7 'Saved By the Bell' Plots That Prove Zack Is a Sociopath

[Ubiquitous]

Zack Morris, or Everyone's Favorite Sociopath, as I like to call him, is
the master of the scheme. His entire time at Bayside High was spent
perpetrating schemes. (While he had excellent schemes in middle school
and college as well, for the purposes of this list we'll just discuss
his high school schemes.)

Seriously, if Zack isn't doing something heartlessly self-serving, he
isn't breathing. Even when he's pretending he's doing something for
someone else's benefit or well-being, he ends up screwing them. Like
when Lisa has her fashion show and he's SO HELPFUL and then ends up
making out with her even though his inexplicable nerd best friend is
publicly in love with her.

Zack is not the greatest person (actually, he's one of the worst), but
that doesn't stop everyone around him from bending over backward for him
and going along with any scheme he decides to cook up.

#7. Buddy Bands/Friendship Forever/Whatever, They're Just Friendship
Bracelets, You Guys
In "The Friendship Business," the gang (and everyone who attends
Bayside, apparently) gets an assignment to come up with a business. It's
kind of like Shark Tank, but with more innovative ideas (Hey-o!), and
poor rotund Mr. Tuttle is the teacher, but then he also teaches driver's
ed? Who is this guy?

When Mr. Tuttle gets to Zack's group, no one has an idea. Enter Zack
Morris: The Fixer. Lisa brought in some funky bracelets (no one at
Bayside has ever heard of a friendship bracelet apparently) that the
Fashion Club made, and Zack thinks, "Great, I had nothing to do with
this product, but I'll pitch it to Tuttle!" Everyone loves the idea and
Zack elects himself president, as per usual.

But then Zack, who is merely the overlord of this company, demands that
Lisa not sleep and make as many bracelets as humanly possible. For no
money. He wants one of his best friends. A black woman. To work in
inhumane conditions for no money.

He is a slave driver.

When the group splits up, he is still a tyrant and sells Screech into
slavery, offering him as a "friend" that comes with each bracelet. So
Zack Morris is also taking a kind of lame product and forcing Screech
upon everyone who buys one. How is this a business incentive?

Zack, conniving dude that he is, sabotages the Jessie/Kelly/Slater rival
product, Buddy Bands, by giving one to Mr. Belding, so obviously then
everyone immediately hates Buddy Bands.

Despite Zack having ruined ... everything, the gang gets back together
because they saw Zack pouting and they are all controlled by him so they
end up making up with HIM. So they team back up and make Love Cuffs
instead, which is disgusting.

#6. Zit-Off Zit Cream
"Cream for a Day" kicks off with Zack in chemistry class with Screech,
who's sporting a pimple (his first ever), which he's named Murray,
because Screech is kind of a weird dude. They're mixing something with
something else when Screech adds ... a third thing that causes the
chemical mixture to explode all over his face. So obviously, having an
unstable chemical mixture explode all over your face in chemistry is no
cause for alarm in the world of Bayside. But when Zack sees Screech
again, he realizes his pimple is gone! It must be from that stuff that
exploded on your face, Screech! (By the way, Zack has no ideas of his
own except Make Money All the Time and Hurt My Friends in the Process,
making him one of the most honestly rendered capitalists of all time.)

Zack's on again/off again girlfriend, Kelly, is whining because she has
a pimple, too! How weird! And it's time for Homecoming and no one is
going to elect her Homecoming Queen with a pimple on her face. Those are
the rules of Homecoming Court politics!

By this point Zack is already packaging and selling this weird cream in
the halls of Bayside (because of course). You know how you couldn't walk
from chemistry to history without some kid trying to sell you something?
High school, am I right?

Turns out the pimple cream turns your whole face maroon. Not red --
maroon. Well, this is just terrible, as we already learned that
Homecoming Court elections are based entirely on how you look the day of
the elections.

Because everyone in the school is an idiot, I guess, Zack is the only
one who figures out "Hey, isn't our school color maroon?" and again
saves the day. On the one hand, he is clearly a marketing genius on par
with whoever came up with the idea to make tacos out of Doritos. But the
day wouldn't need saving if Zack wasn't always trying to swindle money
from his classmates, so who's really the winner here?

