Top Five SNL Advertisements
Gerold Wayne Sumrall
And now, you can share that most intimate time of all... together.
4. The Yard Catpult
And you'll never have to bury a dead pet again!
3. The First National Bank of Change
"We'll work with you to meet your every change need..."
2. The Chameleon XL Luxury Car
You need a car that says, "Hey! I'm not worth the trouble."
1. COLON BLOW!!!
It would take 30 BILLION bowls of your cereal...
Whoa!
Any other favorites out there? Somebody should make a compilation of
both these and the Deep Thoughts and post them.
:)
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Darien / | / / / | /
/ | / / / | /
/ | / | / |
/ / / | / /
/ / / | / /
/ _______ / / | /
/ / / | / |
/ |
_______________________________/____ | ___________
/ |
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"He who would be born must first destr| oy a world."
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Jonathan Frome
: 1. COLON BLOW!!!
: It would take 30 BILLION bowls of your cereal...
HANDI-OFF! (I think this is right)
Dennis Miller and Kevin Nealon:
"Hey, have you seen the new girl?"
"She's nice"
"She really is....too bad about her hands..."
Victoria Jackson looks at her hands which have 6 fingers each and sighs...
"And now, TOE-RIFFIC, for toes."
SO FUNNY!
Jonathan
B-)
barry adams
' if the package has to be there overnight, call the other guys. if it
had to be there two weeks ago, call us.'
another amusing one was the comercial for it's not yogurt.
--
-=*> spirit warrior out <*=- -=*> ephesians 6:12 <*=-
"be strong and courageous! do not tremble
* barry adams or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with
* bad...@uclink.berkeley.edu you wherever you go." joshua 1:9 (nasb)
Tom O Breton
(Maybe it was Lake Michigan?)
When they played "Anticipation" -- ~a la~ the old ketchup commercial --
I almost died laughing.
Tom
--
The Tom spreads its huge, scaly wings and soars into the sky...
(t...@world.std.com, TomB...@delphi.com)
Scott Chupack
> 5. The Love Toilet
> And now, you can share that most intimate time of all... together.
> 4. The Yard Catpult
> And you'll never have to bury a dead pet again!
> 3. The First National Bank of Change
> "We'll work with you to meet your every change need..."
> 2. The Chameleon XL Luxury Car
> You need a car that says, "Hey! I'm not worth the trouble."
> 1. COLON BLOW!!!
> It would take 30 BILLION bowls of your cereal...
> Whoa!
>
Top 10 commercials?
10. Shimmer
Now, now. Shimmer is a floor was, AND a dessert topping!
9. Crystal Gravy
(with honorable mention to swill)
8. Citybank Visa
"He didn't have an answer for that one."
"I didn't have the information she required."
7. Chia Head
(Chris Rock in a chia afro)
6. "We'll take the blame" Express (not the real name)
When there's noone else to blame, blame us.
5. Buh-Weat Sings
"unce, tice, fee tines a mady"
4. Hell (A message from the Almighty God)
"Cause where you're goin' you're gonna pay."
3. The Amazing bass-o-matic 2000
"Wow, great bass!"
2. Adobe
"The 1st car to break the $200 price barrier."
and by far...
1. First National Change Bank
"We have change options you probably never even thought of. If you give
us a $50 bill, we can give you 50 singles. We can give you 49 singles
and 10 dimes. We can give you 25 twos."
"If you give us a hundred dollar bill, we won't give you 2000 nickles.
unless that meets your particular change needs."
"We will give you change equal to the amount that you want change for."
"I was in a rush. I handed the teller a $50 bill and asked for a twenty,
a ten and 2 fives. Needless to say, their computers did pick up the
error, and I got the correct change."
"If you have a crinkly $10 bill, you
you can exchange it for a fresh $10 bill for a birthday card or
something. We can take special orders like that. Usually the same day."
"People ask me all the time, 'How can you make money doing this. The
answer is simple. Volume"
"That's what we do."
