[MSTied] - WT-201: Questions [1/1] [9k in length]
Chirpy - the Mutant Hellbeast
In the not-too-distant future-
Next Sunday, A.D.-
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different than you or me.
He worked in a satellite loading bay,
Just polishing switches to pay his way;
He did his job well with a cheerful face,
But his bosses didn't like him
So they shot him into space.
"We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst ever made!"
Joel says when you got lemons,
You make lemonade.
Now keep in mind he can't control
When the stories begin or end,
Because he used the extra parts
To make his robot friends!
Robot roll-call-
Cambot
Servo
Gypsy
Crow!
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000.
[doors]
[SOL. JOEL, CROW, SERVO behind desk]
[for those of you unfortunate enough to have never viewed a KTMA episode, SERVO
is silver and barely moves at all. CROW has really beady eyes. JOEL has longer
hair during the theme song. DR. F doesn't have the mustache or hair, it's
basically Trace himself. DR. E is a heavyset squeaky fellow. Inside the theater,
they sit WAY on the right, like in video copies of MST3K:TM.]
JOEL: Hello. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Joel Robinson, and these--
CROW: Joel, I've always had one wish. I've always wanted to do the opening
introduction.
JOEL: But Crow, this is my--
CROW: [ignoring him] Just once. Is that really so much to ask?
[pause as JOEL thinks]
JOEL: [offended] Well, let's see *you* do it any better, Crow.
CROW: Oh yeah? I will!
JOEL: Yeah?
CROW: Yeah!
JOEL: Yeah?
CROW: Yeah!
JOEL: Yeah?
CROW: Yeah!
JOEL: Yeah?
SERVO: [to camera] We'll be right back.
[bickering goes over the moon]
[SOL. Same as before, but CROW has taken JOEL's place at the center of the
group.]
CROW: Hello. Like... welcome... like, and stuff... to... umm, the Satellite of
Love. We're, umm... here. [pause] Joel, was that good.
JOEL: I'm speechless. [red light goes off]
[GIZMONICS]
[DR. F and DR. E screen left and right, respectively]
DR. F: No time for chit chat or the like, Gallstone and the Skippers. Today's
fanfic... well... it's a bad one.
DR. E: This one was written two years ago by a mister "Fox Cutter." It has a
*really* stinky plot, the spelling throughout is *horrible,* man, even Sandy
Frank wouldn't want *this* doozy!
DR. F: Let's send it to him, Larry.
DR. E: With pleasure, my leige!
[SOL]
[No alarms go off, but the lights dim and brighten]
ALL: We have fanfic sign!
[doors]
> Date: Sun, 26 May 1996
[they enter.]
SERVO: A date that will live in infamy.
>
> Questions
JOEL: [as Faustin Lenon] Why is it, that every time I go in this theater, they
show me a horrid movie or fanfic?
CROW: FUNK 'dat!
>
> Ok this is my first stab at sliders fanfic (I usual creat my own
> universes). I came up with the same thoughs when I was watching
> the eppisiod, "Post-tramiric Slide Syndrom" and I wasn't sure how to
> pass it on.
[stunned silence]
SERVO: My God. Joel, help me, I'm very scared.
CROW: This fellow still hasn't learned the finer points of English.
JOEL: Like how to spell.
>
> I though this was an interesting idea. :)
CROW: Well, when you're a lobotomized eunuch, *dishwater* is an interesting
idea.
>
> --Fox Cutter
>
>
>
> Questions
>
> By: Fox Cutter
JOEL: Well, time to die.
>
> "Wade, Q-ball," Rembrandt called. "Over here."
SERVO: [as Rembrandt] I found a really interesting dead thing over here!
>
> "Was it is Rembrandt?" Wade asked, entering a clearing in the lush
> forest there where currently in.
CROW: If they were currently in the clearing, how could he *enter* it?
JOEL: Maybe you've mistranslated the sentence. With all the bad spelling, and
all, it could probably mean anything.
SERVO: According to me, it translates to "he picked a heavy gold reading rabbit
upside red rover barn."
>
> Rembrandt looked around a bit. "Are you sure the Professes isn't
> around?"
SERVO: What is this, "Gilligan's Island" meets "Sliders?"
JOEL: Bite your tongue.
>
> "We left he sleeping at are camp sight." Quinn replied.
CROW: Reminds me of one of Gonterman's works.
>
> "Good," Rembrandt said, looking up to the stars though the unpolluted
> sky of the current Earth.
SERVO: "Unpolluted sky!?" Dude, put your glasses on the right way!
>
> Wade moved over to him, "Are you all right? You looked worried?"
JOEL: [as Rembrandt] The skies looked unpolluted... I think someone switched my
eye drops with rat poison.
>
> He nodded. "I've just though of something, and I don't like it."
>
> "What?" The other two asked in near unison.