#5. "Girls of Bayside" Calendar
"Model Students" starts by revealing that the school store is run by The
Nerds. But, as we learned during prom, Kelly is poor, so she has to work
there. Zack takes over the school store, because everyone listens to him
no matter what he wants, The Nerds only sell stupid stuff, and Zack can
do way better through manipulation and trickery.

At the start, no one comes into the school store. Zack's solution? Take
"secret" pictures of the girls at swim practice. Does he take the
pictures? Of course not. He sends Screech to take them and then has
cardboard cutouts made of Lisa, Kelly, and Jessie and turns the pictures
into a "Girls of Bayside" calendar.

So he took photos of teenage girls (his friends and girlfriend) without
their permission, blew them up, and sold them for a profit. But because
he's Zack, instead of the cops, a "teen fashion" photographer sees the
calendar and loves it. So Jessie, Lisa, and Kelly, who were all upset
about the calendars, are immediately wooed by the photographer and then
beg Zack to suggest them for a special photo shoot in Paris. (It even
results in Jessie calling him "Zacky," which is horrifying on many, many
levels.)

Of course hottie Kelly is picked as the teen model to go to France. But,
I'm sorry, what's that? Zack is concerned about her going to Paris for a
month? Of course he is.

So he scams and lies and manipulates everyone to get Kelly to stay. He
makes Kelly feel guilty about missing the swim meet and not being
Slater's science lab partner, and then when Kelly invites everyone to
her shoot, Zack says she didn't invite them so that they'll hate her.

To recap, Zack takes his girlfriend's picture without her permission,
publishes the pictures for the whole school, and then sabotages her
chance at actually being successful. And he evens owns up to it, and
Kelly's just like, aww, I still love you.

#4. Driver's Ed
Turns out teenagers want to drive cars! Who knew? Zack feels fine about
the whole thing and is in driver's ed with Mr. Tuttle and the whole gang
until it turns out that Slater has a sweet ride and *SHOCK* he turns 16
next week and can take Kelly out driving whenever he wants!

This is Zack's time to shine. As long as by "shine" we mean "be a
terrible human being but have no lasting consequences." What do you call
a sociopath whose closest companions LET him continue to be a sociopath?
You call him Zack Morris.

Zack's brilliant scheme here involves getting Slater kicked out of
driver's ed so he won't be able to take his car out and thus won't be
able to drive Kelly around. So, through a series of schemes (one part
involving Screech and a Mr. Tuttle impression), Zack gets Slater in the
"driver's ed car" (which is a golf cart) in the school hallway outside
of Mr. Belding's office.

But -- whoops! -- Kelly shows up and hops in the car and then they crash
into some lockers and Kelly bumps her head. Kelly, Zack's girlfriend who
he just gave a "dating but not going steady" ring to, got hurt in the
process of him trying to sabotage Slater.

Screech spills the beans, and for two seconds they try to mess with Zack
and pretend Kelly's injury caused amnesia (classic), but they give up
pretty quickly. Then Kelly and Slater try to take the fall before Zack
finally is like "Oh, right, I did it."

#3. Selling Lisa's Clothes Out of Lockers
"Just do what I do when I do something wrong. Enjoy it, then deny it!"
-the wise words of Zack Morris

Lisa gets good grades and her dad gives her his credit card to go
shopping. She "goes overboard" and spends about $400. Before she even
talks to her dad about it, the gang decides she just needs to earn $400
and pay her dad back. Zack takes over the money-making scheme and begins
with a little raffle time in class. The item they'll be trying to win? A
chance to make out with Lisa.

Zack is pimping out his friend to help fix her debt, and when she says
she feels cheap, his response is "You're not cheap. We made $36."

The next part of the plan involves having Screech rig the lockers to
open with a remote and display Lisa's clothing for their classmates to
purchase. The first item up for grabs? Lingerie "worn by Lisa, while
dreaming of Screech."

At this point we should just be grateful they aren't filled with
drugged-up teen runaways.

It's startling how quickly Zack turns a friend in need into a PG-13
prostitute. He even makes Kelly model the goods, strutting through the
hallway in an alluring bathing suit like a streetwalker teasing out
potential business. Saved by the Bell was originally conceived as a
live-action Saturday morning cartoon. But like the greatest villains,
Morris seemed to have a hold over the people who created him.
Technically Zack isn't benefiting from this scheme, but realistically,
he's testing the waters for the high-end prostitution ring he will one
day construct.

