MST3K one-liners!

[Ron Asbestos Dippold]

From Butler's file, perfect for .sigs!

"$20,000,000 and they *still* use stock footage?" -- Tom Servo
"Abra-cadaver!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Abstract impressionism. It's what hot" -- Tom Servo
"A combination of Michael J. Pollard, Yahoo Serious, and Buddha."
"A fishfinder? In a hospital?" -- Crow T. Robot
"A friend who can't catch? I don't think so." -- Tom Servo
"After this, nothing will shock me." -- Tom Servo
"Age before beauty, pearls before swine." -- Tom Servo
"A good movie this time? I think not!" -- Tom Servo
"A graveyard! Now they can bury the script!" -- Joel Robinson
"A harmonica? As if he wasn't annoying enough!" -- Tom Servo
"*Ahem* Okay... Thank you, Mr. Spock." -- Tom Servo
"Ah. Flying hell-beast. Seen it." -- Tom Servo
"Ah, she's blind! That explains the decorating!" -- Crow
"Alexander Walcott and McGruff? He's all over the map."
"All I can say is `No. Bite me!'" -- Crow T. Robot
"All of a sudden we're at Aquaduct!" -- Crow T. Robot
"All of these people are foreigners!" -- Tom Servo
"Allow me to knee you right in the groin..." -- Tom Servo
"All right, Benson, what have you been doing?" -- Tom Servo
"All right, who wants an overture." -- Joel Robinson
"All you need is a willing victim and a bottle of nitrous oxide."
"America is leaning on cheese!" -- Crow T. Robot
"And Emmet Kelly's still eating!" -- Crow T. Robot
"And don't dub with your mouth full." -- Tom Servo
"And God bless Twikki." -- Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot
"And I have a terrible toothache." -- Crow T. Robot
"And introducing Gunter Gable Williams!" -- Joel Robinson
"And Madonna thinks *she's* innovative..." -- Crow T. Robot
"And now another boring twenty minute scene." -- Tom Servo
"And now back to more boring scenes." -- Crow T. Robot
"And now I have to strangle Frank..." -- Dr. Forrester
"And stop that nutty horn section." -- Crow T. Robot
"And the boredom of an accordianist." -- Crow T. Robot
"And try not to kill anyone this time." -- Joel Robinson
"And you act like *I'm* the jerk!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Another Buddhist protesting the helmet law." -- Joel Robinson
"Anybody know what happened to cambot?" -- Joel Robinson
"Any minute now, unspeakable horror." -- Tom Servo
"Anything is better than this crap!" -- Joel Robinson
"Are these credits supposed to imply that there was a crew?"
"Are you with the bride, or the failure?" -- Crow T. Robot
"As crises go, this wasn't that bad." -- Crow T. Robot
"As disgusting pigs, they weren't that convincing." -- Tom Servo
"As dull as a beige room." -- Tom Servo
"As if we cared..." -- Tom Servo
"As I mentioned earlier, there is tremendous horror here."
"A simple yes or no would have been fine." -- Tom Servo
"A sprinkle a day keeps Richard Kiel away." -- Crow T. Robot
"A spy movie is beginning to sag, and Ed Asner is there!" -- Crow
"A three thousand year old childproof cap?" -- Crow T. Robot
"At least we killed it before we put it in there!" -- Crow
"A whole new day of rock climbing!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Aw, sweet freedom..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Aw, you can see the strings." -- Crow T. Robot
"Bad movie? You're soaking in it." -- Crow T. Robot
"Bad news... they want to water-ski..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Barkeep, please freshen my date." -- Joel Robinson
"Baywatch can wait for now, Frank..." -- Dr. Forrester
"Beatle Bailey, The Motion Picture..." -- Tom Servo
"Beatniks? These people aren't even Boatniks!" -- Tom Servo
"Because I kill indiscriminately?" -- Tom Servo
"Beelzebub the Clown!" -- Tom Servo
"BE QUIET ABOUT OUR SECRET PLAN!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Beseech this!" -- Joel Robinson
"Betcha care now, don'tcha?" -- Tom Servo
"Bet he wishes he had a life!" -- Joel Robinson
"Better wind up the model again..." -- Tom Servo
"Beverly HIlls Cop, the slow, white version." -- Crow
"Billy's gonna be a `Boil-In-The-Bag' dinner soon!" -- Crow
"B is for back problem." -- Joel Robinson
"Bite me!" -- Gypsy
"Bite me, Frodo!" -- TV's Frank
"Bite me, it's fun!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Bite me, it's fun!" "Crow! No!"
"Blindsided by another short." -- Joel Robinson
"Blond on blond on blond on blond." -- Crow
"Booze still heals!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Boy George drives in, lobbing molotovs!" -- Tom Servo
"Boy, God has a crummy office!" -- Tom Servo
"Boy, I'm glad we're hourly!" -- Tom Servo
"Boy, is it out there!" -- TV's Frank
"Boy, this place could use some yardwork." -- Joel Robinson
"Breakfast is the most boring meal of the day." -- Crow
"Bristle... I guess." -- Tom Servo
"Burned up on re-entry, huh?" -- Crow T. Robot
"But his bossess didn't like him so they shot him into space!"
"But first, this word from Maxwell House." -- Tom Servo
"But that's for later..." -- Dr. Forrester
"Bye, Mr. Hoffa!" -- Joel Robinson
"By the pricking of my thumb, something stupid this way comes!"
"By the way, have you ever bathed?" -- Joel Robinson
"Call now with your pledge and get this neat tote-bag!" -- Crow
"Can I take your helmet? Oh, it's your hair." -- Crow T. Robot
"Can the balloon juice, sport." -- Tom Servo
"Capiche?" -- Tom Servo
"Career set to off." -- Tom Servo
"Careful; these guys are trained cable-installers!" -- Tom Servo
"Carousel had more beatniks than this!" -- Tom Servo
"'Cause they got so many eyes, you see..." -- Joel Robinson
"Cheap! Cheap! Really cheap!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Check your gun at the door, Festus." -- Joel Robinson
"C'mon... Let's go talk to Hamlet's dad." -- Crow T. Robot
"C'mon, Mr. Wallenda. Get back up there." -- Crow T. Robot
"Comedy's fun when you know the secret." -- Joel Robinson
"Commercial sign... Hit the button." -- Crow T. Robot
"Condiment man! Get your condiments!" -- Tom Servo
"Congratulations. You just invented the staircase." -- Forrester
"Could we have a sense of scale, here?" -- Joel Robinson
"Could we just get on with it please?" -- TV's Frank
"Could we just go please?" -- Tom Servo
"Could you be a little more vague?" -- Tom Servo
"Could you explain again why I do all the work?" -- Crow
"Could you get my agent on the phone?" -- Joel Robinson
"Could you get that, son?" -- Tom Servo
"Could you please kill me?" -- Tom Servo
"Could you please take a breath mint?" -- Joel Robinson
"Crowdini! Robot Ruler of the Underworld!" -- Tom Servo
"Crow, I don't get you." "What's not to get?"
"Crow, kill him! Kill him!" -- Tom Servo
"Crow, you are out there, man." -- Joel Robinson
"Crow, you're so camp yo make me want to throw up!" -- Joel
"Dawn on the Serengetti..." -- Tom Servo
"Deal with it, joyless prole!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Deal with it, Pink-Boy!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Dear God, he's dull." -- Tom Servo
"Dear God, he's unappealing!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Death with dignity, huh?" -- Tom Servo
"DEEP HURTING! DEEP HURTING!" -- TV's Frank
"Define normal." -- Tom Servo
"Did he go on another wild shooting spree?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Did I say Billy Mumy? I meant Butch Patrick!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Did that happen?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Did you pull this suit off The Riddler?" -- Tom Servo
"Didn't we see him on Mork and Mindy?" -- Tom Servo
"Ditch the coffin. We have what we need." -- Joel Robinson
"Doesn't look scary to me..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Does this answer your question?" -- Joel Robinson
"Dolby stereo? In your dreams, pally!" -- Tom Servo
"Do not induce vomiting!" "This movie will do it for you!"
