TOM: Editing rival to emacs-XTREME.
> GRUMPY'S MISTAKE
CROW: He just assumed Dewey was going to defeat Truman and now ...
> As soon as Grumpy Weasel left to chase the squirrels
JOEL: If you know what I mean.
> and mice that he had frightened away from the corncrib
TOM: Everybody run! The corn is teething!
> Raccoon hurried into the building through a hole in the floor
CROW: I'm fixing a hole where the racc climbs in ...
> which nobody knew but himself.
JOEL: The loneliness of the long-distance raccoon.
> Though he was a great eater
TOM: I don't know about 'great', I mean, he eats a lot but does he do anything to advance the eating *arts*?
> Fatty was also a fast
> one. And now he bolted a huge meal of corn
CROW: A cornmeal?
JOEL: No, a meal of corn.
CROW: Right, so, a cornmeal.
JOEL: No, you're not hearing me.
CROW: I need better ears.
JOEL: Ears of corn.
TOM: Corneas? I thought his eyes were fine?
> in only a few
> minutes. Then, smiling broadly, he left the corncrib by his
> private doorway
JOEL: Polite way of saying he fell through the floor.
> and squatted down to await Grumpy's return.
TOM: Now there's a sentence nobody's ever written before.
> In a little while Grumpy appeared.
CROW: As the prophecy foretold.
> "I hoped I'd see you again," Fatty Raccoon told him.
JOEL: Well now Grumpy just knows you're lying.
> "Did you have any luck?"
TOM: He hasn't had any luck this whole book!
> "No!" Grumpy Weasel snapped. "I was mistaken about
> your idea.
CROW: It fails to account for how the cosmological constant would have to vary in the first ten-billionths of a second after the Big Bang!
> It was a very poor one. For I've been running in a
> circle (as you suggested) till I'm dizzy;
JOEL: Well, just run in circles the opposite way until you're un-dizzy.
> and I haven't seen
> the least sign of a mouse nor a squirrel."
TOM: [ As Boris Badenov ] 'Have to get mouse and squirrel!'
> Fatty Raccoon told him to cheer up.
CROW: You can just *feel* Grumpy's withering stare through the pages like this.
> "I've another idea for you," he said.
JOEL: No time to ask questions, just put on this clown suit and this tiny doghouse over your head!
> "Keep it! Keep it!" Grumpy Weasel hissed.
TOM: No, take the box!
CROW: Door number three! You always want door number three!
> "Your last
> idea only made me tired; and I haven't a capture to my credit
JOEL: 'I haven't a capture to my credit to-night'? Why is he talking like he's in a lesser PG Wodehouse?
TOM: Grump Among The Chickens.
> "That's because you ran too fast," Fatty explained
CROW: He ... ran right past the squirrels?
> "Now, if you'll be careful to run slowly, and do just
> as I tell you, I can promise that there'll be a capture,
> without fail."
TOM: Now, if you invade Persia, a great empire will be destroyed.
> Grumpy had had such bad luck in his hunting about the
> farmyard that he decided to listen, anyhow.
CROW: Yeah, has Grumpy eaten, like, ever?
JOEL: If his whole issue is 'hangry' I'm swear ...
> He told himself
> that he wouldn't take Fatty's advice unless it was much
> better than he expected.
TOM: A better plan than 'run in circles'?
> "Well---go on!" he grunted.
CROW: Go on with your merry little schemes and plans.
> "Do you see that little house near the woodshed?"
TOM: Is it little or is it far away?
> Fatty Raccoon asked him. "It has a low doorway that's always
> open, and no windows at all."
JOEL: Wait ...
CROW: Is ... is that the outhouse?
> "Yes!" said Grumpy Weasel harshly. "Of course I see
> it. I'm not blind."
TOM: You sure? Because 'blind as a weasel' sure sounds like it could be a saying.
> "Do you know who lives there?"
CROW: This *can't* be the outhouse, right?
> "I always supposed that it belonged to Johnnie
> Green," said Grumpy.
TOM: He has to house his ineffectively caught pets somewhere.
