Lionel Hutz Quotes
Carl Abbott
my favorite quotes that his characters has uttered through the years. Here's
two of my favorites:
Lionel: "Anybody want to join me in a drink?"
Marge: "Mr. Hutz! It's 8:30 in the morning!"
Lionel: "That's OK I haven't slept in days."
Judge: "Mr. Hutz, do you have any further evidence to present?"
Lionel: "Well, I have hersey and conjecture. Those are KINDS of evidence."
If anybody has any others please post.
T.M
Carl Abbott <NOSPAM...@smallfish.com> wrote in article
<6ug9re$151$1...@news3.spacestar.net>...
> Lionel: "Anybody want to join me in a drink?"
> Marge: "Mr. Hutz! It's 8:30 in the morning!"
> Lionel: "That's OK I haven't slept in days."
>
> Judge: "Mr. Hutz, do you have any further evidence to present?"
> Lionel: "Well, I have hersey and conjecture. Those are KINDS of
evidence."
>
> If anybody has any others please post.
Here's a few, sorry of they are misquoted
> "I watched Matlock in a bar, the sound was off, but I think I got the
gist of it"
"I kinda ran over his dog. Well, replace the word dog with son and the
word kinda with repeatedly"
Robert Faber
Hutz: Oh, that's a typo. It should say "No, Money Down!." And this bar
certification shouldn't be there, either.
Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, what do you do after leaving the all you can eat
restaurant?
Marge: We pretty much just went home.
Hutz: Mrs. Simpson I remind you that you're under oath!
Marge: We drove around till 3 AM looking for another all you can eat fish
place.
Hutz: And when you couldn't find one?
Marge: (sobbing) We went fishing!
Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, does this sound like the actions
of a man who had "All he could eat?"
Darrel Jones
T.M wrote in message <01bde87c$c96881a0$cd933dcf@default>...
"Here's my card. It's also a sponge!"
Hutz: "I'm sorry, but I was rummaging through your garbage and couldn't help
overhearing you need a babysitter. Well, I'm here to offer my services. My
fee is $100 an hour."
Homer: "$8 for the whole night."
Hutz: "Fine. $8 and I get to take three popsicles from the freezer."
Homer: "Two popsicles."
Hutz: "Two popsicles and I get to keep this old birdcage."
Homer: "Deal!"
Hutz: (straightens tie) "You still got it."
"As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel
Sanchez!"
"Hey, don't take my stuff! - Wait, this isn't the YMCA."
"Hey! Get out of my office!"
"The state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement, but just
between you and me, Mr. Simpson, I promise you a big cash settlement."
"Did somebody say lawsuit?"
- Lionel Hutz's phrase to live by
David Puckett
Sorry... here's one of my favorites...
SKINNER: Do you know where an Orange Julius is? (this is probably
mis-quoted)
HUTZ: I'll sell you this one for 50 cents (i think). It's half full!!!!
SKINNER: Well why don't i just drink out of a toilet bowl.
HUTZ: He'll be back...
Robert Faber wrote in message ...
Curtis Cameron
>"The state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement, but just
>between you and me, Mr. Simpson, I promise you a big cash settlement."
These two great quotes are from his suit against the Frying Dutchman
regarding "all you can eat":
"Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of false advertising since
my suit against the move 'The Never-Ending Story.'"
"Homer, I don't use the word 'hero' very often, but you... are the
greatest hero... in American history."
-Curtis Cameron
WGS-84 33.033N, 96.724W
Your Mom
"You mean a mistrial?"
"Yeah. That's why you're the judge and I'm the law talkin' guy.."
"The lawyer."
"Yeah."
--
"Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Since I've agreed to take your case, you'll
also get this free smoking monkey! Hehe.. Better cut down there, smokey!"
"Mr. Hutz, I'd like to know --"
"Look! He's taking another puff!"
"Mister Hutz!"
--
"Mr. Hutz, I'd like to hire you for--"
"Okay, before I can take your case, I'll need a $500 retainer."
"But it says here in your ad you work without money down."
[ad reads: WORKS WITHOUT A RETAINER; NO MONEY DOWN REQUIRED]
"Oh, they got this all screwed up."
[puts question mark after RETAINER, exclamation point after NO]
"So you DON'T work without a retainer?"
"No! Money down required!"
"Sigh."
"Oh, and this Bar Association Logo shouldn't be here either."
[crosses it out]
--
those are my faves (aside from the others that have already been listed)
Rich/MetalMan
>
> After reading through this NG about Phil Hartman, I started thinking of some of
> my favorite quotes that his characters has uttered through the years. Here's
> two of my favorites:
>
> Marge: "Mr. Hutz! It's 8:30 in the morning!"
> Lionel: "That's OK I haven't slept in days."
>
> Judge: "Mr. Hutz, do you have any further evidence to present?"
> Lionel: "Well, I have hersey and conjecture. Those are KINDS of evidence."
>
> If anybody has any others please post.
Hutz: "And so, judge, I rest my case!"
Judge: "Mr. Hutz, do you know you're not wearing any pants?"
Hutz: "AAAAAAH!"
Hutz: "I move for a bad court thingie!"
