xfc: Intertwined (1/1)
Susan Frankovich
Author: Susan Frankovich
E-mail: sus...@ticnet.com or files...@yahoo.com
Classification: vignette
Keyword: MSR, UST, Angst, angst, and more angst...
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Never Again
Archive: No.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to each other,
not me.
Author's notes: IMHO, one of THE most uncomfortable
scenes between Mulder and Scully was their final
scene together in the office at the end of Never
Again. This story picks up where that scene left
off...
Summary: "And just what is it you feel, Scully?"
********************************************************
Intertwined
by Susan Frankovich
~~~~~~
"But it's your what, Mulder?" I asked, tilting my chin
up and daring him to answer.
"Nothing."
"No, say it. You were going to say that it's your life
too, weren't you?"
<Come on, say it, Mulder. I dare you.>
"Yes," he admitted, looking down at the pencil in his
hand.
<Score one for me.>
"I don't remember inviting you into every aspect of my
life," I quickly retorted, knowing full well that my
words would piss him off.
And sure enough, they did.
Before I knew what was happening, he was out of his
seat and standing right in front of me, his shoulders
tight with tension and his eyes dark with anger.
"And that's what's got you so mad at me, isn't it? That
I want to be involved in every aspect of your life, that
I want to know what you're thinking and feeling instead
of trying to guess at it all the time," he challenged,
bending down closer to my face.
I wanted to take my hands and give him and his audacity
a great big shove, but I didn't, instead opting for the
bitchy approach.
"So, you want to know what I'm thinking and feeling all
the time, Mulder? You want to know what I'm feeling
right now?" I snarled, feeling a liquid rush of heat
spread over my face and neck.
He leaned over even more then, no doubt an intimidation
tactic. "Yes. Yes, I do want to know."
<Oh, so that's his game. Honesty. Well, I'll give him
some honesty.>
"Angry. I feel angry. In fact, I'm feeling angrier
than I've ever been."
<There. Are you happy now?>
He put both hands on the armrests of my chair, essentially
trapping me in my seat and removing all chances I had of
escaping his glare.
And his body heat.
"Why? Because I didn't get you a desk? Because I *told*
you to go work on a case instead of asking you to do it?
What, Scully? What are you so angry at?," he asked, his
nostrils flaring in frustration.
"You really want to know?"
"Yes, damn it. I wanna know," he replied, his knuckles
beginning to turn white as he tightened his grip on my
chair.
I tilted my chin even higher than before and answered,
"I'm angry with myself...I'm angry that I let you take
control of me when I don't want you to. I'm angry because
I let my emotions cloud my judgment, and I'm angry at
what I feel for you, Mulder."
<There I said it. I said it, and I can't take it back.
What do you think of that, Mr. Psychology major?>
"And just what is it you feel, Scully? Contempt...fear...
hatred...passion?" he asked, leaning in even closer and
scorching my face with the fire in his eyes.
"Don't stand so close to me, Mulder."
<Please...>
"Why? Are you afraid of me?"
"Stop it, Mulder."
<Please don't make this any harder than it already is.>
"Are you afraid that if I stand too close to you, I might
do something you don't want me to?" he asked, his voice
soft and dangerously seductive.
"No."
He let go of the armrest with his right hand, then
tentatively brushed his fingers over my flushed cheek.
"Then what, Scully? Tell me."
<No, I won't let him do this to me. I won't let him
touch me this way.>
I pushed his hand away rather roughly, surprising both
him and myself. "I said stop it, Mulder."
"I know what you said, but I also know what I see in
your eyes...and they're not telling me to go away."
<That's because I don't want you to go away. God help
me, I don't ever want you to go away...>
"I have to get out of here."
"Why? So you can keep hiding from what you really feel?"
he asked, the passion in his eyes burning right through my
chest and into my heart.
"So I can get away from you. I don't want to be around
you right now, Mulder."
"Well, I want to be around you."
"Please, don't..."
