Best Lionel Hutz or lawyer lines?
David T.S. Fraser
I'm putting together a list of Lionel Hutz/lawyer lines from the
Simpsons and I'd appreciate any submissions. Post 'em right here.
Thanks
Dave.
Dave Hall
fra...@fox.nstn.ca (David T.S. Fraser) wrote:
>I'm putting together a list of Lionel Hutz/lawyer lines from the
>Simpsons and I'd appreciate any submissions. Post 'em right here.
Perhaps you should take a peek at Haynes Lee's Lionel Hutz File, it contains
virtually every Hutz's line ever said on the show, plus everything you ever
wanted to know about Hutz and the "Pastey-faced Lawyer".
Haynes Lee's Home Page
<http://www1.kingston.net/ik/lee/index.html>
Haynes Lee's Lionel Hutz File
<http://www1.kingston.net/ik/lee/hutz.html>
See also:
The Lionel Hutz Page
<http://www.geocities.com/RodeoDrive/1003/>
--
``I've argued in front of every judge in this state -- often as a lawyer.''
-- Lionel Hutz
HEY BTBM
In "New Kid on the Block", Lionel Hutz convinces Homer to sue the Frying
Dutchman restaurant for not letting him have "All you can eat.".
(scene goes something like this...)
Homer: "So, do you think I have a case?"
Hutz: "Mr Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly...but you are
the...greatest...hero...in...American...history."
Homer: "Wa-hoo!"
There are so many more Hutz quotes that deserve recognition, he is
definately the best minor character on the show. By the way, what was the
last episode he's appeared on? It seems like a million years.
Aaron.
Le Penguin
Hutz: "Mrs. Simpson, your sexual harrassment suit is just the thing I need
to rebuild my shattered practice . Care to join me in a belt of scotch?"
Marge: 'It's nine thirty in the morning!"
Hutz: "Yeah, but I haven't slept in days" <GulpGulpGulp> "Last
chance."<Gulp> "Oh, yeah......."
-Le Penguin
"I'll kill all of you!!! Especially those of you in
the jury!!!"
Bill Baldwin
Let me see that. Oh, the printers got it all wrong. Here: Works on
Contingency? NO! Money down!!
Kzelda
When he was baby-sitting Bart, Lisa and Maggie. When they woke him up, he
pulled out a switchblade and said "Don't touch my stuff. Wait, this isn't
the YMCA".
Mood
In article <19970204152...@ladder01.news.aol.com>, kze...@aol.com
(Kzelda) wrote:
We're going to hit them with a series of surprise witnesses, each more
surprising than the last.
Mood
Steve Annand
These are two of my favorites:
It was a right pretty speech sir but I ask you what is a contract
Websters defines it as an agreement under the law which is unbreakable,
which is unbreakable..... excuse me I must use the restroom.
and
And as for your case, don't you worry, I've argued in front of every
judge in the state... often as a lawyer.
J.W.Beard
Mood (Mo...@bham.ac.uk) wrote:
: We're going to hit them with a series of surprise witnesses, each more
: surprising than the last.
That reminds me of another great quote from the same episode.
Flanders, as Satan presents 'the jury of the damned', which
includes, amongst others, Richard Nixon:
Nixon: But I'm not dead yet.
Flanders/Satan: I did a favour for you Nixon!
Nixon: Yes Master.
Great or what?
James.
--
+----- |\ ---------------------------------------------------------+
| | ) James Beard University of Kent at Canterbury |
| _| http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/2511/ |
+---- (_) ----------------------------------------------------------+
Dennis Kent
My favorite Lionel Hutz line is in court,
Hutz: I want a ... uh... bad court thingie!
Judge: You mean an objection?
Hutz: That's why you're the judge and I'm the.. uh... law talkin guy.
Gord
My favourites.
Lionel Hutz: "Your honor, I'd like to ask for a bad trial thingy."
Judge: "You mean a mis-trial."
LH: "That's why your the judge and I'm the law-talking-guy."
Or.
"Mr Simpson, I am forbidden to promise you a large cash settlement but, I
promise you a large cash settlement."
Or the name of his law firm in the mall. "I can't believe it's a law
firm."
This is a lot funnier for me because a friend of mine is a lawyer, but not
yet of the caliber of Lionel Hutz.
Gord.
Werner Peeters
First degree murder? Wow, even if I lose, I'll get famous!
--
Werner Peeters - RUCA Dept. of Mathematics Off # U538 |M _/\/\/\_ S
Groenenborgerlaan 171, B-2020 Antwerp, Belgium |A \,>o(,,/_ I
Phone: +32 3 218 04 06 - Fax: +32 3 218 02 04 |G \(o)(o) /_ M
E-mail: wpee...@nets.ruca.ua.ac.be |G /c @_/ P
Homepage: http://www.ruca.ua.ac.be/~wpeeters |I C_, )/ S
<)>>< |E / |/ O
| "Suck suck" N
Woody
On Sun, 9 Feb 1997, Dennis Kent wrote:
> My favorite Lionel Hutz line is in court,
>
> Hutz: I want a ... uh... bad court thingie!
I move for a...bad...court...thingy.
> Judge: You mean an objection?
You mean a mistrial?
> Hutz: That's why you're the judge and I'm the.. uh... law talkin guy.
Hmmm...
