Best Chief Wiggum line
lo...@entropy.now
"Alex Maeder" <sui...@brainiac.com> wrote:
>It was actually on an episode last night (the one with those short flicks).
>When Police Chief Wiggum gets run over by 'forget the guy's name', he says:
>
> Wait! We've got to exchange insurance information.
>Another funny line is when Wiggum stops Homer, he says:
> Homer, something's wrong with your car, when you made that turn your light
>was blinking. (I'm paraphrasing, please correct me)
two more good ones.....
when bart becomes mr.burns hier, marge and homer go to the police he
says "oh for god sakes cant you people solve these problems
yourselves, we cant be policing the whole city"
and when he pulls over flanders....."thats right everybody high as a
kite....doofballs"
Nader Fakhraie
lo...@entropy.now wrote:
: "Alex Maeder" <sui...@brainiac.com> wrote:
: two more good ones.....
Marge : Chief! You're getting powdered sugar all over my kitchen!
Wiggum : No I'm not. I'm...uh...dusting for prints!
--
NF
Bart Simpson
and when he pulls over flanders....."thats right everybody high as a
kite....doofballs"
That's _g_oofballs. '50's and '60's term for Nembutal, a downer which
came in the form of yellow tabs.
stamp...@aol.com
(Marge wants to join the police force) the whole
precinct.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahhahh
ahahhahhahahhahahahahhhahha
Wigggum: "Welcome aboard"
Marc Henrickson
A call of trouble comes to Wiggum's desk:
"Sorry, but we can't be 'policing' the whole city!"
Justin Garrett Blum
Sorry guys, but the best Wiggum line ever went as follows.
Lisa: That story's not suitable for children.
Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
Matt Scott Zelman
In <328E45...@vbe.com> Marc Henrickson <emm...@vbe.com> writes:
>
>A call of trouble comes to Wiggum's desk:
>
>"Sorry, but we can't be 'policing' the whole city!"
i also like this one from when Bart got the elephant:
Wiggum (answers phone)-yeah right lady there's an elephant in your
yard. (hangs up)
(phone rings again, answers it) oh sure buddy, armed robbery, three
cops down, requesting backup, whatever
Paul Wiedemann
Snake Plissken
In the episode where Homer and Barney go to the Duff Brewery for a tour
(Homer calls in sick) Wiggum has one of his best lines.
By the end of the tour H & B are soused. Barney has been given a free Duff
beer can costume which he's now wearing. As they roll out of the parking lot
they run into a police roadblock. Homer is arrested for DWI. Wiggum looks at
B in the passenger seat and asks:
"Hey big beer can , can you get car home safely?"
m...@aol.com
My personal fav. Chief Wiggum line is:
"Uh, no, you've got the wrong number. This is 9 1...2"
Matt
Andrius Schmid
Actually, that's the wrong line, barney says it, and wiggum's wearing
the costume. Oops.
--
--Andrius Schmid |
--> Fl...@worldnet.att.net <--
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LMK if it's jarbled. //
Ian McIntire
"Be on the lookout for a 'Uosdwis I. Jewoh.' Sounds like you should
start looking in Greektown. Bring me back one of them gyros."
"Uh, Chief? That wallet's upside down."
"Oh! Make that Homer J. Simpson. But don't forget that gyro!"
Ian McIntire i...@cwru.edu
Whippingboy
"Take 'em away, toys."
"Uh...what'd you say, chief?"
"...just do what the kid said."
+++
"Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."
+++
Psychic: "I can see nothing here. But I'm afraid it's splitsville for
Delta Burke and Major Dad."
Wiggum: "But they seemed so happy!"
+++
Also, when Wiggum and two other police officers are laughing about a joke
and then all of them sigh in unison. A gem.
--Xavier
_____________________________________ ____________________________________
\ Benjamin Xavier Kim \/ Clock Strikes Thirteen site /
\ [bk...@mail.sas.upenn.edu] [http://www.sas.upenn.edu/~bkim0] /
\ /
> "Kill my boy." <
/ \
/ --the Simpsons \
/____________________________________/\___________________________________\
jaybus
Snake Plissken wrote:
>
> In the episode where Homer and Barney go to the Duff Brewery for a tour
> (Homer calls in sick) Wiggum has one of his best lines.
