[VOY] Jammer's Review: "False Profits"
Jamahl Epsicokhan
(Reposted for rerun.)
Warning: This review contains significant spoilers for the episode "False
Profits." If you haven't seen the show yet, beware.
Nutshell: Silly? Yes. Funny? Sporadically. Plausible? Not even close.
Forgettable? You better believe it.
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Star Trek: Voyager -- "False Profits"
Airdate: 10/2/96 (USA)
Teleplay by Joe Menosky
Story by George A. Brozak
Directed by Cliff Bole
Review by Jamahl Epsicokhan
Rating out of 4: *1/2
"Is he another Sage?"
"Have you ever seen a Sage give away money?"
-- Lowly citizens, regarding the disguised Neelix-Ferengi
--------------------
"False Profits" is a show that initially looks like it could've worked on
its own terms, despite its typical Ferengi premise. The plot and especially
the ending, however, have so many ridiculous idiosyncrasies that the show
falls apart and can never pull itself together to even be a decent Ferengi
outing.
It's no secret: Those who read my DS9 reviews are probably aware that I
don't particularly like the Ferengi. When considered alone, their
un-Federation-like values and moronic actions have rarely been things that
appeal to my sense of humor. Given the right circumstances, the Ferengi
*can* occasionally be humorous or entertaining; certain Quark-oriented
shows on DS9 have worked for me, like "Body Parts" and "Little Green Men"
and others. These shows usually feature a character insight of some sort,
or have plot workings that are more interesting than the usual Ferengi
outing.
On the other hand, when a show like "False Profits" comes along--an episode
that seems to say "Look! The Ferengi are greedy and manipulative and like
to take advantage of others! That's funny!" and does nothing the entire
hour but insult viewer intelligence by displaying Ferengi doing typical
Ferengi-like things--then I don't expect such shows to be particularly
entertaining or enlightening.
And for those who are aware that I don't particularly like Neelix either,
you can imagine the feeling of impending dread I had when I saw the trailer
featuring Neelix in Ferengi disguise. I'll freely admit it--my first
thought was "Great, a Ferengi show combined with a Neelix show. Fourteen
demerits for the price of two." I'll also grant that isn't a very fair
attitude to go into an episode with, so allow me to say that I cleared my
mind of cynicism before I viewed the show.
For a while this worked. I wasn't rolling on the ground with laughter, to
be sure, but "False Profits" wasn't showing any evidence of being
offensively bad either.
Plot summary, you ask? Voyager discovers traces of a wormhole that (of
course) may lead to the Alpha Quadrant. They also discover a signal from an
Alpha Quadrant-signatured device on a planet supporting a pre-industrial
humanoid society. Chakotay and Paris beam down to find the signal is
emanating from a replicator which two Ferengi are using. (These Ferengi
were stranded in the Delta Quadrant because of their own stupidity in TNG's
third season episode, "The Price.") With the seemingly magical properties
of the replicator, these Ferengi have tricked the gullible society into
believing they are the gods as described in a religious epic poem (Two
Sages will descend from the sky on a trail of burning flames, etc.).
These two Ferengi, Arridor (Dan Shor) and Kol (Leslie Jordan), use their
"divine" influence to con people into paying them unreasonable sums of
money for pointless words of wisdom. The source of their wisdom: the Rules
of Acquisition, of course.
This is wrong, Janeway notes when Chakotay and Paris return with their
report. She decides that if the wormhole can be harnessed to return to the
Alpha Quadrant, she will be taking the Ferengi back with them. When Tuvok
voices that this might be a violation of the Prime Directive, Janeway
cleverly answers it in a way that seems much less arbitrary than her choice
in last week's "Swarm"--this proves to be among the show's better moments.
So she beams up the Ferengi, who promptly argue (albeit only to serve their
own interests) that the sudden disappearance of the gods could have severe
consequences on the culture. Seeing that some of their argument is true,
Janeway beams them back, then begins devising a way to trick the Ferengi
into leaving willfully and gracefully such that the people will accept the
departure of their gods. As she puts it, the crew must "out-Ferengi the
Ferengi."
It's about here where Neelix masquerades as a Ferengi, claiming to be the
"Grand Proxy," sent by the Grand Nagus himself to seize the funds and
recall Arridor and Kol to Ferenginar. Some of the dialog between Neelix and
the Ferengi is whimsically amusing for brief moments, but nothing
particularly memorable. (By the time I sat down to write this review I had
already forgotten most of the gags.)
One confusing aspect about this entire idea is how much time passes between
when the crew came up with this plan and when Neelix actually returns to
the planet surface to confront the two Ferengi. There's one cut which seems
to indicate merely a number of hours. But if the Voyager had truly
temporarily stabilized the wormhole and made contact with the Alpha
Quadrant as Neelix claims, ask yourself this: Would these two Ferengi
really believe that a Ferengi official could or would arrive at the
wormhole site so quickly?
I really doubt it, but, then again, these two characters are written with
such unprecedented stupidity that I suppose even they could fall for such a
far-fetched trick. These characters are indeed nothing new as Ferengi go.
