MiSTed- Thundercats: Dreams
Currie1501
(8th season opening)
(SoL. Mike is deeply involved with a little ball-and-string-and-paddle
toy that you bounce the ball off of, pull it back in with the string, hit
the ball again, and eventually die of boredom. We watch this for a while,
then Crow enters stage right.)
CROW: Hiya, Mike!
MIKE: Hm?
CROW: Having fun?
MIKE: Hm.
(Mike continues bouncing the ball on the string with the paddle while Crow
stares at it.)
CROW: Would you like to share?
MIKE: Not now. Going for record.
(More paddleballing, more staring.)
CROW: Mike, I would like to play with that for a while.
MIKE: Too bad. I'm going to try and reach over a thousand bounces.
CROW: Huh.
(Suddenly, we hear Tom screaming in terror. He zooms past from stage
right in the background. Hot on his heels (or Hoverskirt) is something
that looks like a growling yellow beanbag with an open mouth, deadly
fangs, and glaring red eyes. It chases him off to stage right, him still
screaming in terror.)
CROW: You know Mike, I can't stop thinking I forgot something...
MIKE: Hush. Paddleball-on-a-string requires deep concentration.
TOM(o.s.): AAUGH! There's two of them!
(Again Tom runs across the screen screaming in terror, this time from
stage left and pursued by two of the snarling carnivorous beanbags.)
CROW: Something that I had to tell you. It involved Tom.
MIKE: I said hush. I almost lost control over it.
CROW: I can't stop thinking that it was important somehow.
(Suddenly, Tom pops up between them from behind the countertop.)
TOM(frantically): Crow! They're after us and they're multiplying and
they're really angry at me and I can't find any shotguns or flamethrowers
or anything that could be of use besides a big can of Raid! Mike, you
have the functional arms, use them to bludgeon them to death!
MIKE(still paddling): Huh?
TOM: Crow, didn't you tell him?
CROW: Tell him what? Oh, wait a minute, *now* I remember. A horde of
bloodthirsty Pac-Demons are steadily chewing through the airlock bent on
tearing us to bits and using our carcasses as egg pods. You can really
lose track of time with those paddlethingies.
MIKE: Oh well. Guess I'll work on that record tomorrow. (puts down paddle
and rummages under counter) I knew I had it here somewhere... Aha! (Mike
picks up a malformed sledgehammer with a bunch of rusty nails poking out
of it) My Vogonian blunglecruncheon. Least pleasant hand-to-hand combat
weapon in the universe. (to camera) Why don't you folks watch some
commercials while I kill the Hive Queen Ms. Pac-Demon?
(Mike heads off to stage left, whistling a happy tune. Soon we hear Mike
cursing and Pac-Demons growling a lot. Tom and Crow keep staring at the
paddlethingy.)
TOM: Neat.
CROW: Yeah. Too bad our arms don't work.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Shaquille O'Neal *is* Steel, a superhero who's different from all the
others 'cause he's... um... he's... He's black! No wait, Spawn was black.
Uh, he doesn't wear a cape? He's really tall? He's got a sidekick who
cracks lousy puns? Oh, just watch the movie.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(SoL. Mike is smiling and holding the blunglecruncheon, which is covered
in green goo and bits of yellow beanbag. His suit is torn in several
places and where it is torn we can see cuts and scratches.)
MIKE: Well, I'm glad for the exercise.
CROW: I wonder how many calories goring vicious space aliens burns?
MIKE: Later, the Fuolornis Fire Dragons are calling.
(Ext. Space Van. It is docked to a giant spaceship that looks like the
Battlestar Galactica in school-bus colors.)
(Int. Zaphod County Schoolstarship. Pearl is in the foreground of a
normal-looking classroom, except for some coolant pipes in the ceiling.
Observer is looking at the textbook shelves. Bobo is humming loudly and
doodling on the blackboard.)
PEARL: Hey there Mikey, Fireplug, Art. We decided to enlighten some kids
about the joy of causing pain to others, so we docked with this ship.
It's on a five-year mission to-
(SoL)
MIKE: Explore new planets?
CROW: Seek out new life?
TOM: Boldly go where- Waitaminnit. Fireplug?