>Any other favorites out there? Somebody should make a compilation of
>both these and the Deep Thoughts and post them.
>
>:)
>
>--
>
> __ _ __ __ __ _ __
>Darien / | / / / | /
> / | / / / | /
> / | / | / |
> / / / | / /
> / / / | / /
> / _______ / / | /
> / / / | / |
> / |
> _______________________________/____ | ___________
>/ |
> |
> |
>"He who would be born must first destr| oy a world."
> |
> |
--
***************************************
This is a pretty generic .sig, huh?
Scott Chupack
chu...@engin.umich.edu
***************************************
Tommy Che Vorst
positively had to get there the day before yesterday.
K. Nealon (as high school guy): "Hi! I _really_ have to get these pills to
my girlfriend two weeks ago tuesday."
Clerk: "No problem. That'll be $225."
or:
"Bad Idea Jeans" - That one nearly killed me!
][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][
Tommy (Insp.Clouseau) Graduate Studies, U Manitoba.
email: tvo...@ccu.umanitoba.ca
"Nothing I could ever think to say is as offensive as
your suggestion that I not say it."
Ladybisons Volleyball Rules! TOBA!TOBA!TOBA!TO-BA!!
][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][
Douglas Nieb
Ken Papai
The all-time best commercial:
F-ed Up malt liquor! "I'm feelin' pretty effed up tonight!"
(or was that someone else, but then, SNL did do Cold Cock malt liquor,
ROTFL!!)
--
Ken Papai, Sunnyvale, Calif. "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get
kpa...@rahul.net run over if you just sit there." (Will Rogers)
Dave Brennan
> I was always very partial to the Happy Fun Ball commercial myself...
Definitely a good one: "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball"
It's interesting that the commercials are consistently better than the
skits. I don't think that the preproduction has anything to do with
it, but for some reason they are just better. Another good one was
the Bud-<something> beer commercial with Robin Williams and the
fighting hockey players, although I may be impartial since I play a
lot of hockey... It was great the way it starated off looking like a
real Bud commercial of the time, but then a player totally decks the
guy he is facing off with.
--
Dave Brennan HaL Computer Systems
bre...@hal.com Austin, TX, USA
Steven C Sousa
>
>The all-time best commercial:
>
>F-ed Up malt liquor! "I'm feelin' pretty effed up tonight!"
>
>(or was that someone else, but then, SNL did do Cold Cock malt liquor,
> ROTFL!!)
Actually, F-ed up malt liquor was a sponsor of "I'm Chillin'" with
Chris Rock and Chris Farley. (Another stupid recurring sketch which shows
the worthlessness of Farley.) Perhaps this could loosely be considered a
commercial parody, but not by me.
>--
>Ken Papai, Sunnyvale, Calif. "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get
>kpa...@rahul.net run over if you just sit there." (Will Rogers)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Steve Sousa \ "Can you colorize my life? I'm so sick of black and white."
ste...@wpi.wpi.edu\ -"Anything for Love" by Meatloaf
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Duality
--
spa...@titan.ucs.umass.edu
+-------+ My personality has plurality
|||||=========| O O O | That's why they call me Mr. Duality
+-------+ - the BOBS
Joe Ahmann
: Any other favorites out there? Somebody should make a compilation of
: both these and the Deep Thoughts and post them.
There was one on a couple of years age and I never saw it again. It
was supposed to be a public service announcement about staying in school.
They showed this convict behind bars babbling and using big words he didn't
understand: "And to the consecration of the circumsision blah blah blah"
And the message: KEEP YOUR BUTT IN SCHOOL! I don't remember all the words
he used but it had me rolling.
I also like the Three Legged Jeans and Bad Idea Jeans adds
Loralee Ahmann
Paul Ciszek
>My favorite add was (long time ago) the mineral water from Lake Erie
>(Maybe it was Lake Michigan?)
