I'll tell the vicar. I am the vicar.

[sim...@rev132.com]

Can anybody point me to the complete text of vulgar statements and
responses that I used to hear recited when I did UK national service
in the fifties?

I can find scattered lines on the web, but I used to hear many more
that are not among them.

http://www.odps.org/glossword/index.php?a=term&d=3&t=664

The opening lines are along the lines of:

S. The woods, the woods.
R. No, no, anything but the woods.
S. Anything?
R. The woods, the woods.

The lines included statements and responses.

S. I'll tell the vicar.
R. I am the vicar.

S. I want to go to the pictures.
R. There's pictures on the wall.
S. I want to go to the moving pictures.
R. Then swing the b*gg*rs.

Of course there may be no complete text, since I imagine raconteurs
improvised lines.

[Athel Cornish-Bowden]

http://tinyurl.com/2wmz65m

--
athel

[sim...@rev132.com]

Yes, I too know about Google. So there are at least two of us.

As I said, I could find only scattered lines.

There are many chunks missing from any of the links that I visited..

[Andrew B.]

On Dec 8, 8:26 pm, simo...@rev132.com wrote:
> Can anybody point me to the complete text of vulgar statements and
> responses that  I used to hear recited when I did UK national service
> in the fifties?

I vaguely remember that being discussed in "A Mouthful of Air" by
Anthony Burgess.

[Mike Lyle]

Aus soldierlore has a few goodies, at least two more or less suitable
for mixed company, even: "Alas! Milfissed the balfastards!" and "They're
pulling the old pub down!"

I remember the Brit militarism which went:
<Belch or fart>
"More tea, Vicar?"
<Coarse voice:> "Not another fuckin' cup of tea!"

--
Mike.

[gidding...@gmail.com]

Come into the woods with me.
My mother wont like it.
Your mother's not getting it

Come into the woods with me.

I'll tell the vicar.

I am the vicar.

My uncle used to recite many moreverses at bawdy dinner parties but i cannot remember them all. I am better atthe 'Rose and Crown'

[bert]

On Wednesday, 8 December 2010 20:26:37 UTC, sim...@rev132.com wrote:
> Can anybody point me to the complete text of vulgar statements and
> responses that I used to hear recited when I did UK national service
> in the fifties?

S. To the woods, to the woods.
R. But I'm only thirteen years old.
S. I'm not superstitious. To the woods!
R. Mother wouldn't like it.
S. Mother's not getting any. To the woods!
R. I'll tell the vicar.
S. I am the vicar. To the woods!
R. I'll scream.
S. How loud can you scream?
R. aaaah.
S. To the woods!
--

[Robert Bannister]

On 12/11/2015 7:22 PM, gidding...@gmail.com wrote:
> On Wednesday, December 8, 2010 at 8:26:37 PM UTC, sim...@rev132.com wrote:
>> Can anybody point me to the complete text of vulgar statements and
>> responses that I used to hear recited when I did UK national service
>> in the fifties?
>>
>> I can find scattered lines on the web, but I used to hear many more
>> that are not among them.
>>
>> http://www.odps.org/glossword/index.php?a=term&d=3&t=664
>>
>> The opening lines are along the lines of:
>>
>> S. The woods, the woods.
>> R. No, no, anything but the woods.
>> S. Anything?
>> R. The woods, the woods.

"But I'm only thirteen" comes in somewhere.

>>
>> The lines included statements and responses.
>>
>> S. I'll tell the vicar.
>> R. I am the vicar.
>>
>> S. I want to go to the pictures.
>> R. There's pictures on the wall.
>> S. I want to go to the moving pictures.
>> R. Then swing the b*gg*rs.
>>
>> Of course there may be no complete text, since I imagine raconteurs
>> improvised lines.
>
> Come into the woods with me.
> My mother wont like it.
> Your mother's not getting it
>
> Come into the woods with me.
> I'll tell the vicar.
> I am the vicar.
>
> My uncle used to recite many moreverses at bawdy dinner parties but i cannot remember them all. I am better atthe 'Rose and Crown'
>

--
Robert Bannister
Perth, Western Australia

[Paul Wolff]

On Fri, 13 Nov 2015, Robert Bannister <rob...@clubtelco.com> posted:

>On 12/11/2015 7:22 PM, gidding...@gmail.com wrote:
>> On Wednesday, December 8, 2010 at 8:26:37 PM UTC, sim...@rev132.com wrote:
>>> Can anybody point me to the complete text of vulgar statements and
>>> responses that I used to hear recited when I did UK national service
>>> in the fifties?
>>>
>>> I can find scattered lines on the web, but I used to hear many more
>>> that are not among them.
>>>
>>> http://www.odps.org/glossword/index.php?a=term&d=3&t=664
>>>
>>> The opening lines are along the lines of:
>>>
>>> S. The woods, the woods.
>>> R. No, no, anything but the woods.
>>> S. Anything?
>>> R. The woods, the woods.
>
>"But I'm only thirteen" comes in somewhere.

I half-think I half-remember this routine, but if so it's all too long
ago to recall usefully.

The closest is Dr, applying stethoscope to girl's chest: "Big breaths."
Girl patient: "Yeth, and I'm only thirteen."

Poor little orphan child.

--
Paul

[Robin Bignall]

I think that was one of Max Miller's. I remember from the early 50s the
one that got him banned from the Beeb for a few years. It was his
sign-off:
When roses are red and ready for plucking,
Then girls of sixteen are ready for ...
Goodnight folks.
--
Robin Bignall
Herts, England (BrE)

[GordonD]

The response I heard was "Yeth, and I'm only thikthteen" which
reinforced her lisp. But then children seem to be developing earlier
these days...

Incidentally, it seems cruel that "lisp" is spelt with an "s". It was
probably made up by the same person who came up with the apparently
random jumble of letters that is "dyslexia"...
--
Gordon Davie
Edinburgh, Scotland

[Richard Tobin]

In article <daob42...@mid.individual.net>,

GordonD <g.d...@btinternet.com> wrote:

>The response I heard was "Yeth, and I'm only thikthteen" which
>reinforced her lisp.

That's roughly how it appeared in "Doctor at Large" by Richard Gordon
(1955).

-- Richard