(Schoolstarship)
PEARL: No, it's on a five-year mission for a field trip to Magrathea to
see how planets are created, and the kids are bored out of their skullls,
so when I radioed in for refueling, they begged me to show something
interesting to them. Meet Mrs. Glakluplatungkaboing. (Camera pans to the
right showing a small booth with a brain inside it) She needed a lesson
on pain and suffering, so I told her that you were up there watching
Prince of Space and Jack Frost, and she said it would do the trick. So,
prepare to be beamed on board.
(SoL)
MIKE: Can I take my-
(Mike disappears with a pop.)
CROW: I guess he can't.
TOM: Do you really think I look like a fireplug?
(Int. classroom. Mrs. Glakluplatungkaboing is in front of a blackboard
next to where Mike suddenly reappears.)
MRS. G: Go ahead class, ask Mr. Nelson questions.
KID(o.s.): How'd you build those neat-lookin' robots?
KID 2(o.s.): Yeah! Can you build one for me?
MIKE(embarassed): Uh... I don't know the technical details very well...
KID(disappointed): Oh. How does your spaceship work?
MIKE(embarassed again): Well... um... what I mean to say is... er...
KID 3(o.s.): Do you know anything about machines at all?
MIKE: No. (to Mrs. G) May I leave now?
MRS. G: Are you going to tell us anything new?
MIKE: No, I'm basically rock stupid with these things.
MRS. G: <sighs> Well, I guess you'll have to take the audiovisual exam.
Something about Thundercats: Dreams or something or other.
MIKE: What? Hold on-
(SoL. Mike reappears with another pop.)
MIKE: -that would be inhuman!
TOM: What would be inhuman?
(Thunderfic Sign goes off)
MIKE: You'll find out soon enough cause WE GOT THUNDERFIC SIIIIGN!!
ALL: AAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!
(6... 5... 4... 3... 2... Theater)
MIKE: Yeah, I figure the Universal International logo would go just about
here.
>*This story looks at my thoughts on all the Thundercats >origins.*
TOM: Why do you do this to us Jesse?
CROW(German accent): Jezze ees obviouzly a very zick individual.
MIKE: You know, some day some German person's going to sue you for libel.
>
> Thundercats:
TOM: the clonus horror.
> Dreams
>
> As all was quiet on New Thundera it wasn't at Cat's
>Lair.
CROW: Well it wasn't all quiet then is it?
> Panthro was tired after a long watch and Lion-o had >called
a
>meeting of all the Thundercats.
MIKE(as Liono): It has come to my attention that Panthro is tired. We
need to remedy this problem. Panthro, any suggestions?
TOM(as Panthro): Zzzzzz... wha?
>
Walking down the stone >hallway of Cat's
>Lair, Panthro met Tygra on his way. "So what's this council >meeting all
>about Tygra?".
CROW(as Tygra): He wants us to watch one of those "beware of loose women "
films he got from the Thundarian Navy.
> "I have no idea Panthor. Your guess is
as good as
>mine". The wlaked curiously to the Council Chambers.
MIKE(singing): Wlak like a man, tlak like a man...
>
There >they saw
>all the Thundercats. The thunderkittens sat quietly
TOM: That's some effective tranquilizers there.
>
while >Cheetara was
> questioning Bengali what it was all about. Pumyra stood to a >corner
>while Lynx-o sat as wise as any old Thundercat could be.
CROW: Meaning he only repeated third grade two times.
>
"I am >glad you
>are all here. I have been looking through the
MIKE(as Liono): Victoria's Secret fall catalog.
>
Book of Omens and >there
>is a page here with pictures of all the Thundercats. It even has
>pictures of Bengali, Pumyra and Lynx-o.
TOM(as random Thundercat): Oh, you found the photo album.
>
I have been wondering >what it
>means". "Lynx-o could you tell us".
MIKE: Why, it's Magic Voice! She's a guest character in a fanfic!
CROW: She's been hiding in shame all these years.
MAGIC VOICE: I haven't sunk to that level yet.
TOM: Magic! What happened to you?
MAGIC VOICE: I had a couple milennia of sick leave piled up.
>
"Well I was once told that >the
>Book of Omens always change for do the Thundercats always >change.
MIKE(as Lynxo): Stealing lines from Yoda I am.
> It
>seems to mean something of value". "Well I think we should all >get some
>sleep" said the very tired Panthro.
CROW(as Panthro): We have a long day of physically impossible acrobatics
and fight scenes ahead.
>
"We can interput it better >when we
>have all got a good nights rest". "Panthro is right Lion-o" >responded
>Pumyra. "Right Thundercats. We shall meet here at 0800". >They all
>headed to there rooms.
