Best Grandpa lines
Shannon Webster
and Maggie away from Homer and Marge and grandpa was "supposed" to
babysit. While he is sleeping the welfare people come and see the whole
house is shambles. Then Homer and Marge come home from a relaxing mud
bath to find that their kids are being taken away. Homer has a fit at
grandpa saying "I leave the kids with you for one afternoon and look what
happens!" Grandpa starts to and replies in his usual monotone voice,
"Ohhhhh bitch, bitch, bitch!" and leaves. I laughed at that for such a
long time.
Shannon Webster
On 17 Jan 1996, James Musgrave wrote:
> The absolute best Grampa line occurs in the episode when the family
> enters the witnessing protection program and moves to Cape Fear, but
> forget Grampa. Banging on the door he says "Its cold out here and there
> are wolve's after me"
>
>
>
>
LAA and MNB
LAA
##################################################
LAMBAN
"This is amazing coffee!" - Pulp Fiction
jerr...@usa.pipeline.com
Joe Friday; "Is this a pathetic attempt to stall for time or are you just
senile?"
Grandpa ; "Mmmm, a little from column A and a little from column B."
Jerry Dark
"Remember, Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain. He died in Washington DC."
Gordon Wetstein
>
>(night falls)
>
>"Dang."
Adam: I think the best line was in the Sideshow Bob\ Air show episode.
In the middle of a frantic, fleeing crowd, Grandpa steps into one of
those Port-o-pottys and declares:
"Hey, this elevator only goes down one floor...and someone made an
awful mess down there."
R. Dalisky
When Abe quit his job at the burger place and told them that in
regards to their hand washing rule, "that's your rule, not mine." Not
sure of the episode.
Jim Leonard
declared "Yea, and she'd do things your Grandmother never dreamed
of...like have sex for money."
OHHHH Beautiful!
dr
>When discuusing his experience with a prostitute,as a young man, Abe
>declared "Yea, and she'd do things your Grandmother never dreamed
mother, not grandmother. If he was talking about Homer's grandmother, then,
well, OEDIPUS!
>of...like have sex for money."
>OHHHH Beautiful!
just my 3 cents
______________________________________________________________________
dr...@cornell.edu
"Some people like killing hamburgers,
Some people like killing sodas,
Some people like killing people,
Some people like killing eyes..." -- Unknown
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad." -- Salvador Dali
Benton L Taylor
: When discuusing his experience with a prostitute,as a young man, Abe
: declared "Yea, and she'd do things your Grandmother never dreamed
: OHHHH Beautiful!
My personal favorite Grandpa Simpson line is when he is at Lisa's music
recital and he yell, "This sucks!"
Chris Palmer
best lines.
My favorite Grandpa Moments are:
"That Racoon stole my lambchop" grandpa says after santa's little helper
helps himself to his dinner.
The episode where he is going to get married to Marge's mother is cool
because of those guys keep bothering grandpa about the unlawful
impersonations. "Good night Mrs. Bovier, where ever you are"
sorry, I know I probably spelled Bovier wrong, just leave me alone.
David S. Pate
amount of time he is featured. His best lines include:
Grandpa: "We have to kill the boy!"
Marge: "How'd you know he was a vampire?"
Grandpa: "He's a vampire? Aaaaaa!"
Homer: "Don't say that word!"
Grandpa: "What, 'sex'? What's the matter with hearing your elderly
father talk about seeeexxxxx?"
Homer: "We leave the kids with you for three hours and they get taken
away?"
Grandpa: "Bitch, bitch, bitch!"
Homer: "Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break
yours."
Grandpa: "Ooohhh -- this is gonna' be sweet!"
Gordon Fountain
too.
They go up to watch the Goldilocks and the 3 bears show and the bears say
they're typical lines and when the baby bear says "Somebody's been sleeping
in my bed, and their still there" (or something) grandpa simpson moves the
covers and says "I'm sorry, but it was 120 degrees in the car!"
Jeffrey Budzynski
your pants?!"
Grampa: "I...DON'T...KNOWWWW!"
Grampa: "We can't bust heads like we used to, but, we have our
ways...One way is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the
time I had to take the ferry over to Morganville. I needed a new heel
for m' shoe, so, I decided to take the ferry over to Morganville (which
is what they called Shelbyville at the time). Now, the ferry over to
Morganville cost a nickel. Now, in THOSE days, nickels had pictures of
BUMBLE BEES on 'em! 'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. So, I
tied an onion to my belt (which was the style at the time). Now, we
didn't have white onions, because of the war. All we had were those
big, yellow ones..."
NDykeman
That's my dog man
Goodbye Lamp...
same episode...
you shoulda fired into the air....whe would of run off
Vega9223
"C"...it continued with "D"...
(sorry, I am paraphrasing)
Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
is cold, and there are wolves after me..
vincent radford
"I'll be buried in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missouri!"
Clay Loomis
The metric system is the tool of the Devil! My car gets forty rods to
the hogs-head, and that's the way I likes it!
Pan64
grandpa and the old man chant " We Like Roy We like Roy"!!!!
cz...@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca
"That raccoon stole my pork chop!"
Marge: "How long have you been in the back seat?"
Grampa: "...Three days."
