Re: Easy English prayer for bed wetting?
Lars Eighner
<1167693178.2...@h40g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>, the lovely and
talented dorot...@gmail.com broadcast on alt.usage.english:
> With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
> bed-wetting prayer for children. Or should I let the children clean up
> their bed, and hope that they will outgrow it own their own?
Okay, how about:
"Dear Jesus, kill me now please because I know I'll never get over this or
live it down if I do."
Amen.
--
Lars Eighner <http://larseighner.com/> <http://myspace.com/larseighner>
God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
Fred
"Lars Eighner" <use...@larseighner.com> wrote in message
news:slrnepj6g4....@goodwill.larseighner.com...
> In our last episode,
> <1167693178.2...@h40g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>, the lovely and
> talented dorot...@gmail.com broadcast on alt.usage.english:
>
>> With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
>> bed-wetting prayer for children. Or should I let the children clean up
>> their bed, and hope that they will outgrow it own their own?
>
"Jesus Christ! Stop me pissing myself." should do the trick.
Tony Cooper
>Hello, I am fifteen years old, and I am babysitting some children. They
>have a habit of bed wetting. Their parents believe that this problem
>can be solved by praying to God before sleeping. Unfortunately, they
>have asked me to teach their children such a prayer. I found one prayer
>from the Internet:
>
>"Dear Lord please let these little children bed wetting stop and in
>your sweet name of Jesus I pray Amen. Have a blessed and dry night +
>some quotes from New Testaments."
>
>Children had hard time remembering it, however, they have made one of
>their own:
>
>"Please God, do not let me wet my bed! Oh, please God, do not let me
>web my bed!".
>
>As you can imagine this is not making much of a difference.
>
>Later, I told children to sleep in their underwear, and got them
>waterproof mattress pad and sheet plastic liner & protector. Luckily
>this way they have stopped "wetting their beds", and I assured them
>that they will outgrow it someday. As far as their parents are concern
>God is answering their children' prayer. Good thing about children is
>that they awake before their parents, and clean up the beds.
>
>My problems is that I can't seems to find any prayer which children can
>remember - other then the on they made up on their own, and I am
>certain that it may not be Christian enough for their parents who are
>die hard conservative. I went to church and ask the paster for any bed
>wetting prayer, after scolding me for five minutes he said that he
>doesn't know any prayer that resolve around crotch - and I should
>stop watching Hollywood movies. Needless to say that it has curbed my
>enthusiasm of asking any one from religious authority.
>
>With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
>bed-wetting prayer for children. Or should I let the children clean up
>their bed, and hope that they will outgrow it own their own?
Please, Lord, let me find out that I was adopted.
--
Tony Cooper
Orlando, FL
mb
dorot...@gmail.com wrote:
> Hello, I am fifteen years old, and I am babysitting some children. They
> have a habit of bed wetting. Their parents believe that this problem
> can be solved by praying to God before sleeping. Unfortunately, they
> have asked me to teach their children such a prayer.
I started writing "Pull the other one" but then, think of it, there is
a South and there is a tiny chance you are real. In case you are, I'd
say get the hell out of there, now. Even if you can't get any other
job and should starve. It isn't worth it.
LaReina del Perros
>With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
>bed-wetting prayer for children.
This is my prayer, dear Lord, to Thee:
While I'm asleep, watch over me.
Allow me sweet and restful dreams
Of fragrant fields and shushing streams,
But wake me up before I pee.
This is my prayer, dear Lord, to Thee.
tinwhistler
LaReina del Perros wrote:
[snip]
> >With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
> >bed-wetting prayer for children.
>
> This is my prayer, dear Lord, to Thee:
Or:
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray to God that I won't weep,
But live another day to see
It's possible to hold my wee.
Aloha ~~~ Ozzie Maland ~~~ San Diego
Oleg Lego
>Hello, I am fifteen years old, and I am babysitting some children. They
>have a habit of bed wetting. Their parents believe that this problem
>can be solved by praying to God before sleeping. Unfortunately, they
>have asked me to teach their children such a prayer. I found one prayer
>from the Internet:
>
>"Dear Lord please let these little children bed wetting stop and in
>your sweet name of Jesus I pray Amen. Have a blessed and dry night +
>some quotes from New Testaments."
>
>Children had hard time remembering it, however, they have made one of
>their own:
>
>"Please God, do not let me wet my bed! Oh, please God, do not let me
>web my bed!".
>
>As you can imagine this is not making much of a difference.
>
>Later, I told children to sleep in their underwear, and got them
>waterproof mattress pad and sheet plastic liner & protector. Luckily
>this way they have stopped "wetting their beds", and I assured them
>that they will outgrow it someday. As far as their parents are concern
>God is answering their children' prayer. Good thing about children is
>that they awake before their parents, and clean up the beds.
>
>My problems is that I can't seems to find any prayer which children can
>remember - other then the on they made up on their own, and I am
>certain that it may not be Christian enough for their parents who are
>die hard conservative. I went to church and ask the paster for any bed
>wetting prayer, after scolding me for five minutes he said that he
>doesn't know any prayer that resolve around crotch - and I should
>stop watching Hollywood movies. Needless to say that it has curbed my
>enthusiasm of asking any one from religious authority.
>
>With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
>bed-wetting prayer for children. Or should I let the children clean up
>their bed, and hope that they will outgrow it own their own?
"From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggety beasties, and things that
troll in the group, may the lord preserve us."
CyberCypher
The Bed-Wetting-Be-Gone Psalm (1 Urinations 4:29)
Oh, Lord, won't you keep me from wetting my bed?
My friends all sleep on rubber and I wish that I were dead.