> "His father is big and lives in the big
> house, and Johnnie is little and lives in the little house."
JOEL: [ As Fatty ] 'Well, then who lives in the wide house?'
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'The president.'
JOEL: [ As Fatty ] 'D'oh!'
> Fatty Raccoon laughed merrily.
JOEL: [ As Fatty ] 'Sorry, just thought of a hilarious corn I ate this morning.'
> "You don't know as much as I thought you did!" he
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Yeah, well, I know things you never thought I didn't know!'
CROW: [ As Fatty ] 'Yeah, I --- what?'
> It may be that Fatty had set out to make Grumpy angry.
> Anyhow, Grumpy's eyes burned in the darkness like two coals
> of fire.
JOEL: Uh-oh, weasel's coming up to power.
> "I'm right about that little house," he wrangled.
TOM: They throw away *way* too much trash *every* single *week*! Something is up there!
> "Nonsense!" Fatty Raccoon exclaimed. And that made
> Grumpy angrier than ever.
JOEL: [ As Fatty, walking it back ] 'Uh ... partial sense? In the right contexts?'
> "You learned that word of old Mr. Crow!" he grumbled.
CROW: Aw, I gifted 'Nonsense' to the world, anyone can have it.
> "It's his favorite expression; and I can't endure it."
TOM: Grumpy doesn't play favorites, he's an equal-opportunity non-endurer.
> "You don't need to stay here and listen to it," Fatty
> Raccoon said.
CROW: You can listen to it anywhere on my new podcast! Let me tell you the Raccoon Supper Syndication feed!
> "If you dared to you could run over to Johnnie
> Green's house (as you call it);
TOM: Stipulating for the benefit of counsel without making an admission with regard to the house-ness of Johnnie Green.
> and if you found that you
> were right about it I promise you I'd never say 'Nonsense'
JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] 'Hmm ... how close do I have to get so you promise you'll never say 'Snackage' again?'
> If Grumpy Weasel hadn't been so angry
CROW: He'd be any other character in this book.
> perhaps he
> wouldn't have been so eager to prove himself right.
TOM: Grumpy strikes me as someone happy to let other people think wrong things about him.
> Fatty watched him he bounded across the farmyard
JOEL: [ As Fatty, calling ] 'It's the other way!'
CROW: [ As Grumpy, responding ] 'I knew that!'
> and stopped
> at the doorway of the tiny house.
TOM: Pardon, is the tiny of the house at home?
> And then he bounded back
> again, a great deal faster, with old dog Spot yelping behind
JOEL: The Tale of Territorial Spot.
CROW: He just doesn't want Grumpy in and seeing his stuff, you know?
> Fatty Raccoon did not wait for anything more.
TOM: [ As Fatty ] Got my rhythm, got my music, got my corn ... who could ask for anything more?
> He made
> for the woods at top speed, grinning as he went.
JOEL: Anytime he can run downhill ...
> The next day he pretended to be surprised to meet
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Ernie? Ernie Dinkelfwat?!'
> "You must have forgotten my advice," he said.
JOEL: Always --- I mean, NEVER --- I mean, make sure you don't fail to forget --- and keeping with you --- never on your person --- even in these troubled times. Thank you.
> promised you that there would be a capture if you ran slowly.
CROW: I couldn't do the capture, it wanted me to prove I was a human.
> But it's plain that you ran too fast, or you wouldn't be
TOM: Fatty's summer abroad working as the Sphinx really paying off here.
> "Nonsense!" Grumpy Weasel shouted, flying into a
> passion at once.
JOEL: Lucky he's not flying into a passion play, it would mess up the Easter services.
> And he often wondered, afterward, what Fatty
> Raccoon found to laugh at.
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Ha ha! You've fallen for my fairy logic! Now I return to the Raccoon Dimension for ninety days!'
JOEL: [ Announcer ] Ladies and gentlemen you have just had *the* Fatty Raccoon Experience!
CROW: Not without cheese dip I haven't.
[ end of chapter 17 ]
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com