NEW: Mulder and Scully Have Sex (1/1) by Madeleine Partous and Leyla Harrison **NC-17**

Madeleine Partous

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

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Mulder and Scully Have Sex (1/1)
by Madeleine Partous <par...@total.net>
and Leyla Harrison <starb...@netaxis.ca>

Summary, disclaimer, rating and classification to follow.

Author's Notes written by Madeleine (because she does the best intros):
Hi. As you know, every possible sex scene between Mulder & Scully has
already been written. In fact, it's arguable that many of them have been
written far too many times. This is perfectly understandable. Human
nature being what it is, all of us draw a modicum of comfort from the
familiar.

Well. Except for Leyla and I.

We've had it. Yes we have. Both of us have garnered a, well, dubious
kind of fame for, shall we say, um, rather vivid sex between our heroes.
Unfortunately, we're both bored. And yet, sex between our principles
continues to exude a kind of bizarre, inescapable fascination despite
the fact that at last count, they've done it on boats, in cars, in
alleys, on each other's couches, on countertops, against filing
cabinets, in Skinner's office, on graves, in closets and, I think I
vaguely remember, even in outer space.

So why the compulsion to continue in this vein?

Well, as Leyla and I have concluded, because we're both hopelessly
dirty-minded. Alas.

Without further ado, then, here's exactly what most of us really look
for when we see the NC-17 label on a piece of fanfic. I mean, let's be
honest here. *We* know what you want. And by God, we're prepared to give
it to you.

So sit back, pour yourself a glass of wine, put on some soft music, and
read on. Flames will be cheerfully ignored. All compliments, of course,
will be graciously accepted.

****

Classification: Humor, Vignette, MSR

Rating: NC-17 (well, *duh!!*)

Summary: Mulder and Scully have sex. (What were you expecting, a plot
or something? <g>)

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to us. Oops. What I meant to say
was, Mulder and Scully belong to each other. Yeah. That's much better.

Spoilers: None. This is just sex. If you haven't figured that out by
now, you may need professional intervention.

Enjoy!

*****

Mulder thrashed around helplessly on his couch. Unfortunately, the
bloody thing was too small to allow him to thrash around in a really
satisfying fashion. In fact, all he could really muster was kind of a
rolling motion before his face smacked into the back of the stained,
cracked leather which smelled uncomfortably of beer and, well.... What
the hell. He was a lonely man. There were other smells too, but he
preferred not to dwell on them for too long.

To make everything worse, it was about 1000 degrees in his cramped
little apartment. The air conditioning had expired horribly earlier that
afternoon, as it always did in fanfic right before a really steamy sex
scene, and no amount of kicking or swearing had made any impact on the
ratty little window unit. He'd left the window open in a futile attempt
to draw a breeze, but all it did was make the ragged old "X" tape on the
pane flap dejectedly in the fetid August Alexandria air.

Mulder was thrashing around because, as usual, he was thinking about his
diminutive partner.

He often thought about Scully, especially at night, especially in
summer, and especially when the smell emanating from his couch reminded
him it had been *way* too long since he'd gotten any.

God. Why the hell couldn't he get her out of his mind? Could it be the
subtle scent of her strawberry shampoo? Or maybe it was melon -- he
wasn't sure. Or the fetching way she looked in one of his shirts,
although he couldn't for the life of him remember how she'd ended up
wearing them? Could it simply be the deep azure of her eyes, the fire of
her hair, the platform shoes she wore to fake another couple of inches?

It was impossible to tell.

Whatever the bewitchment, the fact was that Scully had insinuated
herself into his heart -- well, maybe not exactly his heart, maybe it
was actually a little lower, but what the hell, close enough -- over the
last five seasons, and this despite the annoying lack of cooperation
from a couple of extremely anally retentive script writers.

Not that he really cared all that much what it was that drew him to
her. It was karma. Or was it fate? Something like that. He just knew
that she occupied every square inch of his brain, as well as a few other
measurable parts. He wanted her, and he wanted her bad.

There was a knock on the door suddenly, startling Mulder out of his
reverie.

He stopped breathing for a second. Then he started again. He hated
when he stopped breathing, even if it was just for a second. It was so
hard on the lungs.

It was her. He knew it.

When there was a knock on the door, it was always Scully. Well, either
that or it was the guy from Pizza Hut. Or the guy from Hing's Chinese
Dynasty Restaurant. Damn it all to hell, but they made the best egg
rolls.

His stomach growled.

He was hungry all of a sudden.