"Don't be so negative. It might not be so bad." -- Crow
"Don't do that!" -- TV's Frank
"Don't look at him, whatever you do!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Don't tell me Hercules is in this, too!" -- Tom Servo
"Don't that beat all..." -- Joel Robinson
"Don't you ever interrupt me!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Do you know my line?" -- Tom Servo
"Do you know where your children are?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Does this bug you?" *FLINK* -- Crow T. Robot
"Does this guy have a job?" -- Tom Servo
"Don't hurt me!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Don't mock me! Crow, you are playing with fire!" -- Tom Servo
"Don't patronize me, Joel." -- Gypsy
"Don't worry, there are other Demigods out there." -- Tom Servo
"Do we have to see this?" -- Joel Robinson
"`Dragon trainer'? They're kidding us, right?" -- Tom Servo
"Drink this. It'll make you feel American." -- Tom Servo
"Dry ice and lots of it!" -- Tom Servo
"Dual overhead Sinead O'Connors!" -- Joel Robinson
"Easy! Easy!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Either this man is dead or my sundial stopped"
"Elvis has staggered out of the building..." -- Tom Servo
"Emotions are alien to me. I'm a scientist." -- Dr. Forrester
"Enjoy it while it lasts, astro boy-toy!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Even in space, booze satisfies!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Even the band is vomiting." -- Crow T. Robot
"Even the musicians are mocking this film!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Everyone wears cleats in this film." -- Joel Robinson
"Every time it rains it rains..." -- Tom Servo
"Evil! You are evil! Evil!" -- Gypsy
"Excuse me. Just what is the subtext here?" -- Crow
"Excuse me... where it the little giant's room?" -- Tom Servo
"Excuse me... you're on fire." -- Joel Robinson
"Excuse me while I have a strange interlude." -- Joel Robinson
"Filmed in fabulous Zapruder-Vision!" -- Tom Servo
"Filmed in Long-Torso-Vision!" -- Tom Servo
"Finally, the Warren Commission files." -- Joel Robinson
"Fine, Joel... You have your little insurrection." -- Forrester
"Five bucks on the lizard! Get your money out!" -- Tom Servo
"Focus please!" -- Tom Servo
"Folks, this is just wrong..." -- Tom Servo
"For a robot, he's got a really flat butt!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Forceps, Frank! Pain!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Foreward is forewarned!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Forget that!" -- Tom Servo
"Forrester holds the checks..." -- Dr. Forrester
"Frankie Avalon in `Slave Ship Bingo'!" -- Tom Servo
"Frank, take this guy out!" "C'mere you..."
"Frank, you're ruining it for me." -- Dr. Forrester
"Friends don't let friends watch MANOS." -- Joel Robinson
"From now on, all bets are off!" -- Joel Robinson
"Gamera's really neat! Gamera's full of meat! We love Gamera!"
"Gee! Next time bite the rest of my head off!" -- Tom Servo
"General! Stay with the tour, General!" -- Joel Robinson
"Get it? Of course you do..." -- Dr. Forrester
"Get on with it!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Get out! Get out!" -- Tom Servo
"Get the shotgun. That'll learn 'em." -- Tom Servo
"G.E. We bring good things to death." -- Joel Robinson
"Give me the lemur and I'll let you walk!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you!" -- Forrester
"God always did like you best!" -- Joel Robinson
"God, I'm good." -- Tom Servo
"God is their co-pilot." -- Tom Servo
"God, it reeks..." -- Crow T. Robot
"God now ends his broadcast day..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Good one, Cambot!" -- Tom Servo
"Good thing we have a wide screen!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Got lost. Flew to Phoenix. Got attacked. Gonna die." -- Crow
"Go to the bridge! Stay frosty! I have a plan!" -- Joel
"Great! Now they can all die on dry land!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Great place to die, though. Real spooky!" -- Tom Servo
"Great! So much for the plot! We're back at the beginning!"
"Guys, that's really annoying!" -- Tom Servo
"Guys, we got a big problem on our hands..." -- Tom Servo
"Guys, we're in for some deep padding..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Gypsy's chunking!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Gypsy crushes Joel! We'll be right back." -- Gypsy
"Gypsy, I weep for you." -- Tom Servo
"Gypsy! No, not yet!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Hair color by Bozo the Clown." -- Tom Servo
"Harriet, the cows are smoking again..." -- Joel Robinson
"Have at thee, dickweed!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Have I mentioned I'm immense and immortal?" -- Joel Robinson
"Have you ever been whipped with a magnolia frond?" -- Crow
"Have you, sir, no sense of decency?" -- Tom Servo
"He did it! He actually did it!" -- Crow T. Robot
"He doesn't stand a chance. We'll be right back." -- Tom Servo
"He got beamed into `Song of the South'!" -- Joel Robinson
"He... He... Uh... He broke. Sorry." -- Crow T. Robot
"He'll have to sit and watch them all while we monitor his mind."
"Hell no! I won't go!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Hell works better when its subtle." -- Joel Robinson
"He looks about as Ninja as Irene Ryan!" -- Crow T. Robot
"He looks old for a college student..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Help! I'm side hacking and I can't get up!" -- Joel Robinson
"Help me, Batman! Help me!" -- Crow T. Robot
"He made her bark!" -- Crow T. Robot
"He mentioned something about `The Horror'." -- Crow T. Robot
"Hercules now concludes his broadcast day." -- Tom Servo
"Hercules... Whereever you are... Bite me!" -- Tom Servo
"Here at Phillips Petroleum, we are working to replace nature."
"Here comes Nurse-furatu!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Here comes the world's slowest assault team." -- Crow
"Here it is, Dimples. The latest craze: Robotic Arm Wrestling!"