>
> By the end of the tour H & B are soused. Barney has been given a free Duff
> beer can costume which he's now wearing. As they roll out of the parking lot
> they run into a police roadblock. Homer is arrested for DWI. Wiggum looks at
> B in the passenger seat and asks:
>
> "Hey big beer can , can you get car home safely?"
What were you on when you saw this episode?
Barney wasn't wearing a beer costume, it was Wiggum. After Homer got
the DUI, Wiggum asks barney if he can get the car home, and Barney
replies..."Sure Giant Beer!" Then Barney bumps into wiggum with the
car, and he rolls down a hill, exploding when he hits a tree...
Calvin Henry-Cotnam
m...@aol.com (m...@aol.com) said...
>
>My personal fav. Chief Wiggum line is:
>
>"Uh, no, you've got the wrong number. This is 9 1...2"
What about:
"Mrs. Simpson? This is the police, we have your husband -- he was DOA"
"DOA?!?!?!"
"Oops, did I say DOA, I meant DWI! I always get those two mixed up!"
--
Calvin Henry-Cotnam, CATE | "That's what cheese is:
Ryerson Polytechnic University | gone-off milk with bugs and mould."
Toronto, Ontario, Canada | - Gareth Blackstock, Chef!
www.cate.ryerson.ca/~cal |
A.M. Carson
Immediately followed by:
lady: Officer, where's my husband? You said he was DWI.
wiggum: Um, Johnson, you take this one.
Tony
--
dtca...@ix.netcom.com
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2037
http://www.netcom.com/~dtcarson
Excerpt from The Lost Scrolls:
'The lion and the calf shall lie down together but
the calf won't get much sleep.'
--Woody Allen
kze...@aol.com
"Nothing gets chocolate out".
"Nice work boys".
Crack...@juno.com
I like the one where he says something like "Hmm..that car's
tail-light started blinking when he made that turn! Better
pull 'em over..."
In article <19961121014...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
kze...@aol.com wrote:
>
> "Nothing gets chocolate out".
> "Nice work boys".
-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet
Matt Scott Zelman
In <8486394...@dejanews.com> Crack...@juno.com writes:
>
>I like the one where he says something like "Hmm..that car's
>tail-light started blinking when he made that turn! Better
>pull 'em over..."
the line goes like this:
Wiggums-hey! i think one tailight looks a little smaller than the
other. better pull em over
Crack...@juno.com
Yeah, I know that one too. That one's from the Thelma and
Loise spoof. The one I'm talking about is from, i think, the
clown college one.
In article <5773rr$j...@dfw-ixnews4.ix.netcom.com>,
mhef...@aol.com
My all time favorite Chief Wiggum line is in the episode where Marge
accidently steals some booze from the Kwik-E-Mart. Wiggum's out front
with his bullhorn talking to Marge.
"Come out with your hands up, an evergreen air freshener, and something
with coconut on it."
Mark Hefestay
Jennifer Sanchez
--
YOUR STUPID.
Jennifer Sanchez
a047...@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us
Vincent Paquin
In article <582j5i$9...@nntp.seflin.lib.fl.us>,
a047...@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us (Jennifer Sanchez) wrote:
And you can't spell!
TTCAGACTCTATCGGGAGACTCATTCAGTACGTCTAGTCGTACGTACGTTTACGATCGCGACGTAGCTA
G Vincent Paquin, a.k.a. "The Vinman" G
A Anthropology student, Universite de Montreal, Canada T
C E-mail: vpa...@cam.org AOL: Vpaquin Fax: (514) 491-7133 G
TAGCTCGCTAAGAGCTGTAGTCTAAAATTATATTCGGCGCTAGCTAGCAGCTGCATAGCATGCATCCGA
Goliath
Although nothing to do with this flame war......hey Vinman.....I'm a
fellow Canadian, or should I say, Canadien. :)
mir...@aol.com
The best Chief Wiggum Line I have seen to date was when he had Flanders
pulled over, and the church bus drove by as he was being hauled of for
being "hepped up on goofballs", and it went like this:
"Where's your messiah now, God-boy?"
Goliath
Favorite chief scene had to be in the Halloween special where all of the
bilboards came to life....
