MST3K Quote List (1/1)(51K - I'm LONG!)

[MICHAEL JOHN ZAVISCA]

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Unofficial Mystery Science Theater 3000
Quote List
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"Accident?" "No thanks."
"A Centron production -- although we got the idea from another
company, because we're cheating! Thank you!"
"A fishfinder -- in a hospital??"
"Ahhh, 'two scoops of raisins' my ass..."
"Ah, it's just some kids down there."
"Ah, the classic battle between Evil and -- the narrator."
"Ah, the clean smell of kids who know they rule the world..."
"All of the adults in this movie have their own sticks!"
"Allow me to knee you right in the groin."
"Almost all of the monsters had their haircuts done that way back then."
"Alright, we need volunteers to get killed at this campsite."
"Alternate vibrators inserted..." "Hey!! You can't say that!"
"*Always* get a contract when working with a dark, omnipotent power."
"A marine who says 'Gee whiz'??..."
"America is leaning on cheese!"
"'Anchovies'... He said 'anchovies'."
"--and a good friend..."
"And as for these phantom 'breasts'..."
"--and Brinkman..." "--screamed like a baby when we flew off and
left him."
"And his hair was *perfect*!"
"And I don't want *anyone* strapping *anyone's* hands across
*anyone's* engines!!"
"And in case you're interested, mucilage tastes just like sweet
honey! Mmmm..."
"And make sure that Dr. Takebana doesn't commit suicide." "Phht. Yeah,
he's always pulling that."
"And no one on Earth will ever know that Santa was kidnapped by
Martians!" "Do you realize what you just said?"
"...And now, when you see pink, you're gonna think 'We're doomed!..."
"--and she's a space-woman!" "I *knowww*..."
"And the answer is -- dull surprise!"
"...And the Lord said DIE CHILDREN DIE!!"
"And there, on the handle, was a HOOK!"
"...An entire day spent grooming."
"Another Buddhist protesting the helmet laws..."
"Antigravity! It's not just for breakfast anymore!"
"Any fruit to declare?... ANY *FRUIT* TO DECLARE?!?!"
"Any moment now, unspeakable horror! Trust me!"
"Any movie with 'wok-a-chicka wok-a-chicka' in it is okay by me!"
"A pentagram, and reindeer laughing. You figure it out."
"Apes of the oooold west... That's John Wesley Ape, once flung crap at a
man just for snorin' too loud."
"Are the dogs and the shrews friends? Is that what's going on?"
"Are you mad, Varnoff?!" "What the hell do you think?!"
"Are you with the bride or the failure?"
"As dull as a beige room."
"Ask me about my extra chromosome!"
"At this point it's more of a Teenage Crime *Ripple*."
"At least we killed 'em before we stuffed 'em in there."
"A whole new day of rock climbing!"
"A whole new way to love the same old crap!"
"Barkeep, could you freshen my date?"
"Because I kill indiscriminately?"
"Been hittin' the Thighmaster, Torgo?"
"Beseech this!"
"Blindsided by another short."
"Bobby, you're a bad person and nobody likes you."
"Book of Me, Chapter 4, Verse 12..."
"Booze and I are buying a house together, we're going to move in."
"Booze really heals!"
"Boy! God sure has a crummy office!"
"Boy! He sure is smooth, boss!"
"Boy, I bet that'd be scary if we could make out what it was."
"Boy, it's really *blue* out today..."
"Boy, it's *blue* in Egypt. Bluer than I remember."
"Boy! Walking on the walls must be a big problem!"
"Brass monkeys, Frank, brass monkeys..."
"But I kid the potatoes..."
"But Paris was destroyed in the apocalypse, Winky..."
"But, Resusci', you *is* a chick!"
"But, Santa, why, *why* are you taking my gun?"
"But, we *are* barbarians!"
"But you don't understand! I'm a PRINCE!!"
"By this time my lungs were aching for air."
"By this time my son's lungs were aching for air."
"Can I eat you when you die?"
"Can I show you something in a size *me*?"
"Can we stop for a snack? Dave would have wanted us to."
"Can you have a platonic relationship before Plato?"
"Cavorting really makes you lose your electrolytes."
"--celestial body number 105!" "I *knowww*..."
"Cheating is bad. Richard Basehart is good."
"Chicks love big ducks, let's face it."
"Chili peppers burn my gut."
"Cigar?" "Why, yes, it is."
"Citrusville, City of Progress! Where everyone is juiced!"
"Come in -- er, out...???"
"Come in, 'Same-Guy'..."
"Come on, *this* is your mother now. Try her out!"
"Commander! The plant is completely destroyed!" "I told you to *water*
the plant!!"
"Conspicuous consumption makes our love stronger."
"'Cornjob'??"
"Could you be a little more vague?"
"Could you beat on my chest, please?"
"Could you explain again why I do all the work?"
"Could you hold that one card up? What's it say? Oh, yeah -- 'Arf!'"
"Could you please state that in the form of a desperate cry to God to save
you from an unholy death?"
"Could you say that a little more woodenly?"
"Crooks are always dropping obvious clues like that. It's really a
desperate cry for help."
"CUT!! Hey, Bela, don't even *think* about it!"
"Daddy, there's a boy outside..."
"Dale van Sickel! He never made a bad film!"
"Dames like her always keep beer around."
"Damn! I just injected him with blowfish poison!"
"Damn... I'm just too fat to be climbing a mountain."
"'Dear Abby: I'm an elderly woman who doesn't enjoy sex...'"
"'Dear Aunt Nefertiti: Thanks for the socks.'??..."
"'Dear Diary: Once again the fat guy got the bed...'"
"'Dear Santa Claus: Please bring me a little brother.' Oh ho ho ho!
Can do! Can do!"
"'Dear Skipper: Why haven't you sent help? Signed, The Castaways.'"
"DEEEEEEEEEEP HUUUURRRTINGGGG!!!"
"Did he say 'Whopper'? What is that, a pet name?"
"Did I get that right? 'They died on vacation'??"
"Did I mention I'm Austr-eye-lian?"
"Did I mention my saliva is poisonous?"
"Did I mention that I cried?"
"Did someone say 'meat'?..."
"'Dish of Ice Cream'?? Don't tempt me!"
"Does it have anything to do with corn?"
"Does this bug you? I'm not touching you..."
"Do I please you? Do you find me pleasing?"
"Do me a favor, Frank. Take these oranges and wrap them in this
towel..."
"Don Fido is mad."
"Do not induce vomiting." "The movie will do that for you."
"Don't point that goat at me, it might go off!"
"Don't talk to me, I'm a high-fashion model from the future."