#2. Subliminal-Message Tapes and Dressing Screech Up as a Girl
The setup for this episode seems like something Zack dreamed up himself.
At Bayside, for the Sweetheart Dance, every boy in school has a giant
heart necklace with his name on it that he wears at school until he asks
a girl to the Sweetheart Dance, then she wears it.

Then in ... some class, they learn about "subliminal messages" and Zack
gets a brilliant idea! He makes a tape of what we learn to be Belding's
favorite song ("California Girls") to try to brainwash Belding.


The only reason Zack is trying to brainwash Belding is because Slater
has convinced Kelly to go to the Sweetheart Dance with him instead of
Zack.

"If this works on principals, why can't it work on girls?" -Zack Morris,
failing humanity again. Zack then decides to use his newfound skill to
trick girls into dating guys against their will AND make the girls call
the boys "master." YIKES!

Don't get the wrong idea about the whole dressing-Screech-up-as-a-girl
thing. That's just part of his scheme to sneak into the girls' locker
room to give Kelly and Lisa tapes about Zack and Screech, thus
brainwashing them into having romantic feelings for them.

But then Jessie listens to Zack's tape and gets brainwashed too! Oh no!
Obviously, the teachers are involved, because if there's one thing the
teachers of Bayside never turn down, it's a chance to teach Zack a
lesson!

Of course it "backfires" and the whole school loves Zack and he learns
his lesson for one second and then just continues scheming because
everyone thinks he's adorable and harmless. Nobody seems to recognize
that Zack is displaying the late symptoms of being a full-blown date
rapist and the early symptoms of becoming a brutal fascist dictator.

#1. Telling Everyone Slater Is Dying to Convince Him to Move to Hawaii
In "Aloha Slater," Slater's dad is going to get relocated to Hawaii, but
Slater doesn't want to go because he has such great friends here. This
throws the decision to relocate into question, probably because Slater
has way bigger muscles than his dad. Slater sees Zack as one of these
friends, which is perfect for Zack, because he sees Slater as a game
piece to be played against the other humans. Friend pieces have this
vulnerability called "trust," which means you can get them to move in
any direction you want. In this case, Zack sees his friend Slater's
potential move as an opportunity to force him out of the running to be
Kelly's boyfriend. So he tells the gang Slater is dying.

Yes, dying. And he has to go to Hawaii for treatment but doesn't want to
go! So obviously the only way to convince Slater to go get his treatment
for his terminal illness is to be really mean to him so he won't WANT to
stay at Bayside. Of course, poor Kelly offers to go to Hawaii with
Slater and Slater figures out what's happening, so now Zack needs to
keep Slater at Bayside to keep Kelly. It's all very complicated.

The important thing is, somehow the girls end up mad at Slater because
technically Zack has made it seem like Slater was in on it by the end.




--
Q: Why is ObamaCare like a turd?
A: You have to pass it to see what's in it.

[Ian J. Ball]

In article <lc3rk5$807$1...@dont-email.me>,

Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:

> Zack Morris, or Everyone's Favorite Sociopath, as I like to call him, is
> the master of the scheme. His entire time at Bayside High was spent
> perpetrating schemes. (While he had excellent schemes in middle school
> and college as well, for the purposes of this list we'll just discuss
> his high school schemes.)
>
> Seriously, if Zack isn't doing something heartlessly self-serving, he
> isn't breathing. Even when he's pretending he's doing something for
> someone else's benefit or well-being, he ends up screwing them. Like
> when Lisa has her fashion show and he's SO HELPFUL and then ends up
> making out with her even though his inexplicable nerd best friend is
> publicly in love with her.
>
> Zack is not the greatest person (actually, he's one of the worst), but
> that doesn't stop everyone around him from bending over backward for him
> and going along with any scheme he decides to cook up.

> [snip]

>
> #2. Subliminal-Message Tapes and Dressing Screech Up as a Girl

Heh - this one's probably my favorite episode... ;)

--
"Surf-crazed aliens... Of course." - Amber, "Alien Surf Girls",
Episode #1.1, "Wipeout".
Wait a minute... "Of course"?! "*Of course*"?!! Did I miss a step here??!!