TOM: Then they all got lost and ended up curling themselves up in one
linen closet.
> As all the Thundercats drifted to sleep Lion-o
>examined the book even closer.
MIKE(as Liono): I could never figure out these darned Magic Eye things.
> As he
got tired the he put the >book
>aside. Then just as his eyes began to drift the book gave off a >bright
>light.
TOM: It's the reflected light from his Mickey Mouse nightlight.
> It was glowing and the book flew open with a gust of >wind.
It
>turned directly to the page with all the Thundercats.
CROW: With the little mustaches and beards scrawled underneath them in
pen.
>
Each >picture
>showed a different tale. What is this?
MIKE: Oooh, manga comics!
CROW(hopefully): Are they those violent porn hentai things?
MIKE: No way, you sicko.
CROW: Man, I hate this author.
TOM: Why?
CROW: Megane 67 MiSTs those dirty Sailor Moon fics and we get Borgo
Trekfics.
>
Is this all the >Thundercats
>stories". The book responed with "These are the origins of all >the
>Thundercats. Each picture shows the tale of how they became
CROW: Men and women during that long passionate summer.
MIKE: CROW!
CROW(irritably): Currie denied me of the Mina/Amy love scene, he ain't
gonna stop me from speaking my mind.
>Thundercats". As Lion-o looked it over he listened to the tale of >each
>Thundercat.
TOM: Books of prophecy and magic on tape.
> Tygra grew up close to Cat's Lair on Thundera for the
>Tygras were a valued raced.
CROW: Known for their wonderful cooking.
MIKE: That's the French.
CROW: Oh. Known for their passionate embrace of life.
MIKE: Italians.
CROW: Their simple openmindness.
MIKE: Greeks.
CROW: Their friendly attitude.
MIKE: Scotch, Irish, Australians, and some Englishmen.
CROW: Stubbornness and a will to keep going-
MIKE:-Russians-
CROW: Strong work ethic-
MIKE:-Germans-
CROW: Quick, nimble minds-
MIKE: -Japanese-
CROW: Gosh, they aren't valued much for anything, are they?
TOM: Oh, they're Americans.
> Their wisdom
and mind powers >were very
>important to Thundera. He knew his parents as a child.
MIKE: He did? Lucky guy. I was abandoned in a dumpster.
>
When he >turned
>sixteen he trained with the wisest of the Tygra's.
CROW: The ones known as Larry, Moe, and Curly.
>
He learned >the ways
>of the Tygra.
TOM: Like how to spit without opening your mouth.
> His father and mother soon had to let him go
out >on his
>own. When he did he went to stay with the wise Tygra,
>Alfrat.
MIKE: Alf rat? So he's a vermin who once had a TV show?
CROW: Those of you with crude minds, simply switch R and A around in that
word, and that'll be funny enough to last you the rest of the MiSTing.
> hhSoon he
>was trained to be the newest of the Thundercats. When he went >to stay
>at Cat's Lair
TOM: Cat's Lair? Sounds like the Thundarian version of the Playboy Hotel.
> he met a young girl named Catlani. She
was >beattful and
>the daughter of Jaga.
MIKE: Unfortunately, Jaga never allowed the puny mortals to touch her, and
always kept in close range with a tazer, pepper spray, and a 30-gauge
shotgun.
> She was very athletis and
graceful. Tygra
>automatically fell in love with her.
CROW(as automated Tygra): Object Catlani sighted. Checking program...
loading commands... activating virtual lust... preparing to fantasize.
>
As he got further into his
>training he met Cheetara. Back then she was a young shy >cheetah.
TOM: And fell easily into Tygra's web of deceit.
MIKE: I thought Goldfinger had the web of deceit.
TOM: No, he had a web of sin.
> Tygra
>was visited by Alfrat one stormy day.
CROW(as Alfrat): Girl Scout cookies! Buy us new berets!
>
"Tygra it is time you >knew about
>the secrets of the Tygra's".
TOM(as Alfrat): We borrow things and say we'll give them back. Then we
move to another city. Also, the tiger stripes are just makeup.
> "We are a
wise people who learned >the
>powers of the mind.
MIKE: Okay, if we're going to sit through this stealth voice-over thing,
we might as well make it fun. Whoever guesses who it is
gets a Cheez Doodle. Place your bets.