Secretary: "We have a substantial cheque here for a Abraham Simpson."
Grampa: "That's right, I did the icky!"
Zach Haffey
"Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind you of the
grim spectre of deeeeeeath?"
Michael Pearn
'That racoon stole my *lamb* chop' (not pork)
--
Michael Pearn
Melbourne, Australia
E-mail: eco...@lust2.latrobe.edu.au
Homepage: http://lusta.latrobe.edu.au/~ecocbep/buzz.htm
Sarah Fidelibus
: The crowd chants " Be Like The Boy" during the motivational seminar and
: grandpa and the old man chant " We Like Roy We like Roy"!!!!
My fave Jasper line is from the Who Shot Mr. Burns ep., when Smithers et.
al come to his door and Jasper says to them, "The who did what in the
what now?" <something along those lines, anyway. Anyone know what he
really said?> It just cracked me up the way he said it, when they told
him Smithers had shot Jasper the night before.
--sarah
Derek Alexander Pillie
: --sarah
Sarah,
I think it is "He shot who in the what now?" or "You shot who in
the what now?" My fav is one I think someone oon here uses as their sig,
"This sidewalk's for regular walkin', not fancy walkin'."
Derek
--
Derek Alexander Pillie dpi...@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu
dpi...@aol.com 2100 Eye Street, NW
20 Derstine Road Adams Hall #608
Hatfield, PA 19440-3405 Washington, DC 20052
(215) 723-0759 (202) 676-2480
DKirk78
(Derek Alexander Pillie) writes:
>: My fave Jasper line is from the Who Shot Mr. Burns ep., when Smithers
et.
>: al come to his door and Jasper says to them, "The who did what in the
>: what now?" <something along those lines, anyway. Anyone know what he
>: really said?> It just cracked me up the way he said it, when they told
>: him Smithers had shot Jasper the night before.
>
>: --sarah
>
>Sarah,
> I think it is "He shot who in the what now?" or "You shot who in
>the what now?" My fav is one I think someone oon here uses as their sig,
>
>"This sidewalk's for regular walkin', not fancy walkin'."
>
>Derek
>
>
"Silly fools! The drive-thru ain't for the parkin' "
Daniel "Hans Moleman" McCoy
Thom Graff
>From: rlo...@slonet.org (Clay Loomis)
>Subject: Re: Best Grandpa lines- Great "Old Man" line!!!!!
>Date: Thu, 22 Feb 1996 14:13:53 GMT
God, pleeeease, someone follow with his speech about the Onion on his belt
when he went to Shelbyville. If I even attempt it, I'll just screw it up, but
that story had me ROTFLMAO!!!
thankyou.
Thom
peter enns
"I'm scared and the wolves are after me!"
Justin
Jordan Adema
> >>> is cold, and there are wolves after me..
>
> >> "I'll be buried in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missouri!"
>
> >The metric system is the tool of the Devil! My car gets forty rods to
> >the hogs-head, and that's the way I likes it!
Can anyone remember what he says when he's trying to change the T.V.
channel at the beginning at one of the latest ephisodes? That was
hilarious...
O'NEIL Damian James
: > >>> Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
Thaaat's right, I did the iggy !
but the best SCENE is where he's trying to play space invaders with bart,
Whenever me and my mate are plying Mortal Kombat (or some other total TRIPE)
When I'm losing I yell out "Which one's the joystick !".
--
******************************************************************************
*Powdered TOAST Man. * s303...@pompeii.mpce.mq.edu.au *
* * URL : Temporarily offline *
*GUAVARAMA. * *
******************************************************************************
Steven Candela
I've been trying desperately to remember the Grampa line from a few
Halloween specials ago (at least my brain has it stored as a halloween
special) - he gives Bart a big suitcase full of money for his birthday:
"It's not my money, I didn't earn, I didnn't ask for it, but if they try
to take it away I'll raise hell." Damm, cna't remember it exactly.
Of course, the best Grampa moment is the Halloween special where everyone
thinks Bart is a vampire:
Grampa, running in with stak and mallet: "Kill the boy!!"
Marge: "Granpa, how did you know Bart was a vampire."
Grampa: "He's a vampire?" and runs from the room.
In article <Pine.OSF.3.91.960123...@beothuk.swgc.mun.ca>,
Shannon Webster <sweb...@beothuk.swgc.mun.ca> wrote:
>I think the best grandpa line occurs when the welfare takes Bart, Lisa,
>and Maggie away from Homer and Marge and grandpa was "supposed" to
>babysit. While he is sleeping the welfare people come and see the whole
>house is shambles. Then Homer and Marge come home from a relaxing mud
>bath to find that their kids are being taken away. Homer has a fit at
>grandpa saying "I leave the kids with you for one afternoon and look what
>happens!" Grandpa starts to and replies in his usual monotone voice,
>"Ohhhhh bitch, bitch, bitch!" and leaves. I laughed at that for such a
>long time.
>
>
>Shannon Webster
>
>On 17 Jan 1996, James Musgrave wrote:
>
>> The absolute best Grampa line occurs in the episode when the family
>> enters the witnessing protection program and moves to Cape Fear, but
>> forget Grampa. Banging on the door he says "Its cold out here and there
>> are wolve's after me"
>>
>>
>>
>>
J.P. Alarie
getting the job at the burger place.
