Stephen Fishbach's Survivor Blog: A Game of Mistakes
By Stephen Fishbach @stephenfishbach 11/30/2015 AT 11:00 AM EST
Stephen Fishbach was the runner-up on Survivor: Tocantins and has been 
blogging about Survivor strategy for PEOPLE since 2009. This season, he has 
been blogging about his experiences in Cambodia as a competitor on Survivor: 
Second Chance. Follow Stephen on Twitter @stephenfishbach.
"If it's a move that sends you home, at least you went out trying to make a 
move." –Ciera Eastin, Survivor: Blood vs. Water
"This game involves creating a lot of dynamic structures, and then working 
within those structures to advance yourself as best as you can." –Stephen 
Fishbach, Survivor: Tocantins
So what's it like getting voted out of Survivor?
I've heard people say different things. The death of their dream. Their 
heart stops like a snuffed flame.
For me, it was great fun. Before I ever went on Survivor, the one thing I 
wanted was a framed shot of Jeff Probst snuffing my torch. Luckily, I never 
got that iconic Survivor experience from Tocantins. This time I'll get my 
photo.
I was a longshot to win Second Chance, and I'm proud of the game I played: 
aggressive and emotionally open. More than anything, I didn't want to coast 
into the finals as a goat. Instead, I was eliminated as a threat. Other than 
the million bucks, what more could I ask for?
So thank you once again to everybody who voted me in. As the saying goes, I 
got to have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity twice.
But I'm getting way ahead of myself.
Here Comes the Rain Again
As we went to vote out Wiglesworth, I knew that her elimination would 
disrupt our fragile alliance structure. However, I thought that I could move 
fast enough to pick up the pieces. I'd do damage control with Tasha and 
Kimmi while ratifying new treaties with the Three Witches.
But that Tribal Council, the monsoon hit. Solid sheets of rain destroyed our 
camp. Our one-time fire pit became a water-filled hole. Frigid gusts blew 
through the open face of our shelter, soaking us to the bone as we clung 
huddling together. In three days, I literally did not sleep one minute and 
ate a combined total of two olives and a handful of dried rice.
Rain itself isn't so miserable if you can occasionally get dry or warm. In 
Tocantins, it rained more days than in Cambodia – but not as ferociously, 
and it would stop, giving us the chance to build a fire, get dry, cook food. 
The Cambodian monsoon didn't end for days. I even bet Spencer that the rain 
would never stop before the season ended. Granted, that was unlikely, but 
the stakes were all of Spencer's life savings against one McDonalds value 
meal. (Spencer obviously won that bet.)
Because of the terrible conditions, I got viciously ill. I think it was a 
combination of malnourishment and dehydration. It was pouring so badly, we 
ran out of water, and nobody would make the long hike to the well to fill up 
our canteens. I had to leave the shelter 17 times in one night to be sick. 
Because I didn't want the monsoon soaking my clothes – which were just "wet" 
and not "waterlogged" – I stripped down each time I left the shelter and 
folded my clothes up so I could find them in the pitch black night when I 
returned.
I worried my body was collapsing. Meanwhile, my BFFs back at camp suspected 
me of subterfuge. They speculated that my advantage – or as I was calling 
it, my "disadvantage" – was actually a secret shelter stocked with food to 
which I was sneaking off. That's the danger of an unknown advantage – 
people's imaginations can conjure anything. To my own discredit, I hadn't 
come up with a good solution for what to tell the tribe about my new 
superpower.
The rain didn't just deplete our energy and ruin our higher functions. It 
also made any strategic hustling impossible. As Ciera said, "I can't get out 
and have one-on-one conversations because we're all stuck inside the 
shelter." I couldn't do any of the damage control I needed or craft any of 
my new alliances. My game speed was rendered useless – especially because it 
was painful to even walk on my injured monster feet.
By the time of that first immunity challenge, my brain had effectively shut 
down. There was no question that I would choose a renewed shelter over the 
thrill of losing another ball-balancing challenge to Joe. A warm fire and a 
roof were not just creature comforts – they were the baseline human 
necessities that I needed to play a strategic game.
Fire, shelter, cookies and coffee. Let Joe have his immunity, I had 
chocolate and caffeine! I finally felt renewed and tried to put a plan in 
place to take out Ciera, who I knew had been targeting me and who also was 
supposedly targeting Spencer. Ciera was dangerous because she was strategic, 
crafty and had the votes of Wentworth and Abi locked up. I was also 
frustrated with her because I had been working hard to keep her in the game 
as an ally, yet kept on hearing that she was throwing my name around as an 
enemy.
As we left for Tribal Council, I thought everything was in place. Thus, in 
what is undoubtedly my biggest blunder of the entire season that eventually 
cost me the game, I didn't take the advantage with me to Tribal Council.