"'...don't want to be pleasured by the slave girl'... What was I
*thinking*?!?"
"Don't worry, he's as gentle as a kitten." "Yeah, a big, bald, deranged
kitten that could snap your neck like celery!"
"Don't you *ever* do that again!!"
"Don't you *get* it??" -Tom Servo.
"Don't you *get* it?? The name of this movie is _Death Flight_!!"
"Do something, Joel! This aggressive niceness is making me feel
really uncomfortable!"
"Douglas was pear-shaped, very short, and stood the whole way."
"Do you have anything for a queasy stomach?" "Yes -- this film."
"Do you have to bring everything you find in space into the living room?"
"Do you realize a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?"
"Do you think we'll freeze to death before the jackals get us?"
"Dr. Heimlich: The Early Years."
"Drink it all. Sometimes the poison's at the bottom."
"Duh!... A secret laboratory that makes bowling pins..."
"Earth chair! Earth chair!"
"Eddie, Yuri, put on your diving suits and scout out the whole area. You,
put on your diving suit and meet me in my cabin."
"El Santa flew 23 missions over North Korea!"
"Enjoy yourself!" "I just did. :)"
"Even these oil fields seem to remind me of her... Can't quite put my
finger on it..."
"Even though your feet smell like cheese, we prefer to think they smell
like *good* cheese."
"Ever get pieces of flesh caught in your teeth? I *hate* that!"
"Everybody knows smoking kills, but it's cool! What are you gonna do?
Everybody loves tar -- Sure, who doesn't? But scientists have known for
well over a year that it's bad for you."
"Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph."
"Ever thought of putting two similar sentences together?"
"Every mad scientist has one of these speeches."
"Eww! He's really moist!"
"Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice how much you look like
everyone else."
"Excuse me while I have a strange interlude."
"Excuse me while I kiss this guy."
"'Expandable legbands'? Yes *sir*!!"
"Expressing individualism is just plain wrong!"
"Feel free to dig your heel into my groin."
"Feel some malaise, sucka!"
"Filmed in Longtorso-Vision."
"Finish it! Finish it!"
"First rule: No theme music." -Dr. Forrester.
"--football practice!!"
"For a robot, he's got a really flat butt."
"Forty percent of all traffic accidents are caused by women's hinders!"
"Frank, does it... hurt much?" -Dr. Forrester.
"Frank, Frank... Once again I'm going to have to kill you." -Dr. Forrester.
"Frank, let's pretend that I hurt you and move on, shall we?"
"Frank, my towel and your hinder have an appointment."
"Frank, quit bogarting that toothpaste!"
"Free trial sample! Try *me* for a week!"
"Fries are up."
"Funny or not funny floating?"
"Gamera's dancing go-go!"
"Geez, lady, scream in someone else's ear!"
"Gentlemen! Ours is a society based on ancient traditions!" "Really?
I thought we just sold each other fish."
"Gentlemen -- Spill your milk!"
"'Get bent!!' Is that official enough for you?!"
"Get me! Sentenced to death and I'm *still* making time!"
"Get out of here -- you disgusting *worrrrrm*!!"
"Get over here. We just wanna kill you for a minute."
"Get your shoes on, we're at the monster."
"Give him this. It's raw pork. He'll know what it means."
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you, Frank." -Dr. Forrester.
"Glen! Remember *these*?"
"Goodbye -- from me and my package." -'Jack Perkins'.
"Good god I'm ugly."
"Good god I'm ugly. Scared my own children out of the nursery today."
"Good thing scientists are such good fighters."
"Good thing the Venusians could never get very far from the bathroom."
"Gooooood morning..."
"Granddad's *already* disturbed."
"Great place to die, though. Real spooky!"
"Gregory Peck -- this week on Solid Gold!"
"Guys, that's not cheese..."
"Guys, this couldn't be lamer."
"Guys, this is offensive on so many levels."
"Guys, this is so not-Illinois."
"Gymkata!"
"Gypsy crushes Joel! We'll be right back." -Gypsy.
"Hahahahahahahahaha -- YOU'RE STUCK HERE!!"
"Ha ha ha ha... We're bald and we're bonding!"
"Hardly any animals were hurt in the making of this film."
"Have I mentioned I'm immense and immortal?"
"He asked me! He asked me!"
"He copied my frigging paper!!!" -Gypsy.
"He died as he lived -- lovin' his work. Heh heh..."
"He enjoys pantaloons more than he should."
"He hit Big Jake!"
"He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature..."
"He'll either win the Nobel Prize or the Heisman Trophy."
"Hello. Bug lab."
"Hello, this is Pete in props. Don't eat the cake!"
"Help I'm in another dimension!!..."
"He made her bark!"
"He really reacted to 'Rome'."
"He really sucked the air out of that room, didn't he."
"Here at Phillips Petroleum, we've found ways to replace the environment..."
"Here, drink this. It'll make you feel American."
"Here in Texas, there is an additional problem --" "-- Texans!"
"Here's to risking your life in the name of some national TV exposure."
"Her pencil's gone again..."
"He's a Woozle. His name is Peanut."
"He's between a rock and a hard place!"
"He's dead and therefore unable to come to the phone."
"He's got an extra Y chromosome."
"He's got a really nice skull."
"He's not Sinbad..."
"He's shooting at a different movie!"
"He's surrounded by adoring housewives!"
"He's the clown who makes the dark side fun."
"He tampered in God's domain..."
"He tried to kill me with a forklift..."
"Hey, can we stop and wrestle now?"
"Hey, did I tell you my tires are filled with water?... ... My tires
are filled with water."
"Hey, give someone else a chance in there! What, did you fall in?"
"Hey, it's *my* piece of meat, I'll bite it where I want to!"
"Hey, everybody, Tommy's in there crying like a little girl!"
"Hey -- He made the pool!"
"Hey, little girl! Would you like a salted nut roll?"
"Hey, look -- I found some funny powder!" "Uh, that's mine, just leave
it alone, there..."
"Hey, my sammich is whole again! Cool!"
"Hey -- my eye went straight! Thanks!"
"Hey, professor! Does this count as a lab?"
"Hey, stop feeding my bride."
"Hey, uh, lady? I'm a nice big pine that you could pray to,
maybe. Maybe!..."
"Hey! They spend 20 bucks of it on a pizza!"
"Hey, watch who you call 'impervious', lady!"
"Hey, we're trying to *duplicate* down here!"
"Hey!" "What?" *BANG!* "Oh!"
"Hey, when I said you could borrow some of my stuff, I didn't mean
my torso!"
