Muppets Tonight! episode summary - Sandra Bullock
T. Erik Browne
The show opens with Clifford asking Andy and Randy Pig if they want to do a
job (Andy and Randy seem to have picked up the "Yo, yo, yo" thing from
Clifford). He asks them if they want to answer the telephone, telling them it
will be fun. Andy and Randy seem a bit unclear on the word "telephone" (not
to mention "fun"), so Clifford shows them how it works. He tells them to pick
up the phone and say "hello". So they pick up the phones -- the entire phone,
that is -- and say "hello". Clifford tells them to just pick up the receiver
("the little thing with the curly wire"). "This job's too hard!" complain the
pigs. Finally Andy and Randy figure out how to pick up the receiver and say
hello into it. But Clifford tells them to wait for the phone to ring. The
phone rings, but the pigs have forgotten what to do. Clifford yells at them
to pick it up. They lift the receivers, but don't do anything with them.
Clifford yells, "say hello into the phone!" So they put the receivers to
their ears and say, "Hello into the phone." Clifford gives the camera a very
disbelieving look. The phone call is about them winning $14 million, but Andy
turns it down, saying they can't count that high. As they hang up, Clifford
calls them stupid for turning down $14 million, but Andy says that the money
wasn't for them, it was for Clifford. As the pigs walk off, saying, "Yo, yo,
yo", Clifford tries to hold his anger in, visibly shaking.
Kermit's intro: "very special guest star Sandra Bullock"
Clifford's intro: "Before we get started, I'd like to get something off my
chest." He opens his jacket and a butterfly flies out from under it. As it
flies away, Mr. Poodlepants nets it. Mr. Poodelpants says, "Ooh, a
yellow-bellied flutterbaby. What a delightful addition to my collection."
Then the large, full-sized monster who looks like one of the monsters from
"Where the Wild Things Are" nets Mr. Poodlepants, saying, "Ooh, a
cauliflower-topped chucklehead. What a delightful addition to my collection."
The monster drags Mr. Poodlepants (and the butterfly) offstage.
Clifford then introduces Sandra Bullock. She nervously shakes Clifford's
hand. She is very overwhelmed by being on live television, and is worried
that she'll do badly, and people won't watch, and she won't be asked back.
This whole time she has not stopped shaking Clifford's hand. Finally she
let's go of Clifford and suggests they show a clip from her new film, "While
You Were Slapping". As the screen comes down and Clifford tells them to roll
it, he notices that the arm that Sandra was shaking is now about twice as long
as it used to be. "Oh man, look at my arm!"
The clip opens with Bill the bubblehead sleeping in a hospital room. He is
surrounded by his relatives, all of whom also have bubbles coming out of their
heads. Sandra comes in and sits down, asking how Bill is. One member of the
family tells her she can't be there, since only family is allowed, and slaps
her. She tells them that she saved Bill's life, and besides she is his fiance
(she is obviously making that last bit up). She slaps the guy back. As she
talks to the family, they all slap her, and she slaps them back. The clip
ends with a major slap-fest.
The scene then cuts to the phone desk, which Bobo is now manning (or bear-ing,
as the case may be). He and Clifford are watching the clip on the monitor on
the wall. Clifford remarks on how Sandra is so cute, but Bobo doesn't think
so. "Not enough fat on her, you know? She'd never make it through the
Winter, that's for sure." As Bobo laughs at his joke, Clifford tells him to
answer the ringing phone and walks off. Bobo answers the phone, and the
screen becomes split between him and the Mad Bomber. "All right, man, listen
and listen good. There's a bomb in your studio," says the Bomber, who sounds
a lot like Dennis Hopper from "Speed". "Oh, I know," replies Bobo. "I read
this week's script too. Heh, heh, heh. Have a good day sir." And he hangs
up the phone. The Bomber then dials the phone again. Bobo is now using one
of those hand-held fans to keep himself cool. He picks up the ringing phone,
and the Bomber tells him not to hang up, and that he has something very
important to tell him. Bobo asks if he should write this down, and the Bomber
tells him yes. Bobo then puts him on hold while he looks for paper and a
pencil. The hold music is Kermit the Frog singing "The Rainbow Connection".
Back on stage, Clifford introduces a sketch called "The Psychiatrist's
Office". In it, Sandra is playing Dr. Bullock, Animal Psychiatrist. There is
a knock at her office door, and she asks her next patient, Kermit, to come in.
