Foul, insidious world of Batwoman
Fred Francis
pretending that the most loathsome celluloid offenses committed against
the crew of the SOL were _Manos..._ or _Castle of Fu Manchu_ while the
real enemy is _The Wild, Wild World of Batwoman._
Oh sure, one might be better able to encapsulate the plot of WWWofB than
the...the...supposed story behind CofFM. One might also claim that we
don't get nearly as many shots of the fabulous potential hills of El Paso
that burden Manos like dead lead weights. O.K., fine, that's true.
But can we deny that CofFM possibly, almost has what can be termed action
sequences, even if we don't know why? And fezzes! And a really sweaty,
unconvincing heart operation! There even seems to be what can be
construed as international espionage and terrorism somewhere in
there...though I couldn't really give examples of this. It's all getting
fuzzy just now.
But Manos has everyone's favorite "monster," the suave and irrepressible
Torgo. The wild nightie fight has to have at least a few fans out there,
too. And there is some great satisfaction, admit it, to see the dad Mike
as not only a monotonous bore, but also a zombie caretaker. Classic!
But after such cinematic fun-fests as these, where does WWWofB leave us?
In a shallow grave with the dull taste of copper in our mouths. I cannot,
without superhuman resolve, sit through an entire second showing of that
movie. It's just stopping along the way to see the short and the cheating
skits (and maybe a minute of the seance scene with the "Chinese" spirit)
before I can pry my finger from the fast-forward button.
WWWofB has an arsenal of foul tricks to play on the human mind. The hero
is as bland as the villain. The doctor's accent strays about the globe in
search of an origin. The foul Heathcliff seems no less distasteful after
coming to his senses than when he rubbed all manner of liquids in his
hair. Tiger does a bad imitation of Chico Marx and begs in every scene
for quick death. In almost every scene one can sense the director
animatedly trying to get the listless cast to do one thing or another:
"Look really dumb and surprised. Even more so, darling." "Dance as if
you've been shot full of narcotics." "Grab the horseshoe. Grab the
horseshoe!" And then there's all that running around and around after the
Ratfinks, and always we get dancing, dancing, DANCING!
I feel ill.
There's a reason that Servo asked repeatedly to be killed. There's a
reason why Mike, Crow and Servo were so affected as to be unable to even
attempt a skit based on the movie. Without the cheating short to seize on
they would have been forced to confront the horror and would have had to
do something with it...something unspeakable.
Ewwww...
-= e l p h r e d =-
"Monster, monster...who's got the monster?"
Michael K. Neylon
> But after such cinematic fun-fests as these, where does WWWofB leave us?
> In a shallow grave with the dull taste of copper in our mouths.
^^^^^^
Don't you mean 'soup' :) Sorry, couldn't resist.
--
Michael K. Neylon | Ace: "I don't like Spam."
Grad. Student | Doctor: "Well, I'll have your Spam
Dept. of ChE, Univ. of Michigan | then. I love it."
mne...@engin.umich.edu | -Doctor Who NA:CC:WM
la...@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
Would you like some soup?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John I. Lahti | When the Spanish explorer Coronado was shown the
(la...@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu) | site that would later become Wichita, he was so
U of KS Acad. Comp. Servs. | disappointed that he had his guide strangled.
The University of Kansas | --1994 Mobil Road Atlas
===============================================================================
Gordon Dahlquist
still - unfortunately - doesn't topple Manos in my quivering mind's eye as the
most painful experiment source material. WWWoB is so consistently childish
and even goofy, even a "lark" - a "lark from utter hell", maybe - compared to
the consistent downer-in-every-way-you-can-imagine that is Manos. What's the
most pleasing element of Manos that you can imagine ... Torgo. And really,
Torgo's one of those things that grows (festers?) more amusing with distance -
the skits, the present cult-status of Torgo do tend of obscure the unbearable
nature of his presence on screen - he's simply excruciating, boring, incoherent
and loathesome. While I'll admit that the cheesecake in WWWoB (again childish
and exuberant in equal measure) more or less balances the nighty battlin'
wrasslin' wives scene (eternity) in Manos, even then I'd say that by lumping
it all in one never-ending sequence Manos again takes the very soiled cake.