"Hey, who *hasn't* been 'in the hands of the Queen'?"
"Hey, you. Come over here and spill some of this in a dangerous place."
"Hey, you got change for an eight-year-old?"
"Hey, you've got a snooker down there!"
"Hi, I'm a chocolate bar. Break off bits of me and enjoy me all day long."
"Hi, I'm dangerous to myself and others."
"Hi. I'm intrinsically evil, and I've got a new jogging suit I'm
showing off."
"Hi, I'm selling subscriptions to _Smoocher_ magazine..."
"Hi-Keeba!"
"His face makes no sense."
"His head! It was torn off!!" "You say that like it was a *bad* thing."
"His only crime was being born delicious!"
"Hmmm, look at this. 'White People Voted the Best People in the World'!"
"Hmmm... Looks like a medium-rare porterhouse."
"Hmmm... This potato's got big ears..." -Trumpy.
"_Home Alone 3: The Quickening_."
"_Honey, I Shrunk the Nelson_."
"Honey, we're at grandma's, put your shoes on."
"Honey, why do we have an oven in the living room?"
"Honk if you love Eegah!"
"Honk if you're indestructible!"
"Hooker's a good cop!!"
"Hope you didn't get any of that tattooed anyplace important."
"How about you bite me twice?"
"How come they all turned when he said 'Dad'?"
"How do pop tarts work?"
"How'd ya like it if we picked *your* apples?"
"How long has it been?" "Hey, that's rather personal!"
"How long have you been a Viking?"
"How much Keefe is in this movie anyway?..."
"Human Cleaners -- We'll clean your humans overnight!"
"Huzzah!"
"I accuse her hair!"
"I am frank to say, I am puzzled."
"I... am going... to KILL you! Why? Because you are going to die!"
"I AM IRONMAN!!!"
"I am the atomic powered robot. Please give my best wishes to everybody!"
"I *am* the button!" -TV's Frank.
"I can see my house from here!"
"I can't believe how really in London we are."
"I can't believe I just said 'codependent'!!"
"I can't believe we're trying to annihilate you -- This is *delicious*!"
"I can't tell you how richly satisfying this is."
"I could sure go for a charbroiled hamburger sammich and some french fried
potatoes!"
"I crap bigger than this movie..."
"I 'desire' you to stop singing."
"I didn't know they had plywood on the moon."
"I'd like to hit you really hard."
"I'd like to thank the fine people of Seatopia for giving me these totally
useless arms!"
"I'd never wanted to die in a plane, but now I'm very excited about it."
"I do not know what we are. Perhaps we are gauchos. Ole!"
"I don't care!"
"I don't mean to rush you, ma'am, but is this death going to take long?"
"'I don't want to die, I don't want to die'... Look, I got problems too!!"
"I'd put football pads on and just go up and down the street diving through
plate glass windows!"
"I'd say Mrs. Butterworth is goint to have a lot of explaining to do..."
"I'd slap this movie if I could."
"I dunno, some planet, I think. Supposed to be good for you..."
"If I knew what was going on I'd really be indignant."
"If I'm going to stay down here and thump Number Three again--" "--I'll
need a magazine!"
"If it takes a plane crash to bring people together, I think it's worth it."
"If I were skeptical, I'd say that was Central Park."
"If Jack Ruby owned a Denny's..."
"If only an androgynous man would come and visit meeeee..."
"If these people are beatniks then my *mom* is a beatnik and, she's not!"
"If we don't die, you want to catch a movie or something? I mean, if
you're not alive I'll totally understand, it won't hurt my feelings
or anything..."
"If you could see my hands right now, you'd be horrified."
"If you find a melody, Sinbad, hop on..."
"If you get near a consonant, let us know."
"If you're like me -- and I know *I* am..."
"If you're looking for plausibility, you won't find it here."
"If you remember that, you have a great weapon!" "I *knowww*..."
"I give not a crap for thee."
"I guess a rocket *is* standard picnicking equipment in Japan..."
"I had Jello today..."
"I had this dream once."
"I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women."
"I have named it! It's called *Me*-ite!"
"I have never seen anyone so nonchalant about a flying saucer."
"I have no depth perception; it seems like a normal sized turtle to me..."
"I have the feeling one of these characters is about to see their
own intestines."
"I have the feeling we've met somewhere before." "*I* just have the
*feeling*!"
"I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere."
"I hope she's into big-assed medallions."
"I hope they eat *him* first."
"I hope we've touched you with a little bit of our evilness."
"I just never imagined the future being lit so poorly."
"I just saw half a crab kill a guy..."
"I just want to be Bavarian for one brief, shining moment! Is that
so wrong?!" -TV's Frank.
"I killed it and I'm glad."
"I kinda feel bad about our passions of conquest."
"I know a Weiner Man..."
"I know how toast works..."
"I laughed... I cried... I cried *alot*!..."
"'I like you. Do you like me? -Signed, The Minister of Health.'..."
"I like Wade, he's just not a dancer."
"I'll be fine as soon as I scrape my butt off the ceiling..."
"I'll be with you in a moment, I'm just sealing some fates."
"I'll give you five minutes." "For what?" "To start running!"
"I'll give you ten dollars every time you don't hit me."
"I'll just stay here and bark out belligerent, fat-assed orders."
"I love the smell of SPACOM in the morning. Smells like... chicory??"
"I love you, Tom Servo!" "I love you, Joel!" "I love you, Crow!" "You're not
my real father!"
"I made a boomerang to hunt wild animals!"
"I'm a Grimald warrior!!"
"I'm a practical woman, Dr. Frank. Now: Lop my head off!"
"I'm a *scientist*! I don't think -- I observe!" -Dr. Forrester.
"I'm a stranger with parasites."
"I may be color blind, but it's plain to see I'm wearing a dress."
"I'm equipped with shifting antigens, so don't even try to find a cure!"
"I'm glad I chose kickin' butt as a career."
"I'm going to call it Planet Me."
"I'm gonna build a blimp and fight the Nazzies!"
"I'm gonna get you! All three of you!" "Wait, there's... only one of me!"
"I'm gonna moon you, man, I'm gonna MOON you!!" "Well, that's gonna be
tough, 'cause you really don't have a hinder to speak of."
"I'm here for the Gumby wedding."
"I'm here to eat candy canes and kick ass, and I'm all out of candy canes!"
"I'm huge!"
"I'm in it for the kicks!" -Gypsy.
"I'm LONG!"
"I'm not just for breakfast anymore."
"I'm relative humidity. It's not so much the heat as it is me."
"I'm sorry, your *what* hurts?"
"I'm so sleepy I can't seem to keep awake."