TOM: Alfrat, telling Tygra the backstory.
CROW: Tygra, reciting history for Alfrat.
> The first Tygra mastered the
skill from a >accient
>telepath. All you have to do is concentrate with one part of the >mind
>and you can make illusions.
MIKE: Or one mother of a headache.
> Watch" as the
Tygra formewd
CROW: For*mew*d?
TOM: Well, they are cats.
>
an >image of an
>older loking Tygra.
MIKE: Okay, Tom gets a Cheez Doodle.
TOM: Yes!
CROW: I wanna up the odds to walnut brownies.
TOM: But I hate walnut brownies.
CROW: I know.
> "You will be the greatest of
the Tygra's. You >will
>do things other Tygra's haven't.
MIKE(as Alfrat): Like participate in a lousy 1980's Japanese cartoon
import.
> It
will be your destiny".
TOM: I would make a Star Wars joke here, but you at home already have.
>
With >that
>Alfrat lefted Tygra to learn and try hard to creat illusions. >Tygra
>tried all night with no success. Finally Tygra jus got tired and >shut
>off the logic side of his brain.
CROW: Unfortunately he accidentally shut down his involuntary reactions
like breathing and died a quick death.
MIKE(as Tygra): D'OH!
> As he
aws getting ready for bed >he
>wished Alfrat was ther and then an imaged formed right before >Tygra.
TOM: Died of shock.
MIKE: That was the end of the sentence.
TOM: If he uses bad grammar, I can use bad grammar.
> It
>aws Alfrat. Later Tygra mastered the power
CROW(singing): I've got the POWER!
>
and only used it >when
>necessay.
MIKE: Like when he needed to impress girls.
> When Tygra became a Thundercat noble he stayed at
>Cat's Lair.
> He met Panthro,a technican who stayed at Cat's Lair for most >of his
>life,
TOM: Because he had fallen in one of the concrete mixers and was imbedded
into the wall forever.
> Wily Kit and Wily Kat, orphans who proved worthy of being
CROW: The obligatory "cute kid" characters.
>Thundercats and Lion-o, son of Claudus
MIKE: I, Claudius.
TOM: No, *I* Claudius.
CROW: I just want to decide who lives and who dies, but I can be Claudius
too.
>
and heir to the throne of
>Thundera. He didn't see Catlani and wonedred where she was. >He was
>once told that she left Thundera on her own.
MIKE: Hitching a ride on a Betelgeusian trading scout with her Electronic
Thumb.
>
Tygra fought along >side of
>Jaga for a few years until the explosion of Thundera due to the
CROW: Dangerous amount of chili beans consumed by the general public.
>Sword of
>Plundarr.
CROW: I like my theory better.
> Lion-o surprised at this
TOM(as Liono): SURPRISE, mystical prophecy!
>
looked to the next picture. It
>was of Bengali. Bengali was raised in the village of Tigers. It >was a
>race of Siberians and other Tigers.
MIKE: So it's a culture of humanoids with catlike appearances mixed with
Russian Eskimos?
CROW: That's slightly less believable than the mice in Voltron: Defender
of the Universe having a minature attack helicopter.
>
He was raised by his father. >His
>mother died when Ratar-o attacked Thundera in search of the >Treasure of
>Thundera.
TOM: A Limited Edition Star Trek chess game.
> His father was the greatest blacksmith on
Thundera.
CROW: Unfortunately, all industrial jobs were now accomplished by robots,
so his father was a penniless welfare dependent.
>He has
>been raised from a family of great blacksmiths.
MIKE: Ah yes, the fame and glory that comes hand-in-hand with the title of
blacksmith.
>
At an early age >Bengali
>became his father's apprentice. His father was given the >Hammer of
>Thundera by Jaga himself.
CROW(as Jaga): Have this done by Tuesday.
TOM(as Bengali Sr.): Did you know that my family is famous for being
blacksmiths?
CROW(as Jaga): Yeah, whatever.
> His father
helped repair the Sword of >Omens
>and taught his son about all the alioes of the sword.
MIKE: Aloes?
CROW: Alias?
TOM: Allies?
MIKE: Alloys?
CROW: Allow?
TOM: Alelles?
MIKE & CROW: Eh?
TOM: One member of a pair or series of genes that occupy a specific
position on a specific chromosome.
(Source: American Heritage Dictionary)
>
He knew >the
>people of the village well. He admired Jaga for his strength and
>greatness.