Why on earth wouldn't I take an advantage to Tribal? It's idiotic in 
retrospect, but I had my sleep-deprived reasons at the time. The plan was 
set, and I had buried my advantage far away from camp because I didn't want 
one of my tribemates "accidentally" finding it. However, because my feet 
were swollen and injured, it would take me a half hour to retrieve it. I 
thought if the tribe saw me hobbling off to dig up my advantage that would 
trigger people's paranoia. The game was moving so fast, they had more than 
enough time to blindside me.
Moreover, everyone is paranoid at Tribal Council. It's easy to get anxious 
and assume your ticket is up. I was paranoid of my own paranoia. I didn't 
want to misplay the advantage if I was perfectly safe.
I'm still kicking myself. If I had my advantage, I could have played it 
then, perhaps saved myself without Jeremy's help and then not been such a 
threat for the next boot. You can see how it works: a dozen little 
micro-decisions go into every calculation. Every choice you make has 
unforeseen consequences.
On the trip over to Tribal, small inconsistencies from my conversations 
throughout the day kept echoing in my head. A stray remark Wentworth had 
dropped. Something that Ciera said. They didn't quite make sense.
Before I left for Cambodia, Rob Cesternino and Tyson Apostol had warned me 
that one of my biggest challenges in the game would be that I had never been 
voted out. When you're voted off Survivor, you can see the clues add up in 
retrospect, the weird little moments throughout the day. I wasn't sensitive 
to those warnings because I had never experienced them.
Walking over to Tribal, I realized that I had just seen those little 
inconsistencies and there was nothing I could do to prevent them. As we 
walked into Tribal holding our torches, I looked frantically over at Jeremy 
because I knew I was done.
He just winked back.
The first episode's Fishy goes to Jeremy. He saved my life in the game, and 
proved there could be trust in a season that seemed faithless. He didn't 
just prove loyalty to me: he showed it to everybody. As he whispered to 
Spencer, "I would do the same for you." The move also built up his résumé, 
showing that he was not afraid to take charge in a difficult situation and 
put everything on the line.
Of course, we didn't know that he had a second idol in his pocket!
Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow
Coming back to camp after the crazy Tribal Council, I was confounded. How on 
earth had Spencer and Tasha chosen to vote against me? An entire strategic 
plan had emerged, been debated, been executed and been foiled, and I had 
known nothing about it. It's incredible how much the game can change when 
you're away even for a few minutes, if people want to keep you in the dark. 
I was struggling to piece together what had happened while I was sick. I 
knew I had to do massive damage control.
I wrote earlier this season that I had consciously chosen to keep my 
relationships with people strategic. I thought that making emotional bonds 
would only hurt me in the finals, when people could feel personally 
betrayed. But I wondered now if my failure to build those bonds had made me 
a target. Maybe people didn't trust me precisely because they didn't feel 
connected with me. I resolved to try to fix things by reinforcing the human 
bonds with the people whose votes I needed most.
I had a perfect opportunity when I won that reward. I was thrilled to win 
such an iconic Survivor challenge, especially after a season filled with 
challenge flubs. But of course, winning a reward is incredibly dangerous. No 
matter whom you take with you, the people left behind are pissed. Take your 
allies, and your enemies grumble. Take your enemies, and your allies start 
to wonder what's so great about you. There is literally no right decision.
I had to take Jeremy. He had never been on an award, and he had just saved 
me with his idol. If I had left him behind, his loyalty toward me would have 
dimmed. He was even miffed that I picked him second instead of first!
I picked Tasha because she seemed like a vital swing vote with whom I had 
once been close. We had left Tasha out of the Wigles blindside, and I needed 
to repair that rift. I didn't take Kimmi because I completely trusted her 
and thought she could keep an eye on camp. I left Spencer behind because I 
trusted him too and thought that his highly rational game decisions wouldn't 
be based on a food reward. I clearly was mistaken.
As for the rest of them – of course I wasn't going to pick Keith or 
Wentworth or Joe or Abi. Would people who had been my adversaries all game 
long suddenly be my allies because of a steak?
I also worked to reinforce my bond with Spencer, especially because I didn't 
take him on reward. We had consciously stayed away from each other 
throughout the game because people were suspicious of our working together. 
Spencer explained that he had voted against me the night Ciera went home 
because he had heard I was targeting him. We had heart-to-hearts where we 
discussed our personal and in-game relationships, and resolved to work 
together closely moving forward.
Why We Split the Vote
When Joe lost immunity, I finally had the shot I had been waiting for. I had 
been positioning myself to take out Joe since the beginning – partially 
because I knew he was a threat who wanted me out, and partially too because 
I thought I could get "credit" for Joe's head and prove to the jury that I 
had realized my second-chance story. I figured everybody else would want him 
gone too.