"I'm the god, I'M THE GOD!!!"
"I'm thinkin' of tellin' my wife I love her... ... ... NAHHHH!!!"
"I'm turning on my invisible electromagnetic ray screen. Even *I* don't
buy it."
"*I'm* your boyfriend now!!"
"*I'm* your mother now, Frank." -Dr. Forrester.
"I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying."
"In the future, all robots will act like Don Knotts."
"In the land of Dairy Queen..."
"I reject Tommy Kirk and all his ways."
"I remember one of the first things Harry drilled into me --" "--was Harry!"
"I saw it with my own hair!"
"I see you've decided to go psycho. Godspeed." -Dr. Forrester.
"I shun you version 3.0 for Windows!"
"I sing whenever I sing whenever I..."
"Isn't *any* amount of atomic activity on the moon unusual?"
"Is something wrong, Mr. Miller?" "Sit down, pie-face, it's a long list..."
"Is that car in your area?" "I beg your pardon!!"
"Is that what they use in Mister Misty's?! That's extremely icky, Joel!"
"Is there another wise man we could talk to?"
"I sure hope that's pudding..."
"--It has no time to stop for you corn-shucking crackers!"
"It has the power to convert organic matter into inorganic matter!..."
"--Like McDonalds?"
"I think he found the titanium -- or, the titanium found him."
"I think he's made of chili now."
"I think I had her in the eighth grade."
"I think I'm a hermaphrodite!"
"I think it's a strapless evening gown." "You think *everything* is a
strapless evening gown!"
"I think this movie just broke the goofy-meter."
"I think we've all 'reported to the moon' at one time or another."
"I thought the robot with the human head was really offensive."
"It's a bag of Homer Simpson!"
"It's all hot and it hurts and stuff!"
"It's an entire race of mimes! We've got to get back and warn Earth!"
"It's an oscillating fan with an ear attached -- *period*."
"It says that one time this big lobster came and attacked a lady, but
Mr. Ed saved her."
"It's Dr. Freud's office!"
"It's fun when it's fun!"
"It's injection time!!!"
"It's Kung Foley!"
"It's like they weren't even sure they were filming a chase scene!"
"It's more like the *Minor Vandalism* of the the Eye Creatures."
"It's not better than *radar*, is it?!"
"It's not so much the apocalypse as it is the humidity."
"It's not very invisible..."
"It sounds like the soundtrack is drunk."
"It's Spiro Agnew and Spiro Agnew in 'The Parent Trap'!"
"It's *supposed* to hurt! It's *science*!" -Dr. Forrester.
"It's swell for tearing up fragile ecosystems -- Watch!"
"It's tasteless, odorless, and leaves no trace in the human body."
"Velveeta?"
"It's the All-Idiot Channel!"
"It's the feel-good film of the cold war era!"
"It's the maritime equivalent of rock climbing."
"It's the smell of copy machine toner and white-out that makes my soul soar!"
"It stinks!"
"It would take a scientist to explain it, and I'm simply too mad."
-Dr. Forrester.
"I've got a date with Mrs. Butterworth..."
"I've got a headache this big, and it's got Cy Roth written all over it."
"I've got to take the fridge to the airport. You need anything?"
"I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this film."
"I wanted to play hopscotch with the impenentrable mystery of existence,
but he stepped in a wormhole and had to go in early."
"I want to decide who lives and who dies!" "Oh, I don't know..."
"I want you to beat up Tom!"
"I went and liberated France while you were dancing."
"I wet 'em!"
"I *will* kill him!!"
"I woke up, you weren't there, I *hate* that!"
"I would have taken my head, and made a hat..." -Gypsy.
"Jeez, this sketch is getting preachy."
"Jeez! *Tolkein* couldn't follow this plot!"
"Joel, I can't help but think that this film was flawed in some ways."
"Joel, if we ever get to be like these 'bots -- please shut us down?"
"Joel, I'm not going to be able to watch the rest of the movie. I have
to make brownies for the Pinewood Derby."
"Joel, I'm scared..."
"Joel, I think we're in for a long, hard ride."
"Joel, this movie really isn't very good, is it?"
"Joel, we *are* heavy machinery."
"Joel, why are you spending your time psychoanalyzing robots?"
"Johnny Longtorso /Johnny Longtorso / the man who comes in pieces...
He's LONG!"
"Jupiter -- America's dairyland!"
"Just a normal Tuesday for Cher..."
"Just kill it, don't play with it!"
"Kabob and -- Ka-Steve!"
"Ken did it." "Those bastards!!"
"Kids come running for the great taste of Sampo!"
"Kids, don't ever sit on an archaeologist's lap."
"Kids worship the darndest things!"
"Kinda makes me feel like I did after I learned Neil Diamond wrote 'Red
Red Wine'."
"Kissing monster! Kissing monster!"
"Knew your father, I did!"
"KTLA predicts..."
"Last time *you* helped on a project, we had to jetison a whole pan of
burning rock candy into outer space!"
"LeT mE gET yOuR CoMplImeNTaRy CraZy bREaD--" "--NO!!!"
"Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I drive a truck, I'm butt-ugly,
and I hate spiders."
"Let's crap in our hands and throw it at people! Heh heh... You know,
no matter how much you evolve, that's still damn funny."
"Let's face it, sticky-fingers -- Waffles are just a vehicle for butter
and syrup."
"Let's get the dog drunk next!"
"Let's start with a simple test. Can you tell where I'm looking right now?"
"Let's strip him!"
"Let's take a 15-minute break." "But, ah, keep the camera rolling!"
"--like a fish needs a bicycle!"
"Look -- anal-retentive snakes. They lined up the skulls."
"Look, free breast rides and we'll waive the membership fees."
"Looks like a train, but -- he'll need proof."
"Looks like I got the load end of the pan that time."
"Looks like it hurts to be him."
"Looks like Ken's driving the Malibu Barbie Beach Jeep..."
"Looks like that jelly donut got away from him."
"Look look look at my crotch..."
"Lots of Chryslers on this planet..."
"Love me!"
"Love me and my deformed friend!... Oh, and the guy in the car."
"Made my own blender mayonnaise last night..."
"Mall of America was the scene of a violent coup today..."
"Man... It's like _No_Exit_ with bad jokes!"
"Man... I wish they had a more effective monster. This is taking forever!"
"Man... You just can't keep that guy away from the farm animals."
"MASTER NINJA THEME SONG!!"
"Matthew 6:19 at the half... heh heh, little preacher joke."
"Maybe he's just in there building a shelf?"
"Maybe it's the flying saucer that I heard them talk... so much...
about... late-... ly..."
