Unfinished Krusty Joke
Haynes Lee
> I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
> Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
> show of course!
>I need to know how it finishes:
> "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
> Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
> Does anyone know the end?
> Is there an end?
Phallic imagery aside, it is something of the form
This piano was played by Liberace because he was the "peeniest"
(sound like pianist)
david joseph kathman
No, no, no. This joke is as old as the hills, older than Liberace. Let me
tell the short version:
Guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and a 1-foot tall man, who
proceeds to play the piano beautifully. Everyone is amazed, and the
bartender asks the guy, "Wow, where did you get such a tiny man who can play
the piano so well?" The guy replies, "Well, I was walking on the beach
when I found a bottle. I rubbed it, and a genie came out and said he would
grant me one wish. Well, just my luck, this genie turned out to be hard
of hearing. He thought I asked for a twelve-inch *pianist*."
Badump-bump.
Dave Kathman
dj...@midway.uchicago.edu
Jordan Lewis
"There once was a man named Enos..."
--
------------------------------------
Jordan Lewis / Jor...@ix.netcom.com
------------------------------------
Gerry Canavan
Scott Turney
about
this seasons cliffhanger season finale in which Mr. Burns is shot. Does
anyone know anything about this or would anyone care to wildly
speculate?
Rhonda Rubin
Turney) wrote:
Obvious answer? Smithers did it!! Burns apparently destroyed Smithers'
copy of "It's Raining Men."
Other possibilities:
===================
Apu did it after Burns refused to pay the debt for his hitherto unknown
incredible Squishy habit.
Chief Wiggums did it after Burns blackmailed him with a videotape of the
chief urinating on the mayor's home.
Barney did it...he was actually aiming at something else and an ill-timed
belch caused the gun to fire in another direction.
It was self-inflicted. Burns simply fell on a bullet.
Well, you *did* say "wildly speculate."
--
"The dew fell with a particularly sickening thud this morning."
Nathan Wong
: I was flipping through some channels the other day and saw a story
: about
: this seasons cliffhanger season finale in which Mr. Burns is shot. Does
: anyone know anything about this or would anyone care to wildly
: speculate?
Apparently nobody knows other than the writers who did it. They had the
artists draw up a bunch of different endings just so nobody will know
which ending is the right one (rather expensive if you ask me).
Trevor Fraser
: Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
: > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
: > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
: > show of course!
: >I need to know how it finishes:
: > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
: > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
: > Does anyone know the end?
: > Is there an end?
: Phallic imagery aside, it is something of the form
: This piano was played by Liberace because he was the "peeniest"
: (sound like pianist)
Actually, the joke goes like this -
Guy walks into a bar, puts a 12" pianist on the bar. Bartender goes
"Wow, where did you get that?" Guy with the pianist says "There's a
genie outside who'll grant you any one wish."
Bartender is understandably excited, runs outside and sees the genie.
The genie asks him what his wish is for.
Bartender: "I wish for a million bucks!"
Suddenly, the area is filled with all these ducks. Bartender is
confused, goes back inside to the dude with the pianist. "Man, I asked
for a million dollars and that stupid genie gave me a million ducks!"
Guy with pianist: "Do you really think I would ask for a twelve inch
pianist?"
heh heh heh
Okay, it loses something across the modem.
Trev
Mathew Edward Elli Rippere
: Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
: : Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
: : > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
: : > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
: : > show of course!
: : >I need to know how it finishes:
: : > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
: : > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
: : > Does anyone know the end?
: : > Is there an end?
: : Phallic imagery aside, it is something of the form
: : This piano was played by Liberace because he was the "peeniest"
: : (sound like pianist)
Actually, after the diminutive musician plays a stirring rendition of a
Beethoven sonata, the bartender asks the man where he aquired this marvel
of nature. The man grudgingly tells that he has a genie, and that he would
me MORE than happy to get rid of it. The bartender takes the genie and
wishes for a million bucks. Much to his dismay, the bar fills up with an
immence number of ducks. The confused bartender asks the man what
happened. the man tells the bartender that the genie is a little hard of
hearing, after all, he didn't really wish for a 12-inch pianist, did he?
the whole joke relies on the preferred pronunciation of "pianist" with the
stress on the first syllable. For what it's worth.