(Grandpa on a bike riding down the street)
"Look at me, I'm acting young!"
(wipes out, lands in an open grave)
"Hey, the ain't so bad."
Hilarious!
J-P
"Quiet Marge, I'm teaching the baby to gamble!" -Homer Simpson
Todd Birky
: Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
: is cold, and there are wolves after me..
I agree, this has to be the best, cracks me up every time...
next...
CWCrisman
One of my favorite lines is from the wacking day episode. grandpa tells
Bart how he spent the war as a german caberet singer. Bart asks if this is
really true, and grandpa replies(something like)
well I did where a dress for a time in the fourties; oh they had designers
then!
This episode is also one of my favorites because Homer imagines his dark
side- dancing on his grave as a devil singing "I am evil Homer, I am evil
Homer"!
Homie D. Clown
Todd Birky (bi...@saucer.cc.umr.edu) wrote:
: : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
: : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
: I agree, this has to be the best, cracks me up every time...
: next...
--
One that I found funny was the line:
"What's so wrong about hearing your elderly father talk about seeeeeeex.
I had seeeeeeeex."
See ya in the funny pages,
Mr. Clown
=======================================================================
|Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? |
|Pinky: Uh, I think so Brain, but burlap chafes me so. |
=======================================================================
Karla Renninger
In article <4pn5fd$n...@peabody.colorado.edu>, che...@ucsub.Colorado.EDU
(Homie D. Clown) wrote:
> Todd Birky (bi...@saucer.cc.umr.edu) wrote:
>
> : : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
> : : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
>
> : I agree, this has to be the best, cracks me up every time...
>
>
> : next...
>
> --
> One that I found funny was the line:
>
> "What's so wrong about hearing your elderly father talk about seeeeeeex.
> I had seeeeeeeex."
>
Or how about the episode where they went to the Story Time villiage:
Bear: "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed."
Grandpa: "Well, I'm sorry, it was 150 degrees in the car."
or from the airshow episode:
"This elevator only goes to the basement, and someone made an awful mess
down there."
Matt Sepic
In article <4pn5fd$n...@peabody.colorado.edu>
che...@ucsub.Colorado.EDU (Homie D. Clown) wrote:
> Todd Birky (bi...@saucer.cc.umr.edu) wrote:
>
> : : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
> : : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
>
> : I agree, this has to be the best, cracks me up every time...
>
>
> : next...
>
> --
> One that I found funny was the line:
>
> "What's so wrong about hearing your elderly father talk about seeeeeeex.
> I had seeeeeeeex."
>
> See ya in the funny pages,
> Mr. Clown
>
>
====================================================================
===
> |Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? |
> |Pinky: Uh, I think so Brain, but burlap chafes me so. |
>
====================================================================
===
"Hello...I'm cold and there are wolves after me..."
/\/\att
bradley tina lynn
On 12 Jun 1996, Homie D. Clown wrote:
> Todd Birky (bi...@saucer.cc.umr.edu) wrote:
>
> : : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
> : : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
>
> : I agree, this has to be the best, cracks me up every time...
>
>
> : next...
>
> --
> One that I found funny was the line:
>
> "What's so wrong about hearing your elderly father talk about seeeeeeex.
> I had seeeeeeeex."
>
My favorite was from one of the Halloween shows:
Grandpa (with wooden stake in hand): "Kill the boy"
Marge: "How did you know that Bart's a vampire?"
Grandpa: "Bart's a Vampire!?"
Tina
Terrance Scanlan
My Submission of Grandpa's Best Lines:
By: Liam J. Scanlan
From Treehouse of Horror 3:
"That doll is Evil! EEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLLL!"
From Mr. Plow:
When Mr. Plow boots him in the commercial: "My head hurts, I have to lie
down for a while."
From 'Round Springfield:
"Death can stalk you at any moment. DDEEEEAAAAAAAAATH!DDEEEEAAAAAAAAATH!"
From Grandpa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
"What's wrong with your wife?"
"What's wrong with your old man talking about sex. I had SEEEEEEEEEXX!"
"Think of me when your having the best sex of your life!"
From Old Money
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Your haunting me!"
Terrance Scanlan
oracle
My favorite Grampa line is from (I believe) the Whacking Day episode.
"I'm old. I hate everything but Matlock...hey, it's on now", and he darts
away.
Luv,
Oracle
ch...@sprynet.com
My favorite Grandpa line--In the last Treehouse of Horror episode, in the parody of "Nightmare on
Elm Street":
Lisa: When we wake up, we could be dead!
Grandpa: Welcome to my world! (falls asleep and snores away)
I cracked up so hard when I saw that the first time!
Lori Ann Chauvette
ch...@sprynet.com
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL: http://members.aol.com/scully3257/index.htm
Werner Peeters
Terrance Scanlan (tsca...@highlander.cbnet.ns.ca) wrote:
: My Submission of Grandpa's Best Lines:
I don't recall the name of the episode, but it's the one where The
Simpsons go on holiday, and Grandpa has to take care of the animals. Five
seconds after they've left, he asks to SLH and SII: "Which one of you is
the mailman?"