"May I take your skirt?"
"MaY i uSE yOuR BatHroOM?"
"Meanwhile, at Kurt Cobain's house..."
"Microsoft Service. Could you hold for an hour?"
"'Mike' is a very nice name."
"Mister Papercut -- 47 different angles of paper jut from his body!"
"MITCHELL!!"
"Mitchell... Even his name says, 'Is that a beer?'"
"Mmmm... Dove bars. I love 'em no matter what dimension I'm in!"
"Mom, if the UN calls, I'm playing with my slot cars."
"Mom! No!! She's putting out for a nickel! ... I have no mother..."
-Tom Servo.
"Monkey love pile on me!"
"Mother Theresa called... She hates you."
"MOUNT FUJI -- again!!..."
"Mount your horses, gentlemen." "We're not *that* lonely!"
"Mr. B, you're HOT!!"
"My god you're ugly..."
"My mother's donuts are a saint!!"
"My my my my MY GOD!!!"
"My one piece of advice: Do not have the Venusian Pu-Pu Platter."
"My shorts are never boring." "Thank you, Tom."
"*My* transmitter?! Look, dickweed..."
"Never trust a man with two first names, especially if one of them's
a woman's."
"Never, under any circumstances, drive with your butt-cheeks."
"New rule, Frank: Don't ever touch me."
"Next on Sally Jesse Raphael -- Ski Joring."
"Next time I make a robot, no more free will."
"Nice caboose on that girl... What am I saying?!? That's my daughter!!
... I *am* mad!"
"Nice hinder, son." "Thanks, dad." "I meant the girl!!!"
"Nice jammies."
"Nice location for a beating. Real scenic."
"Nice of you to include us in the plot."
"No, but I once saw a bear drinking a soda."
"No, Edward! Don't do it!" "DO IT, EDWARD, DO IT!!"
"No, I'm saving myself for the right oily drifter."
"'No, Joel, *you* can't go to Woodstock, *you're* only nine years old...'"
"No, my doctor says I can't have Mr. Pibb!"
"No one will be seated during the famous Fish Argument."
"No self-respecting scientist would have his shirt unbuttoned that far."
"Nothing like an invigorating swim with a corpse in the morning."
"Now, every scientist worth his salt knows that dogs love chirpy little
chew toys, *and* they love rock-'n'-roll; so..."
"Now, I envision Big Stupid as pure energy..."
"Now, if you look out the left side of the train, you'll see -- the right
side of the train."
"Now Michael Jackson's journey is complete..."
"Now they can all die on dry land!"
"Now this, to me, is good TV -- being genetically altered on cable
television."
"Now, wait a minute... Is it me, or did I just lose face?"
"Now, where were we. Ah, yes, I believe I had my tongue down your throat."
"No, you can't inject puberty, it has to happen over time."
"Number of seances since last injury: 13." -Sign found in Deep Thirteen.
"Oh, and, uh, you're married to me, that was the other thing..."
"Oh, and you can smoke too."
"Oh, and you must have a wire rack."
"Oh, a *single* smoocher! The worst kind!"
"Oh, bite me. It's fun!"
"Oh, Bob's alright. A little trigger-happy, perhaps..."
"Oh, boy, this is gonna be dark..." -Frank.
"Oh -- Canada. That explains why it SUCKED!!"
"Oh, Crow... What the heck does this have to do with French toast?!"
"Oh, don't invoke Jupiter..."
"Oh, excuse me, Mr. Coffee..."
"Oh, excuse *me*, sexless man-woman."
"Oh. Flying hellbeast. Seen it."
"Oh, Gene Hackman. He's good in anything."
"Oh -- God, no!! Does he have room for *her* down there?!"
"Oh, golly!" -Tom Servo.
"Oh, great, a harmonica. As if this guy wasn't annoying enough."
"Oh, great. Another oily, unlikable character."
"Oh, great, Tony, you shot a midget. Hope you sleep well tonight."
"Oh, he's just the host organism..."
"Oh I'd hate to shoot a butt like that!"
"Oh -- I forgot France! Oh, well..."
"Oh, I hope *they* aren't Herc's mortal weakness!"
"Oh, I know I'm being punished for something... What have I done??...
I DIDN'T ASK TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!"
"Oh, I'll alert the media..."
"Oh, I suppose *Hell* got an NEA grant."
"--Oh!! I thought he was gonna rip off his mustache!"
"Oh -- I thought that was a smoke detector!"
"Oh my god, he's playing dress-up! NO! NO!!!..."
"Oh my god, please say this isn't happening!!"
"Oh my god! The humidifier committed suicide!!"
"Oh, Nelson. So close and yet so not."
"Oh, no! My aunt's coming to take me to the Michael Bolton concert!"
"Oh, no!! Not the bean bag chair!"
"Oh, pardon *me*, Tom 'I've-got-to-take-an-Indestructible-Whiz' Servo."
"Oh -- See, gays in the military, right there."
"Oh, shut up! Ever since we left, all it's been out of you is 'Texas
this' and 'Texas that'... Well, listen, bub, I've been to Texas, and
it's not all that great!"
"Oh, the Crawlicopter -- that's your answer for everything."
"Oh, there she is -- about 200 yards. You could make it with iron sights,
but you'll want to use a scope, Crow..."
"Oh, we sold her into slavery for some magic beans. Why?"
"Oh, wowww..." -Joel.
"Oh, yeah, feel real good about kicking a fish's butt. That's real nice."
"Oh! You magnificent son-of-a-bitch, I read your book!"
"Okay -- It forms thre creamy layers -- No, wait, three layers: a creamy
layer, a gelatinous layer, and... dammit, I *must* find that formula!"
"Okay, now remember our rule: Only one dead at each place."
"Okay, okay, you can have your raise!"
"Okay, sheriff, we've given your idea a lot of thought and -- we've decided
to step on you."
"Okay, show of hands: Who wet 'em?"
"Okay, we're gonna whack Santa, he's muscling in on the Easter Bunny's
turf..."
"Only *radar* knows what the hell is going on..."
"Ooh, Steve is really delicious!"
"Ouch!! I landed on my eight-sided dice!"
"Ow!! I fell on my keys!"
"Ow!! Right in the Winky..."
"Painful, yes, but I've got to think of the greater Me." -Dr. Forrester.
"People from the future are so smug."
"Perfect Paul and his Magnetic Spleen -- he has only one flaw!"
"Pervert-Burger!"
"'Pile-On Pete'??"
"'Pizza pizza' my ass..."
"Please hit Bobby."
"Please remain seated until the movie grinds to a complete halt."