When Kermit walks in, she tells him, "That'll be a hundred dollars."
Kermit: "But I haven't said anything yet."
Dr. Bullock: "Yes you did, just now."
Kermit: "I'll pay on the way out."
Dr. Bullock: "Then it'll be a hundred and fifty."
Dr. Bullock asks Kermit to sit down, and they start discussing his problem.
The problem is Kermit sees strange creatures whenever he says the word
"phenomena". As soon as he says it, the two Snowths pop up and start singing,
"Do do, do-do-do." It turns into a verse of that old Muppet favorite, "Mahna
Mahna", but with "phenomena" instead. When the verse is over, Dr. Bullock
asks Kermit if she might try it. So she says, "phenomena", starting another
verse of the song. By the end of the verse, she seems to be very caught up in
the song. She takes off her glasses, lets her hair down out of the bun it is
in, and starts dancing around, scatting on the word "phenomena". As she
starts to wild out, the two Snowths pop up again and stare at her. She
realizes she is acting strangely, and calms down. She and the Snowths do
another verse, and then they disappear.
Kermit: "Boy, you sure are crazy."
Dr. Bullock: "I know. You should see what happens when I say, 'Shave and a
haircut'."
The monster from the beginning of the show appears, lying on her desk and
wearing a pink dress.
Monster: "Two bits."
Kermit: "Wow, that was worth a hundred bucks."
Dr. Bullock: "A hundred fifty."
Cut to the lobby, where Bobo and the Mad Bomber are still talking. The Bomber
asks Bobo to read back what he's written down. Bobo reads, "Listen to me and
listen carefully, man." The Bomber complains, "That's it? I've been talking
for five minutes here!" Bobo explains that he's a bear, and not very good at
writing. "If you want roots dug up, I'm your bear. But writing is not what I
do." The Bomber asks if there is anyone else he can talk to, and Bobo hands
him off to Clifford. He tells Clifford that if the ratings drop below 50 the
studio will be blown up. "Are you from the network?" asks Clifford. The
Bomber says no, and tells him to keep the rating up or else. After laughing
maniacly for a few seconds, he asks to be put back on hold. "I want to learn
the rest of that song."
Rizzo the Rat walks up and asks Clifford what's wrong. When Clifford tells
him, he starts going into histrionics, saying this is the end, and that his
life is passing before his eyes. Clifford slaps him and tells him to snap out
of it. Rizzo says he's okay, but his agent is watching tonight and he wanted
to show him what he could do. As Clifford and Rizzo run off, Bobo has his fan
out again. Unfortunately he tags himself with it a couple of times. As any
bear would do to something that is hurting it, Bobo bites the fan.
In the control room they have a meter showing the ratings. They are hovering
around 75, but they seem to be dropping. Rizzo suggests they get rid of the
act on stage. The act in question is two flat-faced Muppets banging their
heads against anvils to the tune of "The Anvil Chorus". Sandra comes in,
complaining that her complementary muffin basket only has one muffin in it.
Clifford tells her that they have a mad bomber on their hands, and Sandra
correctly guesses that if the ratings drop below 50 he'll blow up the
building. She explains that its a plot from the movie "Speed", but no one in
the control room has ever seen it. "But obviously the writers did," remarks
Rizzo. As a snare drum starts playing the obligatory military beat, Sandra
takes control of the situation.
Sandra: "Get me Keanu Reeves."
Clifford: "He's booked."
Sandra: "Too bad, he's a good kisser. Okay, Rizzo, call the bomb squad."
Rizzo: "Hey, bomb squad!"
Sandra: "Use the phone."
Rizzo: "Oh, yeah, right."
Sandra (to Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker): "You two, I want you to get me a list
of any wacko or freak that's been in the building for the last two days."
Bunsen: "That's everybody!"
Sandra: "Then never mind. Okay, you two (now talking to Andy and Randy), I
want you to find out where the phone call came from and then I want you to
trace that call."
Andy: "Okay, thank you. Randy, go get some tracing paper."
Randy: "Okay. Uh, what's paper?"
Sandra: "Just do it! And you (she yells off camera), please, stop that
infernal drumming."
Animal (sitting in the corner playing the drum): "Sorry."
On the show at the moment is Wall Street Wonderings with Earnest Blatt.
Sandra tells Clifford to put on the biggest ratings grabber they've got.
Clifford says there is one thing that people have been wanting to see more of.