The big danger was if Joe had an idol. I knew I was likely Joe's target, so 
my neck was on the line. Joe had been searching everywhere for weeks. He had 
probably looked in every tree on that beach. Everyone assumed he had found 
one.
Moreover, Joe was acting extremely relaxed after losing the immunity. Rather 
than scrambling all over the beach, searching for idols or building 
last-minute alliances, he was hanging out by the shelter. This was not the 
behavior of a man about to go home.
So I decided to use my advantage. That way, with Jeremy, Kimmi, Tasha and 
Spencer, along with my stolen vote, I would have six votes – enough to split 
between Abi and Joe. I thought there was a chance Keith, Wentworth and Abi 
would vote along with me to take out the golden boy. But even if they 
didn't, the worst that they could do would be to tie the vote – and on a 
revote, I could take out Joe or Abi.
Shortly before Tribal Council, however, Jeremy told me that something seemed 
off with Spencer. I dismissed it. Jeremy had been paranoid recently, and I 
trusted Spencer entirely. It wouldn't make sense for him to team up with 
erratic Abi and Keith against his longtime allies me, Jeremy and Tasha. 
Plus, with our five, I thought he had a fantastic position in the game, with 
an alliance of people who were rational and all of whom he could beat in 
challenges. Why go with Joe and Keith, the biggest physical threats in the 
game?
I have to give Spencer the Fishy for the second episode. He masterminded the 
plan to get me out, and perfectly convinced me of his loyalty.
In this deleted scene (
https://youtu.be/duhPX1M8jKU), Spencer explains that 
on the one hand, Joe kept beating him in the immunities – and on the other, 
I beat him out for the advantage and the reward. I think Spencer's choice 
came down to his own self-conception. Was he a physical player who wanted to 
remove Joe or a cerebral player who wanted me out? But of course we know the 
answer. Spencer was introduced to America on Survivor: Cagayan as a Brain, 
and that designation has defined him.
I also imagine that Spencer was worried about the strategic guy running 
around the beach with a mysterious advantage in his pocket. Was he having 
flashbacks to Cagayan? Spencer likely targeted me for the same reasons that 
I was targeting Joe. It gives him a résumé, and fulfills some of his 
unfinished business from his first season.
That said, with only six votes left in the game, I am surprised that Spencer 
took out someone he could beat for immunities or at the final tribal. Why 
not eliminate Joe now and take me out later? Or if he were going to make a 
move on my alliance, why not vote for Jeremy, the biggest threat of all?
Even as I was sitting at Tribal Council, waiting for Spencer to vote, I 
noticed that it was taking him an awfully long time to write down "Joe" on 
the parchment. The thought crossed my mind: Could something be up? If I 
flipped both my votes to Abi, she'd be gone. But I didn't want to waste a 
shot at Joe – maybe I really was too fixated – and I just didn't believe 
that Spencer would flip.
Clearly I was wrong, and that error in judgment cost me the game. I have to 
give Spencer credit. He played me perfectly.
I'm also giving Joe a Fishy for this second episode. Everybody assumed Joe 
would be gone the moment he lost immunity. I sure assumed it! Joe managed to 
make deep bonds that carried him through his moment of vulnerability. That 
was one of the tests of his Second Chance success, and he met it.
Summing Up
Survivor is a game of mistakes. So what did I do wrong? Obviously, a lot. 
Everybody does a lot wrong, and everybody does a lot right, and the best you 
can do is minimize your mistakes, maximize your successes and hope for a 
little luck. I should have played the advantage the first chance I got, just 
to burn it and remove the target. I shouldn't have trusted Spencer as much 
as I did. I shouldn't have split the vote. For the rest, there are so many 
circumstances that unspool out of every decision, it's impossible to try to 
second-guess a million tiny choices.
Should we have split the vote on the Savage blindside? That would have saved 
Savage, but I could easily have been gone next. Should I have tried to save 
Monica? Maybe, but she could have flipped faster than Wigles. It's just 
impossible to know.
I've always said that everybody on Survivor is the hero of their own story. 
Everyone is hustling around, crafting alliances, making second-by-second 
strategic calculations that they think will win them the game.
When you're voted out, you become a character in someone else's story. It's 
hard for anybody to see that transition take place, which is why people's 
exit interviews are so often clouded by personal bias.
I'm sure I've made a lot of mistakes in my chronicle of the season thus far. 
I've tried to be objective when I could.
But this is just one person's version of events – one perspective out of 20.
I'm grateful to all of you for reading.
Source: 
http://www.people.com/article/survivor-cambodia-second-chance-stephen-fishbach-blog-ciera-eastin-exit
Brian