And another memorable moment is in the episode Lisa On Ice, when Sherri
and Terri are playing with a jumprope, quoting a verse that ends in "And
Grandpa Simpson reeks of gin" - to which Grandpa says: "Hey! That's
Obsession For Men!"
--
MAGGIE SIMPSON | Werner Peeters | Office: U538 |
_/\/\/\_ | RUCA Dept. of Mathematics | Phone: maybe someday... |
\,>o(,,/_ | Groenenborgerlaan 171 | Fax: +32 3 218 02 04 |
\(o)(o) /_ | B-2020 Antwerp, Belgium |__________________________|
/c @_/ | E-mail: wpee...@maze.ruca.ua.ac.be
C_, )/ | Homepage: http://www.ruca.ua.ac.be/~wpeeters/
/ |/ |
"Tchunk Tchunk" |
Margaret H. Jones
In article <Pine.Sola.3.91.96061...@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu>,
bradley tina lynn <tlbr...@students.uiuc.edu> wrote:
>My favorite was from one of the Halloween shows:
>
>Grandpa (with wooden stake in hand): "Kill the boy"
>Marge: "How did you know that Bart's a vampire?"
>Grandpa: "Bart's a Vampire!?"
My favorite Grandpa lines are also from one of the Halloween episodes. I
think it was Treehouse of Horrors III, and the sketch was "Clown Without
Pity." Anyway, they went something like:
1. Bart (opens birthday present): Gee, Grandpa, where did you get all this
money?
Grandpa: The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they
miss one payment, I'll raise hell!
2. Grandpa: That doll is evil... evil, I tells ya... ...EVIL!!!!!!!
Marge: You've said that about _all_ the presents!
Grandpa (dejectedly): I just want attention.
And, of course, in the same episode, just before Bart tells his Zombie
story:
Bart: I'll tell you a story so scary you'll wet your pants.
Grandpa: ...too late!
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Margaret H. Jones "If at first I don't succeed,
ange...@hevanet.com there's always next year."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rob Edmunds
In article <4ptgvf$4...@nntp.igs.net>, edm...@igs.net. says...
>
>In article <4pmtpk$g...@hptemp1.cc.umr.edu>, bi...@saucer.cc.umr.edu
>says...
>>
>>
>>: Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my
>pills.....Hellloooooo...it
>>: is cold, and there are wolves after me..
>>
>>I agree, this has to be the best, cracks me up every time...
>>
>>
>>next...
>
>story or something, and then Bart says:
>
>"Nice try, Flanders, but I've got a story so scary you'll wet your
>pants!"
>
>To which Grandpa replies:
>
>"Too late!"
>
>hahahahahahahahahaha!
>
Another one is during the episode where Homer's mother returns. When
she meets Grandpa, he gives her a long lecture (goes something like
this):
Grandpa: "You are the worst mother alive and I will never, ever forgive
you!!"
Then, in a begging tone "Can we have sex?"
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Rob Edmunds
GJ Raj
My favorite Grandpa moment was in the episode where Bart is forbidden to
see the new Itchy and Scratchy movie. Earlier in the episode, Bart had
broken Grandpa's dentures. That night at the nursing home, Grandpa
tip-toed around and was about to take some dentures out of a bottle when
Jasper turned out the light and pulled a shotgun on him and said "Well,
well, if it isn't the tooth fairy." Man, that scene was too funny for
words. I was definitely ROFLMAO.
Greg
-----------------------------------------------------------
"He who places his faith in the people builds his house on mud."-
Machiavelli
DanWi1sn
This may have been mentioned at the beginning of the thread, but my fave
is during theDracula parody.
Gramp: Kill the boy!!!
Marge: How did you know Bart was a Vampire?
Gramp: He IS??? <runs away>
ChadRitt
Another good bit from the one where he cant see itchy and scratchy was
when homer was deciding a punishment.
Homer: Bart, since you broke Grandpas teeth, he gets to break yours.
Grandpa:This is gonna be sweet.
Highflag
> Todd Birky wrote:
> >
> > : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
> > : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa Simpson quote came
from...?
Thank You
HF
"I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their
backs."
- George Costanza
Damian Penny
danw...@aol.com (DanWi1sn) writes:
>This may have been mentioned at the beginning of the thread, but my fave
>is during theDracula parody.
>Gramp: Kill the boy!!!
>Marge: How did you know Bart was a Vampire?
Here's the exact wording:
Abe: "We haave to kill the boy!"
Marge: "Grandpa, how did you know Bart was a vampire?"
Abe: "He's a vampire? AUGH!" [runs away]
--
DAMIAN PENNY --------- dpe...@ganymede.cs.mun.ca --------- U.N.B. LAW
Damian Penny
chad...@aol.com (ChadRitt) writes:
>Another good bit from the one where he cant see itchy and scratchy was
>when homer was deciding a punishment.
Same episode:
Homer: "Dad, if you don't be quiet we're going to put you in a home."
Abe: "You already put me in a home!"
HHomer: "We'll put you in that crooked home we saw on '60 Minutes'."
Abe: "I'll be quiet."
>Homer: Bart, since you broke Grandpas teeth, he gets to break yours.