On stage, as Earnest is talking about high finance, suddenly the light grows
dimmer and Spamela Hamderson dances out. She asks Ernest if he likes to
boogie, and Earnest tells her he does. They start boogying together. Back in
the control room, everyone is dancing along. Rizzo, who is watching the
monitor with Sandra, says, "This is great!" Clifford says, "Yeah, the ratings
are way above 50." "Oh yeah," says Rizzo, "the ratings are good too." Sandra
flicks Rizzo's ear.
Back at the phone desk, Bobo is sleeping. Andy and Randy arrive and start
tracing the call by pulling the phone wires out of the wall. Bobo wakes up
and asks them what they are doing.
Randy: "Sandra Buttocks told us to trace a phone call."
Bobo: "You mean to tell me you're going to trace the call by pulling every
wire out of every wall in this five-story building?"
Andy: "Yeah."
Bobo: "Works for me."
Bobo goes back to sleep as the pigs continue tracing.
In the control room, Sandra remarks that Spamela is getting tired. Earnest,
on the other hand, is just getting started. He has his shirt off and his tie
is around his forehead.
Clifford: "Oh this is bad, bad. The ratings are starting to dip, dip!"
Sandra: "Don't worry, Clifford, I'm going to get us some more acts, acts."
Clifford: "Is she making fun of me, me?"
Gonzo the Great runs in, suggesting that they run the episode of "Muppet
Babies" that he is carrying. Another Muppet runs in from the opposite
direction with an episode of "Seinfeld". They collide in front of Clifford.
When they get up off the floor, the two tapes are hopelessly entangled
together. "Oh no," says Gonzo, "you got your 'Seinfeld' all over my 'Muppet
Babies'!" "Well you got your 'Muppet Babies' all over my 'Seinfeld'!" "Hey,
wait a minute! Why don't we run them together and see what we've got?" says
Gonzo. No one seems too excited about this. "Well, it worked with peanut
butter and chocolate," says Gonzo.
They show the episode of "Seinfeld Babies". Baby versions of Jerry, Elaine,
George, and Kramer act out classic "Senfeld" schtick in a crib.
Statler: "You know, this show really improves with age."
Waldorf: "Why, because the jokes get better?"
Statler: "No, because my hearing gets worse!"
They laugh.
As the "Seinfeld Babies" sketch ends, the ratings are pretty high. And Gonzo
has another act ready. He introduces Sid Knishes and his Mosh Pit-tatoes. A
punk rock potato with a Cockney accent gets on stage and sings a thrashing
punk song (dedicated to his friend Johny O'Grautin), while other potatoes mosh
in front of him. Everyone in the control booth is dancing along until Gonzo
realizes the mashing potatoes have turned into mashed potatoes. Clifford
tells Rizzo to, one, get somebody else on stage, two, get Sandra back
downstairs, and three, get him a bowl of those mashed potatoes from onstage.
Nigel cues Gonzo, who introduces Franky Yakovic and his Polka Dots. Franky, a
yak, comes on stage with his accordian and a bunch of multicolored dots, who
polka. Franky is quickly yanked offstage by the hook. Rizzo shouts, "Next!",
and it's Johnny Fiama's turn. As he starts singing "Mack the Knife", the set
is changed to a city scene. But unfortunately the first verse of "Mack the
Knife" is about how sharks keep their teeth white, and a shark wanders on
stage and chases Johnny off. Sal chases the shark, shouting, "Hey you, Jaws
3-D, come here!"
Bill the bubblehead is then thrust onstage, and he blows bubbles to the tune
of "Flight of the Bumblebee". Johnny runs accross the stage again, still
pursued by the shark, with Sal holding onto the shark's tail. Then Seymour
the Elephant Elevator Operator and his co-worker Pepe the Prawn come up to
Rizzo and Gonzo. They are dressed as vaudeville commedians, and they say they
have an act. Gonzo and Rizzo put them on.
(singing)
Seymour: "I'm Seymour."
Pepe: "I'm Pepe."
Both: "We're two of a kind."
Pepe: "I'm a little bit forward."
Seymour: "And I've get a big behind."
(speaking now)
Pepe: "Say Seymour..."
Seymour: "Yes, Pepe?"
Pepe: "What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?"
Seymour: "Gee, I don't know, what?"
Pepe: "Elifino."
(rimshot)
There is absolutely no response from the audience.
Pepe: "Elifino."
(rimshot)
Nothing.
Seymour: "Gee, Pepe, I don't think they get it."
