Five Story Lines to Expect from "The Conners", The "Roseanne Reboot" Reboot.

[Ubiquitous]

The Roseanne Reboot is getting a reboot. Meet The Conners. Even though
you’ve probably already met them and they’re not the reason you watched
the show. But Roseanne Barr agreed to take her name off the show to
save people’s jobs.

“I regret the circumstances that have caused me to be removed
from Roseanne. I agreed to the settlement in order that 200
jobs of beloved cast and crew could be saved, and I wish the
best for everyone involved.”

No word on how they are going to kill off Roseanne (see Joe Rogan on
Roseanne: I Talked To Her and Believe Every Word She Said and John
Goodman on Roseanne Cancellation: I Wasn’t Winning an Emmy Anyway).
They’ll probably give her a heart attack. Then pretend that she never
died when it’s time for the Roseanne Reboot Reboot Reboot.

Or:

Allahpundit @allahpundit
My favorite suggestion in the thread on how Roseanne’s
character dies: Vaccination

Maybe:

Ben Shapiro
Roseanne’s character should be killed off by Trump
shooting her on Fifth Avenue.

Whether this new show is any good, we’ll have to wait until the fall.
Though I can’t be the only one assuming the “appealing to middle
America” aspect is going straight down the crapper. Too many leftists
were offended by other opinions expressed. Making a hard left turn with
The Conners is the only way to appease the social justice troll gods.

So here are five storylines I wouldn’t be surprised to see.

1) Roseanne leaves her family to pursue her dream on the NASCAR
circuit. Her long lost cousin Coy from Georgia, and his husband Vance,
move in to help Dan run the house. They’re poor, but they have a
lawsuit pending with a Christian baker. Incoming cha-ching.

2) Every episode opens with Dan sitting in the corner, thinking
about his white male privilege. The song “Hello Darkness My Old Friend”
plays in the background. Interspersed with past statements from past
episodes, rebooted and original, of him being a white male privileged
man ape. No, not a Planet of the Apes ape, an ape in the metaphorical
sense. The kind wives use to describe their husbands when their
husbands are off drinking. Eventually, Dan purposely makes sexist
comments around women just so he can be banished to his basement. Which
he’s stockpiled with beer.

3) Their youngest son Jerry Garcia (I swear, that’s what they named
him) returns from the war as a vegan atheist. They close every episode
with a lecture at the kitchen table. Just as Full House ended with a
lesson, The Conners ends with reasons you may want to kill yourself.
Tofu bacon is literally rape.

4) Darlene fights so her son can try out for the girls’ wrestling
team. The parent conferences devolve into #ImWithHer rants. After much
infighting, the parents give in, allow Darlene’s son to enter. Plot-
twist: the girls still kick his ass.

5) David Hogg moves in next door and starts a reoccurring role as
their wacky neighbor. You’ll never see his chin. Not because the fence
is hiding it. But because there isn’t a chin.

Sound off in the comments below. What storylines are you picturing for
the new show?

No, “I don’t care” isn’t an option. It’s Friday. Lighten up, Francis.

https://youtu.be/f4npYe_Cbfg

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Dems & the media want Trump to be more like Obama, but then he'd
have to audit liberals & wire tap reporters' phones.