MiSTed: Safety First [ 1 / 4 ]
Joseph Nebus
[ SOL DESK. GYPSY, CROW, JOEL, and TOM are sitting behind the desk,
thinking. CROW rests an arm on the desk. ]
CROW: They had that scene with all the escape pods swarming in orbit?
JOEL: Nope, that was "First Contact."
TOM: How about that poker game Picard joined in?
JOEL: No, that was in the last episode of the series.
GYPSY: There were some aliens getting their faces lifted up
and stretched out.
[ JOEL, TOM, and CROW think, but shake their heads... ]
JOEL: No, no, that was a Voyager episode.
TOM: There was that scene in stellar cartography...
no, that was "Generations."
JOEL: [ Looking up. ] Hi, everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love.
I'm Joel Robinson and I'm trapped in space by a mad attempt to
take over the world. My robot companions [ pointing them out ]
Gypsy, Crow, and Tom Servo, and I got together and watched
"Star Trek: Insurrection" last night, and now, we're trying to
remember *anything* from it.
CROW: They went back in time to the tribble episode.
TOM: "Deep Space Nine."
GYPSY: Data and Picard were flying shuttlecraft and
following the bouncing ball to sing along.
JOEL: That was a Betty Boop song cartoon.
[ GYPSY grumbles. ]
TOM: Oh, they saved the Captain from fighting that alien pig
monster thingy by beaming it up, only it came up backwards.
CROW: That was "Galaxy Quest."
GYPSY: And those nice people moved from their homes into a holodeck.
JOEL: No, no... what was the one with the superpowerful being
pretending to be a human, and the colony he's living on is
attacked by some aliens and they kill his wife and he responds
without thinking and kills them all everywhere?
TOM: That was a TV episode.
CROW: I give up. We've got *nothing*.
GYPSY: And Picard goes on some dates with a woman who warps time
and space so it's more like a perfume commercial.
TOM: Yeah, there's nothing to remember from "Insurrection."
JOEL: I'm stumped.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in five seconds. I believe in you, Gypsy.
GYPSY: Thanks.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign now.
[ COMMERCIAL SIGN flashes. ]
JOEL: Thanks, Magic Voice. We'll be right back.
[ JOEL taps COMMERCIAL SIGN. ]
[ COMMERCIAL BREAK ]
[ SOL DESK. GYPSY rests her head on the desk, apparently sulking.
TOM, JOEL, and CROW are still wondering. ]
TOM: Maybe we just didn't *see* "Insurrection" after all.
CROW: It's the only thing that makes sense.
[ MADS SIGN flashes ]
JOEL: Captain Decker and Lieutenant Ilia are calling.
[ JOEL taps MADS SIGN ]
[ DEEP 13. TV's FRANK is sitting in front of a small plastic table,
on which two cups of flat soda, with cards labelled "A" and "B"
in front of them and unlabelled bottles behind. DR. FORRESTER
stands very near and at an odd angle to the camera. ]
DR. F: Hello, redshirts. Ready to be blown away by our invention this
week? Sure you are. Have you ever had your soda go flat?
FRANK: I know I have! [ He takes a big sip of soda "A". ]
DR. F: [ Without looking back at TV's FRANK. ] And there's nothing to be
done about it... until... [ DR. FORRESTER holds up a packet of
powder. ] We've created a polymerized Alka Seltzer-Pop Rocks
alloy in combination with... well, it would take a food chemist
to explain. Let me show you.
[ DR. FORRESTER sits behind the table, and tears open the powder and
sprinkles it into soda "B". As it fizzes, TV's FRANK sips. ]
DR. F: Ever-vescent Crystal instantaneously puts an enormous,
concentrated burst of carbon dioxide back into any drink.
[ SOL DESK. A device, with a 8-1/2 inch vaccuum cleaner slot, a set
of metal calipers stood up to hold a card, and a videotape in a
mechanical case held up by a slinky hose, with a crank on the
front and a page feeder on the top; a portable film screen is
behind the desk. JOEL and CROW are fiddling with the device. ]
TOM: Wait a minute... concentrated Pop-Rocks effect...
is that going to make Frank's head explode?