CoFM is a different kettle of wax, to me. It clearly has no real integrity as
a film, and looks like a bunch of different footage (connected only by its
extremely low production quality) was haphazardly strung together so someone
could make a buck. The really depressing thing about both WWWoB and Manos is
that, on the contrary, they have tons of structural integrity, in that they're
both quite consistent "visions" as far as style, tone, world-view, etc. - it's
almost too frightening to think that these films were exactly what an eager
film-maker (or fertilizer salesman) wanted to make. CoFM is cynical in a way
that neither of the other two are - not that this makes it any less bearable to
watch - but I think it makes the others that much more pathetic as films. In
any case, while I can't but agree with every horrible aspect that's pointed
out re: WWWoB, at least they're there to have fun, they've got jangly music,
ludicrous technology and skimpy costumes. For Manos, there's grimness all
around, the Torgo theme, and a bunch of women with beehives and walmart
nighties rolling on the ground for about 8 years. Add to this the very damning
fact that the Mads apologized for Manos, and it does seem that the Brains -
maybe out of sentiment for Torgo - tend to think of it as the worst ...
Dave Kuner
>In article <Pine.3.07.9406141...@sun.cis.smu.edu>,
>>
>> Too many of us have been fooling ourselves for too long. [-] while the
>> real enemy is _The Wild, Wild World of Batwoman._
>> In a shallow grave with the dull taste of copper in our mouths. I cannot,
>> without superhuman resolve, sit through an entire second showing of that
>
>T&A, Fred, T&A. This movie is a favorite w/ many MiSTy men.
>
>--Diane, who is now looking for Herc, a good P&A* movie
>
>* P = pectorals
WWWofB is too high of a price for this T&A stuff...painful movie.
Dave
Michael K. Neylon
all hold the "worst experiment" slot, at least IMHO:
WWWoBW for bad plot/characters
M:HoF for bad production quality/acting (Note that Torgo really DOES
have character, and there is a legit plot in this one :)
CoFM for just being bad, period (personally I haven't see it, but I
have enough ideas based on what I read
In others, we should just accept that these three movie thrive in the
deepest pit of bad movie-dom. Unless they get really lucky, the Mads
will never find any movie that is worse than these.
(Note that the above films do not appear in Rex Reed's movie guide, as
well as others, I would think.)
--
Michael K. Neylon | H: "D'OH!"
Grad. Student | L: "A deer!"
Dept. of ChE, Univ. of Michigan | M: "A female deer!"
mne...@engin.umich.edu | -The Simpsons
Nicholas Strauss
Manos: In reality, the idea isn't bad. I mean, a good writer, a
director, a good camera, a good camera man, good actors,
and a decent location and this thing could have been
decent. Please note "could."
CofFMC: Yes, it hurt and all that. To this day I find it less
comprehensible than particle physics. But, like with
Manos, it TRIED! Plus it had the two best MST lines
ever, said by Tom, I believe "Nice of you to include us
in the plot" and "Well, _that_ made sense!"
WWoBW: Didn't even try. Nope, no credit for effort on this one.
Bad idea, bad execution, really bad dancing. Yes, some
pretty good looking young women, but not enough to make
up for the pain. THE PAIN...
Just had to toss in my buck-twenty-five's worth. :-)
--Nick
PS...while we're designing these MST:The Gathering cards, what
are the relative values of a summon janitor, summon temp (I'm one!),
etc. card. And would the 'bots be considered artifacts?
