Best lines: THE RUNNERS UP...

[WRUB-FM]

I started this discussion, and I feel compelled to end it. I've been
collecting eveyone's suggestions, and this post is a list of all of the ones
that didn't make it. The next post should be a list of the winners, and who
submitted them. Thanks for all the responses.

Mike

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*Jerry*
*** Although it's his show, Jerry didn't have a whole lot of lines submitted.
*** My theory is that most of his funniest lines are responses to the other
*** characters, and therefore aren't as memorable.

"I'm dating a virgin, there's a naked woman across the street, I'm in this
contest - something's got to give!!!" (Me)

"salsaaaa" (Joerg 'SPROCKETS' Grau) [gr...@pollux.cs.uga.edu]

"It's like the sun! You don't look directly at it!" (Moshe Linzer)
[mo...@panix.com]

"So, Biff wants to be a buff." (Scott Chupack) [chu...@engin.umich.edu]

"You don't aspire to touch the nose, you don't unhook anything to get at the
nose, and no man has ever looked up a woman's nostrils." (Chris Gabel)
[CRG...@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca]

"Hello, *Newman*" (various people)
*** we should make a new keyboard symbol specifically for expressing the
*** contempt in Jerry's voice when he says "Newman"

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*Elaine*
*** Although people often say Elaine doesn't have a whole lot of funny lines,
*** and that women comedians aren't funny, Elaine had more lines than Jerry
*** or George.

"Just when I think you're the most shallow person I know, you manage
to drain a little more water out of the pool." (Julia)
[j...@noaacrd.colorado.edu]

"That's my nipple!" (Julia) [j...@noaacrd.colorado.edu]

"Maybe the dingo ate your baby." (Rob Gabbard) [rob.g...@sdrc.com]

"I think I'll go over to my mother's. She just bought me some new panties and
they're all laid out for me!" (Dara Lynn Thompson)
[dlth...@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu]

"Snapple?" {to Marla the virgin} [tj...@maple.circa.ufl.edu]

"Love the Drake. Not so sure about the Drake-ette." (Matthew K. Nordhaus)
[Matthew.K...@dartmouth.edu]

"Do you have a ketchup secret?" (Moshe Linzer) [mo...@panix.com]

"He asked me my name and I think I said 'Elaine' but who the hell knows...."
(referring to JFK Jr.) (Chris Gabel) [crG...@bscs02.gov.bc.ca]

(to the woman on the subway) "I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a
lesbian"(Karl Heichelheim) [ka...@soul.ampex.com]

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*George*
*** George didn't have a whole ton of funny lines, but the situations he
*** gets into are hilarious.

"MOOPS!" (Me)

"salsaaaa" (Joerg 'SPROCKETS' Grau) [gr...@pollux.cs.uga.edu]

"My boys can swim" [tj...@maple.circa.ufl.edu]

"How does one become a buff? I'd love to be a buff." (Chris Gabel)
[crg...@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca]

"I think it moved." (Chris Gabel) [CRG...@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca]

I think the best physical moment with George was from the Boyfriend...
George (with pants around his ankles) - "VanDeLay Industries, SAY VANDELAY
INDUSTRIES!!!" (Chris Gabel) [CRG...@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca]

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*Kramer*
*** Looooooove the Brute! Kramer's one-liner's was a bigger thread than
*** the rest of the discussion.

"His father was a mudder. . .his *mother* was a mudder". - The Subway
(D. Scott Bargabus) [dsc...@crash.cts.com]

"Up here... I'm already gone!"- (Peter Potrebic) [Potr...@apple.com]

How about a one-liner for Kramer .... "Wood!" (jeff g.) [t...@ss2.af.mil]

"Levels!" (Ted Schuerzinger) [z...@Dartmouth.EDU]

"The Beach!" (Eddie Howell) [howell%utk...@wpgate.utk.edu]

In the locker room after playing B'ball.
"Did you sneek a peek?" [Opp...@Auducadm.duc.auburn.edu]

"'S refreshing!" (explaining for the umpteenth time why he was convinced that
Jerry wanted a Junior Mint) From: gn...@panix.com (Robert Martin)

"I don't want a movie hot dog - I want a Papaya King hot dog!" (David
Borzillo) [borz...@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu]

"You stink." (Tim Ingram) [ti...@microsoft.com]

(Eric Rosenquist) [rose...@bnr.ca]
"Hennigans" as Kramer raves over the brand of Scotch that someone left at
Jerry's place: "... and because it's odorless, well, it'll be our little
secret."
*** This was *very* close. The only reason I didn't pick this one was because
*** so many people picked the winner I ended up choosing. The whole scene
*** when Kramer's drunk on the Scotch and making up a commercial for it is
*** just hilarious. I wish I had that on tape.

"I just came over to borrow your dust-buster."(Kramer facial expression)
[loauvax.ucc.nau.edu]

"Bass! Salmon! He just changed from one fish to another!"
(Steve Lau - "Guitar Man")[la...@fusion.cuc.ab.ca]

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*Newman*
*** The best recurring minor character - I had to include him

"You were going to kill yourself because you wanted to be a *banker*"

"He was pissed off about the keys. Yah. That's right. The keys."(Chris Gabel)
[CRG...@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca]

"You are a piece of crap"

*** I could have sworn there was another Newman line. I can't remember
*** what it is. Hmm...

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*Miscellaneous*
*** There are some great lines by minor characters...

"First person I talk to on the subway in 35 years and it's the best man at a
lesbian wedding" - The Subway (Me)

"He's a loathsome, offensive, brute...yet I can't look away" (T-shirt slogan)

TV Kramer: "They fooled ME, Jerry. They fooled ME."
[tj...@maple.circa.ufl.edu]

Calvin Klein: "His buttocks are sublime..."
[sl...@usuhsb.ucc.usuhs.nnmc.navy.mil]

Babu: "You're a very BAD man!"

Babu's brother: "No...too fruity!"

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*Conversations*
*** There are some funny converstations that can't be given to just one
*** person - maybe this will be the next discussion thread...

Jerry: "Well, did you have, ...,you know?"
Elaine: "What? Milk?"
(Karl Heichelheim) [ka...@soul.ampex.com]

*** This is my personal fav.

Jerry - "You see anything wrong with this picture?"
Newman - "Ya. Her nipple is showing. Is that all?"
Jerry - "Yah."
Newman - "Okay, bye." (Chris Gabel) [CRG...@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca]

Jerry/George - "She's got nice cleavage"
"That's why I peeked"
"That's why I poked"
(Karl Heichelheim) [ka...@soul.ampex.com]

Jerry: Kramer, you've just been arrested as a serial killer!!
Kramer: So? (Dave Schaumann) [da...@cs.arizona.edu]

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For those of you keeping score at home, here's the count of who had how many:
Jerry: 6
Elaine: 9
George: 7
Kramer: 13
Newman: 4

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The next post will be: THE WINNERS!!!!