(Tall man walks out of store)
Chief: (Turning around and shooting man twice)
(Man falls to ground)
Other officer: Chief.....You just shot the captain of the high school
basketball team.
Chief: Yeah....but ah......he was turning into a monster though!
Errtu
It has to be during the episode where Bart swallows the spiky metal
cereal `toy`. During the 3 person school concert ralph has his flute up
his nose and gives a toot.
The chief says " Thats some nice fluting boy".
******************************************************************************
\_____/ Mark Pope | _ |
__ | __ mp...@coventry.ac uk |=(_)=|
\-(_)-/ Appl.Biology | |
\ /
/ \ "That had the perfect amount of foam" HH.
DOH!!!
******************************************************************************
TimW
"Awww, nothing beats a good porno movie"
(then a tad later in the car w/Lisa and Ralph)
Lisa: That story isn't suitable for children.
Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this one.
Dr. Groove
The absolute best Chief Wiggum line is:
"Ahhh.. There's nothing like a good porno movie!"
SEK
cun...@gtwn.net
Vincent Paquin wrote:
>
> In article <582j5i$9...@nntp.seflin.lib.fl.us>,
> a047...@bcfreenet.seflin.lib.fl.us (Jennifer Sanchez) wrote:
>
> > kze...@aol.com wrote:
> > : "Nothing gets chocolate out".
> > : "Nice work boys".
Wiggums: "Yeah, and he called me Chief Piggums! . . . Oh yeah, piggums,
now I get it."
Terry Flechs
in timmy o'toole-"dig UP stupid"
Colin Burke
"Now this is a Square"
and Wiggum says
"Whoa, Whoa, slow down!"
Dave Hall
[list] Cool Chief Wiggum Quotes... (repost)
Cool Chief Wiggum Quotes...
Compiled by Dave Hall (dave...@cyberspc.mb.ca)
===============================================================================
Compiled from 10 zillion alt.tv.simpsons articles, and verified when
possible from the episode capsules, the following are Chief Wiggum quotes
and scenes everyone seems to love...
"Ah, there's nothing like moonshine from your own still."
"Ahh, it's making me dizzy. Ah, I think I'm going to take a nap."
"Alight your gaze on yonder fabled beasts of yore."
"All right, Captain Rush-Rush, out of the car!"
"All right, you scrawny beanpoles, becoming a cop is not something that
happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that
badge."
"Alright, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto
freshener that says Capricorn, and something with coconut on it."
"And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and
legal."
"At last, an excuse to wear makeup!"
"Did you have that same backwards-talking dream with flaming cards?"
"Do not be alarmed, continue swimming naked. Aww, c'mon, continue!
Come on! Awww. ...Alright, Lou, open fire."
"Don't snap my undies."
"Don't write checks your butt can't cash!"
"Enough of your borax, poindexter!"
"Evening, Simpson. You got a short and your taillight started blinking
when you made that turn."
"Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am
the... um... What cures cancer?"
"He's crazy, boys. Get the taser."
"Help! Help us! They stole our uniforms, guns, and tasers!"
"Hey Krusty, Krusty, remember the time we got loaded and set those beavers
loose in that pine furniture store?"
"Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys."
"Hey, according to the charter as Chief Constable I'm supposed to get a
pig every month, and two comely lasses of virtue true."
"Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box."
"Hey, we know how to play softball."
"High as a kite, everybody! Goofballs!"
"I can assure you that we're using the most advanced scientific techniques
in the field of...body-finding."
"I really hate to spoil this little love-in, but Mr. Malloy broke the law.
And when you break the law, you gotta go to jail."
"I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt ...oh, geez, trees, shrubs ...er,
I'm directly under the earth's sun ...now!"
"It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel."
"Just a minute! This isn't Mr. Burns at all! It's a mask!"
"Let that be a lesson to the rest of you nuts!"
"Look alive, boys. A couple of stewed prunes coming your way."
"Looking good, boys."
"Looks like we got ourselves an old-fashioned car chase."
"Looks like you just bought yourself a lottery ticket -- to jail!"
"Magic ticket, my ass, McBain."
"Mmmm, engine-block eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting
pretty."
"Never underestimate the appeal of a man in uniform."
"Nice work boys."