One is the smart one of the pair (comparatively speaking) and the other is
a dimwit. Both are written and acted with the usual lack of subtlety
characterized by most guest-starring Ferengi; "False Profits" ups the ante
in Ferengi-as-cartoon-characters with Neelix's presentation of the Nagus'
staff, to which they both exclaim "Grand Nagus!" with jaw-dropped
surprise--a horrifically delivered line that seems like it should've been
uttered by a nine-year-old.
What kills me is that (A) these two Ferengi have been able to survive all
by themselves in the Delta Quadrant long enough to find this planet to
exploit; and (B) the inhabitants of this planet are dumb enough to accept
them as their real Sages. All these Ferengi do all day is sit around and
con the citizens out of their money. Would a real society accept this, even
from their supposed gods? One wonders, but "False Profits" never stops to
consider this question thoughtfully. Sure, the story makes references to it
when convenient for advancing the silly plot (like Janeway's agreement that
kidnapping the Ferengi would be detrimental to the society, for example),
but since the show attempts to be a fast-paced comic romp most of the time,
the real issue is constantly buried under implausible (and more often
absent) reactions on the part of the humanoid society, to the point that
the entire message of the episode (if there is one) is simplified beyond
relevance. The theme of Trek characters mistaken as gods has been done
before...and I assure you it has been done much better (see TNG's "Who
Watches the Watchers").
As a result, most of the characters in the episode come off looking awfully
foolish. One of the most prominent speaking guest roles among the humanoid
aliens is a character named Kafar (Rob LaBelle) who serves as the Ferengis'
personal servant--and is performed with all the skill and hopeless
mannerisms of the class clown in a high school play. Occasionally he's
worth chuckling at, but more often he's just plain dumb.
Neelix comes off looking okay, surprisingly enough. His scenes with the
Ferengi are watchable and even prompted a few giggles from me. Perhaps it's
because he's surrounded by characters who act even sillier than him. (What
good is all the "profit" that Arridor and Kol steal on this planet anyway?
The planet has no contact with outside worlds, so where else could they
possibly use the currency? What can this pre-industrial society possibly
have that a Ferengi con man could want?)
I'd be willing to grant all of these inconsistencies if the show was
consistently funny or had any real point or some sort of payoff.
Unfortunately, the final act is so full of painfully convenient plot
contrivances that it's appalling. You see, Voyager beams the Ferengi and
the crew off the planet after the mission has been accomplished--just in
time to get ready to go through the temporarily stabilized wormhole.
Arridor and Kol are escorted to secured quarters, but they somehow
overpower security (don't ask me how) and get to the shuttle bay where
Janeway has stored their shuttle (in addition to also telling them in
passing that their shuttle was put there). When Tuvok "seals" the shuttle
bay, the Ferengi phaser the shuttle bay door and fly out anyway. None of
these events are even remotely believable. The mere idea that these inept
Ferengi can thwart Voyager's security is frustrating. It sure says a lot
for Tuvok's measures.
What's worse, in attempting to elude Voyager, the Ferengi use some
technical procedure to prevent unwilling transport. This procedure
destabilizes the wormhole and renders it useless--but not before the
Ferengis' shuttle is sucked inside and sent to who-knows-where. Surprised
that Voyager was not able to use the wormhole to get home? I wasn't. I was
surprised, however, at how crammed full with ridiculously unbelievable
events this mishmashed conclusion was. It destroyed what could've been a
passively entertaining show. The first four acts, despite being dumb,
managed to chew through the hour without being unpleasant, but the fifth
act sabotaged everything.
The biggest problem here is the entire subplot involving the wormhole.
There is not nearly enough time devoted to it to be taken at all seriously,
we all know it will fail anyway, it's wall-to-wall with technobabble, and
for what it's utilized is so poorly conceived and executed that the entire
show sinks with it. This subplot should've been seriously rethought or
deleted during the script editing stages. Without the subplot the episode
is mediocre and forgettable; with the subplot included it's a
near-disastrous mess.
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This review Copyright (c) 1996 by Jamahl Epsicokhan, all rights reserved by
the author, including the right to reproduce with the intent of
unauthorized distribution, electronic or otherwise. This review is an
original work of fair criticism and remains the property of the author.
Star Trek: Hypertext --
http://www.students.uiuc.edu/~epsicokh/trek
Jamahl Epsicokhan -- epsi...@uiuc.edu
James Grady Ward
Jamahl Epsicokhan wrote:
>
> Neelix comes off looking okay, surprisingly enough. His scenes with the
> Ferengi are watchable and even prompted a few giggles from me. Perhaps it's
> because he's surrounded by characters who act even sillier than him. (What
> good is all the "profit" that Arridor and Kol steal on this planet anyway?
> The planet has no contact with outside worlds, so where else could they
> possibly use the currency? What can this pre-industrial society possibly
> have that a Ferengi con man could want?)
Never heard of supposedly rich men arguing over the difference
of a few dollars on a bill before? But in seriousness, no the
currency itself would be usless. Of course inside the "temple"
we were shown lots of more ordinary possisions that from artistic
merits alone could be of some value. One would just have to
assume that the native lacky was using the currency they were
receiving to buy these things for them.
--
buckysan
annapuma and unapumma in 98
44% of people think there is intelligent life besides earth
44% of people think there is intelligent life in washington DC
tsbr...@gmail.com
>
> Neelix comes off looking okay, surprisingly enough. His scenes with the
> Ferengi are watchable and even prompted a few giggles from me.