[ DEEP 13. TV's FRANK is continuing to drink. DR. FORRESTER watches
TV's FRANK; he holds up a hand, a "just wait" gesture, and holds
it while TV's FRANK finishes drinking, and for a beat after that. ]
DR. F: [ Faintly disappointed. ] No. Back to you, Chris Kapostasy.
[ SOL DESK. There is now a harmonica on the desk. ]
JOEL: Thanks, Doctor Alan Chartock. [ He nods to TOM. ] Our turn.
TOM: The Civil War. Baseball. Lewis and Clark. Jazz. Mark Twain.
If there's a subject tugging the heartstrings of faithful PBS
pledgers, we'll see Ken Burns, a Sam Watterston-class narrator,
and a wheelbarrow full of videotape putting together a documentary.
CROW: Still, fast as Ken Burns grinds down the story of La Follette's
Seamen's Act of 1915 down to its essential 87 hours of classic
programming, it's a long wait for us faithful viewers.
JOEL: Which is why we've invented The Ken Burns Doc-u-Matic! Just feed
your subject matter in on a standard Hollerith punch card [ JOEL
fits a card into the calipers; they fall backward and the machine
makes a Star Trek-like noise ], add as many old photographs and
hand-written letters as you like [ JOEL holds several photographs
and letters up, one at a time, before feeding them into the
vacuum cleaner attachment ], turn the crank and let it go.
[ JOEL turns the crank, lowering the videotape until it touches the desk.
The machine hisses and a few pages of script feed out the top. ]
JOEL: Ready to see what we've got?
[ JOEL takes out the tape and leans forward, "giving" it to CAMBOT. He
hands a page of script to TOM and another page to CROW. The film
leader countdown begins on the projector screen as CAMBOT moves
in on it. JOEL picks up the harmonica and begins playing it. ]
[ Documentary picture -- CROW, wearing a Confederate soldier's cap.
The camera pans across the picture slowly. ]
TOM: [ Narrating ] Little did anyone suspect that a revolution was
forming under their noses. When Crow Thomas Hewett Edward Robot
emerged from an almost unnoticed Chattanooga apprenticeship, it
was like the world had refolded -- and this imaginative youngster
was its new center.
[ Documentary picture -- an illegible letter, with the camera tracking
up to its top. ]
CROW: [ Reading, with exaggerated Scarlett O'Hara accent ] I remember
the first time Crow stood up in the madness, with a blaze of red
hair and an enthusiastic glitter in his eye -- it seemed like a
dream as he hypnotized a city. Joel Robinson, 1993.
[ Documentary picture -- GYPSY, on a black background. Nobody says a
word for several beats. ]
[ Documentary picture -- TOM, wearing an astronaut suit. ]
TOM: [ Narrating ] But his era could not last. The world soon slept
again -- until a new robot stood up and demanded to be counted.
CROW: [ Reading ] Thomas Servo has been an effective employee. He
brings a concerted effort to every task, is punctual, and keeps
his work areas clean. Only his occasional spat with co-worker
Crow degrades his performance. -- Employee review, February 1997.
JOEL: [ As TOM and CROW continue in this vein, and the screen continues
like this. ] You get the picture. What do you think?
[ DEEP 13. TV's FRANK's head still hasn't exploded;
DR. FORRESTER still watches. ]
DR. F: Well. Got a bit of a change of pace for you today;
it's a robot story.
[ SOL DESK. The Doc-u-matic and the screen are gone.
JOEL still plays the harmonica. ]
CROW, TOM: Robots? Hooray!
[ DEEP 13. As above. ]
DR. F: A charming little piece of Isaac Asimov fan fiction called
"Safety First." Just to make it sporting, first you'll read
a little piece by a guy who hates the Pope, and another guy
who thinks scientists know too much science. Read it and weep.
[ SOL DESK. MOVIE SIGN flashing. ]
ALL: AAh! We've got movie sign!
[ 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. ]
[ ALL settle in ]
> From: jmck...@bonzai.net
JOEL: Isn't he the Finder of Lost Loves?