He waited. If it was Scully, she would use her key if he didn't answer
right away. She had this annoying habit of doing that. It wasn't like
he had given her the spare key so that she could just walk right in
whenever she felt like it. It was for emergencies.

For a moment, there was silence. No key in the lock. Mulder valiantly
tried to remember if he had ordered food. It was too hard to remember.
When he thought about Scully, he forgot all about food, along with
everything else. Like that time -- well, it happened more than once --
he was trying to apprehend some suspect in some case and thought about
Scully and dropped his gun. Scully thought he was a klutz. Which, as
it happened, was true.

So. Was it her, or was it Memorex?

The key turned in the lock.

So it *was* her.

Mulder shifted on the couch. This could be interesting.

"Pizza!"

Light exploded into the room as the door swung open and Mulder
distinctly heard a boyish giggle.

Christ. Mulder yelped and almost fell off the couch. Son of a bitch.
He'd completely forgotten that he'd given Raoul the key in lieu of a tip
the last time he'd had pizza delivered. Of course, that wasn't all he'd
given him. But that was a slash story and frankly had no place in this
particular narrative.

He expelled a breath. "Not now, Raoul. I..."

"You're what, Mulder?"

And there she was. She walked in right behind Raoul. The lovely,
enigmatic, incredibly well endowed Agent Dana Katherine Scully.

Christ. How was he supposed to think when she looked like that?

Actually, she looked like she always did. She was wearing one of her
trademark tan suits. Or maybe she was wearing jeans and one of those
v-necked cardigans with buttons down the front. It was pale green. Or
pale blue. Whichever one best set off her eyes.

She wore those cardigans a lot. Mulder often wondered if she had any
other casual clothes. He knew that for a long time she was only making
half as much as he was, but she should still be able to afford a little
more variety in her wardrobe.

Although, he mused idly, her wardrobe *had* improved quite a bit since
they had started working together. At least she wasn't wearing that
hideous gray suit she wore in the pilot.

It was a moot point. Whatever she was wearing, he was entranced.
Enthralled. Mesmerized. Obsessed.

Mulder heard another giggle.

Fuck. Raoul was still there. Blocking his view of the oh-so-incredibly
stunning Agent Scully.

"You ordered a pizza, Fox?" Raoul practically chortled.

"You know, Mulder, you really need to eat better. All this pizza and
Chinese food is really bad for you," Scully noted, even though she
hardly *ever* ate anything in fanfic and wasn't really one to talk.

"I can't help it. I don't have a kitchen anymore. It disappeared after
the first season." Mulder grimaced once and rose, his back creaking. One
of these days he really really really had to get a bed already. Oy.

"Whatever." Scully pursed her lips and shrugged as she walked into the
room, strolled over to the couch and plopped down with a sigh after
crinkling her nose and sniffing dubiously for a second.

Mulder winced. One of these days he really really really had to get the
fucking thing cleaned or something.

He turned back to Raoul.

"Um..."

"Yes, Agent Mulder?" The fetchingly cafe-au-lait delivery boy batted his
eyelashes at him.

"Not now."

"Huh?"

"Um... now's not a good time, Raoul. Really. I mean it."

The young man scowled petulantly, threw down the box with a harrumph and
pirouetted out the door, muttering a string of Spanish expletives as he
went.

Scully heaved a sigh of relief. "Finally. We're alone."

"Alone?"

"Yes, Mulder, alone. As in, without anyone else around. Don't you know
that I've been trying to get you alone for five years? I don't really
care about the X-Files. Remember that night in Oregon when you told me
about your sister and your search for the Truth?"

Mulder nodded his head dumbly, trying to understand what she was saying.
Although she was speaking English, Mulder didn't always understand the
language of women.

"Fact is, I wasn't really interested in your story. I can't tell you how
sexy you looked in the dark with only the moonlight on your face. I was
going to take my robe off again but it was damn cold in there. So ever
since then, I've been trying to get you alone. But it's never just us.
There's always someone else around, have you ever noticed that? Skinner.
Cancerman. Your family. My family. A flight attendant. Some alien
mutant. It's never just us. And I'm tired of sharing you with all of
them. Tired of it, do you understand me?"

Mulder stared at her. "So you weren't spying on me?"

"Of course not!" Scully laughed scornfully. "Why would I do something
like that? It would be such a waste of time. There's nothing to spy on."

"All my work," Mulder sputtered. "All the things we've seen. The truths.
The lies. There's a deeper meaning to everything, Scully. I thought you
shared that belief with me."