"He resents my dune buggy!" -- Joel Robinson
"Here... sit on this conveniently placed stump." -- Tom Servo
"Here's to your death, big guy." -- Crow T. Robot
"He runs like a girl." -- Crow T. Robot
"He said `Garp', and he said `Good'. Then he died." -- Tom Servo
"He's a robot. He doesn't have any teeth." -- Joel Robinson
"He's a woozle, and his name is peanut." -- Tom Servo
"He's being terrorized by the cast of `Fame'!" -- Tom Servo
"He's going to sing the whole song, isn't he?" -- Joel Robinson
"He's gonna get a DWI: Driving While Invisible!" -- Tom Servo
"He's gonna leave all this?" -- Joel Robinson
"He's got a good deadside manner..." -- Crow T. Robot
"He's got an extra Y chromosome." -- Crow T. Robot
"He's got a really nice skull." -- Crow T. Robot
"He's got Earl Campbell thighs!" -- Joel Robinson
"He's got his script taped to the floor." -- Crow T. Robot
"He's got Lee Press-On Talons..." -- Crow T. Robot
"He's got people stacked like cordwood in there!" -- Joel
"He shot a spider. Thank you, John Goodman." -- Joel Robinson
"He's looking for James Franciscus and Charlton Heston." -- Crow
"He's looking for the string quartet." -- Joel Robinson
"He's not much without his hang-glider, is he?" -- Crow T. Robot
"He's not Sinbad." -- Crow T. Robot
"He's putting a car-cover on a horse?" -- Joel Robinson
"He's quite eloquent for a piece of lowlife scum." -- Crow
"He's rather Doctor Bellows-esque..." -- Crow T. Robot
"He's rifling the mummy for change." -- Joel Robinson
"He's singing to a refrigerator!" -- Crow T. Robot
"He's surrounded by adoring housewives." -- Tom Servo
"He's taunting the mummy?" -- Crow T. Robot
"He stepped into a wormhole and had to go in early." -- Crow
"He's *that* close to being Dom DeLouise." -- Crow T. Robot
"He's wearing David Byrne's big suit." -- Joel Robinson
"He was dead! I guess that's what caused it all." -- TV's Frank
"He was huge, but normal." -- Crow T. Robot
"Hey, don't laugh! It's paid for!" -- Joel Robinson
"Hey! It's the 34 Horsemen of the Apocalypse!" -- Joel Robinson
"Hey! It takes off, too!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Hey, Mr. Goodwrench! You forgot your car battery!" -- Crow
"Hey! The brother's got his own horn section!" -- Tom Servo
"Hey! The pizza's here!" -- Joel Robinson
"Hey! Turn the bass down! Oh, that's his voice!" -- Crow
"Hey! We've gotta drink that water..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Hey... you got change for an eight-year old?" -- Joel Robinson
"High tech my butt! They still have rotary phones!" -- Joel
"Hi, I'm Satan! Remember me?" -- Joel Robinson
"Hi! I'm the giant leech!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Honk if you love Eegah!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Hot dog! I have a date with death!" -- Joel Robinson
"How about a little fire, Scarecrow?" -- Crow T. Robot
"How about the sound of someone's spine cracking?" -- Tom Servo
"How big does that music make it sound?" -- Tom Servo
"How come they all turned when he said `Dad'?" -- Tom Servo
"How'd *that* get in there?" -- Tom Servo
"How do you tell someone that you've been dead for 1000 years?"
"How I love my torsos!" -- Joel Robinson
"How long does this go on?" -- Tom Servo
"How much would you pay for this Ginsu switchblade?" -- Crow
"Hugh Beaumont!?!"
"Human Cleaners: We'll clean your humans overnight!" -- Joel
"Huzzah my butt! You satin-clad loser!" -- TV's Frank
"I AM IRONMAN!" -- Tom Servo
"I AM SERVO-TRON, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!" -- Tom Servo
"I *am* the button!" -- TV's Frank
"I bet George Kennedy is in this..." -- Crow T. Robot
"I bet they can't program their VCR's." -- Crow T. Robot
"I can pick you off from here!" -- Joel RObinson
"I can't believe he fell for it! Chump!" -- Tom Servo
"I can't believe how completely in London I am." -- Crow
"I can't help but feel that the film was flawed in some way."
"I can't. My arms are inoperable." -- Tom Servo
"I can't stand him when he's like this." -- Tom Servo
"I can't take him seriously." "Dressed like that? No!"
"Icy death from bloody stumps? I don't think so!" -- Tom Servo
"I'd be relieved if I knew what was happening." -- Joel
"I definitely hear a bowling alley." -- Joel Robinson
"I `desire' you to stop singing!" -- Tom Servo
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." -- Crow T. Robot
"I do belive in Gaos! I do I do I do I do..." -- Joel Robinson
"I don't cotton to those long-haired artsy types..."
"I don't get it..." -- Gypsy
"I don't know about art, but I know what I like." -- Forrester
"`I don't want to die'... Look, I got problems too!" -- Crow
"I don't want to pray for the mad scientists." -- Crow
"I'd rather be a shallow pose boomer." -- Tom Servo
"I dreamed I kissed Gavin MacLeod." -- Joel Robinson
"I'd say they went a bit overboard with the fence." -- Crow.
"I'd shoot Donald Regan to prove my love for Lisa Foster!"
"If A-V geeks rules the world." -- Crow T. Robot
"I feel a song coming on..." -- Crow T. Robot
"If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a security camera..."
"If I knew what was going on, I'd be indignant!" -- Crow T. Robot
"If only David Hasslehoff were here!" -- Crow T. Robot
"I found Ed Begley Jr. Can I keep him?" -- Joel Robinson
"If that's God, I'm quitting." -- Crow T. Robot
"If these people are beatniks, Pat Boone was a beatnik!"
"If this is another flashback, I'm leaving." -- Joel Robinson
"If this were an actual film, you would have been entertained."
"If you don't mind, I'm cooking here!" -- Tom Servo
"If you get near a consonant, let us know." -- Tom Servo
"If you get near a sentence, let us know." -- Tom Servo
"If you get to an issue that's relevant, let us know." -- Joel
"If you're like me, and I know *I* am..." -- Joel Robinson
"I get it! He's got his script taped to the floor!" -- Crow
"I give not a crap for thee." -- Tom Servo
"I gotta do everything around here!" -- Dr. Forrester
"I gotta go model for a line of action figures." -- Joel Robinson
"I guess you *can* fight City Hall!" -- Joel Robinson
"I guess you could call this `Cheesy Rider'." -- Tom Servo
"I guess you could say that we're cut from a different cloth."
"I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women."
"I hate these wacky morning DJ's." -- Crow T. Robot
"I have a feeling this is going to be real bad." -- Joel
"I have no idea what's going on." -- Crow T. Robot
"I have shifting antigens. Don't even try to find a cure."
"I just invented the shirt!" -- Joel Robinson
"I just wanted to wear Lederhosen, okay?" -- TV's Frank
"I killed it and I am glad!" -- Crow T. Robot
"I know all about learning to trust." -- TV's Frank
"I know how to talk to these Space Vixens." -- Joel Robinson
"I liked the skull better." -- Joel Robinson
"I like you, Gramps. That's why I'll kill you last." -- Crow
"I'll be with you in a moment... I'm just sealing some fates."
"I love my dead Greek son!" -- Joel Robinson
"I *love* this joke!" -- Crow T. Robot
"I made a boomerang to hunt wild animals." -- Tom Servo
"I'm a dead man; walking and talking and dead." -- Joel Robinson
"I'm all messed up inside! It hurts and stuff!" -- TV's Frank
"I'm an artist! I have values!" -- Crow T. Robot
"I'm a serf!" "You've got to be kidding me, Servo!"
"I'm a stranger in my own soul." -- Joel Robinson
"I may be colorblind, but its clear I'm wearing a dress."
"I'm bored already..." -- Tom Servo
"I'm going over to the morgue to cheer up." -- Crow T. Robot
"I'm going to die. It's a given." -- Crow T. Robot
"I'm going to see this in my nightmares..." -- Tom Servo
"I'm going to turn you into a pair of boots!" -- Tom Servo
"I'm guessing that this is a night scene." -- Crow T. Robot
"I'm here for the Prince Valiant audition." -- Crow T. Robot
"I'm Joel, the Happy King!" -- Joel Robinson
"I'm just a little depressed." -- Gypsy
"I'm just a teensiest bit busy here, Tom." -- Crow
"I'm late for my ice-dancing lesson." -- TV's Frank
"I'm passing the buck... To you." -- Crow T. Robot
"I'm pretty sure this is where the movie takes off..." -- Joel
"I'm Ray Milland!" "That means I have to be Rosie Greer!"
"I'm resolved. I will kill him." -- Tom Servo
"I'm scared and I'm still making jokes!" -- Tom Servo
"I'm *that* codependant." -- Crow T. Robot
"I'm the god! I'M THE GOD!" -- TV's Frank
"I'm trying to concentrate on my own lame material!" -- Crow
"I'm young and free and feeling fresh!" -- Tom Servo
"Indiana Jones and the Temple of Goons?" -- Joel Robinson
"In other words, bitter failure." -- Joel Robinson
"Insert perfunctory acknowledgement here." -- Dr. Forrester
"In the Director's Cut, they eliminated the narration." -- Joel
"In the not-to-distant future, next Sunday A.D."