Swill, the mineral water dredged from the bottom of Lake Erie!
Lake Michigan wouldn't cut it. You have to have lived in the east to
understand...
Tina Mancuso
5. NCI long-distance company
("We won't commit murder...okay, murder.")
4. (tie) Happy Fun Ball, Nerf Crotch Bats
3. Crystal Gravy
2. Jiffy Express
("If it has to be there overnight, call the other guys...")
1. Schmitt's Gay Beer
My favorite recent sketches: Shannen Doherty's wedding video (last
weekend), and the one in the premiere with Rob Schneider as a hippie-
type ("You can put your weed in here."). Anyone else like these?
Oh, and I agree with those who said the Weekend Updates suck.
--Tina
---
Tina Mancuso | "...and remember
tman...@wotan.duch.udel.edu | the truth that once was spoken
man...@pilot.njin.net | to love another person
tman...@drunivac.drew.edu | is to see the face of God."
Jonathan Frome
I just remembered! Wilson trapdoors!
Cuz' with Wilson.....it's outta sight.
Jonathan
B-)
David W Hall
tennis! That was hilarious (even if not politically correct).
Dave
Mike Dedek
|> both these and the Deep Thoughts and post them.
|>
1) Swill bottled water (back when the original cast was on)
2) CANIS pefume (just strange enough).
3) Little Chocolate Donuts (1976, John Belushi)
-Mike
Ed Vorst
>There was one on a couple of years age and I never saw it again. It
>was supposed to be a public service announcement about staying in school.
>They showed this convict behind bars babbling and using big words he didn't
>understand: "And to the consecration of the circumsision blah blah blah"
>And the message: KEEP YOUR BUTT IN SCHOOL! I don't remember all the words
>he used but it had me rolling.
I'm pretty sure that this was a sketch on "In Living Color".
Another great show, but it will soon go the way of "The New Show".
************************************************
Ed Vorst
a.k.a.: The Juggler; El Conquistador;
Eddie Van; The Purple Red
( evo...@umanitoba.ccu.ca )
************************************************
- "I feel like a seventeen year-old.
Unfortunately there's never one
around." Milton Berle
************************************************
Reclaimer: It's mine and I'm never letting go
of it again. So there!
Ed Vorst
Classic Eddie Murphy
"You can make hundreds of dollars every night in the comfort of
your own bedroom"
Warren Edward Kenyon
"Pre-Chewed Charlies"
"Shimmer" -- It's a floor wax. It's a desert topping.
The car commercial:
"We are here at Temple Beth Shalom, to test how smooth
the new xxx rides.
We're going to perform circumcision while driving over
the bumpiest rodes we can find.
...
"Poifect cut."
Of course, Yardapult and Colon Blow are classics, too.
========================================================================
_______ _______ ____
/______/| /\ /______/| /___/ ken...@pogo.den.mmc.com
\ | | |\ \ \ | | | / ken...@mmc.com
\ | | | \ \ \ | | | / Standard Disclaimer
\ | | | \ \ \ | | |/\ *** MADSTOP '81 FOREVER ***
\ | | | \ \ \ | | |\ \
\ | | | \ \ \ | | | \ \ "Sorry for the inconvenience."
\|/ |_____\/ \|/ |__\/ -- God
John Ertel
Hey, who COULDN'T die laughing (or in pain) at the Nerf Crotch Bat
commercial! :)
Or that one about a solvent to burn off your extra fingers!
--
The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the University of
North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the Campus Office for Information
Technology, or the Experimental Bulletin Board Service.
internet: laUNChpad.unc.edu or 152.2.22.80
John Ertel
The NCI one WAS great!
Also, Weekend Updates didn't used to suck. They were hilarious when
Dennis Miller did them. The first one's with Nealon sucked big-time...
now they are ok... some of his non-sequitor jokes like not looking at the
camera or saying something totally unrelated to what's going on get old
after a while tho.
Bring back Dennis Miller!