"Enough shop talk," Scully growled, sounding like a feral animal. "You
sound like a broken record, Mulder. Can't you ever find anything new to
talk about? Thank God the writers give me all the good lines. That would
go a long way towards explaining why I keep winning all the awards.
Well, that and my fabulous acting, of course."

Mulder cringed. She would bring that up, wouldn't she? The perfect Dana
Scully. Perfect in all things except for a breathless lack of tact and
an ego the size of Texas.

"But all that's beside the point, Mulder." Scully stretched kittenishly
and smiled at him, patting the worn and cracked leather by her side.

He stared down at her, bemused.

"If you don't respect my work, Scully, why the hell are you hanging
around?"

"Jesus, man. You really are a number one prime doofus, aren't you?
Whaddya think?"

He recoiled. Only very lightly. After all, she was a damn good-looking
woman.

"Are you saying you're only interested in my body?"

Scully shrugged. "I've seen you naked, Mulder. Several times. You're
remarkably... well-endowed."

It was true. Well, not so much the well-endowed part, because you really
couldn't tell much about a man in a flaccid condition, unfortunately,
but if she believed that, who was he to argue with her? Still, it was
certainly true that she'd seen him naked more times than was strictly
necessary on prime time, although he still wished she'd had a chance to
catch an eyeful when he'd worn those tight red Speedos for no one's
benefit, apparently, other than Krycek's -- and God only knew that had
turned out to be a bad idea, judging by the slew of rather tasteless fan
fiction which followed that particular episode.

"Like what you've seen, Scully?" Mulder leered at her.

Scully guffawed. "Take it easy, Mulder. I've seen better. But not
lately. And I'll tell you, after five years of nothing, a girl's gotta
get something. So take off your clothes, Mulder."

Mulder stared at her. "That's it? Just 'take off your clothes'? Can't
you think of anything else to say? Something to get me in the mood?
Something about how you've needed me for all these years? That you've
been waiting for me to realize how much you love me?"

Scully snorted. "I don't *think* so, Mulder. This is about sex. Pure and
simple. If you're looking for romance, go check out a Harlequin."

Mulder contemplated this for a moment. He really wanted to hate those
Harlequins. He did. But the fact was that he had a few boxes of them
stashed away in his closet. Books with titles like "Love's Long Long
Long Journey" and "Kisses of Really Burning Hot Fire" with pictures of
women whose bodices were down low enough to show way more cleavage than
was probably legal in most states, and men who wore loincloths and had
muscles the likes of which Mulder had never seen. He hated to admit it,
but the men with the really long hair, the ones who looked like Fabio,
were the ones that made him want to reach for his porno tapes.

He really thought that maybe he might be gay, or at the very least
bisexual, but now would likely not be the right time to mention that to
Scully, since she was in the process of unbuttoning her sweater.

Harlequin or Scully. Harlequin or Scully.

Hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Scully.

He could read the Harlequin after she'd gone home.

Mulder watched, transfixed, as Scully stood up and finished unbuttoning
her sweater herself and revealed a leopard print satin bra.

"Like it?" she asked Mulder, who didn't quite know how to answer that
question without getting smacked. He nodded silently, praying that
she'd take it off quickly and end the agony of having to look at it for
another moment. "Maybe I should leave it on," she purred.

Mulder shook his head back and forth hard enough to allow a few paper
clips to come tumbling out of his ears. "Oh, no, Scully, take it off. I
can't wait to see you with it off."

Scully undid the clasp, which was in the front. Of course it was in the
front. All sex scenes had Scully wearing a front clasp bra because
Mulder was usually too overcome by his love and passion for her to be
able to manage a back clasp without doing some damage to the soft silky
fabric.

Her breasts swung free like pendulums and Mulder watched them sway back
and forth, back and forth. Damn, but they were hypnotic if you stared
at them long enough.

After a long moment of watching them, Mulder tried to remember where the
Dramamine was. If she was going to swing those things around for the
next hour or so he was going to need some big time.

"I love how you look at me with that look in your eyes," Scully said in
a voice that was supposed to be low and seductive but ended up sounding
more like a mumble.

"What look?" Mulder asked, trying to tear his eyes away from her
breasts. Even though they swung like a tree in the wind, they were
pretty nice looking.

"That look that tells me that you want me. I can tell that you want me,
Mulder."

"I think I want to lie down," Mulder groaned, feeling a little queasy.

"Me too," she sighed happily. "I know you don't have a bed, so I guess
we have to do this on the couch, which seems rather appropriate since it
appears that you've gotten most of your pleasure there these days."

