Marges mother "Why Monty your just the Devil"
Burns "What who told........eh..eh..oh nevermind".
Burns "Whos that goat legged fellow I like the cut of his jib."
Smithers "He's the Prince of Darkness sir, your eleven o'clock."
Burns "Excellent"
Burns and Smithers are seated at a table at Mr. Burns' birthday party, and
they've just witnessed an extremely insulting performance of "Happy Birthday"
by The Ramones, convincingly played by themselves.
Burns: Smithers - have The Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But, sir...
Burns: DO AS I SAY!
Smithers: Yes, sir.
-Will Flor wi...@will-flor.spamblock.com
Appropriately adjust my return address to reach me via e-mail.
Now that is a sound-bite that I do not have yet. Can anyone email this one
to me?
Craig
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Canoe Happy Tales-Web Trails
short stories, serials, poems, commentary & diversions
http://www.autobahn.mb.ca/~theclyde/happy
(minimum two laugh guarantee)
remove the NOSPAM from my e-mail address if you send me e-mail
--
(Remove "kill.spam" to reply)
"If you don't watch all the violence, you'll never get desensitized!"
Bart Simpson
I love it! So...random!
Here they are, Montys my fav.
=(Adressing schoolkids):" I'll keep it short and sweet. Family...
Religion... Friendship...These are the three demons you must slay if you
wish to succeed in business. "
=After tranfusion): "Ive tried every teacher and tonic and patent medicine
there is...and all I really needed was the blood of a young boy.
=Total agreement on "Have the Rolling Stones killed"
=Adressing secret circle): "Hail Brothers! Cornon Silaria O Zumma Huuk"
=Any scene where he promotes his book "Will There Ever Be A Rainbow"
=.(Best Ahab imp.):"Goodbye Springfield, from Hells heart I stab at thee"
=Let the fools have there Tar-Tar sauce."
=Homer and Burns trapped/avalanche creating snowmen):"Ah. 206 bones, fifty
miles of small intestine, full, pouting lips.Why this fellow is no less a
snowman, than a god."
=at marriage):"My Darling, since my kneecaps are filling with fluids as we
speek, I'll be brief. Will you marry me?"
E Johannesen wrote:
> When Homer applies for a loan to buy a pony for Lisa, Burns says, "Isn't
> that cute, joining the horsey set. That is it, isn't it? You're not
> planning to eat it?" What are other peoples favs?
See my vest, see my vest, see my vest!
--
Cheers
Christian Kelly
I Support Fenetik Spelling
Burns : Look at that pig, stuffing his face with with donuts on my time. That's
right, keep eating. Little do you know you're drawing closer ever closer to the
poison donut. There is a poison one, isn't there, Smithers?
Smithers : Uh...no, sir. I discussed it with our lawyers and they consider it
murder.
Burns : Damn their oily hides!
Stuart Parlier
"Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the
start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for whoever brings
me the head of Colonel Montoya." - a confused Mr. Burns giving a speech
Then, in the same speech, the way he overpronounces "SYN-A-GOGUE".
"Stomping on your granny, 'til she's good and dead,
Then I take her diaper, and wear it on my head"- anonymous
E Johannesen <ej...@students.latrobe.edu.au> wrote in article
<3520A7...@students.latrobe.edu.au>...
> When Homer applies for a loan to buy a pony for Lisa, Burns says, "Isn't
> that cute, joining the horsey set. That is it, isn't it? You're not
> planning to eat it?" What are other peoples favs?
>
Burns (to Marge at Kwik E Mart as he drives up in his old car): You there,
fill it up with petroleum distillate. And revulcanize my tires, post
haste!
"with smithers out of the way, i was free to wallow in my own crapulence"
sean
incriminators sc
chapel hill nc
--_
/ / _
| / / /
( ( / / _-^\ ^ - _-_ ___
\ \| | / | / \ | \ / |
\ \ \ O / / D | / O | | 0 /
{__\ \____/ \__)___/ /|__/__(___ (___
/ /
/_/
Smithers: Sir, did you ever think maybe it was doing this which caused the
other caretakers to kill their families.
Burns: Tell you what, if we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I'll owe
you a coke.
from "Deep Space Homer":
"Compadres, it is imperative that we kill all the freedom fighters
before the start of the rainy season, and remember, a shiny new donkey
to whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya"
from "A Star is Burns":
"me and Schindler are like peas in a pod, we both made bombs for the
Germans, but mine worked damnit!"
also...
"An ogre eh? Why I'll club them and eat their bones!"
Burns: on more thing, you must find the jaded monkey before the next
full moon
Smithers: sir, we found the monkey, it was in your glove compartment
Burns: and the road maps? and the ice scraper? excellent,
everything's falling into place
-Matt
"That family of slack-jawed troglodytes cost me the election, yet
if I were to have them killed *I* would be the one to go to jail."
"Patience, Monty. Climb the ladder."