Roy Eassa
Does anybody remember these two:
"Tryopenin", the arthritis medicine with the impossible-to-open cap
"Alpha" (?), the digital watch so sophisticated, it's like asking somebody
else for the time (because you need three or four hands to work all the
buttons)
Roy Eassa
My favorite has to be the Trap Door one -- very well-made.
And "Big Red" was pretty funny too (sprayed all that red goop all over the
room)
ez01...@chip.ucdavis.edu
: both these and the Deep Thoughts and post them.
How about these gems....
1) The advertisment for the movie "The Fruiting" which was a spoof on
"The Howling?" It starts out like a slice commercial (Fruit going through
a waterfall) and then degenerates into a horror movie ad.
2) The Leona Helmsley Spook House one? Where Nora Dunn as Leona Helmsley
takes you on a mini-tour of her spook house at the top of her hotel in
Midtown Manhattan.
3) Nerf Crotchbat? Great voiceovers and soundtrack!
4) Thirtysomething cereal? Jan Hooks was classic!
5) The spoof on the "You're part of the Coffee generation," which was
re-done to say "You're part of the Crack generation" with Jan Hooks going
insane in a disco club, Kevin Nealon having a heart attack in his office
and Dana Carvey as a gymnast who catches fire.
6) "Balls Off" hormone blocker?
7) Oh and one of the best, EVER! Here's the start of it:
(Japanese music)
Jan Hooks in a fast food outfit: "Something NEW!"
Victoria Jackson behind her: "From The Sea!" And then they start playing
spazmic patty-cake as the ad for "McSooshi" unfolds.
"Cut the fish, with the knife"
"Put the fish, on the rice"
"McSooshi!"
8) Everyone must not forget "I loved it, it was much better than 'Cats'
I'm going to see it again and again." (The ad for "The Amazing Alexander."
The best show you'll never remember.)
9) How about the "Gary Hart, you just can't get him out of your mind," ad?
(Right near the '88 primaries.)
Oh there are so many good ones. It's tough to remember them all! :)
-Trevor Schultz
U of California, Davis
David Lukas
"Cat not included."
---David
Daniel F Boyd
If you need it there tomorrow, call the other guys.
But if it needed to be there THREE WEEKS AGO, call us.
We simulate package mishandling, back-date the receipt, and even
simulate international misrouting! {As the guy is gluing foreign
stamps to the package.}
Love it love it love it!
Scott Chupack
"George Washington was 6'1".
Abraham Lincoln was 6'5".
Franklin Roosevelt was 6'1".
George Bush is 6'2".
But Michael Dukakis is only 5'6".
Bush.
He's Taller."
and the companion ad next week...
"This was George Bush's wife when they got married. <<photo of thin Barbara>>
This is George Bush's wife now. <<current photo>>
If George Bush did *this* to his wife,
imagine what he'll do to the country.
Michael Dukakis.
His wife looks just fine."
Elson R. Trinidad
I thought the visual effect for "Big Red" was only mildly funny.
But that commercial had me cracking up - what made it funny was the
corny jingle they used for the background music! A lot of toy commercials
have that kind of music...
"Cos he's Big! Big! Big! and he's Red! Red! Red! and that's why he's known as..
BIG RED!"
-- 30 --
==============================================================================
______________
/____ / E l s o n T r i n i d a d
/____ / etri...@scf.usc.edu
University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
"The truth hurts, but lies kill."
==============================================================================
Ken Papai
>Hey, who COULDN'T die laughing (or in pain) at the Nerf Crotch Bat
>commercial! :)
ROTFL!!
Still swiggin' my Effed Up malt liquor!
Kevin R Paarlberg
engine to pop in the event of an accident so you have something to do while
you wait for the ambulance/cops to get there.
--
Kevin Paarlberg e-mail KP...@iastate.edu 1504 Ridgewood
(515)-233-3380 Oskee-wow-wow Ames, IA 50010
Professor, I really do not know what the units are.