Judge: "You mean a mistrial?"
Hutz: "Yeah, that's it! That's why you're the judge and I'm the
law-talking guy!"
Judge: "You mean the lawyer."
Hutz: "..Yes."
--
----------------------------------------------
Rich Bunnell or "Metal Man," whichever sounds more insane
-
"This is your life and you do what you want to do, just don't hurt
nobody, unless they ask you" -XTC
-
"Do you have a special something you take to bed with you? Does it make
you feel good if you hold your special something?" -Mr. Rogers
-
http://members.xoom.com/taoster/
----------------------------------------------
PB&D Imbach
Judge: You mean a Mistrial?!
Hutz: Yeah, that's it. That's why you're the judge, and I'm the Law talkin' guy!
B (Brian ) B^)
Hutz: oh they've got this whole thing screwed up.
Bart: You mean you DONT work on a contingency?
Hutz: NO, Money down! Ooh, this barcode shouldn't be on here either.
AC
Darrel Jones wrote:
Hutz: "I'm sorry, but I was rummaging through your garbage and couldn't
help
overhearing you need a babysitter. Well, I'm here to offer my services.
My
fee is $100 an hour."
Homer: "We pay $8 for the night and you can take 2 popsicles from the
freezer."
Hutz: "3"
Homer: "Two."
Hutz: "Two popsicles and I get to keep this rusty birdcage."
Homer: "Deal!"
Hutz: (straightens tie) "Still got it!"
"AH, don't touch my stuff! - Wait, this isn't the YMCA."
"Mr. simpson, the state bar association specifically prohibits me from
promising you a big cash settlement, but just
between you and me, I promise you a big-cash-settlement."
Eric Lin
Curtis Cameron wrote:
how can you guys leave out:
"Surprise witnesses. Each one more surprising than the last."
for the life of me, i can't remember which episode this is from but it's one of
my favorite Hutz lines.
--
Eric Lin
eric...@lmco.com
AC
brownest of the brown. What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in
the middle of a trial! Uh, judge, will you excuse me for a minute?
<< walks, then runs out of courtroom>>
<< dials >>
Hutz: Hello, David? I'm really tempted.
David Crosby: Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
Brad Bizzolt
>Hutz: oh they've got this whole thing screwed up.
>Bart: You mean you DONT work on a contingency?
>Hutz: NO, Money down! Ooh, this barcode shouldn't be on here either.
Well, the Bar Association's logo isn't exactly a "barcode," but...
Oh great, I'm turning into one of -them-...
-----------------------------------------------
bizzolt(at)hotmail*com
The Fantastics - boring, generic noise
http://rsl.net/bizz
-----------------------------------------------
Brad Bizzolt
"Radioactive Man;"
"Milhouse! Baby! I'm Lionel Hutz, your new agent, bodyguard, unauthorised
biographer and drug dealer... uh... -keeper-awayer..."
David Puckett
"Works on contingency"
I don't think that "required" was in it either...
either way though, it was probably my favorite Hutz quote =)
Your Mom wrote in message ...
netg...@my-dejanews.com
biz...@grossberg.udel.edu (Brad Bizzolt) wrote:
> And, of course, a great one from the episode my local affiliate gave us
tonite,
> "Radioactive Man;"
>
> "Milhouse! Baby! I'm Lionel Hutz, your new agent, bodyguard, unauthorised
> biographer and drug dealer... uh... -keeper-awayer..."
My favorite is "I've argued with every judge in the state. Often as a lawer!"
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading
Dan Steingart
>"Surprise witnesses. Each one more surprising than the last."
Thats from the one where the bum sues for the rights to intchy and scratchy.
Dan
David Puckett
Bart tells Hutz to keep the court busy while he goes out and buys that Itchy
and Scratchy animation cell, and Hutz says: "Your honor, I'd like to call
all of my surprise witnesses back to the stand" and then just about all
kinds of weirdos, including those two large guys on motorcycles that the
writers like to poke fun at, enter in.... I THINK that the line about "more
surprising than the last" was a different episode, but maybe i'm making it
all up....
Dan Steingart wrote in message <6um03m$f...@cocoa.brown.edu>...
Ms Em 49
Mr. Hutz: What color tie am I wearing? (he turns around and begins taking off
his tie)
Apu: You are wearing a red and white striped tie in a half-windsor knot.
Mr. Hutz: Is that what you think? Because if that's what you think, I have
some news for you. news that may shock and discredit you!(he turns around as
the tie dangles out of his sleeve) I am not wearing a tie at all!
Lisa: Mr. Hutz, are you a shyster?
Mr. Hutz: How does a little girl like you know a big word like that?
Judge: Next up, World Organization of Churches vs. Lionel Hutz.
Mr. Hutz: Oh right.
Mr. Hutz: Well, we didn't win. Here's your pizza!
Marge: But we did win!
Mr. Hutz: That's OK, the box is empty.
Emily
Central High School
"What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?"
"I don't know and I don't care."
Carl Abbott
>Mr. Hutz: How does a little girl like you know a big word like that?
That line is from the Monorail episode where Phil Hartman is the voice of the
salesman not Lionel Hutz.