"Into the theatre, Ferlengetti!" -- Dr. Forrester
"I regret my previous sniping." -- Crow T. Robot
"Is a rocket standard picnic gear in Japan?" -- Tom Servo
"It's magically obscure!" -- Tom Servo
"It's not funny; I'm just pointing it out." -- Tom Servo
"It's not like I'm tasting my own sweat in this suit." -- Servo
"It's not very invisible." -- Joel Robinson
"It's only a movie... It's only a movie..." -- Joel Robinson
"It's only a murderer. Nothing to worry about." -- Crow
"It's only hidden unless you look." -- Crow T. Robot
"It's parallel universe parking." -- Tom Servo
"It sounds like the soundtrack is drunk." -- Crow T. Robot
"It's pretty slow, for a rocket..." -- Joel Robinson
"It's sad, really." -- Joel Robinson
"It's simulated culture. Like Disney World." -- Joel Robinson
"It's Steve Gutenberg in `Don't Tell Her It's Me'!" -- Tom Servo
"It's Super Bob Villa!" -- Tom Servo
"It's swell for tearing up fragile ecosystems! Watch!" -- Joel
"It's the adventures of Ultra-Geek!" -- Tom Servo
"It's the amazing collossal dud!" -- Crow T. Robot
"It's the Arc D'Full Retreat!" -- Tom Servo
"It's the blind leading the bland." -- Crow T. Robot
"It's the Dark Nurse of the Soul!" -- Tom Servo
"It's "Vanity Faire", by Sam Peckinpah." -- Crow T. Robot
"It was all in fun, Joel." -- Crow T. Robot
"It was your idea!" -- Tom Servo
"It would take a scientist to explain it, and I'm too mad."
"I've always been partial to `Sugar Magnolia'!" -- Tom Servo
"I've asked Joel to raise my sarcasm sequencer." -- Tom Servo
"I've been waiting to do this all movie!" -- Crow T. Robot
"I've gone blind!" -- Crow T. Robot
"I've got movie sign against my will!" -- Joel Robinson
"I've gotten to the point that I don't care." -- Joel
"I've removed my own head..." -- Dr. Forrester
"I want in on this action!" -- Crow T. Robot
"`I want to be mortal'. What was I thinking?" -- Crow T. Robot
"I want you to beat up Tom..." -- Crow T. Robot
"I was being facetious." -- Crow T. Robot
"I was kidding about that suicide pact." -- Joel Robinson
"I will. I will press the button! I will press *the* button!"
"I work off UNIX and can use multiple operating systems." -- Crow
"Ix-nay on the ipsy-jay!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Jacuzzi of the Gods!" -- Tom Servo
"James Earl Jones, ladies and gentlemen!" -- Tom Servo
"Jeez! Aren't there any roads in this town?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Jeez! He really sucked the air out of this room." -- Joel
"Jeez, lady! Scream in someone else's ear!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Jeez! This sketch is getting preachy!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Jeez! Tolkein couldn't follow this plot!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Jiggle the plot. Sometimes you have to kick it." -- Joel
"Jim Henson's Edgar Winter Babies!" -- Joel Robinson
"Jim Henson's Exodus Babies!" -- Joel Robinson
"Jim Henson's Last Picture Show Babies!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Jim Henson's Misfit Babies!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Jingo Reinhart tunes up his guitar." -- Tom Servo
"Joel, do human beings really act like this?" -- Tom Servo
"Joel, grades are important! It's the SAT's that matter!"
"Joel! I'm tripping!" -- Tom Servo
"Joel, is there any point to this?" -- Gypsy
"Joel just transferred his home movies to videotape!" -- Crow
"Joel, may I remind you to bite me!?!" -- Tom Servo
"Joel's really gone off the deep end this time!" -- Tom Servo
"Joel, that's a trash-can lid..." -- Tom Servo
"Joel, the kids in the hole are calling..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Joel, we *are* heavy machinery!" -- Tom Servo
"John Tesh on the keyboards." -- Joel Robinson
"Jupiter: America's dairyland!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Just humor him." -- Crow T. Robot
"Just think of her as a pinata!" -- Joel Robinson
"Kenny, he's a turtle! Get a mitt! Catch a clue!" -- Crow
"Kids come running for the great taste of Gamera!" -- Tom Servo
"Kids come running for the great taste of Sampo!" -- Tom Servo
"Mr. Lippert, I'm appalled!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Mr. Papercut: 47 angles of paper protruding from his body."
"Must have missed his cue." -- Crow T. Robot
"My backpack's filled with pecs!" -- Tom Servo
"My God! They shot Charlie McCarthy!" -- Tom Servo
"My, he's rugged." -- Joel Robinson
"My mortal weakness is cheesecake." -- Tom Servo
"Nag, nag, nag!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Never a waiter around when you need one..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Never let a dark spectre onto the ship again!" -- Joel Robinson
"Never vacation on an active volcano." -- Crow T. Robot
"Next week we'll introduce the lathe of Heaven." -- Dr. Forrester
"Nice location for a beating." -- Tom Servo
"Nice simplistic answer, Joel." -- Tom Servo
"Nice speech, but he's trashing the place!" -- Crow T. Robot
"No acting beyond this point!" -- Tom Servo
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" -- Crow T. Robot
"No, no. Forget the beach chair." -- Crow T. Robot
"No one's going to tell you you need Clearasil." -- Joel
"No one will be seated during the letter-folding scene." -- Servo
"No sense of perspective." -- Joel Robinson
"Not all of us notice the same subtleties." -- Tom Servo
"Not another black and white!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Not exactly Jackie Chan, is it?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Nothing an expensive operation couldn't complicate." -- Joel
"Nothing like an invigorating swim with a corpse." -- Tom Servo
"Not only am I colorblind, I'm flashblind too!" -- Tom Servo
"Not so fast, neon peon!" -- Tom Servo
"Not Stranger in Paradise again!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Now back to the HO train..." -- Joel Robinson
"Now for the highlight-film move!" -- Tom Servo
"Now here's something we hope you really like!" -- TV's Frank
"Now he's doing Garret Morris!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Now how do you feel about spontaneous human combustion?" -- Crow
"Now I hate him even more." -- Crow T. Robot
"Now is this BJ or the Bear?" -- Tom Servo
"Now Michael Jackson's journey is complete!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Now *that's* precise editing!" -- Tom Servo
"Oh, and in case you forgot..." -- Tom Servo
"Oh, bad idea." -- Joel Robinson
"Oh bite me! There was not..." -- Joel Robinson
"Oh, bogus!" -- Joel Robinson
"Oh, brother!" -- Crow "Stop it!" -- Tom Servo
"Oh, Creepy Girl..." -- Joel Robinson
"Oh, don't be ridiculous!" -- Tom Servo
"Oh, for a shoulder-mounted anti-aircraft missile..." -- Crow
"Oh God, help me!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh, good, Bob. You shot a sequoia." -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh, good one, Joel! I'm not putting him back together!"
"Oh, great! The plague!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh, great. Water heaters that install themselves." -- Joel
"Oh Gypsy... you are *so* naive!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh, I get it! He's got cable!" -- Tom Servo
"Oh, I get it. You don't have to be Freud to figure it out."