"Please take the Bob Hope hat off!"
"Point zero-zero-FORE!"
"Prepare to meet Kali's brother -- near hell!!"
"Pretty please, with Herc on top?"
"Protect the legend... the LEGEND!!" "Okay... He was Bigfoot."
"Pull my finger."
"Puma? Puma?"
"Push the button, Frank. I've got a tennis game later with the chirping
hellbeast." -Dr. Forrester.
"Put that lampshade on your head, tie femur bones around your waist, and
dance naked in the moonlight!"
"Quick, somebody get her a sandwich."
"Red flare at night, lizards fight."
"Red sky at morning, monsters take warning."
"Remind your engineers to use coasters on me."
"Rex Dart -- Eskimo Spy!"
"Ribs! *That's* what I'm hungry for!"
"Rock climbing, Joel..."
"Rocky, have you ever had a funny feeling you're about to get
slugged?" "Here, let me complete the thought --"
"Roger, this is God. Pick up the pace!"
"Saaaay!..."
"Saaaay... These Klan meetings have really lightened up!"
"Saaaay... Who's the new girl?"
"Sample my *fist*, you community theater reject!"
"'Santa bites the bishop'??"
"Say, y'know, it's been two hours, but it's still pretty warm..."
"Scare me?"
"Seemed like a nice enough fellow... AT FIRST!..."
"See no evil... Well, maybe just a little. Yeah!..."
"Send in the clowns -- Oh! Don't bother, they're here."
"Shame fuels the economy!" -Dr. Forrester.
"She could eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence."
"She feels for me, and I feel for her, and we're free to express
it..." "--*naked*."
"She had to sit next to -- THE STINKY GUY!"
"She'll be perfect for my experiments..." -Joel.
"She meant *walk* the dog, not *wok* the dog!"
"She's got a swing on her back porch."
"She's got her radio tuned to the Marching Band Station."
"She's looking right at his throat..."
"She wouldn't have me on a silver platter." "How about on an air mattress
slathered with butter?"
"Should I get out the anatomically correct doll?"
"Shouldn't we be carefully placing these comic books in plastic bags?"
"No, we have lives."
"Shut up, Frank, or I'll let the dog play with you." -Dr. Forrester.
"Since when did NASA paint anything red?"
"Sir... Sir, we may be underwater, but we still have standards."
"Sister, that dress is headed for trouble and it's taking you with it."
"Six-year-olds and nuclear weapons: a combination that just can't be beat."
"Smucker's raspberry preserves..." -Joel.
"Society didn't give me enough bullets!"
"So, every time I eat a burger, an acre of this stuff disappears? I
don't understand..."
"So, have I told you I have a man up in space?... No, literally -- I have a
man up in space."
"So, in a way, pain is good. Otherwise, we might be hurt and not know it
and die during social studies."
"So I was sitting by myself, and I said -- 'Spider'! Hahh hahh..."
"So long, chum!"
"Someone with a really big butt sat there."
"Something goofy this way comes..."
"Sometimes a banana is just a banana."
"Sooorrry, Mr. French..."
"Sorry, I'm gonna have to impale you, that's my job..."
"Sounds like a deep midwestern alien."
"Sounds like your monster reads Frost."
"Splash me on in the morning, wear the great smell of *me* all day long."
"Start running, Frank..." -Dr. Forrester.
"'Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came down from the stairwell...'"
"Stay away from those powerful hind legs, boys."
"Stop saying 'whee!' Nobody says 'whee!'."
"'Stunned'?! He took six bullets!!"
"Suddenly *I'm* the jerk!"
"Sugar is the next best substitute for parental love!" -Dr. Forrester.
"SwitchERRRR!!"
"Take it to the bridge, Sinbad!... Drop it in the water..."
"Teat teat teat teat teat teat..."
"TELL HIM, GREG!!"
"Tell him I'm smoking."
"Thank god we have radar!"
"Thanks for almost killing me!"
"Thanks for annihilating everything I know!"
"Thanks for comforting me with a gun."
"Thanks for the all-clear, Moneypenny."
"Thanks for the exposition."
"THANK YOU!" -Drs. Erhardt and Forrester.
"Thank you for being gutless."
"Thank you for extruding me."
"Thank you , Shoeshine Boy, you're humble and skeletal."
"That bear has Hammer-pants on!"
"That blast to the face kinda helped her diction!"
"That felt good... Now I'm going to turn my daughter into a woodchuck."
"That guy's not even sexual enough to be a femme."
"That had better be beer!"
"That's a lot of fabric to wear on a cycle."
"That's a strange thing to wield."
"That's 40 pounds of butt in 30-pound butt capacity pants!"
"That's me, except I'm moist."
"That's *Mister* Stinking-rotten-mouthpiece to you."
"That's right; it's nature's own wiffle."
"That's right, we're evil, EVIL!!!"
"That's the dullest thing you've ever said."
"That's the most casually dressed monster I've ever seen."
"That's the tee-shirt her mom got married in."
"That's what I want -- mummified and next to Stalin." -Crow.
"That turtle should be showing up any time now, shouldn't it?"
"That was number five!"
"The anti-missiles are loaded, sir." "Shhh! Later..."
"The best beach party ever was the one at Normandy!" -TV's Frank.
"The boys did *what*? They duplicated *Lumpy*?!?"
"The boys in the press corps have nicknamed him 'The Golem'."
"...the helpless cough of a squirrel with a crushed face -- *that's* what
life's all about."
"The Cessna Skyhawk *is* usually your best choice for bombardiering
missions..."
"The cops ate my Chiclets!"
"The drugs from the Chemical Wonderland start to kick in..."
"--the hell?!? Tom Servo, you're naked!"
"The horse must have eaten her!"
"The 'K' stands for 'Karl'. Karl was the man who invented lightning."
"Thelma and Louise and -- Steve."
"The message is 'Hot, steamin' love -- Texas-style.'"
"The monster can destroy everything with its tongue." "*You* try saying
that without laughing."
"The oldest cliche in the movies -- 'they're doomed'."
"The Pant Association urges you to wear pants at least three times a day!"
"The plot thickens -- like rancid pea soup..."
"There, I just marked our territory."
"There's an angry black gentleman on line one..."
"There's just something about that guy that screams 'I'm not really a cop'."
"There's no steam in a vaccuum!"
"There's nothing like being in a gunfight with 600 pounds of high-test
nitro rocket fuel on your back..."
"There's one ball of titanium that's not to be trifled with."
"There! Your announcer feels vindicated. This is extremely horrible!"
"These guys are aggressively incompetent."
"These guys are really easy to kill!"