CROW: And his many concubines.
> He wanted to be a Thundercat all his lfe. When
try >outs
>came to his village he was beat out by an older Siberian.
MIKE(as Bengali): @#$! Ruskie!
>
He >vowed one
>day to become a Thundercat. When he got older he lost that >dream.
TOM: Those of you playing the home game, simply say "Look in the couch,
that's where all my delusions of grandeur go" and then feel confident of
your MiSTing abilities.
> His
>father showed him all the ways of being a Thundercat since his >father
>was once a Thundercat. He was injured in a battle against >Grune and had
>to stay at home.
CROW: Awfully convenient that most of the new Thundercats on Third Earth
are descendants of mighty warrior cartels.
> So Bengali went and trained everyday
with his >father.
> He learned all about being a blacksmith.
MIKE: What's he going to do in combat, throw horsehoes at the enemy?
>
One fine day he met a >young
>puma by the name of Pumyra. She was trveling through the >village a met
>him.
CROW: Classic case of magical warrior blacksmith-meets-girl.
> She was headed for Cat's Lair and just happened to stop in.
TOM(as Pumyra): I heard you have some sort of weird warrior-blacksmith
hierarchy going on, and I also need this hatchet done as soon as you can.
>They
>talked and became good friends. She enjoyed his company and >asked if
>she would like to jion her on her trip to Cat's Lair he was >thrilled.
MIKE: So thrilled that he forgot his punctuation.
>Then a young Thundercat by the name of Lynx-o came in.
CROW(as Lynxo): I'm with the Girl Scout Cookie collection agency. Either
you pay for the Thin Mints, or I start busting faces.
>
He >needed the
>sword to be fixed.
MIKE: The Sword was his pet dog, and Bengali's father was also a
veterenarian.
> Thundera was under attack and
Bengali and >Pumyra
>didn't take refuge to the shelter but styed and watch Bengali's >father
>repair the sword. Lynx-o noticed that they were not scared at >all and
>asked if they would like to train to be potential Thunderccats.
CROW(as Lynxo): Since you guys are too stupid to run for your lives while
death and destruction rains down upon your empty heads, I figure you'd be
perfect for our army.
>They
>knew they couldn't be real Thundercats but they knew the wise >Lynx-o had
>stayed at Cat's Lair and respected for the good peson he was.
TOM: He's Mexican currency?
MIKE: That's peso.
>So
>Bengali and Pumyra went and stayed with him. When Thundera >was under
>attack by mutants, Bengali and Pumyra jumped in the fight >against Lynx-o
>wishes.
CROW(as Lynxo): Quit jumping in the fight! You might hop on a land mine
or something!
> There they saw the great Panthro fight.
MIKE: The Panthro-Holyfield Fight II
TOM(giggling): The Sound and the Furry! <snickers>
MIKE: It's people like you who give puns a bad name.
>
Then when >Thundera was
>exploding their friend/mentor
CROW: http://www.friend/mentor.com/
> was
severly burned in the eyes >and
>blinded.
MIKE(singing): You're not the only one.../Starin' at the sun...
> From then on Bengali has become a great Thundercat
>destined
>for great things.
TOM(as book): He will even cause a mutiny against the current leader of
the Thundercats and use it to begin his plan for galactic rule.
> Lion-o amazed not knowing many things about >Bengali.
CROW: Crow bored not caring much about Bengali.
TOM: Tom nauseous not knowing many posts that are good.
MIKE: Mike suicidal not wanting to go on with hideous existence.
> The next picture was of Cheetara. When Cheetara was young >she learned
>of her ability to run at great speeds.
CROW(as young Cheetara): For Show & Tell today, I plan to break the sound
barrier.
>
She beat all the other kids
TOM: Without mercy on her cruel whim.
>n
>races. She was raised by both of her parents. Her father was on >the
>Council of Cheetahs and mother was a well respected woman.
>Cheetara
>loved her parents and got to visit many great things thanks to >them.
MIKE(as Cheetara): Wow! The Corn Palace!
>When she was around the age of tweleve she started seeing >flashes before
>her eyes.
CROW: Right about the time she first started dropping acid.
> She told her parents and they told her the story of
the
>Cheetahs. Cheetahs for as long as they could remember
TOM: -since last Tuesday-
>
saw >things others
>didn't.
MIKE: Air Bud, Speed 2, every Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie ever made...