"Oh, I'll alert the media..." -- Tom Servo
"Oh! Inviso-waiter!" -- Tom Servo
"Ohio looks great after the apocalypse." -- Crow T. Robot
"`Oh' is right!" -- Joel Robinson
"Oh, man... looks like the joke's on us!" -- Joel Robinson
"Oh no, it's a mime!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh no! Not the duck from `You Bet Your Life'!" -- Tom Servo
"Oh no! Tom Servo has burst into flames!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh, now its `American Hot Wax'." -- Tom Servo
"Oh, quit whining, Frank!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Oh. Ping-pong balls..." -- Joel Robinson
"Oh, push the button, Frank..." -- TV's Frank
"Oh, shut up about your dune buggy, you little twerp!" -- Crow
"Oh, shut up, pee-wee!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh! Teacher's pet! Extra credit!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh, the humanity!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh! The two plots are on a collision course!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh yeah? Abandon ship to where?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh yeah, like *that's* a big surprise." -- Tom Servo
"Oh yeah, the lobster. I forgot." -- Joel Robinson
"Oh yeah, you wish." -- Crow T. Robot
"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you!" -- Joel Robinson
"Okay, hand me up that horse." -- Crow T. Robot
"Okay... I'll sing `Knights in White Satin'." -- Joel Robinson
"Okay... I'm serious." -- Dr. Forrester
"Okay, invention exchange..." -- Dr. Forrester
"One at a time! We've only got one boom-mike!" -- Crow T. Robot
"One of us is going to prison and it isn't going to be me!"
"One thing about the apocalypse... plenty of parking." -- Servo
"Only hate and fear will see them through the future."
"Only love pads the film!" -- Joel Robinson
"Operation Desert Ice Storm!" -- Tom Servo
"Orthodontic Jake gave him a gelignite mouth wash." -- Joel
"Our own slave ship? You shouldn't have!" -- Tom Servo
"Our research is over. It's pavement." -- Joel Robinson
"Outer space in a propeller plane? I think not." -- Crow
"Pat Buchanan is even more evil than Bruce Willis!" -- TV's Frank
"Perhaps I was mistaken. The horror is in a later scene!"
"Personally, I'm rooting for the eye creatures." -- Crow
"Pippo, the Marx Brother nobody liked!" -- Tom Servo
"Pizza Pizza, my ass!" -- Tom Servo
"Pizza Pizza this!" -- Joel Robinson
"Please hit Bobby." -- Crow T. Robot
"Please remain seated while the movie grinds to a complete halt."
"Please tell me this isn't happening..." -- Joel Robinson
"Poopie..." -- TV's Frank
"Poor ridiculous sap..." -- Joel Robinson
"Port of Call: Cindy!" -- Joel Robinson
"Postage-stamp theatre presents..." -- Joel Robinson
"Previously, on Hercules..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Professional lowlife scum would pay top prices for this stuff!"
"Proud doesn't begin to cover it, boobie!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Put a sock in it, kid. He's fishfood!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Random bombing should do the trick..." -- Tom Servo
"Rave on, Joel Robinson!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Really *old* teenagers from outer space." -- Crow T. Robot
"Remember the rule. Shoot if you don't understand it." -- Joel
"Renegade Burger King window guys!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Reykjavik!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Richard Nixon leaving the White House!" -- Tom Servo
"Robot Roll Call: Cambot! Gypsy! Tom Servo! Croooow!"
"Roger Corman. This is gonna go down hard, guys." -- Joel
"Ronald McDonald, shaking his McBooty!" -- Tom Servo
"Rush Limbo?" -- Tom Servo "No, that would be Hell." -- Crow
"Sail on, Servo! I love a robot with panache!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Sample my foot, you Community Theatre Reject!" -- TV's Frank
"Sandstorm!" -- TV's Frank
"Sandy Frank! Sandy Frank! Here we go again!"
"Sandy Frank! Sandy Frank! He's the source of all our pain!"
"Score one for Earth!" -- Joel Robinson
"Secret entrance? Looks like the front door to me." -- Tom Servo
"See Dick. See Dick make a lateral incision." -- Tom Servo
"See me... feel me... touch me..." -- TV's Frank
"Seen it. Taped it." -- Crow T. Robot
"Seen that too." -- Crow T. Robot
"See the gypsy queen in a glaze of vaseline!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Send in the clowns... don't bother; they're here." -- Tom Servo
"Servo, fight back!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Servo, give me my eyes back!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Servo, you are a cheap demagogue!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Shall I compare thee to a bleeding flesh wound?" -- Tom Servo
"Shame-based science!" -- Tom Servo
"Shame fuels the economy!" -- Dr. Forrester
"She did her best..." -- Joel Robinson
"She's an Ellen Jamesian." -- Crow T. Robot
"She's dressed like Jack Lalane!" -- Tom Servo
"She's making a human burrito!" -- Joel Robinson
"She's pretty longwinded for a ghost." -- Crow T. Robot
"Should we put our comics in bags?" "No, we have lives."
"Shut up and watch the deer get slaughtered..." -- Joel Robinson
"Shut up, Frank, or I'll let the dog play with you." -- Forrester
"Shut up, Gomer!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Shut up! Shut up!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Shut up! Shut up! Joel, make him stop!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Shut up, Tom. Its always one thing or another..." -- Joel
"Sir Crow of Robot, Defender of the Realm!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Sky King!" -- Joel Robinson
"Smells like a montage..." -- Tom Servo
"Smells like a wrestling mat in here." -- Crow T. Robot
"Smells like the primate house in here!" -- Joel Robinson
"So? And?" -- Crow T. Robot
"So howcome `forehead' here gets all the dialog?" -- Tom Servo
"So, let the carnage begin!" -- Tom Servo
"Somebody's got a Toro snowblower..." -- Joel Robinson
"Someone please tell me this isn't happening!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Someone's been digging in the remnants pile big time." -- Joel
"Something wacky this way comes." -- Joel Robinson
"Somewhere there's a clown missing a sleeve." -- Crow T. Robot
"Sorry I'm missing out on the Russian Roulette." -- Tom Servo
"So... the announcer is calling the shots now?" -- Tom Servo
"Sounds like the horn section is stuttering." -- Crow T. Robot
"Sounds like the Foley artists are chasing us." -- Joel Robinson
"So, we need a volunteer to get killed at this campsight."
"So... what happened to the lemur?" -- Tom Servo
"So why'd you bring the leafblower, Walt?" -- Tom Servo
"Spacom! The wonder substance!" -- Joel Robinson
"Speaking of recycled waste..." -- Dr. Forrester
"Speaking of tedium..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Stalag 90210!" -- Tom Servo
"Stay frosty, you two!" -- Joel Robinson
"Steven Hawking presents `The Silly String Theory'!" -- Tom Servo
"Still dumber than a bag of hammers!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Still trying to teach those bots about emotions, eh?"