My parents do not love me when I piss my mattress yellow,
But it's just my bladder's tiny and my sphincter's made of jello.
Oh, Lord, won't you keep me from pissing in my pants?
I don't mind drowning bedbugs, but I cannot kill the ants.
The roaches have got stronger from swimming to and fro.
Oh, Lord, you've got to help me 'cause you love me, this I know.
Amen
--
Franke: EFL teacher & medical editor
Native speaker of American English; posting from Taiwan.
"I once asked a senior staffer of a brilliant Senator why the Senator
didn't take a stronger position in favor of Net Neutrality. 'No
Senator remains a Senator opposing an industry with that much money'
was his answer." Lawrence Lessig, Lessig Blog, December 24, 2006
http://www.lessig.org/blog/
Isabelle Cecchini
[...]
>
> With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
> bed-wetting prayer for children.
Dear Dorothy,
You've already been given several wonderful prayers by the wonderful
people in this newsgroup.
Would you find it really shocking if I suggested a prayer in French? I
know that you asked for a prayer in English, but, as I shall explain, my
prayer has all sorts of advantages.
Here it is :
"Grand saint Nicolas,
Protège-nous des inondations.
Ainsi soit-il."
The first thing to be noted is that it's not addressed directly to the
Good Lord, who has other fish to fry, but to one of his Saints,
specifically the Saint Protector of little children, who is also
well-known for his action against all sorts of floods and flooding (=
Fr. "inondations"), and who is thus best-placed to react with all
necessary speed.
For the prayer to take full effect, the children must of course first
become Roman Catholics, and that's the second good point: their parents
will be very grateful to you for introducing their offspring to a new
and exciting Christian tradition.
The third advantage is of course the use of the French language. It's
never too early to give children a taste for a foreign language, as I'm
sure you'll agree. May I draw your attention to the fact that the prayer
contains three of the nasal sounds most commonly found in French, and
thus provides excellent phonetic training?
--
Isabelle Cecchini
Rupert
Cyber...@gmail.com says...
or more concisely:
Please, Lord, relieve my situation, and save me from this urination.
the Omrud
> dorot...@gmail.com a écrit :
> [...]
> >
> > With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
> > bed-wetting prayer for children.
>
> Dear Dorothy,
>
> You've already been given several wonderful prayers by the wonderful
> people in this newsgroup.
>
> Would you find it really shocking if I suggested a prayer in French? I
> know that you asked for a prayer in English, but, as I shall explain, my
> prayer has all sorts of advantages.
>
> Here it is :
>
> "Grand saint Nicolas,
> Protège-nous des inondations.
> Ainsi soit-il."
Ah, now there's something I never spotted in my French studies or
conversations. Saints seem to be tutoyed.
--
David
=====
Mike Lyle
the Omrud wrote:
> Isabelle Cecchini <isabelle...@wanadoo.fr.invalid> had it:
> > "Grand saint Nicolas,
> > Protège-nous des inondations.
> > Ainsi soit-il."
>
> Ah, now there's something I never spotted in my French studies or
> conversations. Saints seem to be tutoyed.
Likewise God himself -- as, indeed, in English and other languages.
Assuming for a moment that the enquiry is genuine, isn't calling in the
author of the Big Bang, or even a saint, likely to make the poor kids
even more anxious?
If a spiritual tranquillizer is required, I recommend (seriously) a
psychologically non-invasive technique such as Transcendental
Meditation: they do teach it to children. But that can't be done
without the parents' consent. In the meantime, it would probably help
if the children were actually put to bed, with a story, by their
parents instead of a young baby-sitter. A fifteen-year-old shouldn't
have to feel responsible for solving this problem.
--
Mike.
the Omrud
>
> the Omrud wrote:
> > Isabelle Cecchini <isabelle...@wanadoo.fr.invalid> had it:
> [...]
> > > "Grand saint Nicolas,
> > > Protège-nous des inondations.
> > > Ainsi soit-il."
> >
> > Ah, now there's something I never spotted in my French studies or
> > conversations. Saints seem to be tutoyed.
>
> Likewise God himself -- as, indeed, in English and other languages.
Oh, sure, I knew how to address God in French. But I don't remember
ever being called upon to speak to a saint.
--
David
=====
R H Draney
On Jan 2, 4:10 am, Rupert <rupert.b...@ntlworld.com> wrote:
> In article <1167730837.273353.114...@n51g2000cwc.googlegroups.com>,
> CyberCyp...@gmail.com says...
>
> > dorothy...@gmail.com wrote:
>>
> > > With apologies; I am asking if anyone know any nice and easy
> > > bed-wetting prayer for children. Or should I let the children clean up
> > > their bed, and hope that they will outgrow it own their own?
>
> > The Bed-Wetting-Be-Gone Psalm (1 Urinations 4:29)
>
> > Oh, Lord, won't you keep me from wetting my bed?
> > My friends all sleep on rubber and I wish that I were dead.
> > My parents do not love me when I piss my mattress yellow,
> > But it's just my bladder's tiny and my sphincter's made of jello.
>
> > Oh, Lord, won't you keep me from pissing in my pants?
> > I don't mind drowning bedbugs, but I cannot kill the ants.
> > The roaches have got stronger from swimming to and fro.
> > Oh, Lord, you've got to help me 'cause you love me, this I know.or more concisely:
>
> Please, Lord, relieve my situation, and save me from this urination
>From its name, this company might be expected to have some useful
suggestions:
http://www.mattressliquidators.ca/
Until then, I offer a simple plea: "God save this mattress, and all
who sail in her"....r
Rupert
dado...@spamcop.net says...
(The British Waterbed Association!)