"No, you got the wrong number. This is nine-one....two."
"Now where did I put my gun? Oh yeah, I set it down when I got a piece of
cake!"
"Oh my God! It just disappeared. It's a ghost-car!"
"Oh my God! Jebediah's body has been replaced with a skeleton!"
"Oh, for gosh g-- can't you people solve these problems yourselves? I
mean, we can't be, er, `policing' the whole city."
"Oh, great. Well, if anyone asks, uh, I beat him to death, okay?"
"Oh, isn't that cute. A baby driving a car. And look, there's a dog
driving a bus!"
"Oh, my God! Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispie square!
...Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten."
"Oh, right. How are you going to get them? Skeleton power?"
"Aww, nothing gets chocolate out...see."
"Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading
in the direction of... you know, that place that sells chilli.
Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."
"Quiet! I can't hear the eggs."
"Really? I keep my pants on in this version."
"Run along, Quimby, I think they're dedicating a phone booth somewhere."
"Shut your word hole!"
"Son, whether you want to win a girl or crack a nut the key word is
persistence."
"That was a pretty addictive video game."
"That's some nice flutin', boy."
"This bird's gonna fly!"
"Uh, Homer? Bring me another one of those...uh, burgers would ya? I can't
quite seem to...stand up under my own power anymore."
"We're still not close. Boy! This is going to be an all-night
brain-buster. Oh, we're out of coffee! Oh, well, I'll just drink this
warm cream."
"Whoa, whoa, slow down, egghead!"
"Yeah, that's what they all say. They all say `D'oh'."
"Yeah, where's your Messiah now, Flanders?"
"Yeah, yeah, I did kind of trail off, there, didn't I? Heh."
"You be Carl Reiner, and I'll be police chief Wiggum."
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, blah blah blah,
blah blah blah blah."
"You missed the baby, you missed the blind man."
"You talk the talk, Quimby, but do you walk the walk."
===============================================================================
Some Chief Wiggum Scenes (verified from those wonderful episode capsules
when possible)...
[8F13]
Umpire: Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until
you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to
chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the
fourth inning is the beer inning.
Wiggum: Hey, we know how to play softball.
[8F14]
Wiggum: Don't you worry Mr. Mayor, this little bird will be cracking
rocks by the end of the week.
Quimby: Wiggum, you glorified night watchman, let her go!
Wiggum: But she broke the law!
Quimby: Thanks for the civics lesson. Now, listen to me --
if Marge Simpson goes to jail, I can kiss the chick vote
good-bye. And if I go down, you're going to break my fall!
Wiggum: Word to the wise, Quimby -- don't write checks your butt can't
cash!
Quimby: Hear me loud and clear, Wiggum -- you bite me, I'll bite back!
Wiggum: You talk the talk, Quimby, but do you walk the walk?!
[8F15]
Wiggum: Looks like you just bought yourself a lottery ticket -- to jail!
Lou: He's unconscious, sir.
Wiggum: Ah, they can still hear things.
[8F20]
SsBob: Bart, I must know. How did you untangle my web?
Wiggum: Yeah, Bart, pull us in!
Bart: Well, I'd hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do
his job...
Wiggum: No no, please. It's the only way I'll learn.
[9F10]
Quimby: Watch it, you walking tub of donut batter!
Wiggum: Hey, I got pictures of you, Quimby.
Quimby: You don't scare me. That could be anyone's ass!
[9F12]
Lou: There's a couple guys fight'n at the aquarium, Chief!
Wiggum: Do they still sell those frozen bananas?
Lou: Yeah, I think so.
Wiggum: Let's roll.
[9F13]
Homer: Something wrong officer?
Wiggum: Yeah, you got a tail light out.
Homer: Where?
Wiggum: [smashes Homer's tail light] Right there.
Homer: You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked
cops!
Wiggum: They are? Oh, no! Have they set a date?
[9F14]
Wiggum: [on phone] Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news.
Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh, my God! He's dead?!
Wiggum: Oh, wait. I mean DWI. Heh, heh, heh. I always get those two
mixed up. [hangs up phone]
Woman: My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI.
Wiggum: Uh, why don't you talk to that officer over there.
I'm going out to lunch.
[9F17]
Eddie: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
Wiggum: Forget it. That's two blocks away.