"The sphere is turning red!" "Well, wouldn't yours?"
"The storm god sits quietly with his napkin in his lap, num-num-num."
"The tranquility of post-war Japan?!?"
"The unspoken language of bald men!"
"The White Rock Cafe, where whitey comes to drink and dance!"
"They can't be very intelligent -- look what they're flying!"
"They just didn't care!"
"They killed H.R. Puffinstuff!"
"They killed off the only likeable character!"
"They never explained the blond wigs. I don't get that."
"They're Corn Czechs!"
"They're doing a nickel at UPS!"
"They're doing it clown style!! Noooo!..."
"They're making pretty good time, considering this is a Lippert film."
"They're not gonna let us drop the bomb! Don't answer it!"
"They're roasting Bullwinkle!"
"They're trying to kill me! I guess I'll park."
"They're using every toy in the box!"
"They say you never hear the snack with your name on it."
"They shot my spare turtlenecks!"
"THIRD BASE!!"
"This contract arrived for you from a Mr. Elzebub."
"This has got litigation written all over it."
"This has got to be one of the most boring rides at Disneyland."
"This is from my 1935 film _The Prancing Ninny_..."
"This is getting wierd, you guys. There's a silhouette of theater seats
behind that movie."
"This is how they selected the jury for the Rodney King trial."
"This is kind of looking like 'Thirtysomething' -- except for those dirty
pictures in the background."
"This is like a Mentos ad!"
"This is our secret fort; we're gonna keep Chen Yu out."
"This is really gonna make the reunion show hard. Greg's back from Sweden
and he looks way different."
"This is the 'A-Go-Go' part."
"This is the kind of padding I *like* to see in a film!"
"This is the most emotion ever expressed in Sweden."
"This is the strangest debate format I have ever seen."
"This is this."
"This is wild, I swear..."
"This is wild! I've never killed a guy like *this* before. Neat!"
"This is your house, and you're in it, and I'm out here laughing!"
"This looks like spermatozoa vacation pictures."
"This makes _Driving Miss Daisy_ look like _Bullitt_!"
"This movie is just sitting on my head and crushing it."
"This movie was like spending the weekend with your dentist."
"This script is like a telephone directory!"
"Thong?" "No, it's a dance belt."
"'...tied his ass to the tree...' Heh heh heh. Love that."
"Time for go to bed."
"Time to drown the lemur!"
"Tiny *itchy* diodes, you mean..."
"Titanium -- it's the feel-good mineral of 1999."
"Today is dedicated to Uranus." "Why, thank you, I..."
"To him it's kind of a sexy puppet show."
"Tom, I don't get you." "Nobody does. I'm the wind, baby!"
"Tonight we have a very special vintage -- nineteen *me*!"
"To put it even *more* simply: You eat like a pig."
"Torgo, you're missing the fight! Put your dress on and get in there!"
"Trains are blameless, holy creatures..."
"Tripping. Still works in the future!"
"Trumpy, you can do magic things!"
"Tuesdays are human sacrifice day at the Sizzler."
"Turn it off... TURN IT OFF!!..."
"Two men in a hut and..." "And??" "...The fat one takes the bed!"
"Two words: Get over it!!" -Dr. Forrester.
"Uh, better not go in there for a while..."
"Uh, camera three get off the track... Camera three -- OH DEAR GOD!!!"
"Uh, I'd wash that hand if I were you -- that's my throwing hand."
"Uh, Mister B, what would *you* know about dignity?"
"Uh oh -- I broke him..."
"Uh oh -- I just passed wind in my suit. I ask you, as a point of honor,
give me a second."
"Uh oh, looks like the Splunky's about to his the fan..."
"Uh oh -- Roger Corman. This is gonna go down hard, guys."
"Uh, why are you rotating the biscuit-holder?"
"Underoos are fun to wear..."
"Upon further review, the refs find that Cody is dead. The play
stands -- Cody is dead."
"Uranus was a good cop!!"
"Use plenty of lip and tongue action!"
"Wait for it... Wait for it!..."
"Wait, this isn't a stick shift -- AAHHHGHGH!"
"Walk invisibly and carry a big stick."
"Wasn't there something in the rule book about 'equal and opposite
reactions', Joel?"
"Watch out for snakes!"
"We come bearing honey-baked hams!"
"We... could hurt them badly...? Maybe kill 'em?"
"We'd like to welcome you to _Collateral_Damage_Playhouse_..."
"We don't want you to pray *for* us, we want you to pray *to* us!"
-Dr. Forrester.
"We had to scrub the launch." "Hey! Hey! There are ladies present!"
"We have bowling and miniature golf... We get drunk and make fun of you
guys 'cause you're so stupid..."
"We just came to beat everybody up, we're leaving now! Thanks!"
"We like it here! Now we're even closer to the atomic pile! And
someday..." -Dr. Forrester.
"...Well, at least there are some cocktails in this dimension..."
"Well, her corns are gone..."
"Well, it's certainly a B film." "More like a T-and-A film."
"Well, Kevin here is Irish, but I'm Danish..." -Officer Nelson.
"Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a
Christmas carol before..."
"Well, okay, but don't duplicate my butt."
"Well, okay, yonder lies *the matte painting of* the castle of my father."
"Well... Should we go after the head or the body?"
"Well, that's it. We're licked."
"Well *this* is good old-fashioned nightmare fuel."
"Well. This isn't good, not at all. I mean, I've seen good before, and it
didn't look anything like this."
"Well, Todd thinks it's okay..."
"Well, we don't have very much money for the other ship; let's use
a -- PEPSI BOTTLE!"
"Well, you're rich and white, I don't see a problem..."
"We're basically evil, granted..."
"We're born, and then we die, and there's lots of padding in between."
"We're getting a lot of mileage out of that lemur bit!"
"We're getting into a whole wierd area here..."
"We're gonna get burned, Joel. We're gonna get roasted like nuts!"
"We're starting to do _Cosby_ on _Mystery_Science_..."
"We're up a specific creek..."
"We suggest you start breathing in shifts."
"We've been dealing with genetic mutations since you were in short-
pants!" -Dr. Forrester.
"We've broken through the space-time continuum and passed the savings
on to *you*!" -TV's Frank.
"We've landed. You'll just have to take my word for it."
"We've whipped the problem of skin friction on the warhead..." "Uh, are
we talking about the same thing here, buddy?"
"We want to challenge your robots to a game of hockey."
"What about gel?... Can we take gel?..."
"What, are you kidding?? We're on a spaceship! This place is *crawling*
with toothpicks!"
"What are you wearing?... I'm putting my knee up right now... oh-h-h-h..."