<Please don't look at me that way. Please don't go any
deeper into my heart.>
"You can deny what you're feeling all you want, Scully,
but that's not going to change the fact that our lives
are intertwined now. Your life is mine, and mine is yours,
and that's just the way it is. Now we can either accept
that fact and deal with it...or we can go our separate
ways. What's it going to be?"
<Oh no, you don't. You can't simplify my emotions like
that.>
"That's it? You throw out an ultimatum like that, and
then you expect me to choose?"
"You're the one who said that it was your life, and now
that I'm giving you a chance to make a decision about
*your* life, you can't do it...and do you know why you
can't do it?"
<Of course I know why, but I want to hear *you* say it.>
"Why?"
"Because it's not just your life, Scully. It's *ours*,
and you could no sooner walk away from me now than I
could from you," he declared.
<Smugness, thy name is Mulder.>
"That's a pretty arrogant statement."
<Just who does he think he is anyway?>
"I don't care if it sounds arrogant. It's the truth."
<Oh, is it? Well, we'll see about that.>
"You don't think I could walk away from you right now?"
"No, I don't."
"Well, I guess you don't know me as well as you thought
you did because I'm leaving."
"No, you're not."
<I dare you to stop me.>
"Watch me."
"If you really want to leave, I'm not going to stop you,
Scully, but before you do, I want you to look me in the
eye and tell me that you don't want to stay here," he
said, removing his hands from my chair and leaning back
so he was sitting on the edge of his desk.
"I don't want to stay here," I said firmly, standing up
and looking down at my skirt as I straightened it out.
"No, not like that. Look at me, Scully. Really look at
me and then tell me."
"Mulder..."
"No, look at me...right here. Look into my eyes and tell
me you don't want to be with me. Tell me you don't think
about me all the time. Tell me that you don't feel lonely
when I'm not around. Tell me that you'd rather be with
someone else. Come on, Scully, tell me."
<I can't tell him. I can't let him all the way in.>
"Stop it, Mulder."
"You can't say those things, can you?"
"Just stop."
<Please don't do this to me.>
"You can't look at me and say those things because it
would be a lie, wouldn't it?"
"Go to hell."
"You want to be with me, don't you?"
"No."
"Yes, you do. I can see it written all over your face."
<Is it that obvious?>
"You don't see anything, Mulder."
"I see it because I feel it too, Scully."
"Stop it."
"I want to be with you, and I can't stand it when I'm
not."
"Just stop."
"Do you know how hard it was for me to be away from you
while you were in Philadelphia?"
<No, tell me.>
"Please..."
"Do you know how it made me feel when I found out
you were there with another guy?"
<Tell me, Mulder. Were you jealous?>
"You don't own me."
"Do you know how scared I was when I got the call telling
me that you were in the hospital *again* and that it was
his fault?"
<No, I don't. Tell me. Tell me that you were as afraid
as I was.>
"They shouldn't have called you."
"Do you know how hard my body was shaking when the doctor
told me that you had been poisoned and nearly burned to
death? Do you know how badly I felt about not being there
for you?"
"I'm sorry."
"Are you?"
"Yes."
"So am I, Scully. So am I..."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means that you don't trust me the way I thought you
did," he replied, looking down at the floor.
"And you don't trust me...to do my job, to make my own
decisions, to live my life the way I want to live it."
Folding his arms across his chest, he looked up at the
ceiling and let out a defeated sigh. "Well, then I guess
there's not much more for either of us to say then, is
there, Scully?"
<The hell there's not. There's plenty more to say, but
we're both too stubborn and too afraid to say it.>
"I guess not."
"I need to get out of here," he said quietly as he
uncrossed his arms and stood up.
"No, I'll go."
"No, I will, but before I do, there's something I have
to do."
"What's that?"
"This..." he said, grabbing the back of my neck and roughly
pulling me into his body.
And then he kissed me, crushing his lips against mine and
nudging his soft warm tongue into my mouth all too briefly
before pushing me away.
"I'm sorry, Scully, but I can't help the way I feel. I
just can't..." he said breathlessly, brushing his thumb
across my cheek.
Then he turned around and walked out the door, leaving
me to sort out my life alone.
Just like I wanted.
~end~
Reflections
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