NEW: "David Du-what?" By: Chim Johanssenn
Chimera03
Disclaimer: The X-Files is a show with music by Mark Snow. Actually the
X-Files is a registered trademark of Ten Thirteen productions in association
with FOX television. Mulder and Scully belong to CC and his X-slaves. All
other crew members I'm guessing are copyrighted to themselves….enjoy.
Chim...@aol.com
"David Du-what?"
Written by: Chimera Johanssenn
Rated: PG
No spoilers
HUMOR
"Are you sure you saw Osborne run down this ally, Scully?" Mulder asked as he
turned around and looked questionably at his partner.
"Yes, just a few minutes ago." Scully answered as she lowered her gun. It had
been a long case, her and Mulder had been sent to Harrisburg Pennsylvania in
search of a suspect who, by Mulder's theory, could change into inanimate
objects.
"Well I don't see any…." Mulder was cut off when out of nowhere a burly man
jumped on his back and knocked him on the ground. He drifted in and out of
conciseness as he saw Scully run down the alley after then man. He tried to
stay awake but the pain was overpowering, finally he let the darkness consume
him.
XXX
"Cut!" Rob Bowman yelled as he and about twenty other cast and crewmembers ran
out to se if their star David was okay. He looked like he was genuinely in
pain, but he was an excellent actor and Rob knew that he could count on David
for tightly pressed facial shots. After minutes, David was yet to get up.
XXX
"David. David?" Rob murmured softly as his star started to drift back into
consciousness. He opened his eyes and looked around, it seemed as though he
was waking up to a very strange family reunion, but at this reunion he didn't
recognize anybody. He quickly reached for his gun.
"Good God, he's okay!" Rob yelled to those in the back who couldn't see David.
A small cheer broke out as the crew backed up to give him room.
"Who are you?" Mulder asked as he tried to sit up. His hand still remained on
his gun.
"Rob Bowman, you know, the director."
"Director? Where's Scully?" Mulder asked as he sat up and started rubbing his
head.
"Scully…uh….how hard did you hit your head son?" Rob asked as he started to
reach for Mulder's head.
"Just tell me where she is!" He screamed as he aggressively grabbed the collar
of Rob's shirt and pulled him closer.
"Calm down, David. Gillian…" he trailed off stressing Gillian's name. "went to
get some ice for that nice little bump you are going to have on your head."
"David…who the hell is David?"
"Uh..." Rob didn't know who to answer that one, maybe David hit his head harder
then he thought. "You are David, you know David Duchovny, sex symbol, big time
TV star, recently married to Tea Leoni, any of this ring a bell?"
"David Du-what?" Where the hell am I?"
"Duchovny. And the "h" is silent, don't you remember you had a fit the first
three months on the set when people pronounced your name wrong. You're in
Vancouver David, on the set of 'The X-Files'"
"No there must be some mistake. Number one my name is Fox Mulder. Two I'm not
married. And three I was in Harrisburg working on a case." Mulder looked
around. What the hell was going on?
"Okay…uh….Fox. Why don't you go to your trailer and lay down for a while, I'm
sure everything will come back to you." Rob said slowly, helping Mulder to his
feet.
"My trailer, I live in an apartment…." Mulder trailed off as a young fellow
started to lead him in the direction of a small airstream trailer. The
assistant opened the door and gently led him inside, after mumbling where he
would be the assistant shut the door and left the trailer.
Mulder sat down at a near table and started to think. < What the hell is going
on? I AM Fox Mulder! I am not going to let anyone convince me otherwise! I
mean how did I get on the set of a TV show? Where's Scully?" Mulder sat back
heavily and looked around the trailer. It was small, dark, and gloomy. This
had to be a government conspiracy. Even the name sounded suspicious: David
Duchovny? What kind of name was that? Big movie and TV stars had simple easy
names like Grace Kelly and Clark Gable. He slowly looked down. Sitting on
table there were piles of movie scripts, TV roles, and even endorsement offers.
Boy, the government had really outdone themselves this time, they truly wanted
him to believe that he was a big star. A tentative knocking interrupted his
thoughts.
He cautiously peeked out the door and saw Scully with a big bag of ice. He
quickly swung the door open and pulled her into the trailer.
"What's gotten into you David?" Gillian asked as she sat down in the chair
Mulder had been sitting in just moments before.
"David? Why in the hell does everyone keep calling me David?" Mulder asked as
he pulled out another chair and sat down.
A look of surprise passed over Gillian's face as she sat up and walked over to
Mulder, she placed the bag of ice up against his head and smiled softly.
"Scully, could you please tell me what's going on?" he asked in a scared boy
like tone.
"David you were hit really hard in the head while we were filming the chase
scene with actor Herman Melville, I think it might have affected your judgement
and convinced you that you really are Fox Mulder, the character." Gillian
tried to explain.