--
______________________________________
\ \ _ ______ |
\ NICHOLAS STRAUSS \ / \___-=O`/|O`/__|
\ Silicon Graphics-Network Operations \_______\ / | / )
/ nstr...@netmare.corp.sgi.com / `/-==__ _/__|/__=-|
/ pi...@leland.stanford.edu / * \ | |
/_____________________________________/ (o)
Rafael Velasquez Castaneda Jr
summed it up best..... when theyrun into the band on the beach, one of
them sings:
"The Devil made this movie for you!"
Ralph (STILL believes The Killer Shrews was the absolute worst.)
UC BERKELEY
(ral...@uclink2.berkeley.edu
Fred Francis
gd...@merhaba.cc.columbia.edu (Gordon Dahlquist) opines:
The lengthy post full of valid attacks on the wafer-thin integrity of
WWWoB still - unfortunately - doesn't topple Manos in my quivering mind's
eye as the most painful experiment source material. WWWoB is so
consistently childish and even goofy, even a "lark" - a "lark from utter
hell", maybe - compared to the consistent
downer-in-every-way-you-can-imagine that is Manos. What's the most
pleasing element of Manos that you can imagine ... Torgo. And really,
Torgo's one of those things that grows (festers?) more amusing with
distance - the skits, the present cult-status of Torgo do tend of obscure
the unbearable nature of his presence on screen - he's simply
excruciating, boring, incoherent and loathesome. While I'll admit that
the cheesecake in WWWoB (again childish and exuberant in equal measure)
more or less balances the nighty battlin' wrasslin' wives scene (eternity)
in Manos, even then I'd say that by lumping it all in one never-ending
sequence Manos again takes the very soiled cake.
=>Perhaps I was just too prepared for Manos by the time I saw it.
Though it came close, nothing could match the sucker-punch sickness I
expected from the varying descriptions of the "film." I have to agree
with whoever said that what makes WWWofB worse than the others is its
intent, every element of which had nary a chance of success. Marginal
miracles could have turned either Manos of CofFM into palatable material.
CoFM is a different kettle of wax, to me. It clearly has no real
integrity as a film, and looks like a bunch of different footage
(connected only by its extremely low production quality) was haphazardly
strung together so someone could make a buck. The really depressing thing
about both WWWoB and Manos is that, on the contrary, they have tons of
structural integrity, in that they're both quite consistent "visions" as
far as style, tone, world-view, etc. - it's almost too frightening to
think that these films were exactly what an eager film-maker (or
fertilizer salesman) wanted to make. CoFM is cynical in a way that
neither of the other two are - not that this makes it any less bearable to
watch - but I think it makes the others that much more pathetic as films.
In any case, while I can't but agree with every horrible aspect that's
pointed out re: WWWoB, at least they're there to have fun, they've got
jangly music, ludicrous technology and skimpy costumes. For Manos,
there's grimness all around, the Torgo theme, and a bunch of women with
beehives and walmart nighties rolling on the ground for about 8 years.
Add to this the very damning fact that the Mads apologized for Manos, and
it does seem that the Brains - maybe out of sentiment for Torgo - tend to
think of it as the worst ...
=>Well, it's easy to see Manos or CofFM as the worst, but my
thinking is that Joel is right in his assessment of evil. Evil's a sneaky
thing which cloaks itself in seemingly-acceptable forms and worms its way
into our psyches. There is some element of that kind of evil in WWWofB,
though not enough that anyone could really be fooled.
But all of these films are loathsome. It just so happens that
Manos really doesn't scrape its fingernails across my mind's chalkboard
the way it does for many.
Pick yer poison, my friends. And brew up a Shrew.
Mark Meyer
f> But Manos has everyone's favorite "monster," the suave and
f> irrepressible Torgo. The wild nightie fight has to have at least
f> a few fans out there, too. And there is some great satisfaction,
f> admit it, to see the dad Mike as not only a monotonous bore, but
f> also a zombie caretaker. Classic!
You forgot that great soundtrack! The closing song, the
incidental music, and - Torgo's Theme!
DA Da da Da DA Da da Da DA Da da Da DA Da aaarrgghhh turn it
off turn it off turn it off EEUURrrrgghhh...