>Grandpa:This is gonna be sweet.
Andrew Smith
Grandpa: Dear advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are
depicted on television. We are NOT all fun-loving, vibrant, sex maniacs.
Some of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good ol'
days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive.
Grandpa: I don't have to put up with this! I've got better things to do.
I- <snooorrrre>
Andy
Mark Strong
Just after somebody (Lisa?) doubts she can accomplish something,
grandpa says:
I never thought I could shoot down a german plane, but last year I
proved myself wrong!
and
When grandpa is trying to fight off and alligator in the toilet:
Yeah, you want a piece of me, huh? You want some...<grandpa's teeth
fall into the alligator's mouth>...awww.
Daniel L. Dreibelbis
To: Highflag <High...@ix.netcom.com>
Subject: Re: Best Grandpa lines
Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
>> : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my
>> pills.....Hellloooooo...it : is cold, and there are wolves
>> after me..
H > Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa
H > Simpson quote came from...?
"Cape Feare", the "Sideshow Bob gets paroled/Simpsons go under
the Witness Protection Program" episode.
... I am Flanders of Borg- hideho, neighbor, let's get assimilating!
___ Mountain Reader II - #00000007
Joseph Gattafoni
GJ Raj wrote:
>
> My favorite Grandpa moment was in the episode where Bart is forbidden to
> see the new Itchy and Scratchy movie. Earlier in the episode, Bart had
> broken Grandpa's dentures. That night at the nursing home, Grandpa
> tip-toed around and was about to take some dentures out of a bottle when
> Jasper turned out the light and pulled a shotgun on him and said "Well,
> well, if it isn't the tooth fairy."
My favorite Grandpa line was in the same episode once Homer and Marge arrive home
and Grandpa tells them that Bart broke his teeth. Homer says something like "ok Bart,
you broke Grandpa's teeth, now he gets to break yours" and Grandpa rolls him sleeves
up and says "This is gonna be sweet!".
Patrick
Kevin Hemstreet
Highflag <High...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>> Todd Birky wrote:
>> > : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
>> > : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
> Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa Simpson quote came
>from...?
> Thank You
> HF
I don't have this episode on tape (d'oh!), but I believe it's from the
show in which the Simpsons enter the Witness Relocation Program to
escape the murderous Sideshow Bob. One of my all-time favorites!
I hope someone will correct me if I'm wrong. Hope hell, I'm sure we
can count on it....
Kevin
Zach Tippit
O'NEIL Damian James (s303...@mpce.mq.edu.au) wrote:
: Jordan Adema (jad...@grfn.org) wrote:
: : > >>> Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
: : > >>> is cold, and there are wolves after me..
: : > >> "I'll be buried in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missouri!"
: : >
: : > >The metric system is the tool of the Devil! My car gets forty rods to
: : > >the hogs-head, and that's the way I likes it!
: :
: : Can anyone remember what he says when he's trying to change the T.V.
: : channel at the beginning at one of the latest ephisodes? That was
: : hilarious...
: Thaaat's right, I did the iggy !
: but the best SCENE is where he's trying to play space invaders with bart,
: Whenever me and my mate are plying Mortal Kombat (or some other total TRIPE)
: When I'm losing I yell out "Which one's the joystick !".
What about when he is writing one of his letters to TV producers?
"Dear TV producers. I am very tired of the way old people are portrayed
on television. Not all of us are happy with our lives. Many of us are very
bitter."
heh
Daniel L. Dreibelbis
>> : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my
>> pills.....Hellloooooo...it : is cold, and there are wolves
>> after me..
H > Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa
Highflag
> Todd Birky wrote:
> >
> > : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
> > : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa Simpson quote came
from...?
Thank You
HF
"I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their
backs."
- George Costanza
Damian Penny
>To: Highflag <High...@ix.netcom.com>
>Subject: Re: Best Grandpa lines
>Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
>>> : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my
>>> pills.....Hellloooooo...it : is cold, and there are wolves
>>> after me..
>H > Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa
>H > Simpson quote came from...?
> "Cape Feare", the "Sideshow Bob gets paroled/Simpsons go under
>the Witness Protection Program" episode.
>.. I am Flanders of Borg- hideho, neighbor, let's get assimilating!
>___ Mountain Reader II - #00000007
>
>
I'm AMAZED no one has mentioned this one - Kent Brockman is telling
the audience that Springfield was the worst city in the USA for
science, and we see a crowd with Skinner tied to a stake.
Skinner: "I'm telling you, the earth revolves around the sun!"
Abe: "BURN HIM!"
Reporter: "What a story!" [takes picture of Abe]
Abe: "You've stolen my soul!"
Warren Cooksey
Posting before my time...but here goes.
I think it's from "Mr. Plow." Grandpa and others are standing outside
the rest home. In a wonderfully pitiful voice, Grandpa says,
"I'm cold and frightened."
Later, when Homer clears away the snow, Grandpa leads the cheer with,
"We're free!!!" Then, suspiciously:
"I don't like the looks of those teenagers!" And he leads the group
back inside.
ROTFL every time it's rerun.
Joseph
Highflag wrote:
>
> > Todd Birky wrote:
> > >
> > > : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
> > > : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
>
> from...?