Eddie: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!
Wiggum: I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
Eddie: [into radio] We need pretzels. Repeat, pretzels.
[9F20]
Wiggum: Release the dogs.
Lou: Gee, they look pretty mad!
Wiggum: Ya, I've been starvin' 'em, teasin' 'em, singin' off key...
ma mi mo...
[9F22]
Wiggum: I'd like to help you ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no
law against mailing threatening letters.
Marge: [indignantly] I'm pretty sure there is.
Wiggum: Hah! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle --
Lou: Hey, she's right, Chief. [shows him "Springfield Law"]
Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down
your pants for the purposes of gambling.
[Shot of Eddie with squirrels running around in his
pants, and a bunch of cops watching and laughing]
Boys, knock it off!
[9F21]
Lou: Pretty, huh, Chief?
Wiggum: It sure is, Lou, it sure is....get the tear gas.
[9F22]
Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me "Chief Piggum!"
[everyone laughs] Heh, now I get it. That's good.
[9F22]
Bart: Take him away, boys.
Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, chief?
Wiggum: Do what the kid says.
[1F03]
Wiggum: Oh, Simpson! What are you doing here?
Homer: My wife is having a girls' night out.
Wiggum: Aw, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's
a woman, though, because one time I...heh.
[1F15]
[to caller #1] Yeah, right, lady -- an elephant ran through your front yard.
Okay.
[to caller #2] Wiggum. Yeah, right, mister, mm hum. An elephant just
knocked over your mailbox. Okay.
[to caller #3] Wiggum. Yeah, right, buddy, liquor store robbery, officer
down. Sure. And I'm Edward G. Robinson. Waaa!
[2F03]
Marge: [into microphone] Hello, police? This is Marge Simpson.
My husband is on a murderous rampage. Over.
Wiggum: Well thank God that's over. I was worried there for a second.
[2F18]
Wiggum: Don't worry, folks, we'll find your wallet.
Marge: Dogs! Chief, you're getting powdered sugar all over my floor.
Wiggum: No I'm not, no I'm not. I'm, um, dusting for prints.
[3F06]
Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with
Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.
===============================================================================
Dave Hall (dave...@cyberspc.mb.ca) <http://www.cyberspc.mb.ca/~davehall/>
===============================================================================
Matt Scott Zelman
in the episode where Bart gets mixed up with the mob:
Chief Wiggums-Fat Tony is the cancer of this town. He is the cancer
and i am the uh uh
(whispers to guy next to him) hey, what cures cancer?
Richard Scott Manelis
In <jfruh-10129...@134.0.13.32.128.in-addr.arpa>
jf...@uclink4.berkeley.edu (Joshua Fruhlinger) writes:
>
>
>>
>> "Alight your gaze on yonder fabled beasts of yore."
>
>
>--
>Josh Fruhlinger
>History Department.
>U. of California at Berkeley
>http://www.geocities.com/Athens/3044/index.html -- NOW UPDATED!
>
>S1.2 BAR+ LIS++ ABE++# BUR++# MIL++ APU++#
>TEE+# RWG++ CWG++ SNA++# f+/++ n+/++ $ 1F08, 1F13 M22
"no this is 91...2"
"i need an apb on a car headed in the direction of . . . you know . . .
that place that sells chilli"
Brook Burton
Best Line in 3D Episode
"Stand aside......what we need is action" Bang Bang Bang Bang
"Take that you lousy dimension"
Ryan Strassburger
The best would have to be this:
Sideshow bob has no decency! He called me Chief Piggum! (Silence) Oh
yeah, now I get it. (Wiggum laughing)
This occured during Sideshow Bob's parole hearing.
Ryan Flatt
What about Homer and Marge are skinny-dipping and Wiggum flys the police
helicopter over and puts a spot light on them. With popcorn in hand,
he says "continue swimming naked, aw, come on, swim naked... alright,
open fire boys."
Gagos
When watching tv and SLH pulls the cable out of the ground. Wiggum and
wife are lying in bed. The tv announcer says something like: Your cable
TV is experiencing difficulties. Please, do not panic. Resist the
temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual
relations, as years of TV radiation
have left your genitals withered and useless.
Wiggum lifts the covers and says "Well I be damned"