--
Mark Meyer | mme...@dseg.ti.com |
Texas Instruments, Inc., Plano, TX +--------------------+
Every day, Jerry Junkins is grateful that I don't speak for TI.
"I just had a deja vu experience." "Hey, just like last time!"
da...@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
> I don't remember who said this, but all three (CoFM, WWWoBW, and M:HoF)
> all hold the "worst experiment" slot, at least IMHO:
>
> WWWoBW for bad plot/characters
> M:HoF for bad production quality/acting (Note that Torgo really DOES
> have character, and there is a legit plot in this one :)
> CoFM for just being bad, period (personally I haven't see it, but I
> have enough ideas based on what I read
>
some redeeming quality to it that I just missed? IMO, that has to be the
worst piece of utter nonsense that they have ever watched. It's so brain-
numbingly bad that it's only at the end of the movie, when you realize there
is no end to the movie, that you realize there was no movie to begin with!
This movie was so bad that they couldn't even come up with any skits based on
it (at least they could mock Manos). They had to pull every non-movie
specific trick they know (The keepaway ball, the Coke thing...) to make it
through this one. It gets my vote.
Dave A-Go-Go
brian michae szymanek
: gd...@merhaba.cc.columbia.edu (Gordon Dahlquist) opines:
: =>Well, it's easy to see Manos or CofFM as the worst, but my
: thinking is that Joel is right in his assessment of evil. Evil's a sneaky
: thing which cloaks itself in seemingly-acceptable forms and worms its way
: into our psyches. There is some element of that kind of evil in WWWofB,
: though not enough that anyone could really be fooled.
:
: But all of these films are loathsome. It just so happens that
: Manos really doesn't scrape its fingernails across my mind's chalkboard
: the way it does for many.
: Pick yer poison, my friends. And brew up a Shrew.
All right, if you want pain, how about Village of the Giants.
Now, I'm not comparing it to the others, but the Village dance
sequences made me twitch uncontrollable.
This was a nightmare combination of Attack of the 50 ft. Woman and The
Beatnicks!
a
Michael Blackmore
> Why hasn't anybody pointed out how bad Monster A-Go-Go is? Is there
>some redeeming quality to it that I just missed? IMO, that has to be the
>worst piece of utter nonsense that they have ever watched. It's so brain-
>numbingly bad that it's only at the end of the movie, when you realize there
>is no end to the movie, that you realize there was no movie to begin with!
"Tonight on a very special episode of Monster A-Go-Go. Our hero helps a
special terminally ill child."
"Monster A-Go-Go. A Quinn-Martin Production. With special guest star Don
Knotts. Tonight's episode: Mayberry A-No-No!"
:-)
- Michael B.
Mike Cohen
>I don't remember who said this, but all three (CoFM, WWWoBW, and M:HoF)
>all hold the "worst experiment" slot, at least IMHO:
>WWWoBW for bad plot/characters
>M:HoF for bad production quality/acting (Note that Torgo really DOES
> have character, and there is a legit plot in this one :)
>CoFM for just being bad, period (personally I haven't see it, but I
> have enough ideas based on what I read
>In others, we should just accept that these three movie thrive in the
>deepest pit of bad movie-dom. Unless they get really lucky, the Mads
>will never find any movie that is worse than these.
It's possible to build up an immunity to "Manos" after repeated viewings. I
no longer feel any ill effects after seeing it. I still get slightly queasy
after seeing WWWoBW.
Maybe there's a chance they'll stumble across "The Strangeness", which makes
"Manos" look like academy award material. I'm still feeling the effects of that
one after almost 4 years.
--
Mike Cohen - is...@netcom.com
NewtonMail, eWorld: MikeC / ALink: D6734 / AOL: MikeC20
Home Page: file://ftp.netcom.com/pub/isis/home.html
Chan
what "CoFM" is?
