I got a flash for you, joy boy
GPD
opinions on the best minor character in the show, a lot of the time it's
before I've seen that particular episode here in Scotland, so usually I
have heard about the character before I see him. But no-one has ever
mentioned this guy, so I was totally unprepared for the brilliance of
Lt.Bookman from "The Library". He's got to be one of the funniest
characters on the show ever. This big speech he did, while doing that thing
with his hand, was hysterical.
"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The
one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to
you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead,
laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making a scene,
flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy
making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint,
junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me....
Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid,
sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and
finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The
Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this
is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is
about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or
maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks...
You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy.
Partytime is over."
======
GeorgeD
www.geocities.com/Colosseum/3504/dufc.html
Niraj Agarwalla
: I've been reading this ng for a while now and have read many people's
: opinions on the best minor character in the show, a lot of the time it's
: before I've seen that particular episode here in Scotland, so usually I
: have heard about the character before I see him. But no-one has ever
: mentioned this guy, so I was totally unprepared for the brilliance of
: Lt.Bookman from "The Library". He's got to be one of the funniest
: characters on the show ever. This big speech he did, while doing that thing
: with his hand, was hysterical.
I just love that character. His Humprey Bogart-schtick was funny as
hell. He does show up in the final episode, though. Thanks for
excerpt below, its bound to be a classic
: "Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The
: one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to
: you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead,
: laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making a scene,
: flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy
: making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint,
: junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me....
: Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid,
: sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and
: finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The
: Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this
: is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is
: about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or
: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks...
: You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy.
: Partytime is over."
it a wav file is available, please contact me.
: ======
: GeorgeD
: www.geocities.com/Colosseum/3504/dufc.html
:
--
Niraj Agarwalla -- ni...@shore.net -- http://www.shore.net/~niraj
Raingluttn
> I just love that character. His Humprey Bogart-schtick was funny as
>hell. He does show up in the final episode, though. Thanks for
>excerpt below, its bound to be a classic
Humphrey Bogart?
No way. That's Jack Web, Dragnet, for sure!
R124c4u2
Bookman is great, perhaps the best.
Another great one is Jerry's agent. She fusses over Jerry like he was a child.
She didn't make it to the final show with all the recaps. I sure wish they
could have worked her in somehow.
kmsimmons
This may have already been brought up, but she plays the mom on "That
Seventies SHow" on Fox. Kind of a similar character, but not so over
the top.
Joni367
>Another great one is Jerry's agent. She fusses over Jerry like he was a
>child.
> She didn't make it to the final show with all the recaps. I sure wish they
>could have worked her in somehow.
>
>
Joni
>
>
>
Andy MacAskill
>
> I've been reading this ng for a while now and have read many people's
> opinions on the best minor character in the show, a lot of the time it's
> before I've seen that particular episode here in Scotland, so usually I
> have heard about the character before I see him. But no-one has ever
> mentioned this guy, so I was totally unprepared for the brilliance of
> Lt.Bookman from "The Library".
No one? Hmmm. Be glad you're a Scotsman. (When I started the favorite
minor character thread a year or two ago, Bookman was my man.) So
herewith my third(?) repost of the "Bookman scenes."
That A+ episode known as "The Library" included three scenes total with
our favorite "library investigator" played to perfection by Philip Baker
Hall. Again, the marvelous material was written by Larry Charles; the
episode was directed by Joshua White.
The first scene, in Jerry's apartment, begins with Jerry opening the
door for the curmudgeonly "Lieutenant Bookman":
Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would
you like a cup of tea?
You got any coffee?
Coffee?
Yeah. Coffee.
No, I don't drink coffee.
Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?
No, I don't have--
You don't have any instant coffee?
Well, I don't normally--
Who doesn't have instant coffee?
I don't.
You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you
forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts
forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried Crystals.
Really? I'll have to remember that.
You took this book out in 1971.
Yes, and I returned it in 1971.
Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries.
Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman
telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of
his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But
you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public
Library, fella.
Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very
specifically.
You're a comedian, you make people laugh.
I try.
You think this is all a big joke, don't you?
No, I don't.
I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked
it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity
that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?
Certainly not.
Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. You know that little stamp,
the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean
anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot.
Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before:
Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're
thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library
books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without
libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change
the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right
now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees
and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers?
Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue
fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that
kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe
that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how you get your kicks. You
and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for you, Joy-Boy: Party
time is over. You got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!
The second "Bookman scene" includes Kramer and his "spinster" gal Marion
the Librarian. The two, walking hand in hand in the library after hours,
think they're alone:
KRAMER: You know, the library is kind of a cool place when it's closed.
MARIAN: Oh, yeah. You don't have to be quiet. Listen to the echo: Hello!
KRAMER: Hello!
MARIAN: Hello!
KRAMER: Hello!
MARIAN: Hello!
BOOKMAN (emerging): Hello!
MARIAN (turning, surprised): Mr. Bookman.
BOOKMAN: I remember when the librarian was a much older woman: Kindly,
discreet, unattractive. We didn't know anything about her private life.
We didn't want to know anything about her private life. She didn't have
a private life. While you're thinking about that, think about this: The
library closes at five o'clock, no exceptions. This is your final
warning. Got that, kewpie-doll?
The third and final "Bookman scene," just with Jerry again, who, back in
the library now, writes out a check for the never-returned TROPIC OF
CANCER and hands it to Bookman:
Anyway, I hope there's no hard feelings.
Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? You ever have a man
die in your arms? You ever kill somebody?
What is your problem?
What's my problem? Punks like you, that's my problem. And you better not
screw up again Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a
pitbull on a poodle.
JERRY (after Bookman exits): That is one tough monkey!
Gord Bain
>
> I've been reading this ng for a while now and have read many people's
> opinions on the best minor character in the show, a lot of the time it's
> before I've seen that particular episode here in Scotland, so usually I
> have heard about the character before I see him. But no-one has ever
> mentioned this guy, so I was totally unprepared for the brilliance of
> characters on the show ever. This big speech he did, while doing that thing
> with his hand, was hysterical.
>
> you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead,
> laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making a scene,
> flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy
> making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint,
> junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me....
> Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid,
> sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and
> finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The
> is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is
> maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks...
> You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy.
> Partytime is over."
>
> GeorgeD
> www.geocities.com/Colosseum/3504/dufc.html
>
I agree!! Bookman is hysterically funny.