> To: jmck...@bonzai.net
TOM: From Jack McKenna, *to* Jack McKenna. A Jack McKenna production.
> Subject: I want to sue the murderous pope !
CROW: I see a lawsuit and I want it painted red.
> Message-Id: <20010806205...@bonzai.net>
TOM: This keeps it straight from all the other e-mails we get about
suing the "murderous" Pope.
> Date: Mon, 6 Aug 2001 20:53:09 -0400
CROW: So ... that's 8:53 p.m., minus 400, gives us... it was sent at
negative 392:53 p.m.?
JOEL: You're forgetting the International Date Line.
CROW: Oh.
> Status: OR
TOM: Status: Oregon -- a dynamic state for the world of tomorrow!
>
>
> He creates wars
JOEL: And passes the savings on to you!
> starvation poverty
TOM: Because the "gorged poverty" turned out to not work that well.
> crime etc. worldwide
CROW: Is this the Pope or the Penguin?
> by
> overpopulating the world to death,
[ ALL giggle. ]
JOEL: Well, you know Catholics.
> he kills millions of people
CROW: He hurts the feelings of thousands of others.
> and
> has billions of people
JOEL: He keeps them in a really big dresser drawer.
> living in total dispair with his;
TOM: What, the Pope has a couple billion people crashing on his couch?
>
> Come on now
CROW: Come on down!
> more more more
TOM: *Now* how much would you pay?
> just keep having more children
JOEL: But we haven't finished the ones we already have!
> NO BIRTH CONTROL.
CROW: You'll just have to hold it in until we get to the hospial, honey.
>
> LOOK LOOK LOOK
TOM: But don't touch!
> everybody look at all that starvation over
> there!
CROW: Pick it up! You're getting dirt all over it!
>
> Quickly give me money!
JOEL: Uh, can you lend me a five 'till payday?
>
> If that was you
TOM: You'd be me by now.
> starving to death you would want someone
CROW: We all need someone, sometimes.
> to give you something wouldn't you.
JOEL: That depends what they'd give. Food? Sure.
A soccer ball? Probably not.
>
> QUICKLY GIVE ME MONEY !
CROW, TOM: [ falsetto, in harmony ] "Beat the Black Knight!"
>
> $1, $2, $3, $4, $5, $6, $7, $8, $9, $10
JOEL: Ten... Banana-creme-pies!
ALL: [ Singing ] And that's... our... song... of ten!
> Here ALL you poor
> people here is $1 for all of you
CROW: There are only ten poor people in the world?
TOM: Hey, poverty's not as big a problem as we thought.
> Jesus Loves ALL OF YOU !
JOEL: Except that dent in your toenail. That kind of creeps Jesus out.
> Praise
> the Lord !
CROW: Where you work, or bank!
>
> Now don't try saying there
TOM: It's too hot and you'll burn your foot.
> is too many starving people,
JOEL: "There is too many starving purpluff" -- hey, you *can't* say that!
> or that overpopulating the world to death creates wars, starvation,
CROW: Awkward family reunions...
> poverty, crime,
TOM: Rupert Murdoch's empire...
> abortion etc. worldwide.
JOEL: Hey, do you suppose there are rants like this
on Bizarro Superman's world?
> That is not the problem
CROW: But it is extra credit if any of you need help for your final exam.
> the problem is that YOU are not giving me enough money
JOEL: I feel the same way about you, Jack McKenna.
> to take care
> of all those good and wonderful starving people.
TOM: Look at all the good and wonderful starving people down there --
they look like ants.
CROW: Those are ants. You're looking where you dropped a gumball.
> That's the problem.
JOEL: That, and how you can't get a good pizza in this town.
>
> And no no no
TOM: He's kind of a nihilist Santa Claus.
> I don't pay taxes
CROW: I *play* them!
> the money is for the poor.
JOEL: The carpet remnants are for the spare bedroom.
>
> Well got to go
TOM: Big old world out there and it's not gonna overpopulate itself!