Chan
Chris Frost
>> I don't remember who said this, but all three (CoFM, WWWoBW, and M:HoF)
>> all hold the "worst experiment" slot, at least IMHO:
>>
>> WWWoBW for bad plot/characters
>> M:HoF for bad production quality/acting (Note that Torgo really DOES
>> have character, and there is a legit plot in this one :)
>> CoFM for just being bad, period (personally I haven't see it, but I
>> have enough ideas based on what I read
>>
> Why hasn't anybody pointed out how bad Monster A-Go-Go is? Is there
>some redeeming quality to it that I just missed? IMO, that has to be the
>worst piece of utter nonsense that they have ever watched.
4 bad movies, 4 different reasons:
MAGG: A rescue job (not really a movie by anyone's definition). The FAQ
goes into more depth than I need to here.
CoFMC: Has anyone seen this un MSTed? Jesus (Jess) Franco has a
reputation as a director of some small ability, and I find it hard to
believe that Hammer would release a film in 1967 with Macrovision built
into it.
M:tHoF: A labor of love (or maybe just lust) by a truly incompetent
amateur. The fact that its everybody's favorite worst proves it has its
own special charms.
WWWoB: Bafflingly bad. The proof for me is not just the inability to do
sketches, but the fact that the MSTing only gets in the way. It's like
rubber-necking at a car crash. Jerry Warren is no Hal Warren; this IS his
day job. He's like an Ed Wood, Jr. without obsessions to redeem him.
With all these films I tried to imagine anyone paying to see them. I can
rationalize even MAGG, given the time it was made, but not WWWoB.
Bart lammey
If we all could reminicse(SpellingPatrol) with me...
Wild, Wild World Of BatWoman
----------------------------
The tender goodbye scene between a scientist and his doomed assistant.
I believe Sir Nelson and his Bots of the trapezoidal table responded as
such:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Thank you.
WEll, SirS?
Joe McMahon
Rafael Velasquez Castaneda Jr <ral...@uclink2.berkeley.edu> wrote:
>Ralph (STILL believes The Killer Shrews was the absolute worst.)
>
that one.
--- Joe "watched MAGG and Manos *the same night*" M.
Rob Eiben
We have someone tape MST for us. One tape had Manos and MAGG on it. We'd
heard about Manos so were eager(?) to watch it. After the pain, we decided we
needed something funny, so we watched MAGG--Big Mistake! I think I slept
maybe two hours that night, the pain was so bad.
Rob
Petrea Mitchell
> I know the other two, but could someone please tell me
>what "CoFM" is?
"CoFM" stands for _Castle of Fu Manchu_. As for what it is,
well, we're pretty sure it isn't the work of any human hand.
Oh, you want a synopsis? There were a lot of flashing co-
lored lights, and some people running around... and an iceberg, but
not for as long as in _Mighty Jack_... and a whole heaping pile o'
boredom. My head hurts if I try to think of any more. Kind of like
I'd been captured by octospiders or something.
_Castle of Fu Manchu_ was the only experiment where Joel
admitted defeat. _CoFM_ is the only MST3K episode I'm not sure I'll
ever watch more than once, because even Joel and the 'bots could
not make this movie watchable.
Anyone who thinks _"Manos"_ is the worst ever has simply
not seen the evil that is _CoFM_. It's episode 323, BTW, which
means that the next showing will be the last for some time. If you
haven't seen it yet, inflict it on yourself while you can. Drop me
a line if you live.
--
/ <|> <|> <pr...@mvp.rain.com> ...!uunet!mvp!pravn
Petrea Mitchell <pr...@agora.rdrop.com> <pr...@gm.dev.com>
"Let's face it-- we used bad judgement, scared Gypsy, irked Joel, and
now we're stuck here in the dark without our bodies!" ---MST3K
Thrill
in the movie theater? Well I heard they did a little spoof on Morrissey to
the effect of "hairdresser in a coma" or something. I just need to know
which episode that was on so I can watch it.