Woody
Lisa Baldwin
Dennis Kent wrote:
>
> My favorite Lionel Hutz line is in court,
>
> Hutz: I want a ... uh... bad court thingie!
>
>
Replace "objection" with "mistrial" (and "dog" with "son" and "kind of"
with "repeatedly" while you're at it) and you'll have the quote as I
remember it.
Thomas Motzny
Lionel Hutz in the episode where homer sues the frying Duthcman
I don't use the word "hero" very often" but you, Mr. Simpson, are the
greatest hero in American history.
Doesn't get much funnier than that
Lee Bulger - JOUR/F95
Hutz- Your Honour, I'd like one of those bad court thingees.
Judge- You mean a mistrial.
Hutz- That's why you the judge and I'm the law-talkin'-guy.
makes me laugh every time.
--
_____________________________________________________________________________
"The funniest thing in the world is when someone is acting
foolish to get attention and then hurts himself."
-Conan O'Brien
Lee M. Bulger Journalism, Ryerson, Toronto, ON
lbu...@acs.ryerson.ca
_____________________________________________________________________________
John Prudden
Judge: " You mean an objection?"
John
Kartastenp{{ Kai
"Works on contingency? No, money down!"
Kai.
UPfromMD
the best line of hutz, in my opinion, was the one where homer is on trial
vs ned the devil, and hutz comes back with a pizza, something like-here's
your pizza, since we didn't win. Marge: but we won. hutz: that's ok, the
box was empty.
uri
Donald Martin
UPfromMD (upfr...@aol.com) wrote:
: the best line of hutz, in my opinion, was the one where homer is on trial
: vs ned the devil, and hutz comes back with a pizza, something like-here's
: your pizza, since we didn't win. Marge: but we won. hutz: that's ok, the
: box was empty.
"Your Honor, I move for a -- bad -- court -- thingie..."
"You mean a 'mistrial'?"
"Yeah! That's why you're the Judge and I'm the -- law -- talking -- guy..."
"You mean 'lawyer'?!? And Mr. Hutz, do you realize you're not wearing any
pants?!?"
;)
William Wilson
Lionel (pointing toward the smoking
monkey): "Look! He's taking another puff!!!"
Bill
the best Hutz line is: "Lionel Hutz no longer exists...say hello to
Miguel
Sanchez!"
Bill.
Ben Grisanti
"And rember Mr. Simpson, when you hire me you're not only getting a lawer,
but you're also getting this exquisite foe-pearle neclace of $99 value."
-Lional Hutz
Jonathan Haas
That's "remember", "lawyer", and "faux pearl necklace". Also "Lionel".
"Faux" is French for "artificial" or "fake" and comes from the same
root as "false".
--JSH
"Miss Giles is on the stage in Paris... a review known as Le Femme Faux."
--
__/\__ Jonathan S. Haas | Jake liked his women the way he liked
\ / jh...@microsoft.com | his kiwi fruit: sweet yet tart, firm-
/_ _\ Gore in '97 | fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and
\/ Printed on recycled electrons| covered with short brown fuzzy hair.
Paulus von P
On 24 Feb 1997 20:35:16 GMT, dona...@uoguelph.ca (Donald Martin)
wrote:
>UPfromMD (upfr...@aol.com) wrote:
>: the best line of hutz, in my opinion, was the one where homer is on trial
>: vs ned the devil, and hutz comes back with a pizza, something like-here's
>: your pizza, since we didn't win. Marge: but we won. hutz: that's ok, the
>: box was empty.
>
>"Your Honor, I move for a -- bad -- court -- thingie..."
>
>"You mean a 'mistrial'?"
>
>"Yeah! That's why you're the Judge and I'm the -- law -- talking -- guy..."
>
>"You mean 'lawyer'?!? And Mr. Hutz, do you realize you're not wearing any
>pants?!?"
Judge: This verdict is written on a napkin. And it *still* says
guilty!
I realise that technically this isn't a Lionel Hutz line. :)
This one is, though:
"Ooh, he's gonna win."
and:
"I'm not wearing a tie!"
PvP.
MFox
"Oh no, we've drawn Judge Snyder"
Marge - "Is that bad?"
"Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kind of ran over his dog."
"Well, replace the words kind of with the word repeatedly and the word
dog with son"
MFox
- "I see your spirit is in a state of readiness"
TickBoy
How about:
"Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising
since my suit against 'The Never-ending Story'."
or
"Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the
thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt
of scotch?"
"It's 9:30 in the morning."
"Yeah, but I haven't slept in days."
--
TickBoy
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/5399
http://www.dboard.com/msgboards
http://www2.supercomm.com/~dale
Paulus von P <in...@cityscape.co.uk> wrote in article
<3314c33e...@news.cityscape.co.uk>...
Scott
One of my favorites:
"Don't touch my stuff!!! Hey, wait, this isn't the
YMCA......"
GreedoBH
Lisa: Mr. Hutz, Why are you burning all of your personal papers?
Lionel Hutz: Kids, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel
Sanchez!
Skinner: Excuse me, is there an Orange Julius on this floor?
Lionel Hutz: I'll sell you this one. It's almost full.
Skinner: Well then, why don't I just drink out of a toilet bowl?
Lionel Hutz: He'll be back.
GreedoBH
"Bourbon-brownest of the brown liquors."