MiSTing: TimeLapse 3/8
Chris Mayfield
[The bots are already in the theatre. Mike comes in.]
Crow: [rubbing it in as Mike sits down.] How's Gypsy?
Mike: She's locked herself in her room and is watching her tapes
of "My So-Called Life."
>
>Path: moe.ksu.ksu.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!wupost!udel!
>darwin.sura.net!
Tom: Survival of the fittest posts.
Mike: Then how come this one is still around?
Tom: It's not perfect.
> haven.umd.edu!umbc3.umbc.edu!gmuvax2!dpietz
>From: dpi...@gmuvax2.gmu.edu (Demetrius Pietz)
>Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek
>Subject: REPOST "Time Lapse" 2/5
>Keywords: story
Crow: Oh, I don't think so.
>Message-ID: <1991Sep16.2...@gmuvax2.gmu.edu>
>Date: 16 Sep 91 21:18:26 GMT
>Distribution: usa
>Organization: George Mason University, Fairfax Va.
>Lines: 254
>
>
> The Enterprise sat in
Tom: A Laz-E-Boy recliner.
> space. Across from it sat a small
>Klingon ship.
Mike: They were having tea.
Tom: [Enterprise] So then I heard that Voyager just ran off
without telling anyone. Can you believe the nerve of it? Oh! I
almost forgot! You'll never guess who's captaining the Endeavor.
> About them lay the rubble of a science station and
>an alien ship. The Enterprise bridge crew is in shock.
Mike: The sudden change in tense stunned all.
> For the
>first time they realize what has happened. They have traveled
>forward in time about 150 years.
Crow: Which explains the switch from past to present tense.
Tom: Listen: the Enterprise has become unstuck in time.
> "Re-open communications." Picard got his bearings,
Tom: And he rolled them around in his hand.
Mike: Suddenly it's the Caine Mutiny.
> " Captain
>Sedo, I am captain Picard of the starship Enterprise. We have a
>few questions."
> "Such as?" asked the Vulcan.
Tom: How did those Taster's Choice ads come out?
> "We are interested in your term 'Old Federation'."
> "Surely you know."
Crow: [Picard] I don't know.
Tom: [Riker] And don't call him Shirley.
Mike: [rimshot]
> Sedo paused," It is best that we don't
>talk over sub-space.
Tom: [Sedo, whispering] The Milky Way might be bugged.
> We have a place where this conversaation can
>take place. If you will follow us."
Mike: [Sedo] Take my hand. You're a stranger in paradise.
> "Agreed. Picard out."
> "Sir," said Worf in his typical worior fashion,
Tom: Worf's wearing a lovely spring camouflaged spandex body suit,
perfect for assassinations, bloody fist fights, or just having a
cup of tea with the neighbors.
> "I do not
>trust them."
Crow: [Worf] I think he had his fingers crossed.
> "Noted. Even so they are the key to understanding what's
>going on.
Tom: It's nice to know that someone knows what's happening.
> Ensign, match speed with the Klingon ship."
> The two ships left. Side by side
Mike: By Sondheim.
> they slid through the night.
Crow: Uh, hello? They're in outer space? There is no night.
Mike: Semantics, Crow, semantics.
>After a hour they came apon a rather large planet. The Klingon
>ship dived at the planet. To the brige crews amazement
Tom: It crashed and burned. The end.
> the planet
>surface opened much like a large hanger.
Mike: It's Hanger 18!
Tom: Hey, how do you know about that?
> "Follow them in."
> The Enterprise entered the hagner.
Crow: Wonus Hagner.
> The masave doors swung
>shut behind them.
Crow: Suckers!
> The interior was well lit. Ships of all
>discription were docked here and there. Most no larger that a
>scout, all with dammage of one kind or another.
Tom: Why, they're on the Planet of Misfit Ships!
Crow: Whoever heard of a shuttlecraft named Charley?
> After finding a
>place to dock
Mike: Don't forget: we're parked in the giraffe lot.
> the bridge crew contacted the Klingon ship.
> "I'm gald to see you fit." said Sero,"
Crow: Wait, I thought it was Sedo!
Mike: Maybe it's his twin brother.
> It would of been a
>shame to leave your ship out side. If you would please come shore
>we'll have a chance to explain."
Mike: You see, when a fanboy loves a series very much...