> and build more churches
JOEL: Oh, and also zone for a seaport, and put up a zoo before
the Sims get all cranky.
> in all the rich
> neighborhoods.
CROW: Don't say anything to them, I want it to be a surprise.
>
> I am the pope !
JOEL: [ Singing ] I am an iiii-ii-iiii-island!
>
> *** AND IF ANY OF THOSE STARVING PEOPLE
TOM: How hungry can they be? You gave them all a dollar just now.
> TRY TO GET VIOLENT
CROW: Don't take the law into your own hands.
Take them to "The People's Court."
> KILL THEM
JOEL: Oh, boo.
TOM: Boooooo!
CROW: This guy was fun up until now.
> THEY ARE THE "BAD" ONES ***
>
CROW: How can we say they're bad? I'm really sure deciding who's
bad is Santa's job.
JOEL: About time for the next track, right?
TOM: I think so.
> From: Ken Seto (ken...@erinet.com)
TOM: With love.
> Subject: OPEN LETTER
JOEL: Who would take that kind of risk these days?
> TO PRESIDENT CLINTON
CROW: "Dear President Clinton: I'm a junior at
a small midwestern college..."
> Newsgroups: sci.math
> Date: 1996/03/14
JOEL: Oh, see, a math article would go up on 3-14.
TOM: Bet it was posted at 1:59.
>
>
> Dear Follow Fringe Scientists,
CROW: "Hi! How you doing? Weather's great, sorry you're not here!"
TOM: Follow the yellow fringe scientists!
> The following letter was sent to President Clinton
JOEL: 'Cause I didn't have the address for Mayor McCheese.
> and his reply was
> a standard form letter.
TOM: Sent in the standard plain brown wrapper.
> After many months of posting in the Net I
> notice that there are thousands of us around.
CROW: We really ought to set traps or something.
> If we all write to
> President Clinton the way I did,
TOM: In crayon?
> he will surely take our collective
> opinion into consideration.
CROW: "Dear President Clinton: I have been a good boy all year and
would like a Nintendo and a horse. Thank you."
> I think the Internet is a perfect vehicle
> to accomplish this task. Here's how:
TOM: First: get online.
CROW: Second: fire up your web browser.
JOEL: Third: suddenly notice you've spent six hours looking at pictures
of celebrities with digitally enlarged noses.
>
> 1. Make a posting in this thread and address it to President Clinton
TOM: He's got time to read it. He's not doing much else these days.
> or just merely say that you support the format that I outlined in
> my letter to him.
CROW: Or just don't beat me up and take my lunch money.
> 2. I will personally make copy of your posting and forwarded it to the
> White House.
JOEL: They like that sort of personal touch.
> 3. I will acculmulate the list
TOM: I will control the horizontal! I will control the vertical!
> of those who had made a posting in this
> thread
CROW: Except those who use this thread to voice insults toward
Wesley Crusher.
> and this list will be available to all those who are in
> this list.
JOEL: You may visit this list, but when you do, it will spend
all its time complaining about how you never visit it.
> 4. Tell your friends
TOM: They won't want to be left out!
> to make posting in this thread and tell your
> friends to tell their friends to make postings......etc.
CROW: All perfectly legal! Ask the Post Office!
> 5. This posting will appear in all intereted newsgroups.
JOEL: Newsgroups have such IN-teresting postings.
> 6. For more information
TOM: Write to "President Clinton," Pueblo, Colorado 81009.
> please e-mail me at <ken...@erinet.com> also
CROW: Come on down to Ken's Eto, just ten big steps off the Northway
at exit six.
> visit my web site <http://www.erinet.com/kenseto/book.html>.
TOM: Remember to bring a housewarming present!
>
> Sincerely,
JOEL: I question his sincerity.
> Ken H. Seto
TOM: The H stands for Happy!
>
>
> 2/15/96
JOEL: Do you guys remember where you were on February 15, 1996?
TOM: Yeah.
CROW: We were here, being forced by the Mads to watch bad movies.
JOEL: Oh, right.
>
> President Bill Clinton
TOM: Of the starship Enterprise.
> White House
CROW: At just $25,000 a night.