Rip.
Patrick Dell'Arena
: Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
: > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
: > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
: > show of course!
: >I need to know how it finishes:
: > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
: > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
<somthing along the lines of>
The bartender asks the man "Where'd you get him?"
and the man says " I found a Jennie (sp?) who granted me any wish.
But he didn't hear me right."
: > Does anyone know the end?
: > Is there an end?
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Play hard, Play fair, Play to Win
Christine Connelly
: Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
: > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
: > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
: > show of course!
: >I need to know how it finishes:
: > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
: > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
: > Does anyone know the end?
: > Is there an end?
: Phallic imagery aside, it is something of the form
Lelanthran Manickum
: Gerry Canavan (kami...@gti.gti.net) wrote:
: Actually, after the diminutive musician plays a stirring rendition of a
: Beethoven sonata, the bartender asks the man where he aquired this marvel
: of nature. The man grudgingly tells that he has a genie, and that he would
: me MORE than happy to get rid of it. The bartender takes the genie and
: wishes for a million bucks. Much to his dismay, the bar fills up with an
: immence number of ducks. The confused bartender asks the man what
: happened. the man tells the bartender that the genie is a little hard of
: hearing, after all, he didn't really wish for a 12-inch pianist, did he?
: the whole joke relies on the preferred pronunciation of "pianist" with the
: stress on the first syllable. For what it's worth.
: Rip.
please let this joke rest.....
ive had enuff....
cum up with sumthing new please....
deadbeat
Mike
Didn't see that show, but the way _I_ heard the joke is (excuse my
abbrev's):
Guy walks into a bar...piano/12-inch pianist..
--Bartender: "where'd you get him? That's really neat. He plays good,
too."
--Guy: "I found this Genie (pulls out lamp, sets on bar)-- here you can
have it. But he only grants 1 wish. Make it a good one."
--BT rubs lamp, genie comes out, says (sic) "I can grant you 1 wish."
--BT says "wow this is great!!... OK, I want a million bucks!"
--Genie: (pauses) "Done. Go outside & collect what you wished for." <poof>
--BT runs outside
THUD!!
THUD!!
THUDTHUD (etc.)
"Omigod, it's raining DUCKS!! What the HELL..??"
BT runs back inside, Genie's gone, BT asks the Guy "Hey, I thought the
Genie's supposed to grant me my wish-- There's about a million DUCKS
falling out of the sky!!"
Guy: "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, he must be hard of hearing... You
think I asked for a 12-inch PIANIST?
Wahh, wahh, wahh, wahhhhhhh.....
:) :) :)
In article <D81yK...@maestro.maestro.com>, usci...@maestro.maestro.com
(Patrick Dell'Arena) wrote:
>
> Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
> : Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
> : > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
> : > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
> : > show of course!
> : >I need to know how it finishes:
>
> : > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
> : > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
> <somthing along the lines of>
> The bartender asks the man "Where'd you get him?"
> and the man says " I found a Jennie (sp?) who granted me any wish.
> But he didn't hear me right."
>
> : > Does anyone know the end?
> : > Is there an end?
>
Steve Skinner
>Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
>: Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
>: > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
>: > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
>: > show of course!
>: >I need to know how it finishes:
>
>: > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
>: > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
No, NO, NO...
The punchline of this joke involves a hard-of-hearing Genie granting a wish
for something sounding like "a 12-inche pianist".
I can't remember the joke though...
Steve Skinner
Terry Caplenor
(CONYNGHAM SAMUEL T) wrote:
> bi...@torfree.net (Christine Connelly) writes:
>
> >Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
> >: Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
> >: > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
> >: > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
>
> >: > Does anyone know the end?
