First Verse (1/2)
Sadriende
(Unscramble this sentence and put it together in any way you see fit.)
To Carter and and and and productions Scully belong network Fox
Mulder 1013 Chris.
This disclaimer isn’t scrambled, though. Sorry, you’ve had enough
fun for one day. “Prince of Darkness” is a fabulously beautiful song
by Amy Ray and Emily Saliers a.k.a. The Indigo Girls. I apologize
profusely for using it in its entirety, but it really worked with this
story. It’s G, believe it or not (wow! And after my R story, too.)
Scullyangst (noun): Feelings of depression, repression, or suppression
expressed by the enigmatic Dr. Dana Scully, MD This story’s got a
bunch of it, as well as (da, da, da, DA!) Third Season Spoilers! In
zesty new chicken flavor!
You like? Comments can be sent to me, Molly, at either of my two
personalities: Sadr...@aol.com or ser...@students.uiuc.edu
This is for my best friend in the whole world, Beth, who has only one
thing wrong with her: she hates this show. And Gang -- had a great
time at the concert! (Indigo Girls are terrific live, guys -- see ‘em!)
Ladies and gentlemen here in my right hand I have a copy of tonight’s
story from the home office in Vancouver....
First Verse
When she had first begun, she had promise. A medical degree
and an auspicious prospective career teaching. Her hard work and
skill and determination had won over even her toughest critics. She
had made many friends at the Academy. She was in favor with all the
right people, on her way to making something of herself. Her future
was bright.
~my place is of the sun and...~
Now she was tired. She was tired and her eyes hurt. Not just
physically tired, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually tired of this.
She was tired of the stuffy atmosphere, the air of contempt with
which people looked at her, the reputation she hadn’t asked for, the
bizarre cases, the constant reprimands. If anybody had looked at her
three years ago and predicted where she would be, this is not what
they would have chosen. This is not what she would’ve chosen.
~this place is of the dark...~
Only one thing had made it bearable for her. The one thing
that had stopped her from turning on her heel and walking up those
stairs without looking back, leaving the city, the state, the country to
start again, getting out that transfer request sheet from her files and
finally filling it out like everybody had expected her to three years
ago. She had gained more from this job in friendship, loyalty, and
trust than any career back at the Academy could’ve provided for her.
Now all that was gone.
~i do not feel the romance...~
Her partner was what had kept her going. His enthusiasm,
thirst for knowledge, and yes, even his stubbornness had been what
had endeared him to her. In spite of the lack of respect he got, the
belittling, namecalling, and rudeness with which he was treated, he
still believed. Maybe his beliefs were even strengthened because of it.
She had found the strength of his convictions, the passions of the
doctrines by which he lived. She almost never agreed with him, but
they had a mutual respect for each other.
~i do not catch the spark...~
"Mulder, there is no reason to pursue this case!"
"I’m assuming you’re going to tell me why."
"There’s nothing unusual about it! It’s nothing but a bunch of
murders! Obviously, the work of a serial killer, there’s no reason for
us to be involved."
~my place is of the sun and...~
"But, Scully, don’t you see -- all these murders were
committed near a site where UFOs have been spotted numerous
times!"
"Which could have absolutely no correlation to anything
we’re talking about!"
"None of the bodies have been found, none of the remains
have been recovered."
"So the guy does a better job of covering his tracks than most
killers."
~this place is of the dark...~
"It bears checking out, though, don’t you think?"
"No, I don’t think so, Mulder, I think we’ve wasted enough
time before on cases that have led nowhere. I don’t think the bureau
is going to be too anxious to allocate more of its resources for more
wild goosechases, or alien chases, or cosmic energy chases anymore!"
"You’re not going to bring up the Comity case again!"
"How did you guess?"
"You know, I seem to recall a similar case in a similar town
where you weren’t so...so..."
~i do not feel the romance...~
"Milford, New Hampshire you mean?"
"Yes, Scully -- how quickly you forget!"
"No, I haven’t forgotten, Mulder. I remember quite vividly
being knocked over with a bookcase, being tied up and drenched with
water from the safety shower in the biology lab. I seem to recall
people with knives and guns threatening my life. The only remotely
terrifying thing I can recall from the case in Comity was Detective
White. Not much of an X-File there."
"Scully--"
"Let’s just say I’m not really in the mood to do that again,
Mulder."