Lester Ward
> Another good one was
>the Bud-<something> beer commercial with Robin Williams and the
>fighting hockey players, although I may be impartial since I play a
>lot of hockey... It was great the way it starated off looking like a
>real Bud commercial of the time, but then a player totally decks the
>guy he is facing off with.
the other guys was Joe Piscopo (sp?)
that one was great though:
"he's not that good."
(bring out your best)
"He's not even that good looking"
(Bring out your best)
"So how could my wife go out with him?"
(Bring out your best, you gotta reach deep indside...)
The other ad that floors me more now than when I saw it is the 3-legged
jeans ad. I'd kill for one of those "Pull My Leg" shirts. Every once
in a while I hear the "a-leg-and-a-leg-and-a-leg" jingle in my head
and bust up.
Wordman
"But then I thought, when am I gonna get back to Haiti?"
-- David Spade
gordon hlavenka
ficticious technical product. The whole commercial is just a jumble
of buzzwords.
It was called something like a "Matrix Flange" but I don't think that's
exactly it.
I'm a technical guy myself, and I can't remember anything they said --
which makes it all the funnier!
--
----------------------------------------------------
Gordon S. Hlavenka cgo...@vpnet.chi.il.us
Proud father of Daniel Scott born August 9, 1993
lis
>In article <Oct.7.20.50....@pilot.njin.net>,
>Tina Mancuso <man...@pilot.njin.net> wrote:
>>
>>
>>My favorite recent sketches: Shannen Doherty's wedding video (last
>>weekend), and the one in the premiere with Rob Schneider as a hippie-
>>type ("You can put your weed in here."). Anyone else like these?
>>Oh, and I agree with those who said the Weekend Updates suck.
As I have said before, isn't Rob Schnieder great? I love him. That skit
with the weed was excellent. He also does a mean Elvis!
>
>
>Also, Weekend Updates didn't used to suck. They were hilarious when
>Dennis Miller did them. The first one's with Nealon sucked big-time...
>now they are ok... some of his non-sequitor jokes like not looking at the
>camera or saying something totally unrelated to what's going on get old
>after a while tho.
>
>Bring back Dennis Miller!
>
That's the whole point, they suck because they ARE Kevin Nealon and not
Dennis Miller. Dennis has the obscure sense of humor that just knocks me
over every time I hear it. I wish we could bring him back but alas that
will probably never happen. The only thing that keeps me from leaving
during this segment is David Spade's Hollywood Minute and the occasional
arrival of Opera Man.
Lissa
"it's called reality -- look into it"
--
>
Steven M. Knapp
Or a favorite was the ad for god w/ Anthony Michael Hall...
With the 'where you're going you've always known it' music, yuppie
shots of planes and cars, lines like "to the guy who sold his condo
for twice what it is worth", and in the end "you're going to burn"...
-Steve
Steven M. Knapp
>In article <CELJ...@world.std.com> m...@world.std.com (Roy Eassa) writes:
>>And "Big Red" was pretty funny too (sprayed all that red goop all over the
>>room)
>
>I thought the visual effect for "Big Red" was only mildly funny.
>But that commercial had me cracking up - what made it funny was the
>corny jingle they used for the background music! A lot of toy commercials
>have that kind of music...
>
>"Cos he's Big! Big! Big! and he's Red! Red! Red! and that's why he's known as..
>BIG RED!"
The music was good, and all the little blips at the bottom about the
goop being toxic and cleanup kit extra were good. Very realistic to
normal toy commercials. But my favorite WAS the visuals. Parent
prepares the dining room, kid gets it all 'red', parent laughs...:)
HEY, how about Calvin Kleen's Complusion...:-) 'Only I knew her pain,
her torment known only to me *whap*'..:-)
-Steve
Steven M. Knapp
perfume for one night stands"...I liked it!