>
> Picard, Riker, Worf, LaForge, Data, and a small hoast of
>others walked down the air lock.
Tom: Into the emptiness of space where they died. The end.
> Once passed the doors they were
>greeted by an escort to the meeting room.
Mike: Either the escort kept greeting them all the way to the
meeting room, or they met the meeting room's date.
Crow: [as escort] Hi. Howya doin'? The meeting room's this way.
We're going out tonight. Hi. How are you? It's right down this
hallway. Hi. How do you do?
> "Nice place you got here," opened Riker.
Tom: What a dump! Who said that, George?
> Across the room sat Sero, a Klingon, and a Romulan.
Crow: It's the United Races of Benetton.
> Worf was
>not to happy about the latter and made his discomfort noticeable.
Mike: [Worf] This uniform is riding up something fierce.
> "Please sit down." said Sero,"this is Keron,"pointing at the
>Klingon,"and Teri." the Romulan.
All: [laugh]
Tom: A Romulan named Teri? What is she, a stripper?
Crow: Maybe a jello wrestler.
> "This is Riker my first officer, Worf, LaForge, and Data."
> "Let me first begin
Mike: The beguine.
> by explaining what has happened," began
>Sero,"
Tom: [deep] In the beginning Gene Roddenbery created Star Trek,
and he saw that it was okay...
> about 50 years back. Star Fleet Command recieved a sub-
>space message from the Romulans asking our help."
Crow: ... --- ...
> "My people," broke in Teri," were under attack."
> "By whom?" inquired Data.
Tom: Dwarves. Little, green, nasty dwarves.
> "They called them selves the Polter. We had been in combat
>against them for 20 years before we asked Star Fleet's help.
Mike: Now how do you keep an entire war from Star Fleet?
> They
>are a very resorsful race. They use everything they get a hold
>of."
Mike: Yep, that's the definition of resourceful.
Crow: [documentary] The Poltar used every part of the buffalo.
Nothing went to waste.
> "Well anyway," resumed Sero,
Tom: "Well anyway?" The Vulcans have really loosened up after the
Armageddon.
> " The Federation sent a ship to
>investegate the request.
Crow: Then the Federation sent some ineffective peace keeping
troops.
> A month latter it returned, docked at
>Star Fleet Command Head Quarters and self-distructed.
Mike: Whoa, talk about unsafe at any speed.
> The
>explosion distroyed the entire complex.
Crow: Sounds like Star Fleet has a problem with radical right
militants.
> Star Fleet was in chaos.
Mike: So evidently every ship, every admiral, every important
element of Star Fleet is contained in one very fragile complex.
>Two days latter we recievd reports that Romulan war birds were
>attacking outposts. Followed shortly by the Poltar ships.
Tom: Followed shortly by sentence fragments.
> They
>had a collection of ships from half the galaxy
Mike: Then their mother threw them away to make room for her
preserves.
Crow: Mom! That was a limited edition Constellation class
starship!
Tom: [falsetto] But you never used it, dear, and it was just
gathering dust down there in the basement.
> that had been
>upgraded to there standerds. Fifteen years latter they reached
>the Klingon boarder.
Tom: They upgraded their ships to slower-than-light travel.
Crow: Is that what they call retrofitting?
> The Klingons, along with a handful of
>remaining Federation ships fought a loosing battle.
Mike: Because the Poltar are just too tight.
> For the past
>23 years there is only a handful of resistance outposts left. We
>are out maned, out gunned, and out equiped."
Tom: Outclassed, outdated, and outhoused.
Crow: Outlandish, outdoors, and out to lunch.
Mike: Outrageous, outspoken, and out of our minds.
> "Quite a story.
Mike: Not really.
> I'm intrested though.
Crow: Nice to see someone is.
> How did you keep in
>contact and still keep your positions secret?"
Tom: We used an anonymous mail service.
Mike: Due to the double blind...
> "Well for starters all our bases are similer to this.
>Federation starbases build into dead planetoids.
Tom: Like Orson Welles and Rush Limbaugh.
Crow: Rush isn't dead, though.
Mike: Brain dead, maybe.
> The rock sheilds
>there sensors. To comunicate we use
Tom: Carrier pigeons.
> drop off points, targets
Crow: Ventures, Wal-Marts, and other discount stores.
