Simpsons Answering Machine messages
Dave Hall
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Simpsons Answering Machine Messages
Compiled by Dave Hall (dave...@escape.ca)
Contributions welcome. :-)
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Peter Tampas:
(woman) "now let's join the party"
(Apu) "is this a beautiful woman?"
(Krusty) "do I sound like a beautiful woman?"
(Apu) "this is not as hot a party as I had anticipated"
Vaughn Jett:
"Mr. Plow, that's my name; that name again is Mr. Plow."
Greg Franks:
How about when bart calls the krusty 900 number?
krusty answers "hi, kids! thanks for calling the krusty
hotline! if you didn't get your parents permission,
naughty, naughty. but krusty forgives you!
(then in a very soft, fast voice) $ 1.95 for the first
minute $ 0.75 for each additional minute.
then krusty laughes for about 30 seconds.
remember kids, i record a new message each day!
David Alan Yuen:
Clip from "Secrets of a Good Marriage":
(Ding-Dong)
Ned: Well, Homer, what a pleasant....
Homer: Sorry, Can't talk now Flanders...I got a class to teach!
Ned: But you rang my...
(Car driving away)
Jonathan Goldberg:
(from the Itchy 'n Scratchy movie episode)
Bart: Television sucks.
Homer: Boy, I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you
didn't say that.
Vashty Hawkins:
In the Simpsons episode about Homer abstaining from Duff for
a month, he had a little flashback to all the times he spent
drinking beer as a youth, to the tune of "When I Was 17". It was
brief, but funny.
Matthew Smedley:
Wiggum: This is papa bear. Put out an APB on a male
suspect...driving a CAR of some sort...going to that place
that sells chili. Suspect is HATLESS, repeat HATLESS.
Homer: I can't wait til they put his hatless butt in jail.
Matthew Smedley:
Burns: Look at him Smithers, stuffing his face with donuts and on
MY TIME! But that's right, keep eating, little do you know
you're getting ever closer to the POISON donut!
(Laughs evilly, turns around to Smithers)
Smithers, there is a poison one, isn't there?
Smithers: Well, no sir. I discussed this with our lawyers...they
consider it murder.
Burns: Damn their oily hides!
(looks at Homer sleeping on monitor)
Bring him to me!
Marc Solursh:
We are the mediocre Presidents/You won't find our faces on dollars
or on cents/There's Taylor, there's Tyler, There's Filmore and
There's Hayes and William Henry Harrison/"I died in thirty days"/We
are the adequate, forgetable, occasionally regrettable/caretaker
Presidents of the USA!
Douglas Massey:
It's on my answering machine right now.
"You suck, McBain!" Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat!!!
Craig Colby:
Homer's best song was his version of "Some people call me the space
cowboy..." in the episode where he met Marge for the first time.
They replayed it over the credits. Hilarioius. It was on my
answering machine for two weeks.
Matthew Smedley:
The following exchange which graced my answering machine for some
time:
Hutz: Now don't you worry Mrs. Simpsons...uh-oh,
we've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: He's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly" and
the word "dog" with "son."
Thom Graff:
(from the Flaming Moe's episode)
Marge: (paraphrased) I think you should be pleased that something
you've created is making so many people happy.
Homer: Ooooo!! Look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical
Man, from Happyland! In a gumdrop house on lollypop
LAAAANNNE!
Richard Fleiss:
One year, during Christmas-time, I put part from Homer's Santa
training where he is reciting the reindeers' names - "Uh, Dasher,
Dancer, Prancer, Nixon, Cupid, Comet, Donna Dixon" to which is
replied, "Sit down, Simpson".
Unknown:
(doorbell rings)
Burns: Welcome, come in. Ahhh fresh victims for my ever growing
army of the undead.
Smithers: Sir, you've got to let go of the button.
Burns: Well son of a bit.
Unknown:
(From "Who Shoot Mr. Burns Part I")
Krusty: Hey, hey, hey i've been in reno for 6 weeks did i miss
anything?
And of course Homer's telemarking scan messages from "Lisa's Date with Density":
Greetings, friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got
the power inside you right now. So use it! And send one dollar to
"Happy Dude". 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay:
internal happiness is just a dollar away.
Hello! This is Homer Simpson, aka "Happy Dude". The court has ordered
me to call every person in town to apologize for my telemarketing scam.
I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one
dollar to "Sorry Dude", 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have
the power.
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Compiled by Dave Hall (dave...@escape.ca)
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