Scully pushed at Mulder's shoulders and pushed him back into the couch
cushions, settling her body on his by practically sitting on his lap.
"Scully, Scully, Scully," Mulder moaned.

"That's right, Mulder; it's me. Not Phoebe, not any of your video
vixens, not anyone but me. And you'd better remember it because I want
to make sure that you know which name to scream."

In spite of his nausea, Mulder felt his main vein stirring and coming to
life. He couldn't help it. All this talk of sex and Scully half naked
straddling him was making him think that maybe, just maybe, after all
these seasons of UST, he was going to get what he had wanted all this
time. He prayed that she wasn't going to change her mind.

"Mulder, I want you," Scully sighed happily, rubbing the lower half of
her body against Mulder's. "I could just stay like this forever. But you
know, we've got to get you out of those clothes if we're going to have
the mind-blowing sex we've both been fantasizing about."

Mulder thought about it for a split second. Yes, he wanted her. He'd be
an idiot not to want her. Look at her. She was hot. She was more than
hot.

Did he love her?

Oh, who cared about that? A very hot woman was sitting on him, telling
him to get naked, and he was worried about love?

"I know what you're thinking, Mulder," Scully announced.

"I don't think you do," he answered, hoping that she didn't.

"Oh, yes, I do. I can hear your thoughts. Don't you read fanfic? We read
each others thoughts all the time."

Oh yeah? Mulder thought? He let an image of Skinner run through his mind
for a moment -- his broad shoulders, sitting in his big black chair in
his office. Mulder thought about unbuttoning that crisp white shirt
and...

"Mulder," Scully sighed with exasperation. "Can you think about me for
just a second? Can you?"

"Jesus, Scully, I was just testing you," Mulder groaned.

"Test this, Mulder," Scully retorted, and lowered her breasts to his
face.

And since Mulder had such an oral fixation, he couldn't refuse the
offer. He wrapped his lips around a nipple and sucked, kind of the same
way he would suck on a sunflower seed to get the salt off the shell.

Scully seemed to like that. She moaned loudly and ground her hips
against Mulder's ever growing erection. He had to admit, as much as he
was thinking about other things at that moment, he was getting really
aroused by her reaction.

Oh, yeah. He sure was. It was definitely making his thoughts
disappear. Well, everything but what was south of the border. That one
particular portion of his anatomy was seemingly coming to life in a
really quick way.

Scully, being the incredibly perceptive clinical doctor that she was,
could sense this, of course, and decided that it was time for some
*real* action to begin. "Time to get those clothes off, Ed."

"Ed?" Mulder sputtered.

"Oops, sorry..." Scully grinned. "That was the last guy I slept with.
Never mind that. Get your clothes off, Mulder."

Mulder, being putty in Scully's hands, decided to allow her get his
shirt off. However, because of the fact that this was going to be
entering into very hot NC-17 material any minute, she ripped the shirt
off his body, letting buttons fly everywhere, where they clattered on
the floor of Mulder's living room. They scattered under the couch, under
the coffee table, across the room, onto the carpet...

God, that was going to be really annoying to find them all and sew them
back on, one by one, Mulder mused.

In the meantime, Scully was admiring his fabulously built body -- he had
muscles *everywhere*! She was quite thrilled about this, seeing as how
her last lover, Ed, was over a year ago and not built all that well. And
she was horny, damn it. It had been too long. She never seemed to get
any. Let's see. There was that thing with the wacko from the Kindred,
but that didn't count because she was hypnotized or something, and threw
up afterwards, and there was no consummation anyhow. Then there was
Duane Barry, but he didn't really count either. Not unless being tossed
into the trunk of her own car counted as foreplay. Besides, at the time,
she was pregnant with some other guy's kid, so that one didn't count
either.

And then there was Ed. Tortured, slightly twisted, and just a little bit
more than strange. Scully hadn't really slept with him either. She had
kept her pantyhose on, after all, so there was nothing more than a
high-voltage kiss in his crummy little apartment, but afterwards
everything went black and there was a commercial. So maybe she did sleep
with him after all. Who knew?

And Mulder -- that bastard got to watch porno tapes with stupid titles
like "Alien Probe". She was sure that he had a great collection of
steamy videos -- well, that was at least what everyone on the newsgroup
kept saying. Which meant that his VCR was likely getting a great
workout, along with his right hand.

And she, to the best of her knowledge, didn't even *have* a VCR. Hell,
she wasn't sure that she even had a TV, for that matter. It kept
appearing and disappearing through the seasons -- only staying long
enough to serve a plot purpose, and then conveniently disappearing
again.