~i do not catch the spark...~
Dana Scully stared at herself in the mirror. She had just gone
into the bathroom to splash some water on her face after yet another
argument with Fox Mulder. Her partner. It seemed like that’s all
they did these days. They came into work, they did their work in
silence, they finished their work, and they went home. If a possible
case came up, they would spend more of their time arguing over its
validity than figuring out the best way to pursue it. Then, one of
them would generally leave the room, and they wouldn’t speak to
each other for the rest of the day. That was the way it was. And
now, as she looked at herself in the mirror, Scully couldn’t believe
how different she looked. It was like working in that basement office
had made her a completely different person. She was a hollow,
empty shell of a human being, with no friends, no social world, and
no life outside of her work. She looked almost sick -- why hadn’t she
seen herself this way before? Why had she let herself go on like this
for so long? Then, it occurred to her that perhaps she had seen it
earlier, and hadn’t cared.
~i don’t know when i noticed life was life at my expense...~
She hadn’t cared because she’d grown accustomed to it. She
probably even had liked it. She liked the long hours and the wild
cases and the dirty looks she got from her superiors. It made her feel
an even greater devotion to her work, that she was really proving
something by doing what nobody had expected her to do. But, lately
work hadn’t been what it used to be. Maybe because she wasn’t who
she used to be. But it wasn’t her that changed, it was her partner. It
was their working relationship that went from comfortable to
strained. She used to be sort of amused by his theories, now they just
irritated her. He used to make jokes and try to break down the front
she put up to separate herself from her environment, and sometimes
he’d succeed. And she would let the faintest glimmers of a smile
appear on her face, and he would look at her as if the presence of her
smile was a ray of light that had poked through her cold front and
warmed him. She missed those times so much. She missed him so
much. She missed them so much.
~the words of my heart lined up like prisoners on a fence...~
But she needed to get back to work. She wanted to finish up
as quickly as possible so she could go home and away from the office
and the partner and the self she didn’t recognize anymore. Opening
the door, she saw him reading over a file. He had that intense look
on his face, that furrowed look of concentration that was so typically
Mulder. He had donned his glasses, even though they didn’t fit
properly. She knew this because she used to catch him taking them
off at every chance he got, and looking pained while doing so. She
wondered how many little, character things she knew about him. She
wondered how many little, character things he knew about her. She
wondered if he missed them like she did. Leaning against the door,
she realized how much she enjoyed watching him. She always used
to watch him when he wasn’t looking. Sometimes, she could have
sworn she felt him watching her as well. She had liked it. She had
thought he had liked it.
~the dreams came in like needy children tugging at my sleeve...~
Today was not one of those days however. He spun around
and gave her a cold stare. All the remnants of days past and years
past and lifetimes past disappeared. She grasped the doorknob for
stability, his eyes boring holes into her body. His look was one of icy
smugness; he knew she’d been watching him and he was using it
against her. He was playing on her feelings, her emotions. They
knew each other so well that they knew exactly how to hurt each
other, where the other was weakest. Though she put up a good
front, there was a caring soul inside of her. And his look had pierced
it right through the center. She muttered something about having the
time coming and a headache, in that order, and shut the door as
unobtrusively as she could. Without taking time to get her coat, she
walked down the hallway, and out the door, completely unaware of
the bitter chill. The only thing bitter was the tears stinging her eyes
as the wind whipped against her face.
~i said i have no way of feeding you so leave...~
She didn’t remember how she got out of the parking lot or
how she got on the Interstate, but she just got the tremendous urge to
get as far away from Washington DC, from the Federal Bureau of
Investigation, from Special Agent Fox William Mulder as possible.
Slowly, her tears dried and were replaced by the unbelievable
sensation of anger coursing through her veins. He had no right to
look at her like that. He had no right to treat her like she was a
stranger or an intruder, or like she was being treated to some sort of
peep show. He was her partner. But he was also her very best
friend. He was the best friend she’d ever had. Now, she was losing
both of them, but why? All this time she’d been blaming him. Was it
really her fault? Ahab would be so unhappy with her.
~but there was a time i asked my father for a dollar and he gave it a
ten dollar raise...~
"Hello."
"Mom?"
"Dana? Where are you?"
"I’m on the Interstate, Mom. I’m, I’m coming to see you, if
that’s okay."
"Of course, that’s fine, I’d love to see you! But, it’s early,
Dana. Don’t you have work to do?"
"Don’t worry, I have the time coming. I...I just really need to
see you."
"Okay, dear. You know you’re always welcome here, for as
long as you like."
~when i needed my mother and i called her she stayed with me for
days...~
"Hello."
"Mrs. Scully?"
