Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.

Dismiss

Moe's Ethnicity...Unveiled!

93 views

Skip to first unread message

Dale G. Abersold

unread,

Jun 1, 1996, 3:00:00 AM6/1/96

Well, we all know how unsure Moe's ethnic origins are. Is he Italian?
Hungarian? Arabic? Well, through hours of careful research, I was able
to put together what I call...A Short History of Moe

===============================================================================

After the Russian Czar was deposed, one of his servants, his Hungarian
bartender, Istvan Szyslak, fled for his life. He eventually reached
that part of India now known as Pakistan, where he married and fathered
a son. The name of his wife has been lost to history, but she named
the boy Moammar.

Istvan, his wife, and his son were able to leave the country in the twenties,
and were able to immigrate to the U.S. (thanks to various hefty bribes
Istvan was able to pay thanks to the stolen treasure of the Romanovs).
Unfortunately for little Moammar, both his parents died of cholera on
the long voyage to America.

When he arrived on the west coast, the young boy was adopted by Hal
Roach, renamed Morris, and became famous for his role in the "Our
Gang" films (later known as "Little Rascals"). By the time he
reached the age of ten, however, his film career was over, and Roach
turned the boy over to the Brando family, where Morris (now called "Moe")
taught foster brother Marlon everything he knew about acting.

When Moe became legally of age, he left the Brandos, and went in search
of his roots. When he found out how his family had traditionally earned
their living (since Gyorgy Szyslak, bartender to Napoleon, was accidentally
left behind in Russia), he decided to emulate his ancestors.

Though he flunked out of bartending school, he did learn how to kick drunks
out of bars, beginning as a bouncer in New Jersey. There he set a record
for the longest distance in the Dean-Martin-toss.

Moe gradually saved up enough money, however, to buy himself a small bar, and
so moved to the state that Springfield is in, and opened "Moe's Intoxication
Station." Unfortunately, Moe was unable to spell the name of his bar, so he
called it "Moe's Tavern" instead.

===============================================================================
PARODY---NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

0 new messages