But back to the matter at hand. She looked down at Mulder, considered
the possibilities, and decided that five years with very very very
little sexual activity was enough for her. That was it. She was going to
have him.

Scully lowered her head and tugged at his belt with her teeth -- a
technique that seemed to work well in fanfic but actually got her
nowhere. It simply left little teethmarks in the leather and made her
jaw ache.

Beneath her, Mulder moaned.

Idiot, she thought. I haven't even done anything yet.

She then tried the belt with her fingers, unbuckling it with much more
success. "Lift up those hips, FBI man," she cooed, and he obeyed. She
unzipped his jeans and pulled them down over his ass and left them
bunched around his thighs.

"Hey, Scully, those are awfully tight. I mean, maybe you could pull them
down a little farther? I don't want to lose the circulation in my legs,
you know."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Scully muttered, now pulling down his boxers.

And then, it happened.

Mulder's eagerly bobbing penis was free, pointing straight up at her,
and she broke into a huge smile. Thank God! She recognized it at once.
She had been almost afraid that she didn't remember what the damn things
looked like anymore.

"Yes, Scully," Mulder gasped as she grabbed a hold of it with her small
hand. Her grip was just as he had expected it would be -- firm yet
gentle, soft yet demanding. It was amazing, when it came down to it, how
many adjectives he could come up with to describe how it felt to have
Scully's hand wrapped right around the one part of his anatomy that was
still conscious. His legs were, of course, just as he had expected, numb
from the tightness of his jeans around his thighs, but he really, really
REALLY didn't care at that point.

He knew what was coming. So to speak.

He knew that Scully's hot, wet little mouth was going to come down and
wrap itself around his cock, and he was going to die a happy man.

He felt her breath, her hot breath, breathing right on him, and he
twitched in response. Scully giggled.

Oh God in heaven, he was going to really and truly die.

God help him if he died before she did it.

And then she did do it. Her mouth surrounded him, completely, and
then...

"OW!!!!" Mulder yelped, bucking up on the couch, and throwing Scully
almost completely off of him. Her teeth had nipped just a *little* too
hard. Mulder moaned, not from happiness and joy but from pain and agony,
and he clutched himself, wrapping his own hands around himself.

And then he realized something.

His hands were awfully nice.

They were firm yet gentle. Soft yet demanding.

Hm.

This posed an interesting possibility.

"Mulderrrrrrr!" Scully wailed. "No!!!"

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because you'll ruin it for me," she whined. "One little mistake and
you're back to using your own hands to pleasure yourself?"

"It won't ruin it for you, Scully. ons of fanfic stories have me
getting myself off, and you always seem to enjoy it."

"Not. In. This. One." Scully's voice sounded very, very angry.

"Oh," Mulder said softly, sadly. He *knew* that he wasn't going to get
any.

"Now on the other hand, if I were to do the same thing to myself, that
would be a whole other story. Fanfic thrives on having you watch me, and
then after I come, you usually fuck me and it's fabulous. Whaddya say?"

Mulder contemplated this for a moment.

It sounded good.

He could watch Scully do something he had never seen -- well, unless you
counted the sixty or seventy million times he had seen her do it in
other fanfic stories -- and then he could shoot his lifestream into her
warm, moist cavern of love. Her vault. Her hot box. Whatever. He liked
the sound of this more and more.

"OK," he said.

Without further prompting, Scully pulled off her pants. Mulder didn't
notice what kind they were. Maybe they were jeans. Maybe they were khaki
cotton pants (although he doubted that -- he didn't think it was her
style).

Most likely, they were leggings, since that was what Scully usually wore
in sex scenes in fanfic. As usual, she pulled off her matching leopard
skin panties with the leggings. Why did she do this? Because it was
easier to have her take both layers off at once. Once you've written a
sentence about "peeling off those leggings" it was difficult to say "and
then she peeled off her panties" as well. Didn't have a lot of literary
punch. It was too repetitive.

So, Scully peeled off both her leggings and her panties at the same
time, breaking up what would have been a very boring paragraph about the
use of repetition in fanfic.

The leggings and the panties got tossed onto the floor, scattering the
buttons even more. Mulder tried not think about them. He was going to
have to take the shirt to a *really* good tailor to get it repaired.

Scully leaned back on the couch, closed her eyes and spread her legs,
pushing her hand between them, moaning loudly. Hm. Mulder had expected
her to sound a lot more...exciting. Instead, she simply sounded like a
braying hyena. He suppressed a giggle. She looked and sounded pretty
silly.

