Ix-Nay on the At-Chay! 1/1 HUMOR
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Ix-Nay on the At-Chay!
By KL Lietz (KLL...@aol.com)
WHAT IF… some Fox execs got just a little too carried away?
Comments and complaints welcomed. However, if I don't answer them
right away, you can suspect the worst...
DISCLAIMER: Uh... The devil made me do it???
SCENE: IRC room somewhere on the Net
AgtMollder: I LOVE Mulder!
WhizGirl: Me too! He was bare-chested in Anasazi last week. Whew! I had to
go take a cold shower after that one! I can't look at a pine tree now without
getting hot.
AgtMollder: What about when he woke up in Scully's bed with only boxers on?
I thought I was going to bust my tape with the still shots.
WhizGirl: I'd call THAT one helluva still shot!
PuffyChestToy: You guys are FREAKS! Mulder is a character in a SHOW! HE ISN'T
REAL!! You need to GET A LIFE!
ThinMan: Go to another group. Why don't you try alt.twins.mary.kate.olsen?
AgtMollder: Ignore PuffyChestToy, maybe he'll go away.
WhizGirl: I would jump Mulder in two seconds if I worked at the FBI. I don't
care WHO was around. Right there Mulder baby, on top of that regulation desk.
AgtMollder: Yup, me too. Whip cream in hand.
ThinMan: so to speak? Heh heh.
PuffyChestToy: MULDER WATCHES DIRTY MOVIES!!!! POSITIVELY THE TRUTH!!!!!
Fox Network: WARNING: Our monitoring software has detected usage of copyrighted
material. You are being warned to CEASE AND DESIST!
ThinMan: Huh? Who's that?
Fox Network: You are currently talking about a copyrighted character from
The X-Files. If you do not cease and desist you will be slapped with extreme
monetary penalties which will cause your head to spin.
AgtMollder: Is this for real? You must be kidding.
Fox Network: We do not kid. Fox Network does not have a sense of humor.
AgtMollder: Well, that's certainly a good point.
ThinMan: What kind of legal talk is "cause your head to spin"? This is some
hackers sick joke, probably the same person that started those damn 'Scully,
show us your tits!' thread.
Fox Network: You just mentioned Agent Dana Scully, a copyrighted character
owned by Fox Network. You were previously warned. Now we must take action.
You are being fined in excess of $600,000. We have issued a lien against all
of your personal assets. You are now bankrupt and penniless. Thank you for
playing.
WhizGirl: Huh? We were only talking…
Fox Network: You are not allowed to mention any copyrighted character of the
X-Files without paying a royalty determined BY us, and paid TO us.
AgtMollder: But you don't own the characters, Chris Carter does.
Fox Network: Chris Carter does not exist. He is a fictitious person invented
by Fox Network and we own the rights to him as well. Further mention of his
name will result in a fine. You HAVE BEEN WARNED.
ThinMan: You are out of your minds.
Fox Network: We have no minds. We are a megalomaniac conglomerate of corporate
America.
WhizGirl: But I thought Fox only wanted us not using copyrighted images from
The X-Files.
Fox Network: We started there. It was so much of a success, we decided to
copyright everything. We now hold rights to ANYTHING even REMOTELY involved
with The X-files including Duchovny's dog Blue, Anderson's baby Piper and
even Mitch Pileggi's bald head.
AgtMollder: You can't do this!
Fox Network: We can do whatever we want. You see, we simply don't care unless
it's about money.
PuffyChestToy: Fox DOES PORNOS!!!!!! Absolute PROOF!
ThinMan: Shut UP, PCT!
AgtMollder: You're just trying to bully us. We won't give in to your petty
demands.
Fox Network: We have currently purchased all the ISPs in the free world.
Continuing defiance will result in the immediate termination of your ISP
account.
AgtMollder: I'm a FAN. You can't…
Fox Network: Your account has now been deleted. Thank you for playing.
PuffyChestToy: Fox SUX!
Fox Network: CEASE AND DESIST the slanderous slogan or you will pay a heavy
price.
PuffyChestToy: Pay THIS buddy! FOX SUXXX!!! ABSOULTE PROOF that Fox Execs
bite THE BIG ONE!!!!
Fox Network: We are tracing you to your home address by your Internet ID. You
will be eliminated by a Fox staffed hitman within moments. Thank you for
playing.
PuffyChestToy: Fox SUX, Fox SUX, Fox S…
WhizGirl: PCT? PCT? Are you there? What's going on?
ThinMan: Well, there go all those obnoxious sex threads on ATX.
Fox Network: ATX and all related posting boards are now controlled by Fox.
New guidelines are being enforced effective IMMEDIATELY. Messages concerning
the show will not be posted without the prior consent of Fox Network.
WhizGirl: You can't do this to the fans. WE are the ones who make the show a
hit.
Fox Network: You are sorely mistaken. The advertisers make the show a hit.
We could care less about the viewing public. You are mindless sheep who can
not live without us. Cross us further and we will remove your show from airing.
Or worse, we will move it to Sunday nights, ruining your pathetic weekends.
ThinMan: We'll protest this. You won't get away with it. We'll get onto the
Internet and post all kinds of nasty…
Fox Network: You can't post anything without an account. It has now been
canceled. Thank you for playing.
<silence>
Will ThinMan lead the protest to Internet freedom? Did PuffyChestToy meet
his final demise? Will AgtMollder get to cover Mulder with that can of
whipped cream? When was the last time WhizGirl had a date? Was Chris Carter
simply a felt puppet on the hand of some high level Fox executive? Will the
evil Fox Network implant television chips inside the heads of the unsuspecting
protesters forcing them to watch re-run after re-run of "Married With Children" ?
Da-da-duh! (cheesy dramatic music)
The End
Jen Salonen
Hey, I tried to send you an email congrats on this little diddle, cuz it rocked, but it bounced back for some spooky reason.
Anyway, I don't think I've laughed that hard at a fic in awhile!
Thought you should know!