> that
>had already been hit that would not be suspected. we were on our
>way to pick up
Mike: The kids from soccer practice.
> a message from the science station when we
>encountered you."
> "What did this message intail?"
Crow: It was my schedule, man. It had all my room numbers on it.
Now I'll never find Bio 232.
> "We have informents in the field. This message was going to
>be the details needed to attack the Poltar central
Tom: Not to be confused with Comedy Central, though both are evil
empires.
Crow: [whispering evilly] Scheduling...scheduling...scheduling...
> communication
>relay. With out that information
Mike: I can't do my report on Cosimo de Medici.
> we have no chance to find it,
>let alone distroy it."
Tom: Let alone end this fanfic.
> "Our away team was able to down load much of the data out of
>the computers before it was distroied.
Crow: It's probably all dirty GIFs and Doom hacks.
> Maybe we have the
>inforemation you reaquire."
> "It wasn't in the computers. Field angents
Tom: Like Agent Orange?
Mike: No, I think that's a defoliating agent.
> use written
>communication. It was in a old style book."
> "Did you say
Crow: "Give me a champagne sponge bath, you red hot sex pistol?"
Tom: No.
Crow: I didn't think so.
> a book?" Riker was now interested.
> "Yes. An old manuscript
Mike: My dictionary.
> that recorded all the moves made by
Tom: Spassky and Fischer.
>the Poltar fleet."
> "I may just have that. I picked it up when I was
Mike: On shore leave, but the antibiotics cleared it up.
> over there
>to study latter."
Crow: What is "latter," and why would you want to study it?
> "We may still have a chance then. May we see the book?"
Mike: Where is the hidden Poltarian base? Page 265.
Tom: How can I take over the universe? Page 319.
Crow: What are wormholes, and how can I use them to my advantage?
Page 73.
All: Read the book!
> "It's onboard right now but I can get it as soon as we are
>through."
> "Very well. If that's all then I shall see you people later."
All: [laugh evilly]
> "Feel free to use any of the services here to repair your
>ship. from the old specks
Tom: Use dust particles to rebuild it.
> I have seen we could use soch a ship.
>Even if it is out dated."
> The resistance deligation got up to leave. As they left Riker
>turned to Picard.
Crow: Cool, he morphed!
> "Captain, how much of this do you think we can believe?"
> "At the moment, Number One, all of it.
Tom: [Picard] Later, however, we won't be able to believe any of
it.
> We are here and so are
>they."
Mike: It's that kind of grasp of details that made Picard a
captain.
> "You're right. But I don't like the idea of thinking
Tom: [Riker] It frightens me.
> that the
>Federation has fallen. And the Enterprise being out dated?"
> "It is a bit much I agree."
Crow: [Picard] I refuse to believe that technology can possibly
advance beyond anything I associate with.
> "Sir." injected Worf,
Mike: It's intravenous Star Fleet officers.
Tom: Michael Dorn at twelve parts per million is still too much
for me.
> "I do not trust them. Klingons do not
>hid inside planets."
Tom: [Worf] They hide under their beds.
> "Sir.",said Data who had been, up to now,
Crow: An android.
Tom: [Data] Sir! Sir! I'm a real boy now!
> quiet,"Do you think
>it is right that we should be here? Now that we know
Mike: The winning Lotto combinations for the next century, let's
make ourselves rich!
> where and
>when we are should we not try to return to our own time?"
> "What are you sugesting Mister Data?"
> "I am sugesting that we try to return to our own time."
Tom: [Picard] No, what are you *really* suggesting?
Mike: [Data] That we return to our own time.
Tom: [Picard] Come on, you can tell me. What are you suggesting?
> "But if what they say is true,"
All: [singing] Then it would pay to keep an eye on the Jew.
Mike: Do you think anyone will think that's anti-Semitic?
Crow: Not if they know where it's coming from.
> remarked Geordi," then
>wouldn't we be better off here? If the Federation is doomed to
>fall I don't want to be caught in the middle."
Crow: That Geordi, a pillar of strength.
> "Those are some good arguments.
Tom: [Picard] I think we should do some more investigation of that
"running like a scared child" idea.
> We'll take thing one step at
>a time. First we need
Mike: Waffles!
> to repair the Enterprise. Then we'll worry
>about where, or when, to go."
Tom: [shaking] But I have to go now!
[Continued in part 4]