"STOP LOOKING INTO MY SOUL!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Stop, or the horse gets it!" -- Joel Robinson
"Stop saying `whee'! Nobody says `whee'!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Stop us before we kill again!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Store this image away for later nightmares..." -- Tom Servo
"Stranger in Paradise?" -- Tom Servo
"Stuffing instead of potatoes? Honey, I love you!" -- Frank
"Stunned? He took six bullets!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Subplot! Subplot! Subplot!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Success. That's what my career lacks." -- Crow T. Robot
"Suddenly its `Carnival of Souls'!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Suddenly the game took a cruel turn..." -- Joel Robinson
"Take it back! Take it back!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Tank Rambo: an all terrain combat me." -- Tom Servo
"Teasing plastic takes protein out." -- Joel Robinson
"Ted Turner is colorizing the universe." -- Joel Robinson
"Tell me about your homeworld, Usul." -- Crow T. Robot
"Thank God Les Paul is backing them on guitar!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Thanks a lot, Joel." -- Tom Servo
"Thanks for the all-clear, Moneypenney." -- Tom Servo
"Thanks. I'll mull that over." -- Crow T. Robot
"Thank you, Captain Cut-away!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Thank you for almost killing me!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Thank you for being gutless." -- Crow T. Robot
"Thank you for hurling that gas bomb at me." -- Joel Robinson
"Thank you, Ms Dedicated Scientist!" -- Crow T. Robot
"That aught to hold him..." -- Joel Robinson
"That bastard!" -- Crow T. Robot
"That bear has Hammer-pants on!" -- Joel Robinson
"That could have gone better." -- Joel Robinson
"That'll keep the wolves away!" -- Joel Robinson
"That is the sickest thing you've ever done..." -- Joel
"That is adorable!" -- TV's Frank
"That's a lizard from Pet World!" -- Tom Servo
"That's a lot of fabric to be wearing on a cycle." -- Crow
"That's a scientist for you..." -- Joel Robinson
"That's a yahtzee."-- Crow T. Robot
"That's calling the kettle black!" -- Crow T. Robot
"That's downright disrespectful..." -- Joel Robinson
"That's enough, Joel! I can't take anymore!" -- Crow
"That's for not keeping me up on script-changes!" -- Joel
"That's kind of a gross exaggeration, isn't it?" -- Tom Servo
"That's me, but I'm moist." -- Tom Servo
"That's *MISTER* Stinking-Rotten-Mouthpiece to you!" -- Tom Servo
"That's not a very good effect..." -- Crow T. Robot
"That's the same scene as before! Rip off!" -- Crow T. Robot
"That's two, Frank..." -- Dr. Forrester
"That's your answer to everything: `Use the atom bomb'!"
"That wasn't Sinbad." -- Gypsy
"That was pretty disgusting, Joel..." -- Tom Servo
"That was such an ordeal!" -- Joel Robinson
"The animation sucks, too." -- Tom Servo
"The army's on the move on Maple Street." -- Tom Servo
"The awesome power of Absorbine Sr.!" -- Tom Servo
"The carnage is beautiful from up here." -- Joel Robinson
"The chauvenist detector just went off!" -- Joel Robinson
"The cheese-phone is back!" -- Crow T. Robot
"The cops ate my Chicklets." -- Joel Robinson
"The credits should be exploding pretty soon..." -- Crow T. Robot
"The day Tom lost control of his hover skirt." -- Gypsy
"The experiments bite." -- Crow T. Robot
"The feel-good film of the Cold War!" -- TV's Frank
"The film on this lake is better than the film we're watching!"
"The Four Dullards of the Apocalypse!" -- Tom Servo
"The glaucoma players proudly present..." -- Tom Servo
"The good thing about the movie was that it was short!" -- Joel
"The great Crow speaks!" -- Tom Servo
"The illegal smuggling of mimes! No one talks it about it!"
"The latest in fashion artillery..." -- TV's Frank
"The mad scientists are calling." -- Crow T. Robot
"The man who would be queen..." -- Tom Servo
"The message is hot, steaming love, Texas style." -- Joel
"The motorcycle is close-captioned for the hearing-impaired."
"The movie is going to get confusing now." -- Crow T. Robot
"Then came... boredom!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Then came... moron!" -- Crow T. Robot
"The oldest cliche in the movies... They're doomed." -- Crow
"The only consolation is that they're all dead now." -- Crow
"The only way around it is through it..." -- Crow T. Robot
"The owl footage is not what it seems!" -- Crow T. Robot
"The Playboy Channel is scrambled again." -- Tom Servo
"The plot gets weaker over here!" -- Crow T. Robot
"The plot's around here somewhere..." -- Crow T. Robot
"The purpose of the movie is revealed." -- Joel Robinson
"There! I made a meaningless pop-culture reference!" -- Tom
"There is a margin for shame, however..." -- Crow T. Robot
"There's a dead space-man to see you, sir!" -- Crow T. Robot
"There's a Mr. Oh-My-God-My-Hair's-On-Fire on line one." -- Servo
"There's a tree you've never seen before. Want to kill it?"
"There's got to be a way out of this film!" -- Joel Robinson
"There's more action in the wallpaper!" -- Crow T. Robot
"There's only so much we can take!" -- Tom Servo
"There was a real servant problem in Ancient Greece." -- Joel
"There was no dignity for anyone who worked on this film..."
"These are all the guys who missed `The Master Ninja'." -- Crow
"These are squeeze-toy guitars, Joel!" -- Dr. Forrester
"These are the credits for `I Dream of Genie'!" -- Tom Servo
"These guys are easy to kill." -- Joel Robinson
"The service here is great, even in a fight!" -- Crow T. Robot
"The sisters are doing it for themselves!" -- Gypsy
"The source of all your power is Cuervo?" -- Joel Robinson
"The thing is, Gypsy's nude!" -- Tom Servo
"The trend-setting hair helmet of Lloyd Bridges." -- Crow
"They are agents of Satan!" -- Tom Servo
"They are so incredibly in Holland." -- Joel Robinson
"They bomb horses, don't they?" -- Joel Robinson
"They came up with yet another boring scene." -- Crow T. Robot
"They forgot to hang the hostages 10' off the ground." -- Joel
"They jumped right into a Kurasawa film!" -- Tom Servo
"They kill all these people, but the credits don't get shorter."
"They must have a mandatory skull law." -- Joel Robinson
"They're all photo negatives of Abe Lincoln!" -- Joel Robinson
"They're cheating on each other with each other!" -- Tom Servo
"They're making good time, for a Lippert film..." -- Crow
"They're on the same set, at least..." -- Tom Servo
"They're really dumb and easy to kill!" -- Tom Servo
"They're talking to Charlie Brown's mom!" -- Tom Servo
"They're trying to kill me! I guess I'll park." -- Joel Robinson
"They're trying to pass this off as being written." -- Tom Servo
"They stole his kneecaps..." -- Crow T. Robot
"They took Milton Bradley and turned it into Dr. Phibes..."
"They've already blown it..." -- Crow T. Robot
"They were wacky!" -- Joel Robinson
"They will haunt your soul forever!" -- Tom Servo
"Think we'll freeze to death before the jackals get us?" -- Joel
"This bites!" -- Crow T. Robot
"This didn't really happen..." -- Tom Servo
"This field is filled with extreme horror." -- Tom Servo
"This film has all the qualities of a John Derrick film." -- Crow
"This film makes `The Unearthly' look like Citizen Kane."
"This film was a dog!" -- Crow T. Robot
"This guy's like a bad penny!" -- Tom Servo
"This is a Freudian dream..." -- Crow T. Robot
"This is a Kodak moment!" -- Crow T. Robot
"This is ancient Greece! They didn't have ruins yet!" -- Crow
"This is a real Lucy and Viv situation..." -- Joel Robinson
"This is for his own good, right?" -- Tom Servo
"This is going to be hard to watch!" -- Crow T. Robot
"This is gonna suck!" -- Crow T. Robot
"This is like a bad production of a Chekov play." -- Crow
"This is like a totally different movie..." -- Joel Robinson
"This is like watching paint dry." -- Tom Servo
"This is my world, and welcome to it." -- Crow T. Robot
"This isn't a movie! It's an employment program!" -- Crow T.
"This is offensive on so many levels." -- Joel Robinson
"This is our new song, `Plastic Man'!" -- Dr. Forrester
"This is really weird, Herc!" -- Crow T. Robot
"This is the `A-Go-Go' part." -- Joel Robinson
"This is the most exciting asbestos suit scene I've ever seen."
"This is the strangest debate format I've ever seen." -- Joel
"This is what happens when you bob for french fries." -- Crow
"This is where Donny and Marie usually come out." -- Joel
"This movie looks like a dramatization of a movie." -- Crow
"This movie's equipped with air-bags!" -- Tom Servo
"This movie *was* like watching paint dry." -- Tom Servo
"This one has `stink-burger' written all over it!" -- Tom Servo
"This scene is bad even for this film!" -- Tom Servo
"This sounds like it was recorded in someone's bathroom!"