CROW: Amazing. An entire species devoid of good taste in movies.
> They would have flashes of things from the past, present
>and
>future. She was shocked to hear what kinds of things can be >done with
>her power.
TOM(as shocked Cheetara): I can win bar bets? Eegad!
> When she turned sixteen she won the trials of
being >a
>Thundercat in her town. From there she went to train in Cat's >Lair.
>She met Jaga and study with him.
CROW: She was also dorm mates with Kenaida from _Akira_.
TOM(as Tetsuo from Akira): KENAAAAAIDAAAA!!! MY BODY WON'T LISTEN TO
MEEEEEEE!!!!
>
She became very fast and >knew the
>limits of her powers. She ran up to 2 miles at top speed.
MIKE: After running those two miles, she had to lie down and gasp fo air
for a while.
>
She >learn
>acrobatics for a short time and learned how about the javalin.
CROW: Yeah, how about those javelins?
TOM(Georgian accent): How about them Dawgs?
>Jaga
>noticed that she was very skilled with the pole vault. One night
>Thundera was under the
MIKE: Threat of being turned into a lousy cartoon series.
> attack of the mutants
and Cheetara >went into
>battle with the other
CROW: Morons who could perform physically impossible acrobatics.
> Thundercats nobles
including her best >friend
>Catar. He had been her friend ever snce she became a >Thundercat noble.
>They were not only best friends but also very close.
MIKE: Uh, isn't that the definition of "best friend"?
>
They had a >kind of
>thing going on between them.
TOM: The thang called love.
> The
nobles weren't quite ready for >action.
> They had not trined enough to be ready for this kind of action.
CROW: They had no experience of action. They felt unprepared for action.
The nobles didn't have the kind of skills for this variety of action.
>While
>in battle another noble told her that Catar had betrayed them.
CROW: But this was understandable, for the noble had no previous knowledge
of this genre of action.
MIKE: ENOUGH!
>She was
>shocked but upset by this. She was very distracted by what she >had
>heard.
TOM: That's probably why you shouldn't go spreading gossip during the heat
of combat.
> Cheetara wasn't paying attention and a mutant fired a
>blast on
>her. Catar jumped in the way to save her.
CROW: So that's why he was a traitor. Because of him, Thundercats was
able to progress into TV.
>
He was hit by the >blast.
>Catar fell to the ground.
MIKE: Oh, that pesky gravity.
> She asked "Why did
you save me? Why >did you
>do it". "Because Cheetara, I...love..
TOM(as Catar): Predictable... storylines...
>
you....". She was so angry that
>her energy burst into pure fury as she fought the mutant. As the >battle
>ended Cheetara had defeated many of the mutants in a vendetta >for Catar.
CROW: No, that's vengeance. A vendetta is like when you declare eternal
hatred against one of the Major Houses of the Imperium. Eventually, you
must defeat the last member of said family in hand-to-hand combat. See
_Dune_ for details.
> From then on she has had a hatred for mutants. She became one >of the
>strongest Thundercatas from there on. Sometimes she has >dreams of Catar
>and invisions him as the great Thundercat he could have been.
MIKE: The best janitor that could possibly have happened to the
Thundercats.
> Lion-o just looked to the next picture hoping that it >wasn't
>as bad as Cheetara's.
CROW: Hopefully, the people in this photo wouldn't have those little red
dots in their eyes.
> The picture was of Wily
Kit and Wily Kat. >When
>the thunderkittens were young their parents were killed by >mutants.
TOM: Cursed mutants! Why couldn't they finish the job?
>They were orphaned and grew up on their own. They were loners >and both
>decided they had to find somewhere to live. They ended up going >to the
>run down city of Grabosa.
MIKE: They left the light on for them.
> It was once a
great city until Grune
>destroyed it and its population. The mutants mainly ran the >area now
>and the kittens didn't know.
CROW: That goes without saying.
MIKE: They didn't know that the city was occupied, Crow.
TOM(as thunderkitten): I wonder what all these mutants walking around and
setting up military bases are doing here? The city could never be
occupied.
> They hudled
in corners and stayed >low
>where other people stayed.
CROW: Soon, real estate costs were rising due to the sudden lack of low
places to stay.
> Wily Kit and
Kat didn't like this >place but
>they had no money to go anywhere else.
MIKE: Besides, it was better than Wisconsin.