"Fox? Well...hi, how are you?"
"I’m fine, thank you. I was actually calling about your
daughter."
"What about Dana?"
"Well, she said she had a headache and wanted to leave early.
But, she left without her coat and I know it’s cold outside."
"Did you try to reach her?"
"Yeah, but she’s not at her apartment and I think she shut her
cell phone off. So, I was wondering if there was a way that you
could get in touch with her."
"Actually...Dana’s on her way over here right now. She
sounded upset."
"Oh."
"Fox?"
"Yeah?"
"I think maybe you should come too. It sounds like you two
have a lot to talk about."
"I don’t know, Mrs. Scully--"
"I’m sure you have the time coming."
"Yeah...okay. I’ll see you then."
~and now someone’s on the telephone desperate in his pain...~
For the second time that day, Dana Scully splashed water on
her face. She had stopped to get gas in her car before completing the
rest of the trip to see her mother. For the second time, her face
looked back at her, mocking her. Why did she put up with this?
Even if she had caused it, if she didn’t like it, she could surely leave.
There wasn’t an agency in the country that wouldn’t take her, even
with where she’d been working. Her credentials were excellent, her
knowledge far-reaching, her manner professional. Why did she stay?
She had lost her sister, lost her remaining friends, and almost lost her
life. This work was like a drug to her, she was addicted. She had to
keep going down to that little room in the basement to get her fix.
Even if it meant horrible pain and hurt, she would keep going. If she
didn’t, she probably would die. She hated the fact that her work had
become so essential to her survival. She hated the fact that her
partner was part of that survival. Could she really not live without
Mulder? Had she become that dependent?
~someone’s on the bathroom floor doing her cocaine...~
Not only had she come to rely on him as a person, but on his
ideas and theories also. Not the ones about aliens, but those about
the government she had come to believe. She had been so completely
naive and had become so disillusioned with what she had seen and
heard and discovered for herself working with Mulder. These people
signed her paychecks. She was their employee. Yet, she didn’t trust
any of them. Technically, she was one of them. But, she was not one
of them in ways that mattered. Neither was her partner. The two of
them had come to distrust this big powerful entity completely and
only put their faith in each other. The two of them knew the
government would just as soon kill them as deal with them. They
would just as soon kill anybody, if it would serve their needs.
~someone’s got his finger on the button in some room...~
Yet, with all she knew, she almost reveled in it. Maybe she
was just happy that if the end of the world ever did happen, Fox
Mulder and Dana Scully would see it coming from far away. They
would both be prepared. They would both know what to do, and
who to blame, and the whole cover-up operation, they would both
know it all. She truly believed the government would always have a
cover-up operation, even for the end of the world. Knowing the
things that Mulder knew both scared and excited her. There had been
so many situations where the two of them had come so close, so
close to finding the truth, and then been stopped by this omnipotent
force. She and Mulder had almost absconded with the MJ tape. She
knew he was fully prepared to be on the run for the rest of his life.
With her. So much had happened since then...and so little had
happened.
~no one can convince me we aren’t gluttons for our doom...~
"Mulder?"
"Hi, Scully."
"What are you doing here?"
"Your mom told me you’d be here. She asked me to come."
"Well, I don’t want you here. Would you please leave?"
"Scully, we need to talk about this."
"Talk about what, Mulder? There’s nothing to talk about!"
"If your mother could sense there’s something wrong, then
there must be something that we need to talk about."
"We don’t need to talk about anything. Now, I asked you to
leave."
"Fine. But at least let me say hello to your mother. She did
ask me to come."
"I wish she’d asked me before she asked you."
"What’s that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Just say your hello, and then you can leave."
"You know, I wasn’t even going to come here? But you left
this at the office. Thought you might be cold."
"Oh."
"Anyway, I’ll say my hello, and be out of your way."
"Wait, Mulder!"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
~but i tried to make this place my place...~
"Dana!"
"Hi, Mom!"
"It’s so good to see you, dear!"
"It’s good to see you too, Mom."
"Come on in."
"Thanks."
"So, how are you? Over the phone, you sounded upset.
Have you been having problems at work?"
"Yeah...sort of. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I should
just get up and walk out of that office and never look back!"
"And other times...?"
"Other times, I...well...can’t. I’m so confused, Mom! Is this
what I should be doing with my life? It’s not what Daddy wanted me
to do, and maybe he was right!"
"Why do you doubt yourself now, Dana?"
"Things...haven’t been going well lately. I wish I had some
sort of sign that what I’m doing is right."