> Thank You
> HF
>
> "I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their
> backs."
> - George Costanza
That's in the "Cape Fear/Sideshow Bob #3" episode...
--
Raul Franco
When Bart & Lisa write I&S cartoon under Grandpa's name:
Lisa: "Grandpa didn't you wonder why you were receiving checks
for not doing anything?"
Grandpa: "I just thought it was because the Democrats were back
in power."
Raul...
Uutisnet
>> Todd Birky wrote:
>> >
>> > : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my
pills.....Hellloooooo...it
>> > : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
> Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa Simpson quote came
>from...?
> Thank You
> HF
It is the rip off on teh Cape fear episode where Marge (I think )
asks Homer whether he has forgotten anything and he of course says
"No !" and they show poor Granpa asking for his pills. Hilarious
episode with Side Show Bob (my favorite !!!)........
Sriram
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From: ()
Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
Subject: Re: Best Grandpa lines
Date: Wed, 26 Jun 1996 01:05:50 GMT
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P Matwychuk
dreamed that I was the queen of the Old West. I wore a six-gun in my
garter, I did!"
...and later...
"Boys! Boys! You can BOTH marry me!"
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I like criticism, so long as it's unqualified praise." - Noel Coward
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wolfgang McKeown
McGillicutty, you gotta open the door!"
Homer: "Who is it?"
or
At the DMV, Grampa looks at Patty and then Selma.
"Hello, Marge. Hello, Marge."
Wolfgang McKeown 8-)
Ssquire
>
> Highflag wrote:
> >
> > > Todd Birky wrote:
> > > >
> > > > : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my pills.....Hellloooooo...it
> > > > : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
> >
> > Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa Simpson quote came
> > from...?
> > Thank You
> > HF
> >
> > backs."
> > - George Costanza
>
> That's in the "Cape Fear/Sideshow Bob #3" episode...
to kill bart...
Xenocide
Jeremiah Blanch
<Pine.SUN.3.91.960626...@charon.usc.edu>...
his fingers for him at the awards ceremony and then says "That's gonna
hurt come winter"
Jerry
John DeCicco
How about when Lisa said, "The next time we go to sleep, we could
die." (or something like that), and grandpa says, "Ha, welcome to my
world!"
ch...@sprynet.com
Didn't I mention that one in an earlier post?
I have a new favorite--in tonight's episode, where the Simpson kids end up in foster care,
Homer yells at Grandpa, saying, "I leave you alone with the kids for a few hours, and child
welfare comes and takes them away!" Grandpa looks at him and says, "Bitch, bitch, bitch!"
:-)
*****************************************************************************
Lori Ann Chauvette | Only love can break a heart....but only a
ch...@sprynet.com | sledgehammer can break the window of a
| '57 Chevy. :-)
http://members.aol.com/scully3257/index.htm
"Anything's possible through Christ...and I'm living proof. :-)"
*****************************************************************************
michael_bailey
dpe...@cs.mun.ca (Damian Penny) wrote:
>Daniel_L._Dreibelbis%dre...@zot.io.org%Inte...@csgi.com (Daniel L. Dreibelbis) writes:
>>To: Highflag <High...@ix.netcom.com>
>>Subject: Re: Best Grandpa lines
>>Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
>>>> : Hellloooooooooo.....Heloooooo.....you have my
>>>> pills.....Hellloooooo...it : is cold, and there are wolves
>>>> after me..
>>H > Could someone please tell me which episode this Grampa
>>H > Simpson quote came from...?
>> "Cape Feare", the "Sideshow Bob gets paroled/Simpsons go under
>>the Witness Protection Program" episode.
I believe my favorite is the simpliest. In the episode where the kids
get put in foster care at the Flanders', and Grandpa gets fussed at
about allowing it to happen, his response:
"Ah, bitch, bitch, bitch"
HELEN
In article <4r7q94$n...@mtinsc01-mgt.ops.worldnet.att.net> Michael Bailey writes:
>From: Michael Bailey
>Subject: Re: Best Grandpa lines
>dpe...@cs.mun.ca (Damian Penny) wrote:
>"Ah, bitch, bitch, bitch"
or how about this:
Homeless Guy: Got any spare change, man?
Grandpa: YES! AND YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT!!!... <to jasper> Geez, it seems
everybody wants something for nuthin nowadays. <walks into social security
office> I'm OLD! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!!!!!!!
POSTED BY: he...@mindlink.bc.ca
sdredge
Ssquire <Ssq...@alliance.net> wrote:
>
> Joseph wrote:
> >
> > Highflag wrote:
> > >
> > > > Todd Birky wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > : is cold, and there are wolves after me..
> > >
> > > from...?
> > > Thank You
> > > HF
> > >
> > > "I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their
> > > backs."
> > > - George Costanza
> >
> > That's in the "Cape Fear/Sideshow Bob #3" episode...
> > --it came from the simpsons where the simpsons enter the witness relocation program when the sideshow bob tries
> to kill bart...