Sorry, but the it's the way of the NG.
Haynes Lee
No, that line is from Lionel Hutz in "Bart Gets Hit By a Car".
For everything about Hutz goto http://www.pettifogger.com/hutz.htm
Carl Abbott
"In a perfect world we'd be known as the Flimpsons"
Haynes Lee wrote in message <361151c0...@gollum.kingston.net>...
Pkim
Carl Abbott wrote:
> >Lisa: Mr. Hutz, are you a shyster?
> >Mr. Hutz: How does a little girl like you know a big word like that?
>
> That line is from the Monorail episode where Phil Hartman is the voice of the
> salesman not Lionel Hutz.
>
> Sorry, but the it's the way of the NG.
Beg to differ. I am pretty sure that quote was from Mr. Hutz and not Lyle
Langely. It was either the episode when Mr. Hutz voluteered to babysit the
Simpson kids or one of the Halloween specials when he defended Homer for eating
the forbidden donut. Shyster is a very common term to use for a lawyer, so I
think it makes sense that it was used in relation to Lionel Hutz. Yo.
David Puckett
monorail episode went (sort of)
Lisa asks something to the effect of "why would a town with a centralized
population benefit from a mass transit system"
Lyle says "I could give you a very detailed answer as to why that is, but
I'm afraid that the only ones who would understand it would be you and me"
and then whispers in her ear "and that includes your teacher!"
Lisa giggles at this point...
Pkim wrote in message <36129E63...@nospam.com>...
Carl Abbott
previously.
David Puckett wrote in message <6utt6i$4bj$1...@artemis.backbone.ou.edu>...
>I'm just about positive it HAD to be Hutz, because I remember how the
>monorail episode went (sort of)
>
>Lisa asks something to the effect of "why would a town with a centralized
>population benefit from a mass transit system"
>Lyle says "I could give you a very detailed answer as to why that is, but
>I'm afraid that the only ones who would understand it would be you and me"
>and then whispers in her ear "and that includes your teacher!"
>Lisa giggles at this point...
>
>Pkim wrote in message <36129E63...@nospam.com>...
DrWarpMind
Got more:
Marge:Hello, Mr Hutz
Hutz:Hey don't look in this dumpster, it eliminates lawyer-dumpster
confideniallity
Hutz:Well...since we lost your pizza is free
Lisa:But Mr Hutz, we won
Hutz:That's Ok the box is empty
Darrel Jones
DrWarpMind wrote in message <19981004185106...@ng100.aol.com>...
>
>Got more:
>Marge:Hello, Mr Hutz
>Hutz:Hey don't look in this dumpster, it eliminates lawyer-dumpster
>confideniallity
>
Not to complain, but you screwed up Hutz's line. He actually said "If you
look into this dumpster, you'll be violating dumpster-attorney
confidentiality." After this, panicy and to be on the safe side, he burns
the entire contents of the dumpster. But is it really a Dumpster (TM)? And
why would Hutz want to rummage through a dumpster (or the Simpsons' trash,
for that matter)?
Edamoth
wrote:
>Not to complain, but you screwed up Hutz's line. He actually said "If you
>look into this dumpster, you'll be violating dumpster-attorney
>confidentiality." After this, panicy and to be on the safe side, he burns
>the entire contents of the dumpster. But is it really a Dumpster (TM)? And
>why would Hutz want to rummage through a dumpster (or the Simpsons' trash,
>for that matter)?
Looking for..
(10) A new suit
(9) Discarded coats with some change in the pocket
(8) That legal case he wrote down on an envelope and later disposed of
(7) The 'Legal Facts' cocktail napkin he tossed out
(6) His lost smoking monkey
(5) Newspapers to shred and fill his briefcase with
(4) Some legal notes another lawyer might have tossed to decorate his
office with
(3) Legal degrees another lawyer might have tossed for the same reason
(2) Discarded liquor bottles with a tad left in the bottom
(1) That passport and birth certificate he bought off of Miguel
Sanchez
DrWarpMind
well I was kinda pulling it off the top of my head so thanks for fixing it
Tom & Janice Black
> a "shyster" is in the episode where Bart gets hit by Mr. Burns' car.
> There's another funny line in that one where Hutz says something like
> "Hey look...I actually looked something up... these books are actually
> full of lots of valuable information" or something like that
> (referring to the law books in his office).
> Shyster is a very common term to use for a lawyer, so
> >I
> >|think it makes sense that it was used in relation to Lionel Hutz.
> Yo.
> >|
> >
> >
--
Tom &/or Janice Black
Nepean, Ontario
Home Page: http://www.compmore.net/~tblack/
Tom at work: tob...@nrcan.gc.ca
Kwame Phillips-Solomon
In the episode where Hutz was th e kids Babysitter, he went kind of nuts,
burnt all his papers and said he change his name to_______ . Anyone knows
the name ?
Edamoth
Pkim
Kwame Phillips-Solomon wrote:
> In the episode where Hutz was th e kids Babysitter, he went kind of nuts,
> burnt all his papers and said he change his name to_______ . Anyone knows
> the name ?
Methinks it was "Miguel Sanchez"