~i asked for providence to smile upon me with his sweet face...~
"Mrs. Scully?"
"Fox! It’s wonderful to see you, come on in."
"Where’s your daughter?"
"She’s upstairs. I noticed she had her coat with her though."
"Oh, yeah...I sort of ran into her outside."
"And...?"
"She told me she wanted to talk to you, and that I should just
say hello and leave."
"Well, it’s not her house, Fox. You can stay as long as you
like. You’re always welcome here, you know that."
"Thank you, Mrs. Scully."
"So, Dana tells me you two haven’t been getting along lately."
"She said that?"
"Not in so many words, but I sensed it. Call it motherly
intuition."
"I don’t understand what has happened. Your daughter and I
have always been close, but..."
"There’s something that’s separated you?"
"Yeah. But I can’t quite figure out what it is. I wish I knew.
No one would like this to end more than me."
"Dana!"
~but i’ll tell you...~
"Mulder, I don’t care what my mother says, we are not going
to talk about this."
"Well then when are we going to talk about it, Scully?"
"Some other time, but not here!"
"Why not? Hasn’t this gone on long enough?"
"I don’t know what you’re talking about!"
"Since when did you go back to being one of their spies and
stop being my partner?"
~my place is of the sun and...~
"What? If it’s anybody that’s changed, Mulder, it’s you!
Since when did you start treating me like a nuisance and started
chasing after women more than you chase after aliens?"
"If you bring that up one more time..."
"I can’t help it, Mulder, you ditched me! You ditched me
over the phone when you were on that train in West Virginia, and
again in Miller’s Grove! Then, you ditched me in person during that
case in Seattle, and yes, again in Comity! Forgive me if I see a
pattern here!"
"All those have perfectly logical explanations, Scully!"
"The only logical thing it seems for me to do is to ask for a
transfer."
~this place is of the dark...~
"Fine. You do that, Scully. Go get transferred to VCS or
some high-profile division where they treat you with respect and you
do the government’s dirty work for them!"
"Maybe I’ll just do that! Maybe they’re part of the
conspiracy, but at least they don’t try and exclude me from it!"
"Well, you recall the reason you were sent to work with me?
You were a spy! Perhaps that’s the reason I’ve been ‘ditching’ you.
‘Cause now you don’t trust me, and so then how can I trust you?"
"I don’t trust you now??"
"Yes. But you used to."
~i do not feel the romance...~
"And you used to trust me."
"But I can’t trust you if you don’t trust me."
"I thought we were past that."
"So did I. But, I guess we’re not."
"No."
"Scully, I...I thought you believed...in at least some of the
things I did."
"I did, Mulder...I, I do."
"Then why did you try and tell me I was wrong about them?"
~i do not catch the spark...~
"About what?"
"What I found in that train. What you discovered with those
MUFON members. Existence of alien civilization."
"Mulder, I told you--"
"When I heard the explanation they fed you, Scully, I couldn’t
believe you bought it!"
"It did make sense, though, Mulder."
"Of course it made sense! They wanted you to believe the
easiest possible explanation. And you did! And you tried to
convince me that all the evidence we’ve seen and all the proof we’ve
found and all the research that’s been done is bogus. I...I thought
you knew better, Scully."
"What do you mean, you thought I knew better?"
"I thought you were smarter than that!"
"Oh, I see, my intelligence is being put into question, now?"
~by grace my sight grows stronger...~
"I should’ve known! I should’ve known that the first chance
you got, the first piece of anything you deemed scientific or tangible
evidence, no matter how ridiculous it was, you would debunk my
theories! Try and make me abandon my entire belief system!"
"I’m just not willing to swallow all the stuff that Deep Throat
fed you for over a year. He told you exactly what you wanted to
hear. Didn’t you ever think that was strange? I can’t believe I
thought some of what he was saying was true. I can’t believe you
thought all of what he was saying was true. I thought you knew
better, Mulder. Whatever happened to ‘trust no one’?"
"Deep Throat’s final words. Well, you’re right, Scully, I
should’ve known better. I should’ve known better than to trust you."
"And I should’ve known better than to believe you! I’m not
wasting any more time looking for things that don’t exist, Mulder!"
"Fine!"
"Fine. As of Monday, you find yourself a new puppet."
"And you find yourself a section that is knee-deep in denial
and cover-up, ‘cause that’s what would most suit you!"
"Good bye, Mulder."
"Good bye, Scully."
~and i will not be a pawn for the prince of darkness any longer..~