-Steve
This program posts news to thousands of machines throughout the entire
civilized world. Your message will cost the net hundreds if not thousands of
dollars to send everywhere. Please be sure you know what you are doing.
(was it worth it? :o)
Darik Datta
gordon hlavenka
gas...@ouvaxa.cats.ohiou.edu
> Actually, F-ed up malt liquor was a sponsor of "I'm Chillin'" with
>Chris Rock and Chris Farley. (Another stupid recurring sketch which shows
>the worthlessness of Farley.)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Ok. Here you're wrong.
I saw Farley at Second City in Chicago in 1990. He was incredible, funny,
energetic, with remarkable timing in well-written, well-acted sketches. I also
saw another man there who would come to SNL the next year, too, whose name
escapes me (the black gentleman with the small dreadlocks).
Then the next year Farley and the other gentleman appeared on SNL. For the
first year he did fat sketches, limply written, overlong, deadly dull sketches.
What went wrong? I'm certain that the writing of SNL, in addition to its stage
direction and pacing, is terrible and has been so for about 4 years. Their last
good season -- really good, not just the best sketch played at the beginning of
the show will a long, sleepy slide to 1am -- was about 1989. The players are
not at fault, because I've seen talent gone to waste on that show. It feels
like everyone is just punching their timecards, waiting for the big break to
lift them from the tired swamp that SNL has become.
Why do I watch it? Sometimes -- very very rarely -- the show has something more
to say than fag jokes, nigger jokes, bimbo jokes, or the kind of cheap shots it
has lived by these last few years. Let's face it: the show is coasting, living
only because it's the only thing going at that time of night. As it totters
toward its 20th anniversary, the entire format has become ossified, with
writers only a little less cynical than Andrew Dice Clay's. Myself, I tape it,
and if the opening sketch raises itself above the muck, then maybe I'll watch
the second sketch. Sometimes the musical guest is good: often it's not. The
show needs desperately a complete overhaul, cleaning out the writing staff,
firing some of the 'stars', and allowing the new talent to be talented.
Will it happen? maybe...but I doubt it.
banks charles raymond iii 2sztqsfreshman
Gordon Moffett
> How about the camera commercial with Joe Piscapo and Stevie Wonder playing
> tennis! That was hilarious (even if not politically correct).
>
> Dave
"That's OK. Stevie never saw it anyway." <-- (stolen from National Lampoon)
--
Gordon Moffett g...@netcom.com
Portland, Oregon
Bradley S. Corsello
In a previous article, de...@meaddata.com (Mike Dedek) says:
>3) Little Chocolate Donuts (1976, John Belushi)
An Belushi selling commemorative Olypmic gold coins. "Call it a tribute,
call it a ripoff, I don't care..."
--
Brad Corsello (bs...@po.cwru.edu) 3L Case Western Reserve Law School
If you don't get the President of the United States on that phone...
... you'll have to answer to the Coca Cola company. - 'Bat' Guano
USENET: 30 megabytes a day of unmitigated cretinism. - Me
Bradley S. Corsello
In a previous article, skn...@iastate.edu (Steven M. Knapp) says:
>There was a perfume bit back in the 'old days' called "Hey You" "They
>perfume for one night stands"...I liked it!
And Harley's Bristol Cream... Gilda yelling out her apartment window to
some bum "Hey! You want some Harley's?"
Matthew B Landry
seem to be generating too much sympathy here...
--
Matthew B. Landry | m...@mail.msen.com
President of Project SAVE | (313)971-5469 (H/W)
My opinions are my most prized posession. I don't share them.
Kithinisis
Kevin W. McAuley
>
>In a previous article, skn...@iastate.edu (Steven M. Knapp) says:
>
>>There was a perfume bit back in the 'old days' called "Hey You" "They
>>perfume for one night stands"...I liked it!
>
>And Harley's Bristol Cream... Gilda yelling out her apartment window to
>some bum "Hey! You want some Harley's?"
--
A large viper must be inserted up your rectum carefully.