"This was taken with the new Crotch-Cam!" -- Joel Robinson
"This way! Out of the movie! This way!" -- Tom Servo
"This week Joel fancies himself a caricaturist!" -- Tom Servo
"This would really be exciting if I knew what were going on."
"Throw another Beach Boy on the fire." -- Tom Servo
"Throw me the lemur, I'll throw you the whip!" -- Tom Servo
"Today on Involuntary Cliff Diving..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Tom, I don't get you." "Nobody does. I'm the wind, baby."
"Tonight, K-E-Double L-O-Double Dead!" -- Tom Servo
"Tonight's episode: `A Bicycle Built For Death!'" -- Joel
"Tonight's episode: `Jonathan Livingston Murder'!" -- Crow
"Too bad its not the Age of Talent!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Tormented. I get the feeling it's aptly named." -- Tom Servo
"Touche." -- Tom Servo
"Traffic? It's after the apocalypse!" -- Joel Robinson
"Try and move her spine around as much as possible." -- Crow
"Try not to listen to the music." -- Tom Servo
"Tuesday is Human Sacrifice Day at the Sizzler." -- Tom Servo
"Two bad things that go worse together!" -- Tom Servo
"Two words: Closed casket!" -- Joel Robinson
"Two words: Get over it!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Uh-oh... I broke him." -- Crow T. Robot
"Uh oh! Joel's slipping into his puppet routine!" -- Tom Servo
"Umm. Bill? Don't look now but your knees are on fire." -- Crow
"Umm... I'll be right back." -- Joel Robinson
"Uncooperative. Hostile. Uncoordinated." -- Dr. Forrester
"Use your imagination. It was true horror." -- Tom Servo
"Very nice, Clambake!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Vowels, Eegah... We need vowels." -- Crow T. Robot
"Wait for it! Wait for it!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Wait there! We're coming to attack you!" -- Joel Robinson
"Wait... They're dubbing English into English!" -- Tom Servo
"War comes to the Land of Dairy Queen." -- Crow T. Robot
"Was that lame or what?" -- Crow T. Robot
"We also brought VD, smallpox, and the widowmaker."
"We are in deep, *deep* trouble guys..." -- Tom Servo
"We are in *really* big trouble!" -- Joel Robinson
"We can drive a Mack truck through your cues! Tempo!" -- Crow
"We don't do dine-in. We only do take-out." -- Dr. Forrester
"We don't need to see this shot!" -- Tom Servo
"We finally got a plot point, guys!" -- Crow T. Robot
"We get the credits *and* a tour through the museum!" -- Servo
"We got a lot of mileage out of the lemur bit!" -- Crow T. Robot
"We gotta send this to Bob Sagett!" -- Crow T. Robot
"We had to sit throught the padding to get to the padding."
"We have a bad case of the sillies." -- TV's Frank
"Weird, weird, weird..." -- Crow T. Robot
"We just came to beat everybody up. We'll leave now." -- Crow
"We just don't have time to relax." -- Dr. Forrester
"We just want to kill you for a minute." -- Crow T. Robot
"Welcome to Burbank... uh... London!" -- Tom Servo
"Welcome to Manic Depressionville." -- Tom Servo
"Welcome to our cardboard home!" -- Tom Servo
"Well... Back to planet Earth..." -- Dr. Forrester
"Well, if you can't stand the heat..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Well, I liked it." -- Crow T. Robot
"Well, *my* scissors are really sharp!" -- Joel Robinson
"Well, no plot visible on the horizon!" -- Joel Robinson
"We'll send him cheesy movies! The worst we can find!"
"We'll shoot out the tires and let God sort them out." - Servo
"We'll smash tables all over the world!" -- Tom Servo
"Well... Time to drown the lemur!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Well, we sure won't be trying that again..." -- Joel Robinson
"We lost another one at *that* campsight..." -- Joel Robinson
"We need the help of a housewife and a balding guy!" -- Crow
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" -- Crow T. Robot
"We're back at the beginning of the movie!" -- Joel Robinson
"We're basically evil, granted..." -- TV's Frank
"We're being beaten up by the cast of `Pirates of Penzance'!"
"We're calling the movie on account of darkness." -- Joel
"We're getting cable because the movie's so bad!" -- Crow
"We're gonna get burned. We're gonna get roasted like nuts!"
"We're gonna have a long, hard ride then..." -- Tom Servo
"We're having an adventure, just like the Goonies!" -- Crow
"We're not blaming you, Joel." -- Tom Servo
"We're reducing his temperature to absolute zero." -- Tom Servo
"We've been down this road before..." -- Tom Servo
"We've been working on big globs of neat stuff." -- Tom Servo
"What?" -- Joel Robinson
"What, are the bullets supposed to fall on her?" -- Crow
"What are these films trying to teach us?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What are these people saying?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What are they doing in a laundromat?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What, are they driving to Scotland?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What are you doing? That was my best spear!" -- Joel Robinson
"What could be worse than this?" -- Tom Servo
"What did you expect? You're an astronaut!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Whatever happened to empericism?" -- TV's Frank
"What, I implore you, is it?" -- Tom Servo
"What is that noise?" -- Dr. Forrester
"What is this? A Bergman film?" -- Joel Robinson
"What is this? Birth of a rhythm nation?" -- Tom Servo
"What is this? Chinese music torture?" -- Joel Robinson
"What is this? Sudden exposition?" -- Joel Robinson
"What kind of police force is this?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What kind of tripped out scene is Joel into?" -- Tom Servo
"What scares me is they don't have showers." -- Crow T. Robot
"What's it like being a has-been?" -- Joel Robinson
"What's the deal with Jane Pauley's hair?" -- Tom Servo
"What's the deal with Jim Varney?" -- Tom Servo
"What's the deal with the Ancient Greeks?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What's the deal with the Pina Colada song?" -- Tom Servo
"What's the point?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What's this? `Pantless Mototcycle Repair'?" -- Crow
"What's with the whimsical sitcom music?" -- Joel Robinson
"What the heck are they saying?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What was that? Was that a plot point?" -- Crow T. Robot
"What was the name of the movie?" -- Joel Robinson
"What? What?" -- Dr. Forrester
"What you call home, Rambo calls Hell!" -- Joel Robinson
"When cars ruled the world!" -- Tom Servo
"Whenever they test nuclear bombs, its the monsters who suffer!"
"When moms go bad..." -- Joel Robinson
"When TV repairmen walked the earth!" -- Tom Servo
"When you see pink, you'll think `We're doomed'!" -- Tom Servo
"Where'd the camera move to?" -- Tom Servo
"Where'd you hide the Quervo?" -- Tom Servo
"Where's the scimitar wit?" "Rapier." "Whatever!"
"Where there's shame, there's business." -- Dr. Forrester
"White goddess getting scared?" "White fascist getting smart?"
"Whoa! Honey, speak English!" -- Tom Servo
"Who are these guys?" -- Tom Servo
"Who put soda-pop in my soda-pop?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Who's alive? Let's count off, here..." -- Crow
"Who's on trial, here?" -- Tom Servo
"Who's the guy who's got big pecs? They call him Herc!" -- Servo
"Who took the frames out of the film?" -- Tom Servo
"Why does she always have a Catholic processional behind her?"
"Why does the most evil man in the world live in a Stuckey's?"
"Why don't we just call it a draw, Robinson." -- Dr. Forrester
"Why don't you just show us `Marooned'?" "We couldn't get it!"
"Why don't you stay here and practice screaming?" -- Crow T.