"That's right, keep eating. Little do you realize you're getting closer to
the poisoned donut. There is a poisoned donut, isn't there, Smithers?" "No,
sir. I talked to our lawyers. They consider it murder." "Damn their oily
hides. Bring him to me!"
Anybody know the words to the "Puppy furcoat Song"?
"Smithers, get me some strike breakers. The kind they had in the 30s."
"Now leave. And I suggest you don't dawdle. The hounds will be released
in 10 minutes."
"The intruder appears to be a small boy, sir, age 10 to 11."
"Release the hounds."
"If only we'd listened to that boy, instead of walling him up in the
abandoned coke oven."
"It is I, you fools. The man you trusted wasn't Wavey Gravy at all.
And all this time I've been smoking harmless tobacco."
"Careful, Smithers! That sponge has corners, you know."
"Be gone from my sight."
"Layabouts. Lollygaggers. Enchantress!"
"Oh, pish posh. There's a jaws-of-life in the trunk."
"Oh, Smithers. How'd the beating go?"
"Sir-I..there was no beating."
"What? That's a helluva thing. Why?"
"Sir, I... I called it off."
"Judas!"
"Schindler and I are like peas in a pod. We both made shells for the
Nazis. But mine worked, dammit!"
"I could crush him like an ant. But I won't. I'll bide my time
until he least expects then... oh, what the hell. I'll just crush
him like an ant."
"Smithers, I have a saying, 'Keep yours friends near, but your enemies
nearer.' As the years roll by he'll forget about this, little realizing
the Sword of Dioclese (sp?) is hanging over his head until-" <stabs
letter opener into a plastic pig> *squeek*
"Oh, and one more thing. You must find the Jade Monkey before the
next full moon."
"Uh, sir, we found the Jade Monkey. It was in the glove compartment."
"And the road maps and the (I forget this part)."
"They were in there too, sir."
"Excellent. It's all falling into place."
Matt
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
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Susan
On Tue, 31 Mar 1998 18:23:26 +1000, E Johannesen
<ej...@students.latrobe.edu.au> wrote:
"Drink up, Judah Ben Hurr"
By the way, a shout to all my homies.
heheh thats my fav...
"See my Vest" to the tune of "Be our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast.
...some men hunt for sport,
others hunt for food.
The only thing I'm hunting for
is an outfit that loo-oks good.
See my vest,
see my vest,
made from real gorilla chest.
Feel this sweater,
there's no better,
than authentic Irish setter.
See this hat,
'twas my cat,
my evening-wear vampire bat.
These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino.
Grizzly bear underwear,
turtle's necks I've got my share.
Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest.
Try my red robin suit,
it comes one breast or two!
See my vest, see my vest, see my vest!
Like my loafers,
former gophers.
It was that or skin my chauffeurs.
But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best.
So let's prepare these dogs,
(old maid cuts in) Kill two for matching clogs!
(back to Burns) See my vest,
see my vest,
oh please won't you see my vest!
BURNS-"I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the
sweet gamey tang of human flesh.Mmm, why here's the fellow! Wiry, fast,
firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me!"
--
Tomboy
/X \
_------_
/ \ DO RE MI DRINK, by Homer J. Simpson.
| |
| | *ahem* La la la la.... *ahem* LAAAAAAA!!
| __ __)
| / \/ \ DO...... the stuff... that buys me beer...
/\/\ (o )o ) RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
/c \__/ --. ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,
( ) FAR..... a long way to get beer...
\_ _-------' SO...... I'll have another beer...
| / \ LA...... I'll have another beer...
| | '\_______) TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
| \_____) That will bring us back to...
|____ | (Looks into an empty glass)
|_____/\/\
/ \ D'OH!
_____________________________
|
The cat? What's the point? |
_____________________________
(Mr. Burns) "Look Smithers a bird has become petrified and lost
its sense of direction."
(Smithers) "I think that's a rock sir."
My favorite Mr. Burns quote is when Homer quits his job to take his
"dream job" at the bowling alley. Then Maggie is born and he has to
go back on his hands and knees to beg for his job back.
"Smithers, give him....the PLAGUE!"
"Sir, that's the PLAQUE"
>When Homer applies for a loan to buy a pony for Lisa, Burns says, "Isn't
>that cute, joining the horsey set. That is it, isn't it? You're not
>planning to eat it?" What are other peoples favs?
It's not a quote per se, but I always liked this scene from "Lisa the
Vegetarian (3F03)" [clip from <http://www.snpp.com>]:
% Monty Burns and Smithers stand at the window of Burns' office.
Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to
the local orphanage...when pigs fly!
[They laugh. The pig sails across the sky before them.]
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, Sir?
Burns: Nooo, I'd still prefer not.
-- Going back on his word, "Lisa the Vegetarian"
--
Benjamin Robinson bj...@freenet.tlh.fl.us
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