Then she screamed, kind of softly, and sighed, taking her hand from
between her legs and pushed it up to Mulder's nose. He pulled his head
back. "What are you doing?"

"Well, it was good for me. Feel like licking my fingers?"

Mulder was astonished. "You...couldn't have come that quickly, Scully.
You couldn't have!!"

She nodded proudly."Trust me, Mulder, after five years, I got to know
exactly what I like. It doesn't take me long."

"But it hardly took you a minute! That's impossible!"

Scully shrugged. "Whatever. When we fuck, you know that even though
it's not completely plausible for a woman to come from *just*
intercourse, I'll come again. I always do in fanfic."

Mulder nodded eagerly. At least when they fucked, he knew that *he*
would come. That much was certain. He was getting excited again.

"OK, let's do it."

So they got down to it.

Of course, Mulder slipped into her in one, smooth, easy stroke. Of
course, Scully fit him like a warm, snug glove. And of course, they both
sighed happily once Mulder was firmly imbedded in her. Of course, they
had fantasized about this very moment for years and in countless other
smut pieces. It was just as they had expected it to be.

Perfect.

And there they were. They fit together perfectly, like two pieces from a
set of Legos.

Mulder pondered, for a very brief moment, why he didn't have Legos when
he was a child. All he and Samantha had was Stratego. He would have
loved to have had Legos -- everyone on the Vineyard had them but him. He
had spent almost a year in therapy trying to deal with the fact that he
didn't grow up with the little colored plastic pieces. And now all he
could think about was heading over to the local Toys 'R Us to pick up a
few sets. Maybe he could build a fire station.

Oops. Scully was moaning underneath him, the leather of the sofa
creaking as she rocked, and Mulder realized that he'd better focus on
the matter at hand.

So he did what he did best in NC-17 fanfic -- which meant that he did
the following:

-- he gasped appropriately, in sync with Scully's moans
-- he pumped in and out of her like a jackhammer
-- he loved the sound of their bodies slapping against each other

and, most importantly, he *of course* made Scully come repeatedly, the
spasming of her tight walls causing him to come more forcefully than he
ever had in his life. They both screamed and wailed and clutched at each
other as they shared the most important moment of their lives.

What a feeling!

Mulder oohed and aahed, and Scully did the same. It was, without a
doubt, the very very very best sex they had both ever had in their
entire lives. Of course.

So, when it was over, Mulder pulled out of Scully, gently, of course,
because he didn't want to hurt her, and even though he was gentle,
Scully still gasped as he did (likely from the fact that she didn't want
the physical contact with him to end, which was always the case in
fanfic -- and all this despite the fact that they were likely going to
do the wild thing many many more times in other smut stories).

"So now what, Mulder?"

"We should likely hold each other close and talk about how we love each
other, and how much we've waited for this for so long, and how now that
we have it, that we're going to have sex all the time, only this time
during stories that have actual plots. And then we should talk about
getting married, and having Skinner be my best man, because he's going
to fall in love with your mother. It's just a shame that Melissa got
killed off, because you have no friends to speak of on the show and I
have no idea who the hell you'll get to be your maid of honor."

Then Mulder had to take a very deep breath, because after all, that was
a very long speech. He was usually inclined to give long speeches,
except they were usually voice-overs that made very little or no sense
and annoyed the viewers because they only got to hear his voice and not
see his luscious body.

"But Mulder, don't you think we should talk about that in the sequel?"
Scully brought this up only because she was, after all, very perceptive,
and after all, this particular fanfic was only supposed to be about them
having sex and not having some heavy emotional conversation.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that," Mulder admitted. He had forgotten that
this was supposed to be a smut piece and not some big heavy emotional
angst piece. That would have to wait until the authors had more time to
write something else. "So maybe we should have sex again?" he asked with
a devilish grin.

Scully smiled back and nodded.

After all, tomorrow was another day...and held promises of more MSR
fanfic.

END

lore

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

Devils.

;)

love, lore
--
_____________________________________________________________
You love too obsessively and you live too fiercely and you
always demand the impossible. Don't ever change babe -
that's the glory and the terror of being you. 10/31

Ms. Scout

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

"They fit together perfectly, like two pieces from a set of Legos."

Thank you for that vivid description. I am going to Toys R' Us now, excuse
me.
-lm
"Sleep came not near my couch-while the hours waned and waned away" --Poe

Snowrider5

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

Madeleine and Leyla,

You two are fucking hilarious! (I say this as one of the guilty parties who
had them do it on the desk in their office. Original, no?)