>
One day they were >caught playing
>in the streets and the mutants held them captured. Jaga aws >running a
>raid with other Thundercats and freeded them.
CROW: You know, with all the armies under Jaga's control, you'd think
they'd use an all-out total siege rather than running puny little
hit-and-run tactics.
>
He took them to >Cat's
>Lair where they stayed and grew up most of their lives. When >they saw
>other Thundecats training they wanted to become one too. So >one day at
>a trial in a nearby town they competed and won the trial >together.
MIKE: Awfully convenient that all the top officials of the Thundercats
just happen to meet the current Thundercats.
> They
>were equally matched.
TOM(singing falsetto): Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...
> Jaga was mad at them for
doing it but he >also saw
>how they proved themselves worthy of being a Thundercats.
CROW(as Jaga): They can pull off ridiculously impossible acrobatics and
blow things up with marbles. They're perfect.
>During
>training they were always playing around but when it came time >to be
>serious they showed everyone they were tough.
MIKE: By giving those weaker than them cruel senseless beatings.
>
When Thundera >was
>exploding they felt they lost nothing because they had no real >friends
>on Thundera. At night they sometimes think about Thundera and >wish that
>they had their arents with them.
CROW: Then they'd resume dreaming about getting a job on _Voltron:
Defender of the Universe_.
> As Lion-o looked to the next picture he saw
>Pumyra. Pumyra didn't live the best life.
TOM: Who did lead the best life? Everyone they used to care about is
dead! Heck, I don't see why all the Thundercats aren't in therapy by now!
>
Her mother was killed >by one
>of Grune's soldiers when she was very little. Her father died >short
>sfter due to illness.
MIKE: Yeah, kill 'em off early, that almost generates pity for the
characters.
> She was raised by some nearby
villagers. >They
>noticed that she was very fast and had a lot of agility.
CROW: Agility meaning potential to become a-
MIKE: Character in a lousy 1980's Japanese cartoon import, we KNOW
already!
>
When >the
>Thundercats trials came to town she lost. She was not very >happy.
TOM: As indicated by her sudden killing spree.
> She
>had trained hard but she guessed not hard enough. So she went >to the
>circus.
MIKE: Their, she honed her high speed and agility further by scooping up
giant elephant doots.
> They taught her all about acrobatics. She became one of
>the
>greatest acrobats on Thundera. Many people came to see her.
CROW: This was because the circus had it's own strip show tent.
>When she
>turned sixteen she left the circus in search of a way to
TOM: Prove her theories of psychohistory and make it into an exact
science. Or was that Hari Seldon?
>
become >a
>Thundercat. She raced all the people from many towns and no >one could
>beat her.
MIKE: Her ego became swollen, she couldn't handle the fame, and she got
heavily involved in heroin.
> She soon came upon a town of Tigers. There she met a
>young
>man by the name of Bengali. He was a blacksmith's apprentice.
>When the
>muatants attacked Pumyra and Bengali
CROW: They got their butts whupped, as does any other mutant that ever
tried to attack one of the leading cast of the Thundercats.
TOM: You'd think that they would've learned that by now and given up.
>
both fought side by side >and took
>down as many mutants as possible. She was there when Lynx-o >brought the
>Sword of Omens to be fixed and jumped
MIKE: Off a cliff to her death, for she could see what horrible things
would happen if she survived to become a character in the Thundercats.
>
to the chance to train >with him
>and Bengali. She had always gotten along with Bengali. They >did a lot
>of things together.
CROW: Crack, weed, angel dust, crystal, yellow submarines...
> They became the best of
friends and they >sawLynx-o
TOM: Nude, which gave them deep psychological scars only reparable by
years of therapy.
>as the older brother who was wise and knew things before them.
>Lynx-o
>taught Bengali how to use his hammer well.
MIKE(as Lynxo): You hit things with the big part.
>
Lynx-o taught >Pumyra how to
>use her speed and agility to great use.
CROW: Purse-snatching.
>
He gave her a sling and >she
>tied it around her waist. He taught her how to use it if she ever
>needed it.
MIKE(as Lynxo): If for some reason you find yourself in a lousy 1980's
Japanese cartoon import, you must kill the scriptwriter before he can
inflict his creations upon the unsuspecting American public.
> When leaing Thundera Lynx-o was blinded and Bengali
>and
>Pumyra helped him as much as he needed.
CROW: Even the diaper-changing.