"Why in God's name is Sinbad tax exempt?" -- Tom Servo
"Wicker armor courtesy of Pier 1!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Wiggle the plug or something." -- Joel Robinson
"Wild Rebels...crunchy, fruity rebels..."
"With peace in their hearts and burning death in the skies..."
"Word up." -- Tom Servo
"Would someone answer the table, please?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Would something please just happen!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Would the gentleman by the pool please discontinue the song."
"Would you just get on with it?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Would you knock it off about Dixie Land jazz!?!" -- Crow
"Would you please turn off the Little Rascals music?" -- Crow
"Would you quit being evil over my shoulder?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Would you wake up? C'mon!" -- Joel Robinson
"Wow! Is this cool or what?" -- Crow T. Robot
"Wow! This is a swinging boiler room!" -- Joel Robinson
"Wow! Those have been up there for months!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Wrong!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Yeah, back when movies had plots..." -- Joel Robinson
"Yeah. Boo-hoo." -- Crow T. Robot
"Yeah, children mutilate each other all the time." -- Tom Servo
"Yeah! Let's toy with her for a while!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Yeah, right. Kill them." -- Crow
"Yep, this is gonna take a while..." -- Tom Servo
"Yes, he is a dickweed..." -- Crow T. Robot
"Yes, it's sexist male fantasies on ice!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Yes, the one used for crushing mimes!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Yes, well... let's press on, dingleberry!" -- Dr. Forrester
"You *can* be too rich and too thin!" -- Tom Servo
"You can learn a lot from a dummy." -- Tom Servo
"You can see Aaron Spelling's house from here!" -- Crow T. Robot
"You can't handle the truth!" -- Tom Servo
"You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of his speeches."
"You didn't have to impale me!" -- Tom Servo
"You don't call Jupiter on the `Friends and Family' plan."
"You don't have to be Freud to figure this out." -- Crow
"You find yourself doing the weirdest things." -- Crow
"You guys are just too dark!" -- Joel Robinson
"You guys have been underground a little too long." -- Joel
"You guys look at me when I'm talking to you." -- Joel Robinson
"You have no idea what you are about to endure." -- Dr. Forrester
"You have got to be kidding me!" -- Crow T. Robot
"You have just crossed that line..." -- Joel Robinson
"You just don't hear music like this anymore." -- Crow T. Robot
"You'll never take me alive!" -- Crow T. Robot
"You meet the nicest people on a Honda." -- Joel Robinson
"You mentioned something about the horror?" -- Crow T. Robot
"You programmed me, you weenie!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Your announcer feels vindicated. This is horrible."
"You're assuming I liked you in the first place." -- Tom Servo
"You're born, you die, and there's lots of padding in between."
"You're getting into a really weird area, here, Servo." -- Crow
"You're looking for plausibility. You won't find it here."
"You're lucky my chick's here." -- Tom Servo
"You're not from around here, are you?" -- Tom Servo
"You're not fun to be with..." -- Crow T. Robot
"You're not my real father!" -- Crow T. Robot
"You're ruining it for me!" -- Crow T. Robot
"You're stupid if you get hit by a car after the apocalypse."
"You're watching MST3K! Deal with it, Pink Boy!" -- Tom Servo
"You said I could watch the movies with you guys!" -- Gypsy
"You speak in riddles, sahib." -- Crow T. Robot
"You think *everything* is a strapless evening gown." -- Crow
"You two are irritating the lion!" -- Tom Servo
"You usually find this sort of thing on pay-per-view." -- Crow
"You want to kill 'em or should I?" -- Crow T. Robot
"You want to let us in on your joke?" -- Crow T. Robot
"You will bow down before me, Son of Jor-El!" -- Dr. Forrester
Filmed in Shadorama! Keep Circulating the Tapes!
Gizmonics Institute: Home of the Deep 13 Burger.
MST3K: Funnier than Siskel. Thinner than Ebert.
You're born, you die, and there's lots of padding in the middle.
"They shot my spare turtlenecks!" -- Joel Robinson
"I'm just trying to play hardball, Servo!" -- Crow T. Robot
"The odor of whiteout makes my soul soar!" -- Tom Servo
"Its not funny in the least, but I like it!" -- Joel Robinson
"B is for back problem!" -- Joel Robinson
"Oh, do go on..." -- Tom Servo
"D is for damned! As in `Village of the'" -- Tom Servo
"M is for the military-industrial machine!" -- Joel Robinson
"O is for the obscene treatment of animals!" -- Tom Servo
"He's got a brain like a chick pea!" -- Crow T. Robot
"T is for tormented, tortured, and teased!" -- Tom Servo
"We hope we've touched you with some of our evilness." -- Crow
"You can get sued for that, you know." -- Joel Robinson
"Sex, ladies and gentlemen!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Does this clip need any set-up?" -- Crow T. Robot
"This will, of course, eventually kill Frank." -- Dr. Forrester
"Is this an infomercial? Where's Cher?" -- Joel Robinson
"People were whiter back then." -- Joel Robinson
"I'm late for my Hitler Youth meeting!" -- Crow T. Robot
"I couldn't help notice how much you look like everyone else." -- Joel
"Expressing individualism is just plain wrong!" -- Crow T. Robot
"I couldn't help but notice how much you look like everyone else."
"Expressing individualism is just plain wrong!" -- Joel Robinson
"There. That'll keep the devil out." -- Joel Robinson
"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!" -- Tom Servo
"It stars Lassie. You know... the *dog*!" -- Dr. Forrester
"Uh oh... sounds like its going to be an epic." -- Joel Robinson
"She's got a deep voice, for a dog." -- Crow T. Robot
"Would you shut up? I'm posing here!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Sad what the mind can do, isn't it?" -- Tom Servo
"I'm quoting from the World Book, Chapter `H'." -- Crow T. Robot
"I think he's lying!" -- Gypsy
"Not with the Stranger in Paradise again!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Like there's a plot to this!" -- Crow T. Robot
"These guys go to great lengths to avoid green's fees." -- Crow
"Its like a beer commercial." -- Crow T. Robot
"I think Timmy's trying to kill Tom Servo!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Tom, stop kibitzing! The redcoats are coming!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Say, Tom... I'd really appreciate it if you would kill me!" -- Servo
"I bet the monster is really a good guy." -- Crow T. Robot
"You just have to say to yourself `Its only a movie'." -- Joel
"Joel's engaging in another of his Real-Life Simulations. HELP US!"
"Tom Servo's dead! It must have been that movie!" -- Joel Robinson
"Get the defibulator!" -- Joel Robinson
"Everything's a joke to you!" -- Joel Robinson
"We shoulda let you die!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Find a new way to love the same old crap!" -- Joel Robinson
"Beefy peanut buster bel grande!" -- Joel Robinson
"Happy hour is over, Taco Beelzebub!" -- Dr. Forrester
"He's in therapy..." -- Dr. Forrester
"They say you never see the snack with your name on it." -- Crow T. Robot
"Conform! Conform! Conform!" -- Joel Robinson
"I gotta go finish my letter to Jodie Foster..." -- Tom Servo
"Here's to risking your life for some media exposure!" -- Joel Robinson
"`The Unearthly'? They should have called it `The Un-Acting'!" -- Crow
"Cripes! I've turned her into a sleeztak!" -- Crow T. Robot
"Then suddenly it starts to get wierd... the rules change!" -- TV's Frank

--
What if there were no rhetorical questions?

[Harlan Freilicher]

Whoa! Now that's what I call having a lot of free time on your hands!
--
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| Harlan Freilicher | "And remember: expressing your individuality |
| har...@acpub.duke.edu | is just plain wrong." -Crow T. Robot |
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