MiSTed: KTEH TV& Staff

[Cory Mccasland]

>>Subject: KTEH TV

Crow: Any relation to KTMA?

>> & Staff - Witches, Wizards, New Age
Garbage

Servo: I thought Garbage was an alternative band.
Crow: Alternative to what?
Servo: The usual garbage.

>>From: purp...@aol.com

Mike: The yellow dip, only with purple additives.

>>Date: 5 Dec 1996 15:54:19 GMT

Servo: Great Malarky Time.

>>Message-ID: <19961205155...@ladder01.news.aol.com>

>> This article concerns the overwhelming interest and excitement
>> at KTEH TV (San Jose, CA) concerning programming that deals
>> with

Crow: The Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee tapes!

>> the elevation of the Witch,

Mike: The lion, and the wardrobe, only jumbled up.

>> the Wizard, Merlin,
King Arthur,
>> and other New Age Godless Garbage.

Servo: Enya, Yanni, John Tesh...
Crow: Since when was Arthurian legend New Age?
Mike: Since the IQ ratio on the net dropped.
Servo: Like it was ever up?

>> Deepak speaks:

Servo: Deepak Chopra?

>> What method or tactic does Lucifer employ to arouse in men

(all cough and hum quietly)

>> such a heightened sense of false pride? He imparts to them
>> an outrageous lie.

Mike: AOL really is getting better!

>> The Adversary whispers in their
itching
>> ears: "Ye are gods!"

Servo: Better call the X-Men, the Adversary's back!

>> "You are divine beings," he tells them,

Crow: I thought Anton Levay was dead.

>> and they
listen with
>> glee and an escalating mood of excitement.

Mike: Does this mean when I'm god, everyone dies?

>>
Satan further
>> explains to these men that they are the keepers of a great,
>> occult Secret Doctrine.

Servo: Advance copies of the latest Marilyn Manson album.

>> "This is the gnosis, or hidden knowledge," he says, "of which
>> the profane and infantile masses know nothing. It is based
>> on ancient wisdom

Crow: MAKE MONEY FAST.

>> - which has been preserved for eons by
my

Servo: Many online archives.
Crow: Available at http://www.666doyoureallybelievethiscrap.com.

>> legions of dark angels and by the Brotherhood.

Crow: Of Evil Mutants.

>>
Now it is
>> yours."

Mike: With our two week guarantee. If you aren't spouting blasphemous
heresies
in two weeks, we'll double your money back!

>> "You are giants of intellect," he soothingly assures

Servo(Barry White voice): Oh yeah, baby.

>> them, "men of higher consciousness.

Mike: And of lower credulity.

>> You are the
illustrious and
>> all powerful 'New Man'.

Crow: Hello...New Man.

>> Adolf Hitler fancied himself one of these 'New Men'.

Mike: He also fancied himself quite the 'Lady Man'.

>>
He read
>> the occult classic volume,

Servo: Howard Stern's Private Parts.

>> "The Secret Doctrine", by
Blavatsky
>> in its entirety at least four times

Crow: And in half its entirety on a really short trip to his orthodontist.

>> and kept it on a
stand
>> beside his bed.

Servo: Along with his Tickle Me Mussolini.

>> "Only through the release of his own potential divinity
>> does the initiate become qualified to comprehend the
>> Great Arcanum...

Mike: Really? All I do is go down to the local comic store and look in
the Image section.

>> The Secret Doctrine affirms the existence
>> of a primitive knowledge perpetuated from age to age and
>> race to race by institutions of illumined thinkers...

Servo: Such as Rush Limbaugh, Don Imus, McElwaine...

>> In The Secret Doctrine the sanctuaries of the ancient
>> Mysteries are made to give up many of their most precious
>> secrets"

Crow: Admit it! You *liked* Independence Day!

>> What Manly P. Hall

Mike: That's *MANLY* P. Hall!

>> is referring to is the strange
encyclopedia
>> of

Servo: The latest theories on the popularity of Hanson.

>> occult philosophy put together by the Russian mystic and
>> co-Mason Helena P. Blavatsky

Crow: Perry's co-Mason.

>> in the late 19th
century, a
>> book which she entitled "The Secret Doctrine". Mrs. Blavatsky
>> claimed that the contents of the book were given to her by

Servo: Allister Crowley after an all night orgy.

>> certain "masters".

Mike: Master Bruce, Master Phillip, and *the* Master.

>> In humanism / New Age philosophies, man has become god
>> 1) through an evolutionary process,

Crow: Revealed in Darwin's little read book, "We're the god's, we're the
god's!".