"No they got to you too, Goddamn it Scully!" Mulder stood and pulled away from
her grasp.
Gillian took a hold of his shoulders. "I am not Scully, I am Gillian
Anderson."
"Fine whatever. Gillian…I don't know what to believe." He sat down and looked
at his hands.
"Its okay Dave, this amnesia should go away soon, I mean it has to, we have to
finish this episode by Friday or I can forget going home to Grand Rapids this
weekend."
Mulder stared at her.
"You really don't remember anything?"
"I remember everything. My name is Fox Mulder, I was born on October 13, 1060
in Chilmark. My sister Samantha was abducted on…"
"No David that's your character! You are David William Duchovny. You wee born
in New York on August 7. You have one brother, Danny, and an unabducted
sister, Laurie. You got married about a year ago to Tea Leoni. According to
the internet you are the sexiest man alive." Gillian looked at the blank
expression worn by Mulder.
"Okay David I was on the internet earlier, I couldn't help myself. Did you
know you even have a society that prevents acts of cruelty against you? It's
called the SPCDD, I'm now a member…." She noticed that he didn't get her joke.
"Come on you have to remember something. Tea, what about her? You vowed to
love, honor, and obey her until death do you part. You can't tell me you have
forgotten about her."
"I can honestly tell you that the probability of my having a fan club is less
likely then me being married to someone named Tea." He slammed his hand down
on the table. "I have a theory. Maybe I've traveled to an alternative
universe, now Scully-oh yeah- Gillian, You don't have to believe this but
that's probably why you think I'm this David person."
"I thought you stopped smoking the pot in Highschool? David, or Mulder, I
believe you and all, but I have to leave check on Piper."
"Piper?"
"My daughter."
"You have a daughter? I'm not the father am I? I mean if I am, I don't
remember ever…."
"No Dave, you are not the father!" Gillian said as she cut him off. " I want
you to lay down and take a nap." She said softly as she gently touched his hand
and left the trailer.
Mulder sat down for a moment, then opened the trailer door and walked outside.
He saw the alley in which he and Scully had been running down before he was
brought to this weird universe. He saw Osborne talking to the guy who called
himself the director. Mulder ran up behind Osborne and grabbed his gun.
"I have you know you sonofabitch!" Mulder said as he tackled the guy.
Herman didn't know what was happening so he flung the smaller man over his
shoulder. Rob's eyes widened in horror as he saw that the person who was
attacking him was in fact his star, a delusional David. Herman's eyes also
widened in horror as he saw David Duchovny fly through the air, towards the
pavement again. <Damn!> Herman thought, now how was he suppose to get an
autograph for his wife?
David hit again with a bang, the darkness threatened to consume him again as he
saw Rob run towards him. "Damn, you injured the star again, now what are we
suppose to do? His face is worth more then your entire life, buddy!" Rob
muttered angrily at Herman. The last thing Mulder saw before he drifted once
again into the ever-present darkness, was Osborne break down and cry like a
baby.
XXX
"Mulder?" Scully said as Mulder finally came to. He had been out for a good
fifteen minutes. She checked his head and noticed that he hadn't hit the
pavement very hard so she wasn't too worried.
"Scully…is that really you?" Mulder asked confused.
"Who else would it be?"
"No you don't understand I had the strangest dream…"
"Dream? Mulder?"
"You were there, so wasn't I, but we were different people. You were somebody
by the name of Gillian Anderson, and I was David Duchovny."
"Du-what?"
"Duchovny…I think its Scottish or something."
"Are you alright Mulder? I mean this does sound kind of.."
"Spooky? I know…but I was married, I had my own fan club, I was a big TV star,
and you even had a daughter named Piper."
"Piper? Oh God Mulder you must have hit your head harder then I thought."
"Scully it all seemed so real…oh except the marriage part."
"Are you sure you're going to be alright?"
"Yeah I guess." He sat up. "Did you obtain Osborne?"
"Yes…" She reached into her trench coat. "I have probable cause to believe
that this beer bottle is our suspect."
"Good work Gillian." He instantly noticed his mistake.
"Mulder you have totally lost it."
"No, but Scully, have you ever thought what it would be like if we weren't FBI
agents per say, but actors. You know, our lives were portrayed through an
hour-long TV series….I can see it! 'The X-files' …don't watch it alone…"
"Yes Mulder that would be strange, but you know as much as I know, the American
public would never believe such nonsense. C'mon, aliens, government
conspiracies, liver eating mutants, fluke worms, and beast woman from New
Jersey!"
"How do you know Scully? How do you know?"
THE END
questions, comments, suggestions, e-mail me at Chim...@aol.com
MHWoman
This was very cute. It made me smile on this otherwise gloomy St. Louis
morning :)
Tiffany M.
S. Wells
I think this has the potential to become a classic :) At least for me!
-jenny
15 days....
CJM
I really liked this story. Great imagination!
CJ