Pepe: "Elifino! Why do I got to 'splain to you people, okay? Elifino! Help
me out here! Elifino!"
In the control room, Clifford is complaining about the ratings. Then suddenly
Andy and Randy run in. They've traced the call! Clifford shouts, "Follow the
pigs!" and everyone follows them out the door, past the door at the back of
room, and back in through the other door, all of them (including Andy and
Randy) shouting, "Follow the pigs!" Realizing they're in the wrong place,
Randy says, "I know what we did. Come on." They go back out the door, past
the door in the back of the room, and through Statler and Waldorf's tv room.
Waldorf: "How come that never happens when we're watching the 'Hot Bodies
Bikini Contest'?"
Back on stage, Pepe has set up some visual aids to help him explain the joke.
Seymour is wearing a sign around his neck which says, "ELA-IF", and there is a
sign next to him with a picture of a rhinocerous on it and the words "I-KNOW".
Pepe uses a pointer to point to Seymour, says "elephant", points to the sign,
says "Ela-if", points to the rhino, says "rhino", points to the words, says "I
know." Then he turns to the audience and says, "Elifino." Rimshot. The
audience is still staring blankly. "Unbelievable. I can't believe it. How
many times we got to do?" "Gee, Pepe," says Seymour, "maybe we should just
sing the song." "Okay," replies Pepe. They start to sing their song again,
but get yanked off the stage by the hook. Off to the side, Gonzo says,
"That's a couple of sandwiches shy of a picnic basket."
Meanwhile, Andy and Randy have led everyone to the phone desk (where Bobo is
still sleeping). Andy points to a door and says the Mad Bomber is in the
closet. Clifford says he doesn't want anyone trying any "dangerous, macho,
save-the-day heroics."
Spamela: "But I _love_ dangerous, macho, save-the-day heroics."
Clifford: "Look out everybody, I'm breaking down the door!"
Clifford runs up to the door, smashes into it, and falls to the floor. But
the door opens! The Mad Bomber slowly comes out. Clifford demands, "All
right, who are you anyway?" The Bomber says, "Well, to tell you the truth,
man...Oh, gosh, what's the point." The Bomber stands up and removes his mask.
"Sandra Bullock!" everyone shouts. Yes, it is the guest star. Sandra admits
that there wasn't any bomb. She just wanted the ratings to be high so the
show would be a success and they would like her and ask her back again. But
Clifford tells her that everybody loves her.
Clifford: "Sandra, you could anything and people would enjoy it."
Sandra: "I could do anything?"
Clifford: "Anything."
Sandra (in a higher voice): "Anything?"
Clifford (higher): "Anything."
Sandra (still higher): "Anything?"
Clifford: "My voice don't go that high. Do it, girl!"
The scene then cuts to the stage. Sandra walks out, dressed in outrageous
clothes and outfitted with a one-man-band outfit (base drum, cymbals, bicycle
horn between the knees -- the works). She is singing "Alexander's Ragtime
Band". Clifford and Rizzo come out to say goodnight. Clifford asks for a
hand for Sandra Bullock, but Sandra says she isn't finished yet. So Clifford
just ends the show with Sandra still going strong.
When they come back from commercials, the show is over, but Sandra is still
singing (she's doing "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt" now). Beuregard the
janitor walks up to her, hands her the keys, and asks her to lock up when she
leaves.
As the credits roll, we once again get OUTTAKES!
The first few are from Pepe and Seymour. Pepe is pointing to Seymour's sign
with his pointer and gets it caught on the sign. In the next one, Pepe is
pointing to the sign again, but blows his line. In the third one, he is
pointing to Seymour and accidently sticks the stick in Seymour's trunk.
"You've got my stickie!" says Pepe. The next has Clifford taking Rizzo in his
mouth, as Rizzo struggles valiantly. Next, Sandra blows her line while
laughing at Bunsen and Beaker. Sandra blows another line while trying to tell
Clifford her guess about the Mad Bomber. The last one is where Andy and Randy
walk up to Clifford saying "yo, yo, yo", but Randy turns to the camera and
says, "cut, cut, cut," as Clifford asks, "What was wrong with that?"
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T. Erik Browne | All operating systems suck.
tbr...@thuban.ac.hmc.edu | The sooner you learn this, the better.
tbr...@netcom.com | finger @netcom for pgp key
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"I'm not sure I can cope with poetry tonight. Not even bad poetry."