> >: > Is there an end?
>
> >: Phallic imagery aside, it is something of the form
>
>
> >: This piano was played by Liberace because he was the "peeniest"
> >: (sound like pianist)
> The one I know ends like this:
> The barman says "How did you get that?"
> The man says "well I my rubbed this lamp and out came a genie and gave me
> one wish. Unfortuneately when I asked for a 12 inch penis he kinda misheard
> me.
> -sam
>
> Sam Conyngham Email: ts...@wumpus.cc.uow.edu.au
Yeah, well... but I'd like to know the ending to the OTHER unfinished
Krusty, "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Anyone know it?
Sofie Rudolph
>
> Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
> : Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
> : > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
> : > show of course!
> : >I need to know how it finishes:
>
> : > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
The joke is about a man who saves a little fairy's life who then
grants him a wish. He wishes for a 12 inch penis but I guess
she misheard!
A Myles
>Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
>: Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
>: > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
>: > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
>: > show of course!
>: >I need to know how it finishes:
>: > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
>: > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
>: > Does anyone know the end?
>: > Is there an end?
>: Phallic imagery aside, it is something of the form
>: This piano was played by Liberace because he was the "peeniest"
>: (sound like pianist)
I thought it was along the lines of he had something that could make
everyones' wish come true... Nobody gets exactly what they asked for...
The man said "Do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"... etc...
Andy
byteme
>
>In article M...@torfree.net, bi...@torfree.net (Christine Connelly) writes:
>>Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
>>: Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
>>: > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
>>: > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
>>: > show of course!
>>: >I need to know how it finishes:
>>
>>: > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
>>: > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
>
>
>The punchline of this joke involves a hard-of-hearing Genie granting a wish
>for something sounding like "a 12-inche pianist".
>
>I can't remember the joke though...
>
>Steve Skinner
>
Here it is as I heard it:
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender brings the man
a drink and as he reaches into his pocket to pay, he brings out a little
man about a foot tall and a miniature piano. He pays the bartender and
the little man sits at the piano and starts to play. The bartender
watches this for a while and finally is overcome with curiosity. He
walks over and says, "I don't mean to bother you, but I was just
wondering what's with the little piano player." The man pulls out a lamp
from his coat pocket and says, "I got him from this magic lamp." "Yah,
right." says the bartender. "No really, I did, " replies the man, "Do
you want to try it?" The bartender looks surprised, "Ya sure I'll try
it!". So he grabs the lamp and starts rubbing it and a genie pops out.
"Your wish is my command!" yells the genie. "WOW! I think I'll wish for
a million bucks." and just as the bartender finishes saying it, poof!,
there are ducks everywhere. A million ducks fill the bar. "What the
hell is going on!" the bartender screams to the man at the bar, who says,
"Don't look at me. Do you think I wished for a twelve inch pianist."
See Ya
Canucklehead
CONYNGHAM SAMUEL T
>Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
>: Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
>: > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
>: > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
>: > Does anyone know the end?
>: > Is there an end?
>: Phallic imagery aside, it is something of the form
>: This piano was played by Liberace because he was the "peeniest"
>: (sound like pianist)
Crazed Lunatic
> bi...@torfree.net (Christine Connelly) wrote:
> >
> > Haynes Lee (l...@g9.rmc.ca) wrote:
> > : Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
> > : > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
> > : > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
> > : > show of course!
> > : >I need to know how it finishes:
> >
> > : > "A man walks into a bar, sits down and puts a tiny piano on the bar.
> > : > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
>
> The joke is about a man who saves a little fairy's life who then
> grants him a wish. He wishes for a 12 inch penis but I guess
> she misheard!
>
>
Oh, you know how to really kill a joke. The full joke is as follows:
A man goes into a bar with a small box.He asks the bartender, "If I
show you the neatest thing you've ever seen, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender says, "Sure, but I have to warn you, I've seen a LOT of
things in my time."
