of 12
Jewish rabbis to do it.

[Brad Guth]

At least the newsgroup “rec.org.mensa” addition seems worthwhile.
Obviously the alt.poetry newsgroup could be a dead-end with scumbags
like "THE COLONEL" flinging his shit at anything that moves. Perhaps
his parents loved him enough to get rid of him before he became a
teenager. No doubt he’s another certified redneck packing an AR-16,
along with those maximum capacity ammo clips.

[George Dance]

"Brad Guth" <bradg...@gmail.com> wrote in message
>

> > Reposted from 4-24-2005.
>
> > I walked the path to Susan's bed
> > I meant to say goodbye
> > Approaching to her side I found
> > But only death and sky
>
> > The trees within her sacred grove
> > They only hear me cry
> > As emptiness engulfs my soul
> > With only death and sky
>
> > The trees now whisper soft and grim
> > A hymn of sad reply
> > The forest air oppressing me
> > With only death and sky
>
> > The iron bells shriek out your name
> > Their throats refuse to lie
> > And I return the path I came
> > From only death and sky
>
> > But I could not help turning back
> > With all my strength to try
> > To call you back once more to me
> > From out your death and sky
>

Thanks for posting. I enjoyed this, on the whole. I liked your rhymes
and meter, and some of your imagery was effective. I particularly
enjoyed your 2 personifications, of the trees "whispering" in S3 --
perhaps a cliched, but for me an effective, way to describe the noise
of the wind moving the leaves -- followed by the iron bells
"shrieking" in L4: coming right after the silence of S2 and relative
silence of S3, I could imagine the super-loud bells, and having to put
my hands over my ears to silence the din.

While I liked you meter -- it scans well in most places -- I noticed
some padding or forcing. I'll give one example: "Approaching to her
side I found / But only death and sky" (LL3-4). "But" looks like pure
padding here. I'd suggest reworking L4 to instead say: "Nothing but
death and sky." (While "Nothing" is a trochee, and your meter is
iambic, it's permissible to substitute a trochee after a linebreak or
caesura, and small variations like that can help to keep your meter
from becoming monotonous.)

The other thing that bothered me was your change in person: from
speaking of the dead girl as "Susan" in S1, and "her" in S2, to
addressing her as "you" in S4 and S5. You may have done that
deliberately, to show that your speaker was 'losing it' in his grief;
but to me it just sounded amateurish, a mistake a young, inexperienced
writer might make.

I'd change a few more words here and there, but I don't want to
rewrite your poem; it's a bad habit I've had in the past, and am
trying to break.

Thanks for posting. Keep writing, and good fortune.

[George Dance]

On Feb 5, 4:52 pm, Double-A <double...@hush.com> wrote:

> Reposted from 4-24-2005.

> I walked the path to Susan's bed
> I meant to say goodbye
> Approaching to her side I found
> But only death and sky

> The trees within her sacred grove
> They only hear me cry
> As emptiness engulfs my soul
> With only death and sky

> The trees now whisper soft and grim
> A hymn of sad reply
> The forest air oppressing me
> With only death and sky

> The iron bells shriek out your name
> Their throats refuse to lie
> And I return the path I came
> From only death and sky

> But I could not help turning back
> With all my strength to try
> To call you back once more to me
> From out your death and sky

[Double-A]

I don't know why the poetry groups are so infested with
alt.usenet.kooks types. But The Colonel did offer me shelter in his
house near Seattle when he found out I was homeless.

Double-A

[Double-A]

Thanks for your critique. Your comments were helpful.

Double-A

[Brad Guth]

Perhaps it's a good thing you didn't accept his kind offer, because he
seems highly unstable to say the least.

Perhaps he's just another unhappy GOP redneck camper that thinks of
proxy war and global inflation as being the only solution when direct
culling humanity isn't sufficient.

[THE COLONEL]

"George Dance" <george...@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:147d50d3-3f2a-478e...@p5g2000yqj.googlegroups.com...

LIKE GEORGE ACTUALLY KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT FUCKING POETRY.
LOL