>
> Xenocide
Xenocide any thing to do with the book "Xenocide" by Orsen Scott Card
Roberto Magallanes
Well, I'm not as fanatic about the Simpsons as many here but what about
the episode where Grandpa Simpson does that little dance with the forks
and dinner roles, some lawyers come, take away the rolls and stomp on
them. Later in the episode he says (paraphrasing) "Well is it okay if I
lie in the gutter and die?" lawyers: "Yes, that would be acceptable"
--
Robert Magallanes
maga...@engr.csulb.edu
Soulfinger
What about the time when the cat burglar guy (can't remember his name) who
lived with Grandpa at the old folks home asks, "Abe, can I borrow your
ointment?"
Answer: "All right, but this time clean off the applicator."
Chris Bryan
My favorite grandpa line is the episode in which Bart fakes being sick
and grandpa takes care of him.
"Oral my butt!(refering to a thermometer) Think warm thoughts boy this
is going to be mighty cold"
Dominick C
In the episode where Bart & Lisa are writing Itchy & scratchy cartoons
under Grandpa Simpsons name:
Bart: (To Grandpa) "Didn't you wonder why you were recieving all those checks?"
Grandpa: "I just figured the Democrats were back in office."
Matthew Simpson
Bart: "Grampa...Matlock's not real."
Grampa: "Well..., neither are my teeth..., but I can still eat corn on
the cob, if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. Now
that's good eatin"!"
/\/\att
- -
^
"Cool! It's Mick Jagger's dad! ....Oh wait, that IS Mick Jagger."
- Howard Stern, backstage at the MTV Video Awards
----> Howard Stern Links: http://www.cris.com/~Simpsonm/koam/ <----
Tony Wood
My favorite grandpa line
When Homer, in the car, swears on his fathers grave and Grandpa pops up from the back
and says "hey I'm not dead"
Homer: How long have you been back there?
Grandpa: Three days
Snaps
"Jeremiah Blanch" <je...@loom.com.au> wrote:
>There's another funny grandpa qoute in this episode. He asks Lisa to cross
>his fingers for him at the awards ceremony and then says "That's gonna
>hurt come winter"
Or better yet from the same episode when Grandpa is told of his new
high-paid job after unwittingly duping Roger Meyers Jr into thinking
he was a writer, "Thats right, I wrote the iggy."
N.C. native son
No! The BEST line from that ep is when Lisa breaks the new to Abe the
escort service can't help him becasue of insurance reasons:
"Ooh... That's an onion in the ointment!"
--
N.C. native son
Ryan Engley
-> Path: scanner.worldgate.com!news.agtac.net!rover.ucs.ualberta.ca!unixg.ubc.ca!van-bc!van.istar!ott.istar!istar.net!winternet.com!nntp.primenet.com!news.cais.net!news.ac.net!news.bconnex.net!news2.insinc.net!news.insinc.net!News.TST-MedHat.com!news
-> From: timb...@TST-MedHat.com (Chris Bryan)
-> Newsgroups: alt.tv.simpsons
-> Subject: Re: Best Grandpa lines
-> Date: Tue, 02 Jul 1996 13:29:57 GMT
-> Organization: TST Consulting Medicine Hat AB CA
-> Lines: 8
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-> My favorite grandpa line is the episode in which Bart fakes being sick
-> and grandpa takes care of him.
-> "Oral my butt!(refering to a thermometer) Think warm thoughts boy this
-> is going to be mighty cold"
No Way, the best line is in the one where Homer goes to College and
Homer says (in the car) "I wish my dad were alive to see this!" and
then grandpa simpson says "HEY!" and then home says "How long have you
been back back there?" and then Grandpa says "three days..."
Joanna Chan
In <stsmith-1107...@humboldt1.com> sts...@humboldt1.com (N.C.
Grandpa- "Quick! We have to kill the boy!
Marge- "How do you know he's a vampire?"
Grandpa- "He's a vampire?! AAAHHHHH!"
claypool
I don't remember which episode this was from, but the Simpson family was in a
movie theatre (watching a movie, of course). Before themovie, the THX promo
came on (the onw that says "the audience is listening")....and the sound was
excruciatingly loud, that it caused everyone to scream out in pain. Grampa
kept screaming "TURN IT UP!!! TURN IT UP!!!!"
BTW, I'm looking for a wav file of this...if anyone has foundit yet, tell me
where.
Shanna
_
/ )
/ /
_( (_ _ _______________________________________________
(((\ \> /_> / \
(\\\\ \_/ / | This chick here...she's a troublemaker. |
\ / | |
\ _/ | |
/ / | |
/ / \___ __________________________________________/
/ / |/
/
Pod
to get off the stage he replies "I want to but I can't."
In the tonic episode Grandpa came out with the classic compliment for
Homer: "I was always glad you were not a short man."
-------------Pod
ch...@sprynet.com
>
> > -> My favorite grandpa line is the episode in which Bart fakes being sick
> > -> and grandpa takes care of him.
> >
> > -> "Oral my butt!(refering to a thermometer) Think warm thoughts boy this
> > -> is going to be mighty cold"
I have a new favorite Grandpa line as of tonight:
In the episode where Homer's mom shows up for the first time in years:
GRANDPA: You were a bad wife! (pause) Want to have sex?