So...liked it a lot, intend to recommend it near and far.

More, please!

Rachel Howard

BethLynn

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

Thanks! I love parodies! They're my fave.

BethLynn

mgr...@xtalwind.net

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

Ok, youse guys, howmy supposed taread anc17 seriously agin?

youse owe me.

I'll take it outta the sequel "Scully and Mulder Talk; REALLY Talk".

Start. On. It. Now.

mg

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading

Cincoflex

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

And then the Shippers sighed happily and downloaded the story, The No Romos
grunted, and jammed the delete button, muttering angrily to themselves, the
Ratboy fans announced that their stud could have done it better and it half
the time, and the folks at Ten Thirteen threw up their hands and sighed.

And this little fan laughed herself silly!! thanks for the funny funny
story!

Cinco
Cinco

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

JPC

unread,

Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

Madeleine Partous <par...@total.net> wrote:

<snip>

>Well. Except for Leyla and I.
>
>We've had it. Yes we have. Both of us have garnered a, well, dubious
>kind of fame for, shall we say, um, rather vivid sex between our heroes.
>Unfortunately, we're both bored. And yet, sex between our principles
>continues to exude a kind of bizarre, inescapable fascination despite
>the fact that at last count, they've done it on boats, in cars, in
>alleys, on each other's couches, on countertops, against filing
>cabinets, in Skinner's office, on graves, in closets and, I think I
>vaguely remember, even in outer space.

Okay, how about we come up with a list of all the places M&S have done
it in fanfic. The more unusual the better. Closets? Graves? Oh my.
. . . please include story titles so we all can have a nice smut fest.
<g>

I'll start.

On a UFO - "The Sound of Wind Chimes"
In the hallway outside Mulder's aprt.- "Second Skin Satin"

Next?

JPC- who has a total one track mind
"Keep goin', FBI woman"

-Fox Mulder to Dana Scully

Tiffany D McClain

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

**********************************************************
"I'm sick of Monica Lewinsky and El Nino."-- Tracey Ullman
******************************************************
"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."--Yoda
******************************************************

On 18 Mar 1998, ImXFScully wrote:

>
> I also remember reading one where they had sex in a morgue. Yeah, THAT'S
> erotic.

Wasn't the name of that fan-fic "Affirmation" or something like that?

We could make this question more specific, like, how many different places
in their apartments have Mulder and Scully had sex or how many different
places in a motel room have Mulder and Scully had sex? (On the bed, on
the dresser, against a wall, on the floor, on the couch, on the kitchen
counter....)

-Tiffany M.

Tiffany D McClain

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Mar 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/17/98

to

On 18 Mar 1998, Patriciala wrote:

> How bout

> FBI Bathroom - "Walking the Cage" by Wells

I loved this story, but now that I think about it, that bathroom thing was
kind of wild. I thought they would at least wait until they got out of
the building or something

> At a Night Club - "Just Pretending" by Yonada

Now, does this count? Because technically, they just kind of, well,
clothes burned a little bit in the club-- well, A LOT in the club. They
didn't have SEX sex until they got to the apartment. (I don't remember
whose and I'm too lazy to look it up.)

What was the name of the fan-fic where they did it in the car on the
Civil War battleground? Was it "The Letter?"

-Tiffany M.

ImXFScully

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to

As for the list -- I wrote one once where Mulder and Scully had cybersex in
virtual reality; does that count or not?

I also remember reading one where they had sex in a morgue. Yeah, THAT'S
erotic.

As for this story -- great parody! I really enjoyed it --

Amy

Patriciala

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to

JPC wrote:
>Okay, how about we come up with a list of all the places M&S
>have done it in fanfic.

>On a UFO - "The Sound of Wind Chimes"
>In the hallway outside Mulder's aprt.- "Second Skin Satin"

How bout

Hot Tub - "Seaside" by Alloway
Hospital Bathroom - "Iolokus" by MustangSally & Rivka T

FBI Bathroom - "Walking the Cage" by Wells

Mulder's Kitchen Floor - "With A Vengeance" by Arlington
In a Lake - "Playing Goddess" by Shalimar

At a Night Club - "Just Pretending" by Yonada

Who else is playing?
Patricia

SkaPunkCoz

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to

I think we should designate a day for a SMUT FEST and have all the authors post
or repost their best smut.... any suggestions? I suggest June 9 (6/9)...
whaddya think? ::smirk smirk::

Liz

***************************************************Liz, SkaPu...@aol.com,
York PA, "We are born innocent..."..... "Every step I ever took in faith
betrayed me..."