> Washington, DC 20500
JOEL: The *very* belated sequel to "Hawaii 5-0."
>
> Dear President Clinton,
TOM: [ Sexy feminine voice ] "You were right, we looked
behind the sofa and found --"
[ JOEL puts his hand on TOM's shoulder. ]
>
> Enclosed please find a copy of my book
CROW: If you could autograph it "To my best pal ever, Ken"
I'd show everybody on my block.
> entitled "Model
> Mechanics: A New Interpretation of Nature."
JOEL: The book's a great Revell-ation.
TOM: It's got some fantastic work in HO gauge theory.
CROW: Finally we unite gravity, electromagnetism, and Heidi Klum!
> Also, enclosed is a copy
> of a paper entitled "Eliminatiing The Duality Concept with New
> Interpretations of Past Experiments".
TOM: Read the Marmaduke comic. It's a howl.
> I will be presenting this paper
> at the March meeting of APS in St. Louis.
CROW: Snakes are meeting in St. Louis?
JOEL: That's *asps*.
CROW: Asps! That's even worse!
> The theory of Model
> Mechanics has been in existence for almost 10 years
TOM: They're the guys who fix up the diorama of the F4D planes
approaching the aircraft carrier.
> but it was never
> published or reviewed by mainstream physicists.
CROW: Coincidence? Read the book.
JOEL: We can't, it wasn't published.
> I had made dozens of
> attempts to have it reviewed or published but I was totally ignored.
TOM: I thought it was particularly gratuitous when the editor
of Physical Review Letters covered his ears and shouted,
"LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
> In those cases where there were replies the standard short answers
CROW: And a few nonstandard medium answers like "yes, please set my
beard on fire."
> were that Model Mechanics was too speculative, too ambitious and that
> quantum mechanics and relativity had been confirmed countless times.
JOEL: Plus, who would really want Kathy Ireland fixing their
'75 Volkswagen van?
>
> I will be applying for funding from the National Science
> Foundation to develop a mathematical model for Model Mechanics.
TOM: A Model Mechanics Model Mathematics Model?
CROW: He needs the cash to buy extra M's.
> I
> expect that I will be getting the same short standard rejection
JOEL: Aw, you should think positive, honey!
> since
> all the funding requests are being reviewed by mainstream physicists.
CROW: This is kind of passive-aggressive activism, isn't it?
JOEL: Fund my project or I'll abandon this box of kittens in the street!
>
> The present funding system cuts out the ideas and concepts of
> 99% of the population.
TOM: As long as we're ignoring the people who pay to see
Joel Schumacher movies, that's fine by me.
> This is OK if only private funding is used.
CROW: What if it's not private, but it is very discreet?
> Since public fund is sponsoring almost all of the mainstream research
> at the various universities and institutions,
TOM: Oh, and those other places, you know --
CROW: The ones with the, the, the --
JOEL: Right, with the bells and the copper, the silver --
CROW: Yeah, you know, the stuff with the corned beef --
TOM: No, no, the other one, the --
JOEL: I got it, right. Them.
TOM: Right, them.
CROW: I got it.
> these mainstream
> physicists should be obligated to review some of the fringe ideas of
> the population.
JOEL: I take it he means outside of Silly Breaks.
> Under the present system, the only tool available to a
> fringe player is to write down his idea and concept on paper
TOM: In my system, we'll also be able to write it in spray cheese!
> but if
> the establishment refuse to review or publish it then his idea is
> forever buried.
CROW: You could always sell it to "Star Trek" -- they'll buy anything.
> I think that's when the frustration will set in.
JOEL: See, you get into a good lather, rinse, and repeat,
and that's when the frustration sets in.
> Clearly, this is very unfair.
CROW: Nobody should be frustrated.
> One remedies is to modify the present
> funding system as follows:
TOM: First, we all get naked.
>
> The government should set up two separate funds.
JOEL: Call them "Oliver" and "Marybelle." Write stories about them.
> One for the
> mainstream group and one for the fringe group.
TOM: And one for the wishy-washy guys in between.
