Violent Bambi story: "Rabbit Reflux"

Skip to first unread message

Mento the Barbarian

Mar 24, 1995, 10:36:43 PM3/24/95
I didn't write this, so I take no responsability as to any mind warping
that occurs (Here? Yeah, right!)

WARNING: If you are offended at the idea of cute baby rabbits getting eaten
alive, then GO AWAY, DAMMIT!

Rabbit Reflux (after Dolt Wisney)
(a parody by Tony Hendra)
from _The Book of Bad Virtues_ by above

Thumper ran excitedly to the foot of the old oak tree.

"Wake up! Wake up!" he cried at the great hole in the
cleft of the trunk.

For the moment nothing happened. Then Wise Old Mr. Owl
appered, rubbing his big round eyes. it was dawn, after all,
and he had just gotten to sleep after a hard night's hunting.

"Wha-?" he mumbled, blearily. "What now?

"It's happened!" yelled Thumper "A new prince is born!"

"Well, Well!" exclamed Wise Old Mr Owl, gradually
coming awake. he coughed up a pellet of feathers, hair, and
bone from the previous evening's supper and spat it on the
ground. "This is quite an occaision!"

"It Sure is, Mr. Owl" Said Thumper. "Come quick!"

All of Thumper's brothers and sisters agreed. Wise Old
Mr. Owl flew down beside Thumper.

"Yes, Sir!" said the venerable bird.

"AAAAAARGH," Screamed Thumper as Wise Old Mr. Owl sank
his sharp curved claws into Thumper's neck. All the other baby
rabbits ran away.

"It's not every day a new prince is born," said Wise
Old Mr. Owl, tearing at Thumper's big cute left eye with his
feather-coverd bill. he broke through the hard outer skin of
the eyeball and, getting a good grip on the retna, ripped the
eye from it's socket. Blood and Retnal fluid slurted
everywhere. Owl swallowed the whole thing.

"What's he called?" asked Wise Old Mr. Owl, starting on
thumper's big cute right eye.

"NAAAH! Not my eyes!!" pleaded Thumper, twisting in
agony, trying to get free from Wise old Mr. Owl's Claws.
"Bambi! Sweet God of Rabbits, How that hurts!"

"Well," said Wise Old Mr. Owl, Swallowing the second
eyeball and turning to Thumper's soft, vulnerable stomach,
"Bambi's mom-the Queen of the Forest-is to be congratulated!"

"If you can' something...nice..."Gasped Thumper
as gobs welled up out of his mouth, "don't

Then he died

Reply all
Reply to author
0 new messages