The man says, "Yeah, but you've never seen anything like this."So he
opens the box and there sits a little man at a piano, jamming away.He
plays Bach, he plays Beethoven, he plays it all.The bartender is
impressed, to say the least.
"That IS the neatest thing I've ever seen!Where did you get him?"the
bartender asks.
"Well, I was walking on the beach, found this lamp and rubbed it, and a
genie came out and granted me a wish,"the man said.
The bartender eyes the lamp."Do you think I could have a wish, too?"
he asks.
"Sure,"says the man.So the bartender rubs the lamp, the genie pops
out, and the bartender says, "I want a million bucks."
POOF!The bar is filled with ducks.They're flying around, they're
crapping on everything, they are EVERYWHERE.
The bartender yells at the man, "Why didn't you tell me that genie wasn't
worth a damn?"
The man replies, "You don't REALLY think I wished for a twelve-inch
PIANIST, do you?"
________________________________________________________________________________
Animaniacs:
Dr. Scratchansniff: Now we will work on our diction. How do we
avoid bad elocution?
Yakko: Stay inside during a thunderstorm.
-- Taming of the Screwy
________________________________________________________________________________
gary.o...@live.ie
ca1dol...@gmail.com
A man walks into a bar, and sits down on a barstool, placing a small brown bag on the counter next to him. He signals to the bartender and then proceeds to down 3 shots of scotch.
The bartender, being no fool asks, "Hey man what's wrong?"
Without replying the man slowly reaches over and grabs the brown bag. Opening it, he pulls out a tiny piano. To the bartender's surprise he reaches back in and pulls out a tiny man, who couldn't be standing more than a foot tall, dressed in a full tuxedo. The tiny man walks up to the piano, pulls out the piano bench and carefully sits down. He then continues to play some of the most beautiful soothing music the bartender has ever heard.
"Where on earth did you get this little man?!"
"Oh I have a genie."
The bartender can barely contain his excitement, "You do? Can I see it?"
"Of course, of course," says the man pulling out an ornately decorated lamp.
The bartender takes the lamp and rubs it and out pops a genie.
"You have summoned me. What is your one wish sir?"
"I want a million bucks!" The bartender shouts.
Immediately the room begins to fill up with ducks. Feathers are flying everywhere, the other patrons begin screaming and running for the doors.
As the ducks continue to appear out of thin air, the bartender looks frantically at the man with the brown bag who has a sly smile on his face.
"WHAT HAPPENED!? I DIDN'T ASK FOR THESE DUCKS!!"
"Well do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
Mr. Museum
Mr. Museum
wearyflake
George and son Rodney? Couldn't his comedian relatives be
jealous of his success in power plant administration?
thepin...@gmail.com
What is the punchline for"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"?
Answer: There IS no known punchline. It's from Alice In Wonderland and good old butch Lewis never wrote the second half to that joke.
Being an orphaned setup of some type I guess the "joke" is the orphaned setup itself and the frustration of never finding out the ending - as most naughty jokes end when you realise a child is listening.
This of course may not be true but that's the point really. We'll never know.
It's Lewis' joke on us.
shinm...@gmail.com
> Ian Parkinson (i.w.pa...@bms.salford.ac.uk) wrote:
> > I heard this on The Simpsons this week. It's a joke told by Krusty for
> > Marge's video camera - he had to cut it short because it's a family
> > show of course!
> >I need to know how it finishes:
>
> > Then he takes out his 12-inch pianist ...."
>
> > Is there an end?
>
> Phallic imagery aside, it is something of the form
>
>
> This piano was played by Liberace because he was the "peeniest"
> (sound like pianist)
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/11/18/guy-walks-into-a-bar
Travoltron
> What is the punchline for"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"?
nevar put with the wrong end in front!