:-) I laughed when I saw that. :-)
*******************************
Lori Ann Chauvette--"Scoop"
ch...@sprynet.com
http://members.aol.com/scully3257/index.htm
To anyone interested, I like snakes...kind of remind me of my spiritual roots. :-)
Anything's possible through Christ....and I'm living proof!
*******************************
Brian John Wright
"Deeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttthhhhhhh!!!!!"
-Brian
The Bandit
lisa: grandpa, there's only 49 stars on that flag
grandpa: it'll be a cold day in hell before i recognize missouri.
different episode
lisa: grandpa, how'd you get your underwear off without taking off your
pants?
grandpa: i don't know.
Andrew Thornton
The metric system is the tool of the devil. My car gets 40 rads to
the hogs head and that's the way I likes it.
In the Simpson and Sons revitalizing tonic episode, Grampa asks Homer
"What's wrong with your wife". The subsequent lines (which I can't
remember exactly) are classic. Can anyone remember them verbatim??
--
Andy...
"If something is hard to do then it's just not worth doing."
Homer J. Simpson.
*** PsYche Web Site: http://www.zetnet.co.uk/users/psyche ***
*** UK Rock Band PsYche: News, info, music and pictures! ***
TalAviv
The Shinning episode.....
Homer is crazy (because of his lack of beer and TV) so he takes an axe and
chops down part of the door, screaming, "Here's Jonny." When he sees no
one there, he goes to another room, trying again, this time screaming,
"Daaaavid Letterman!" Grandpa is in that room, and his repsonse is: "Hi
David, I'm Grandpa."
TalAviv
"I feel all funny. I'm in loooove!
No wait -- it's a stroke.
No...it is love."
Arel Greif
That was a really funny line. You can download it off of the internet at
this address:
http://behavnet.com/simpsons/johnny.wav
-AG
cz...@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca
"...I'm cold, and there are wolves after me."
(Sound of wolves howling)
Josh Fruhlinger
My faves:
[bleeding gums Murphy dies episode]
G: At my age, you see death at every turn. There's death!
Lisa: No grandpa, that's Maggie.
G:There's death!
L:No grandpa, that's the dog.
G:There's death!
L:No grandpa, that's Maggie again.
or:
I'll be long dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!
or:
Boy, sure are a lot of ugly people in this neighborhood. Look, there's
another one!
or:
Dear Mr. President: there are far too many states. Please eliminate three
of them immediately. P.S. I am not a crackpot!
or:
Back in my day, we were spanked by former presidents all the time. Why, I
was spanked by Grover Cleveland on two non-consecutive occasions.
or:
I used to be with it. But now, what I'm with, isn't it. I'm not sure
what it is anymore.
or:
Let's see...I'm a Mason...I'm a Teamster...I'm the President of the
Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Coalition for some reason....
or, my all time personal favorite:
Sex? What's the matter with an old man talking about SEX! Iiii've haaad
SSSSEEEXXX...think about me when you're having the best sex of your life,
son!
--
Josh Fruhlinger
jg...@cornell.edu
Daddy warned me about men and alcohol; he never said a thing about women and cocaine.
--Tallulah Bankhead
Check out the depths of on-line self-gratification!
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/3044/index.html
Gary Marlin
Grandpa: If I'm not back at the home by 9, they declarre me legally dead and collect my
insurance.
Dallas Michael Baker
My all-time favorite Grandpa line, from "Who Shot Mr. Burns I":
SLH wheels across the floor with the cone about his neck.
ABE: The lamp's running away!
BART: That's not the lamp, that's my dog!
ABE: Bye, lamp.
From the land of pleasant living
10-4
dallas, the fez-master.
Don't mind me; that's the crack talking.
Todd McNeil
"Heeeeeeeeeyyyyy!!!!! It's 'Obsession for Men'!"
Unknown
Todd McNeil <to...@peg.apc.org> wrote:
>"Heeeeeeeeeyyyyy!!!!! It's 'Obsession for Men'!"
"What's so bad about hearing your father talk about
SEEEE---EEE-----EEEE---XXXXXXX???"
Matt Brolund
On 6 Aug 1996, Donna Coyne wrote:
> But the "I tied an onion to my belt, because that
> was the style at the time" story is Grandpa's best!
No way... the best Grandpa story has to be the one where he ends
up on a stage wearing a dress and dancing for Hitler. That's in the
Whacking Day episode.
Matt
Donna Coyne
tr...@cannet.com () wrote:
: Todd McNeil <to...@peg.apc.org> wrote:
Grandpa is almost always funny (except sometimes when
he's annoying as hell), but especially when he holds
his words for a really long time, as above, also:
[Grandpa takes his underwear off without taking his pants off]
Lisa: Grandpa! How did you *do* that?
Grandpa: I don't KNOOO-OO-OOW!
Kjeld Andersen
Hello...
> "...I'm cold, and there are wolves after me."
> (Sound of wolves howling)
"..You have my pills!"...
(Hammering on the door)..
Greetings from the land of Carlsberg...
>>> */Kjeld/* */Andersen/* <<<, *TEAM* *CLASSIC*
e-mail thr...@hoa.ping.dk (Cellular phone direct: 4021...@sms.tdm.dk)
... I'm afraid the bone is broken. -Dr. Julius Hibbert
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