XF1...@compuserve.com

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to

I have this very Seussian chant running through my head while I think of
this: "They have done in in a car, they have done it a bar..."

I'm guessing here but I'm sure *someone* wrote some smut for the rock in
"Quagmire."

There was one with Melissa Scully's death bed in the hospital after "Paper
Clip" and I remember lots of frequent flyer miles being racked up in the Mile
High Club scenarios, the "Wine" offering by Dianora being the most memorable.
So a plane's bathroom is pretty exotic.

And a sundry of outdoorsy locals. With water sports also offering plenty of
rompin' time. Lakes and jacuzzis and oceans oh my!

But it all comes back to that hotel issue chandelier in Karen Rasch's songfic
parody. Now *that* was something to behold.

Erin

jenr...@email.msn.com

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to

LOL!

Can the sequel be "Mulder and Scully Lave Nipples and Possess Lips?"

You could throw in a couple mouth capturings to even things out....

Jen
<who always envisions tiny little pirates running out with sabres drawn
whenever she reads "He captured her mouth">

MaryDavis

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to

This was hysterical!!! I was reading it at work, trying so hard not to laugh
out loud, and failing miserably. Thanks for the laughs, ladies. Can we expect
more??

~Mary~

Dawson E. Rambo

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to jenr...@email.msn.com

jenr...@email.msn.com wrote:
>
> LOL!
>
> Can the sequel be "Mulder and Scully Lave Nipples and Possess Lips?"
>
> You could throw in a couple mouth capturings to even things out....

Or some mouth slantings. I personally like that one.

"He slanted his mouth across hers." I have this image of Mulder
trapping Scully's face in his hands, forcefully adjusting it
exactly 32 degrees to the starboard, and then just jamming his
mouth on hers. Like a robot. Oh, so sexy.

Only prob is, I don't have any unique places for them having sex.
I'm Mr. Motel Room. Lesee...

Snapshot: Once at her apartment, few motel rooms in San Diego,
the house in Montana.

Umbra: Hotel room, hotel room, hotel room.

ELS: Hotel room.

I think I'm in a rut. ;)

Daws

--
Dawson E. Rambo | Author, LANAdmin, Programmer, Dreamer
dra...@azstarnet.com | http://www.azstarnet.com/~drambo/index.html
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy...
and taste good with ketchup." -- seen on a bumper sticker

Coolcat350

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to

How about Colors? I mean, that's EVERYWHERE.
Oh yeah...wasn't consummated...SIGH... ;) Does it count anyway?

L.C.
who is NOT turning into a M/S shipper. really. she's not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Never underestimate the power of an Italian handbag."
--Anne Kazmerowski, "Walking The Line II" by XFStew

Lyn4katzs

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Mar 18, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/18/98

to

>bject: Re: Where have M&S had sex? (was NEW: Mulder and Scully Have Sex (1/1)
>by Madeleine Partous and Leyla Harris
>From: coolc...@aol.com (Coolcat350)
>Date: Wed, Mar 18, 1998 16:25 EST
>Message-id: <199803182125...@ladder03.news.aol.com>

>God I remember "Colors" laughed my damn head off. Wonderful story. I think I
"ll just go back and reread it.
Poor Scully she tried so hard (no pun intended).

>
>
>
>

Proud Member of OBSSE
Sister Lynn

/\----/\
--o o-- Boris (1985-1998)
l
\ ____/
/ \
l l
l l
l l
\_l_l_l_l_l::::::::\\\

JJacov2997

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Mar 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/19/98

to

ImXFScully wrote:

<<As for the list -- I wrote one once where Mulder and Scully had cybersex in
virtual reality; does that count or not?>>

Oh, and what a story it was! <G>

So, yes, it counts.

Add my praise to everyone else's. Great story.

Jo.

Snowrider5

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Mar 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM3/19/98

to

Daws,

>Umbra: Hotel room, hotel room, hotel room.
>
>ELS: Hotel room.
>
>I think I'm in a rut. ;)

Yeah, you are, but I'm not complaining. <g> Besides - I had them do it on a
desk ("Without Reason") - real original, and in a mountain cabin - also been
done a zillion times, so I'd be pitching stones from inside a glass house.

I can't remember the name of the fic, but I remember one where they do it
standing up inside a silo. Now THAT'S original sex.

Rachel Howard