>
She thinks back all >the time to
>Thundera and is so thankful for Lynx-o and Bengali.
> The stories stopped there for Lion-o had already knew >about
>Lynx-o and Panthro.
MIKE: And there's no possible way that they stopped just because the
writer couldn't figure out the next chapter.
> He was glad to know about the
other >Thundercats and
>now knows that they are his family.
TOM: Something just seems hideously wrong about that sentence.
>
He knows a true Lord of >Thundercats
>knows about all his friends and family and must be there to >help. With
>that Lion-o drifted to sleep with two words on his mind
CROW: Walnut fudge.
>THUNDERCTAS HO!
CROW: Or that.
MIKE: What's a cta?
TOM(as we leave theater): Out of all the grammar errors and mispellings in
this 'fic, you pick that one?
MIKE(o.s as we start coming back through the doors): Here kttiy, kttiy,
kttiy...
(1...2...3...4...5...6...Bridge. Mike and the bots assemble.)
MIKE: Ughhhh...
CROW: I still have a bad taste in my mouth after that fanfic.
TOM: Why doesn't anyone make a fanfic out of a good thing, like a
Foundation fanfic or a To Kill a Mockingbird fanfic?
MIKE: That's because there is a God, Tom.
TOM: What do you mean?
MIKE: Think about it. If Stephen Ratliff decided to base a Marissa story
in the Foundation universe, with Hari Seldon or Lathan Devers or even the
Mule, what would happen to Foundation?
CROW: Isaac Asimov's vengeful spirit would rise from the dead and rip
Ratliff's soul into tiny shreds?
MIKE: Well, that would be the desired effect, but that's only a dream.
What would really happen is that Hari Seldon or Bel Riose or Linge Chen or
whoever would end up bowing to Marissa's will, just like all the other
adults Marissa encountered. Anyway, I don't think that there are vengeful
spirits that would do something like that as minor as a fanfi-
(Suddenly a glowing light appears in the air. It is a spirit, possibly
vengeful.)
MIKE: AAAUGH! (faints)
CROW: Oh, hello. Are you the vengeful spirit of Isaac Asimov?
SPIRIT: No, I'm the vengeful spirit of Robert A. Heinlein. I heard that
Tristar was going to screw up one of my books in order to make a movie.
Could you please give me directions?
TOM: Sorry, you passed it about five centuries back.
SPIRIT: Oh. Sorry to trouble you.
CROW: Think nothing of it.
(Spirit disappears. Van light flashes.)
TOM: Oh, the powers that be are calling.
(School Starship. Observer and Mrs. Glakluplatungkaboing are both next to
the bookcase. Observer is staring hard at the books.)
MRS. G: What are you doing?
OBSERVER(proudly): Oh, just psychically reading the books. I wouldn't
expect you to know how to do so. By the way, there's a typo on page 149
in the fifth-grade math books.
MRS. G: Oh, a typo? I'll have to do something about that. Ah, that fixed
it.
OBSERVER: Well, any disembodied brain can do *that*. The trick is sending
movies through your thought-beams.
MRS. G(cooly): Usually I punish bad students by sending a few episodes of
Voltron directly into their neural cortex.
(An explosion rocks the set. Pearl runs into the shot, dragging Bobo
behind her.)
PEARL: Brain guy, let's haul cerebellum! Bobo tried to flush a cherrybomb
down a toilet, but it turned out it was the main exhaust port, and now the
ship's about to explode!
OBSERVER: I know, I sensed it with my psychic powers.
MRS. G: I psychically predicted that it would happen two hours ago, and
sent a telepathic message to all the faculty to abandon ship.
PEARL(grabbing Observer by hood): I said, let's go!
(Ext. Zaphod County Schoolstarship. The Van burns rubber and tears away
from the docking port. Seconds later, the schoolstarship explodes.)
(Int. Space Van)
PEARL: If anyone says "This sure ended with a bang" I'll kill 'em.
___________________________________________________
OBSERVER(v.o): Don't worry. I'd never use a loaded pun-OW!
\ | / PFWISH! | Characters are property of BBI. No
\ | / | copyrights were harmed
in the MiSTing
-- 0 -- | of this post.
/ | \ | Questions, comments, viruses?
Send
/ | \ | mail to Curri...@aol.com.
I'll be
| waiting behind my
asbestos flameproof
| shield.
> Lion-o amazed not knowing many things about >Bengali.