>> 2) by mastering the forces inherent in nature or the cosmos

Servo: And 3) by wishing really hard.

>> This was the "supermen" of Nietzsche and Hitler.

Mike: And Siegel and Shuster.

>> It is only within the past 25 years, however, that this obsession
>> has become the popular religion of the masses.

Servo: Oh yeah, just the other day I heard Pat Robertson chanting to
Cerridwen.

>> Historian Herbert Schlossberg has said:

Crow: Why the hell are you reading this crap?

>> "Exalting humankind to the status of deity, therefore dates from
>> the furthest reaches of antiquity, but its development into an
>> ideology embracing the masses is a characteristic trait of
>> modernity."

All: Huh?

>> According to Illuminati legend, King Arthur (in reality a type
>> of Antichrist)

Mike: Found out after the knights shaved Arthur's head as a prank.

>> will draw around him the bravest and noblest
>> knights in the realm. They and their monarch will comprise
>> the 'Circle of the Round Table'. In Great Britain today,
>> certain members of the Illuminati, including Prince Charles
>> and Prince Philip,

Mike: But daddy, I don't want to join the Illuminati!

>> take part in rituals and symbols of an
odd
>> secret society called the 'Order of the Garter'.

(all snicker)

>>
This Order,
>> with its ceremonial magic,

Crow: And its *fabulous* dresses!

>> is thought to be a precursor
to
>> the coming establishment of the 'Circle of the Round Table'.

Servo: Wasn't that established already?
Mike: I think he's saying it was established before the Round Table.
Servo: Well, couldn't he be a *little* more obtuse?

>> So demented are the leaders of the Illuminati that they fancy
>> themselves to be the modern-day inheritors of the Arthurian
>> legend.

Crow: They also believe that disco isn't dead.

>> Upon the appearance, expected soon, of their great
>> and divine king, or ruler,

Mike: Or *dickweed*.

>> they would be knights of the
>> 'Circle of the Round Table', noble and exalted co-rulers
>> of Camelot.

Servo: They believe that this great leader is called JiFKay.

>> " And the spirit of Egypt (Rosacrucian Museum - San Jose
>> Culture) shall fail in the midst thereof; and I will destroy the
>> counsel thereof: and they shall seek to the idols, and to the
>> charmers, and to them that have familiar spirits
>> (mediums, psychics), and to the wizards "
>> - Isaiah 19:3

Servo: Ratio of people who think that Hillary should join the Spice
Girls
as "First Lady Spice".
Crow: Are we allowed to riff on scripture?
Mike: If we do, I wouldn't be surprised if Forrester makes us do the
Bible next.

>> " Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after
>> wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God."

>> - Leviticus 19:31

Crow: Ratio of people who think Cancer Man really did fix the Superbowl.

>> " And the soul(s) that turneth after such as have familiar
>> spirits, and after wizards, TO GO WHORING AFTER THEM,

Mike: Woo-hoo! Let's go whoring!

>> I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off
>> from among his people "

Crow: Is it possible to set your face against a soul?

>> - Leviticus 20:6

Servo: Ratio of people who believe Vince Foster was murdered while
wearing
"Quayle in '96" shirt.

>> " ...used enchantements, and used witchcraft and dealt with
>> a familiar spirit, and with wizards; he wrought much evil in
>> the sight of the Lord, to provoke him to anger "

Crow (mother voice): Don't go provoking the Lord, young man!

>> - 2 Chronicles 33:6

>> " Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard,
>> or a necromancer,

Mike: Or a necrophiliac.
Crow: Or a Republican.
Servo: Or a cyber-geek.

>> for all that do these things are an
>> abomination unto the Lord: and because of these abominations
>> the Lord thy God has doth drive them out from before thee. "

>> - Deuteronomy 18:11-12

Servo: Final score in the latest Cowboys game.

>> " A man also a woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a
wizard,
>> shall surely be put to death:

Mike: Must have seen RuPaul's talk show.

>> they shall stone them
with stones:

Mike (stoner voice): Let's go get stoned, dude!

>> their blood shall be upon them "
>> - Deuteronomy 2O:27

Crow: Ratio of people who think Marv Albert would make a great date.

>> Purple Stuff

Servo: So what in the Sam Hill did that have to do with a TV station?!
Crow: Must be the local WB affiliate. I'm sure *they're* connected to the
Illuminati too.
Mike: Might explain how Nick Freno's still on.
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