CROW: [as Rembrandt] I get the feeling that someone is writing a horrible
fanfic, and I'm in it...
>
> "Well... I think we have the wrong Professor."
SERVO: The "wrong" professor? First we'd have to establish who the "professor"
is!
CROW: Yeah, and why they're looking for him.
>
> Both Quinn's and Wade's eyes became wider. "Are you sure?" Wade asked.
>
> He shook his head. "We can't be. We don't know which one came back with
> us. But I do if it was the one we freed... it wasn't
> him."
>
> "How?" Quinn said.
JOEL: My vote is with Deus Ex Machina.
SERVO: In *this* fanfic? Try "Deus Ex Crapina."
JOEL: Deus Ex Pastaflooza.
SERVO: Deus Ex Misuhganah.
CROW: Deus Ex F'a Cockna.
>
> Rembrandt sat down on the soft grass. "Remember in the basement, when
> the Professor on the stairs tried to prove he was are
> Professor, by talking about some over are adventures?"
>
> "Yes."
SERVO: [as Rembrandt] Well, he was lying.
>
> "The one we freed came back with that anyone could have read about them
> in Wade's diary."
CROW: Come again?
JOEL: I think it's just phonetic text or something.
>
> The others nodded, not understanding what he was getting at.
SERVO: They're not alone.
>
> "Well. If the one we freed really was locked in the basement sense we
> arrived, he wouldn't have know about Wade serializing
> her diary."
CROW: So he turned it into a serial?
JOEL: How else do you think they came up with Flash Gordon?
>
> This brought a gasp from Wade, and a slow nodded from Quinn.
>
> "How can we tell which one came with us?" Wade asked.
SERVO: Check their teeth!
>
> "We can't," Quinn replied, "but are Professor knows enough about
> sliding, that he may be able to make his own timer and try to
> follow us."
>
> Wade looked down at her feet. "We can only hope."
CROW: Wow, it's finally over.
SERVO: Did this one seem *really* long, by any chance?
JOEL: Really "pointless".
SERVO: Let's rip.
[they get up and leave]
[doors]
[SOL]
JOEL: Well, any questions?
SERVO: Can we go home?
JOEL: Silly... we *are* home.
SERVO: Oh, don't REMIND me.
JOEL: Well, uh, Crow, any questions?
CROW: Umm... no.
JOEL: No questions.
CROW: Nope.
SERVO: Oh, I have one!
JOEL: Go ahead, Servo.
SERVO: When are we getting today's fanfic?
JOEL: We already had it.
CROW: We did?
JOEL: We did.
SERVO: Funny, I don't remember it...
JOEL: Here, I'll try to fill you in on the, uh, plot details.
CROW: Okay.
JOEL: Ready?
SERVO: Shoot.
JOEL: These two people were trying to figure out if the professor was real or
not.
[pause]
SERVO: And?
JOEL: And that was it. Over a five page story, of course.
CROW: Huh.
JOEL: Oh well...
SERVO: Joel, are you *feeling* okay?
JOEL: Of course I do... why not?
SERVO: You're imagining all these things... this fanfic... and all...
JOEL: I am *not* imagining!
CROW: Then tell us more!
JOEL: I can't!
SERVO: Then it was a fever dream.
JOEL: No it wasn't! It was in color and all!
CROW: Joel, would you go look for my missing arm?
JOEL: [thinking] Sure, I guess...
CROW: It's outside the spaceship.
JOEL: Okay, I'll go get it, I guess. [exits right]
SERVO: Wooo!
CROW: Way to go, me!
SERVO: You're not even missing *anything*!
CROW: Quick, let's lock the doors!
[clunk sound]
[GIZMONICS]
DR. F: [to DR. E] You know, that one was really too short for them.
DR. E: I concur, Clay.
DR. F: Let's try sending him another. [to screen] Come in, Joely...
[Credits]
Written, directed, produced by BG on Word for Windows 7.0.
Posted on Netscape 4.0.1
MST3k owned by BBI. No semblance to today's characters is intended or should be
inferred.
Special thanks to:
Jen
The Three Laurens
Gabe+Gabe
M.
___ ___
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| (_) ) | ( (_)
| _ <' | |___
| (_) ) _ | (_, ) _
(____/'(_)(____/'(_)
A B.G. Production.
> Ok this is my first stab at sliders fanfic (I usual creat my own
> universes). I came up with the same thoughs when I was watching
> the eppisiod, "Post-tramiric Slide Syndrom" and I wasn't sure how to
> pass it on.
NOTES:
1 - The translations of Misuhganah and F'a Cockna basically mean
"fucked up" in Hebrew.
2 - I know that KTMA episodes are without stingers, but I wanted
to take creative liberties.
3 - Send C&C to to...@nettaxi.com
1999, episode WT-201
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