THR¡LL
.\\“rr¡ssˆy G¡rl
Rick Stone
>> I know the other two, but could someone please tell me
>>what "CoFM" is?
> "CoFM" stands for _Castle of Fu Manchu_. As for what it is,
>well, we're pretty sure it isn't the work of any human hand.
> Oh, you want a synopsis? There were a lot of flashing co-
>lored lights, and some people running around... and an iceberg, but
>not for as long as in _Mighty Jack_... and a whole heaping pile o'
>boredom. My head hurts if I try to think of any more. Kind of like
>I'd been captured by octospiders or something.
> _Castle of Fu Manchu_ was the only experiment where Joel
>admitted defeat. _CoFM_ is the only MST3K episode I'm not sure I'll
>ever watch more than once, because even Joel and the 'bots could
>not make this movie watchable.
> Anyone who thinks _"Manos"_ is the worst ever has simply
>not seen the evil that is _CoFM_. It's episode 323, BTW, which
>means that the next showing will be the last for some time. If you
>haven't seen it yet, inflict it on yourself while you can. Drop me
>a line if you live.
I've posted this before, but no one seems to have an opinion. Does anyone
else think that "Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy" was the worst MST3K ever? I don't
want to start this discussion up again, but I think that that movie and MAGG
were the worst movies they've shown.
Rick Stone
sno...@mcs.com
CHAN
>not seen the evil that is _CoFM_. It's episode 323, BTW, which
>means that the next showing will be the last for some time. If you
>haven't seen it yet, inflict it on yourself while you can. Drop me
>a line if you live.
>
cinema, I'll have to give my crown for worst movie to "Giant Gila
Monster," for one reason and one reason only: they lyric "And the Lord
said, 'Laugh, children, laugh.'" And the response from the SOL: "But did
He say it so much?"
Chan
st...@jetson.uh.edu
UHouston
Walter Nieczkowski
Castle of Fu Manchu
Walter
tho...@csulb.edu
>I've posted this before, but no one seems to have an opinion. Does anyone
>else think that "Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy" was the worst MST3K ever? I don't
>want to start this discussion up again, but I think that that movie and MAGG
>were the worst movies they've shown.
shivers of pleasure when I show it to some unsuspecting friend and I watch
as their faces pale with the dawning realization of unspeakable horror just
how completely they have been cheated by the non-ending of this non-movie.
--thor
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"As I mentioned earlier, there is tremendous horror here." --Crow T. Robot MAGG
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
la...@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
do with ookie-ookies.
John
--
Bart lammey
I'll agree that Robot vs. Aztec Mummy is very, very, VERY BAD.
In fact, I fell asleep and had to re-watch it.
I can't even remember if the MST'ings that good.
Probably was.
Yep, I LIKED all the other 'worst' ones people keep bringing
up(literally), but Robot vs. Aztec Mummy was exceptionally bad.
Mind you, I haven't seen Slime People. Yet.
hnrsp...@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
GOTHIC.
Nothing, (except MAYbe MAGG) can top this for sheer pain. Rock
Climbing slightly annoyed me, and I LIKE my unMSTied version of Robot
vs. Aztec Mummy. Gothic is far worse in its attempt at surrealism than
much anything else... sample scenes:
"fish slopping in birdbath"- 2.5 seconds
"uncle Fester's head on floor turns into pighead and back"-5 sec
"goat wanders through room"- 4 sec, repeated numerous times on second
floor
"girl lost in small concrete room a-la 'the unforgiven' video"-5 sec
Hey kids- this is all supposed to make sense, and be artistic...
beware!
Oh- if anyone answers this post, lemme know private email. I don't
read here more than once a month
--
_____________________________________________________________________
] Chris Wiswell Silence means security [
] Preacherman Silence means approval [
] Part-time-psychic Of what we've seen [
] Dangerous with a yo-yo Upon the TV [
] Owner of few tools -J Michael Stipe [
---------------------------------------------------------------------