"What a surprise. He lives in a shabbily furnished room."
"What color is the sky in your world, Joel?" -Crow.
"What did you do today? Well, we watched a stupid movie..."
"What does it mean I am 'stacked'?" "Uh, 'stacked' means you're
really smart."
"What, do you think soup is a biped?"
"Whatever can I do to make it up to you?" "Uh... paint my house?"
"Whatever happened to empiricism?" -Frank.
"What fresh hell is this?"
"What is this -- 'Pantsless Motorcycle Repair'?"
"What is this -- 'Planet of the Fops'?"
"What kind of universe is this where they alter your clothes while
you sleep??"
"What, no headbutt this morning? Honeymoon over?"
"What's in it for us? --and by 'us' I mean 'me'."
"What sins could a duck commit in a single lifetime?"
"What the hell is a 'chonga'?"
"What? What was that? Was that a plot point?"
"What wire would Camus cut?..."
"Whenever they test nuclear bombs, it's the monsters who suffer."
"When she thinks of the mass media, she touches herself!"
"When the weather gets bad, / some people go mad. / So let's have fun /
right here in the sun. Let's go!"
"When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you
to TOR-CHAR!!"
"When you get close to an accent, let us know."
"Where's your spirit of adventure?" "Uh, that's in my other pants."
"White goddess having trouble?" "White fascist getting smart?"
"Whoah... Better bring a calculator!"
"Whoah... Did I toss a throne last night?"
"Whoah! Honey, speak English!"
"Whoah! That's a lot of slang for one sentence."
"WHO IS MERRITT STONE?!?!..."
"Who says a coma can't be delicious?" -TV's Frank.
"Who's bad?" "Tom Servo!" "*Who's bad*?" "Tom Servo!!"
"Who's that guy with the big head, big head..."
"Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them
a pie chart or something?"
"Why does the most evil man in the world live in a Stuckeys?"
"Why don't they look?"
"Why do you have that *glazed* look on your face?"
"Why do you think they call him 'Droppo'?"
"WINDOW!!... WINDOW!!..."
"Women are torn apart like fresh bread..."
"Word on the street is, you're a jerk."
"Works every time..." -Joel.
"Would he get a DWI for that?" "Posthumously."
"Would Kay enjoy... a weenie roast?" "NICK, NO!!"
"Would somebody please milk grandpa? He's in a lot of pain!"
"Would somebody shoot that turkey!?"
"Would this be a bad time to bring up Snausages?"
"Would you guys knock it off? I can't concentrte on my own lame
wisecracks."
"Would you knock it off about Dixieland jazz!?!"
"Would you like some -- SOUP?"
"Would you quit being evil over my shoulder?"
"WOULD YOU SHUT THE BLOODY ORGAN GRINDER UP!!"
"Wow... Do you realize how many TV shows would be wiped out if this room
blew up?"
"Wow -- Look! She really *is* smart!"
"Wrong, but thanks for playing."
"Yeah, hello, this is Gamera. Knock it off!"
"Yeah, I guess it's a wasteland... except for that *city* behind you!!"
"Yeah -- I'll say we got burnt! We got burnt all the time!! It was just
part of what went with the territory when you got to make your own cool
plastic toys!"
"Yeah -- It's fun until somebody *dies*!!" -Gypsy.
"Yeah, just remember, Mike: If push came to shove, I could take ya!" -Gypsy.
"Yeah, kids are always mutilating people."
"...yeah the Devil made this movie for you..."
"Yeah, well you're full of skit!"
"Yeah, you can usually find a blonde hair in a field of wheat... at
night... in a fog..."
"Yes!! It worked! I'm gonna score on an interplanetary scale!"
"Yes, once again the pursuing vehicle is driven by STUPID people."
"Yes, yes, but what does it *mean*??"
"You accelerate *my* molecules, doctor."
"You and your friends are the only creeps in this place."
"You can't be in our club, Satan!"
"You can't make me, you *can't make me*!!" -Tom Servo.
"You don't have to be a pig for the rest of your life, Mitchell." "Well, I
kinda *do*..."
"You do the voice, I'll move the jaw."
"You guys were shameful *before* he got here."
"You have my word of honor that the story I have been telling is the
truth... Okay, mixed with a little fiction... Alright, I'm lying my
butt off..."
"You know a movie is bad bad BAD if it makes The Monkees look good!"
"You know, people were whiter back then."
"You know, say what you want, but Claude Akins has a nice rump."
"You know, that may not really be Chinese."
"You know, that spider's really neat, but there's something really
interesting on that wall over there..."
"You know, the acoustics in that cotton field are fantastic."
"You know, there are certain flaws in this film."
"You know, these films are wierd."
"You know, this Home Economics film really took a wierd turn somewhere along
the line..."
"You know what this is, don't you? It's fear of a short red planet is what
it is!!"
"You know what would be a really funny routine? -- if we could somehow make
the audience members... question their love for their spouses!"
"You know, you can only apply one-sixth the tongue on the moon."
"You know, you'd think if he was going to rule the world he'd choose a better
spot than a cave."
"You'll start immediately, you'll work 24 hours a day, you'll live on the
premises in a 3-by-3 closet, and you'll be paid in skunk pelts."
-Dr. Forrester.
"You look at it; I'm bitter."
"You're a disgrace to all Kens."
"You're assuming I liked you in the first place."
"You're dressed as a space-angel. Why?"
"You're listening to KPORN -- sleazy, slutty music all morning long..."
"You're lucky my chick's here..."
"You're new here, aren't you, Elvis..."
"You're our most dangerous friend."
"You're really stupid if you get hit by a car after the apocalypse."
"Your father was a great man -- and an even better side dish."
"You said 'bowling ball' earlier. What did that mean?"
"You seem to be excellently equipped." "Thank you! I didn't think you could
tell through these trousers."
"You see, when a spaceship loves a space station *very* much..."
"You should never drink 10W-30 in the summer."
"You usually find this sort of thing on pay-per-view!"
"You've been *following* this?!?"
"You've broken ape law!"
"You want fame? Well, fame costs, and here's where you start paying..."
"You want me to -- scratch my butt??"
"Yummy noise!" -Dr. Forrester.
"Ziggy had Garfield neutered?! Now *that's* funny!"

Compiled by: Michael J. Zavisca (mjza...@eos.ncsu.edu)

Last updated: June 20, 1994.

_Mystery Science Theater 3000_, its characters and situations are copyright
1993 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any
copyrights held by Best Brains, Comedy Central, or its employees. The
information herein is subject to being wrong. This list is free to distribute
as long as this notice remains intact.