> Anybody applies for
> public funding must declare that he or she is mainstream or fringe.
CROW: Must they declare whether they're he or she?
> Once declared he or she must remain in that group for at least five
> years.
TOM: So, uh, they may want to bring something to read while they wait.
> This also applies to the reviewers.
JOEL: So is Roger Ebert mainstream or fringe?
TOM: Mainstream.
JOEL: Leonard Maltin?
CROW: Mainstream.
JOEL: Elvis Mitchell?
TOM: Fringe.
JOEL: Those guys on the BBC's "Talking Movies"?
CROW: Mainstream, but they don't know it yet.
> They must also remain in
> his or her declared group for at least five years.
TOM: Except bathroom breaks.
> A mainstream
> reviewer can only review mainstream proposals
CROW: Plus the new "Star Wars" movie.
> and a fringe reviewer
> can only review fringe proposals.
TOM: What about Groucho Marx's proposals?
JOEL: Fringe.
> A declared reviewer can only apply
> for funding from his own group.
TOM: Brother, can you spare a MacArthur grant?
>
> With the above proposal,
CROW: And a little slice of lime...
> the ideas and concepts of 99% of the
> population will have a chance to be heard.
JOEL: So the theory is human knowledge will advance faster if
Andrew Wiles spends more time listening to Archimedes Plutonium.
>
> The sad thing about the present system
CROW: Is how droopy it makes my cheeks look.
> is that some of the
> fringe ideas and concepts that are posted in the Internet
TOM: Escape to find an audience.
> appear to
> have enormous potentials
JOEL: Oh, they're just not living up to their potentials.
CROW: I bet they don't feel challenged in class is why.
> but they are being ignored by the mainstream
> physicists. In the case of Model Mechanics,
TOM: They offer us a way to repair our Micro Machines.
> if it is confirmed, it
> could save the government billions of dollars
JOEL: Oh, like saving money has ever got the government to do something.
> annually by eliminating
> wasteful and pointless government sponsored research projects.
CROW: Freeing up the cash to move Venus out to the orbit of Mars so
Earth can have springlike weather forever by renaming all the
chemical elements after useful forms of grain making it easier
to launch an expedition through the giant hole at the North Pole
into the center of the Earth where the aliens have been taking
people to reveal how Yul Brown's gas can cure cancer and find
how the universe is a giant Plutonium atom.
>
> President Clinton, I am writing to appeal to you
TOM: So *that's* why he's wearing the bikini top.
> to put a stop
> to this abuse of power by the mainstream physicists
JOEL: See, the physicists pretend they're talking about how SU(3)
symmetries help model pion decay, but they're really building
a big zap ray to take over the world.
> and to initiate a
> program that utilizes the ideas and concepts of all our citizens.
CROW: Except Errol. He doesn't know what the heck he's doing.
>
>
> Sincerely,
JOEL: This is such a sincere guy.
TOM: I bet the Great Pumpkin appears in him some Halloween.
>
> Ken H. Seto
TOM: Maybe the H stands for "Hoppy" instead?
JOEL: Or "Handy." He must be good with tools to have all those
model mechanics.
CROW: I bet it stands for "hep," like he's a real hep cat.
>
>
TOM: Oh, wait, we're done.
CROW: Nifty.
[ ALL exit. ]
[ 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. ]
[ SOL DESK. JOEL reads a comic book; CROW and TOM approach. ]
TOM: Joel? We need to have a talk.
JOEL: [ Looking up ] What's wrong, my fair-haired young wards?
TOM: We've been doing some serious, hard thinking.
CROW: And we've concluded this whole scenario just doesn't make sense.
JOEL: Stuff from Usenet never makes sense. It's nothing personal.
CROW: No, we mean *here*. This satellite. That we have to watch
lousy movies and read dumb rants and all that as part of a scheme
to take over the world.
TOM: It just doesn't hold water. Even if the mads find a movie so bad
it drives people insane, he can't *force* people to watch it
unless he's already taken over the world --
CROW: And if he already did *that*, he doesn't need to make people
watch bad movies so he can take over the world.
TOM: Plus, two of his experimental subjects are robots --
CROW: Astoundingly clever and witty robots, to be sure --
TOM: But there just aren't that many thinking robots on Earth,
and almost none in positions of power.
CROW: So the best he could do is find out how to make *you* crack, and
from what we know of humans, which isn't a lot, aren't many folks
like you on Earth. What drives you crazy may not even bug the
average person.
TOM: Plus, why a satellite? He could keep us just as isolated and
beyond all hope of rescue just by putting us on UPN. It's a
big expense and bother and there's no way it's worth it.
CROW: It's illogical, it's implausible, it's contrived -- it makes no
sense, and all we want...
TOM: We want... we want you to tell us the *truth*.
CROW: Or else we'll have to figure it out from our own, and,
to be perfectly honest ...
TOM: We're likely to settle down on some hairbrained scheme even
sillier than reality is.
CROW: Yeah!
JOEL: Well... guys, Doctor Forrester is a *mad* scientist. Not the
angry type, he's just crazy. Of course his scheme won't work.
CROW: And TV's Frank?
JOEL: He's training to *be* mad. He can't argue that their scheme
won't work until he passes his qualifiers and candidacy exam and
presents a mad thesis proposal.
TOM: So not only does their plan to drive us insane fail
on everything they try --
JOEL: Even if they drove us crazy, they'd be setting themselves up
for a bigger failure.
CROW: Gosh.
TOM: Wow.
CROW: I feel kind of sorry for them now.
TOM: Yeah! Joel, we ought to send them a cake or something.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial Sign in five seconds.
JOEL: I'll get the Makery Bakery. We'll be right back.
[ JOEL taps COMMERCIAL SIGN. ]
machf
>[ OPENING CREDITS ]
>
>[ SOL DESK. GYPSY, CROW, JOEL, and TOM are sitting behind the desk,
> thinking. CROW rests an arm on the desk. ]
>
> CROW: They had that scene with all the escape pods swarming in orbit?
> JOEL: Nope, that was "First Contact."
> TOM: How about that poker game Picard joined in?
> JOEL: No, that was in the last episode of the series.
>GYPSY: There were some aliens getting their faces lifted up
> and stretched out.
>
>[ JOEL, TOM, and CROW think, but shake their heads... ]
>
> JOEL: No, no, that was a Voyager episode.
> TOM: There was that scene in stellar cartography...
> no, that was "Generations."
> JOEL: [ Looking up. ] Hi, everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love.
> I'm Joel Robinson and I'm trapped in space by a mad attempt to
> take over the world. My robot companions [ pointing them out ]
> Gypsy, Crow, and Tom Servo, and I got together and watched
> "Star Trek: Insurrection" last night, and now, we're trying to
> remember *anything* from it.
<snip>
Well, "Insurrection" can be described as a rip-off of "Lost Horizon"...
Just look carefully and you'll realize it. And they even attempted to
make the movie a musical like the 1973 version!
Maybe you should add a line saying "No, that was 'Lost Horizon', everything
you just said..."
;-)
--
__________ ____---____ Marco Antonio Checa Funcke
\_________D /-/---_----' Santiago de Surco, Lima, Peru
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remove the "no_me_j." in front of the address when replying
Joseph Nebus
>On 18 Dec 2001 09:30:44 -0500, neb...@rpi.edu (Joseph Nebus) wrote:
>> JOEL: [ Looking up. ] Hi, everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love.
>> I'm Joel Robinson and I'm trapped in space by a mad attempt to
>> take over the world. My robot companions [ pointing them out ]
>> Gypsy, Crow, and Tom Servo, and I got together and watched
>> "Star Trek: Insurrection" last night, and now, we're trying to
>> remember *anything* from it.
><snip>
>Well, "Insurrection" can be described as a rip-off of "Lost Horizon"...
>Just look carefully and you'll realize it. And they even attempted to
>make the movie a musical like the 1973 version!
You know, you've got something there. Glad I haven't sent this
to Web Site Number Nine (http://www.masemware.com/mst3k/ ) just yet...
Joseph Nebus
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