MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 14 [ 1 / 1 ]
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Joseph Nebus
Feb 23, 2023, 6:36:10 PMFeb 23
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>
> XIV
JOEL: So that's eleven less than five, this is chapter minus four?
CROW: Sounds right.
>
> GRUMPY VANISHES
TOM: Is ... is the book over?
>
> Grumpy Weasel
TOM: Guess not.
> was quick to see
CROW: Yeah, we know he's quick, that was the whole Jimmy Rabbit race.
> that fat Mrs. Hen
> swallowed every word he said as greedily as if it had been an
> angleworm.
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Hey, I only eat diet angleworm.'
> "Yes! You have a fine house here," he said.
TOM: [ As Groucho ] 'I've had a fine house here but this isn't it.'
> "But
> of course you're crowded," he added gloomily,
JOEL: Ever since that four-star review in Better Nests and Gardens.
> to show Mrs.
> Hen that he knew she had no place for him.
CROW: Is ... is he looking for ... _snugglebunnies_?
JOEL: Not since Jimmy Rabbit escaped.
>
> "Oh! Not at all!" Mrs. Hen assured him.
TOM: It's called a sub-efficiency apartment and there's really lots of space once you move everything out into the hall.
>
> "And the door's always shut tight at night," he
> added, "on account of that prowling Tommy Fox."
CROW: Have you ever considered that Tommy Fox only prowls around because he's wondering why you're shutting the door so tight?
>
> "Yes! We have to be careful," said Mrs. Hen.
TOM: Hence our choice to wear helmets all the time.
CROW: *Hens* our choice.
>
> "And there's Peter Mink, too," Grumpy went on.
JOEL: Hey, he was your biggest fan in the Jimmy Rabbit race!
> "Don't
> leave an opening big enough for him!
TOM: Give him the slightest conversational opening and he'll talk to you for hours!
CROW: He has *opinions* about the 1960s Popeye cartoons.
> He can get through a
> small hole, too---any that's big enough for his head."
JOEL: Smaller than that, if he leaves his head at home.
>
> At that Mrs. Hen looked startled, as if she had just
> remembered something that made her feel uneasy.
TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'My rat closet!'
>
> "He couldn't get through a rat hole, could he?" she
> inquired nervously.
CROW: I started on a rat hole but I couldn't get past the first thirty pages.
>
> "Why---there isn't one here, is there?" Grumpy asked.
JOEL: I want to know how many holes it takes to fill Ratigan's hall?
>
> "There is an old one," she admitted. "It hasn't been
> used in my time."
TOM: But an ancient prophecy speaks of a great uniter of the rats who will someday emerge from it.
>
> "If I could see it I'd know at once whether Pete
> could crawl through it," Grumpy Weasel said,
CROW: Or you could just ask Pete?
TOM: Maybe it would be more convenient to take the hole to Pete and see if it fits around him?
> talking to
> himself---or so it seemed to Mrs. Hen.
JOEL: [ As though just now realizing ] OH!
>
> "I'll show it to you gladly!" she cried.
CROW: I'm sorry, Grumpy Weasel can't do anything gladly.
> "Do come
> right in and look at our rat hole, Mr. Weasel!"
TOM: Please don't mind the clutter, it's a bit of a rat's nest around the hole --- oh say!
>
> As she spoke, Mrs. Hen started for the henhouse.
CROW: Oh, you keep the hole *inside* the henhouse, how elegant.
> And
> after her crept Grumpy Weasel,
TOM: Being creepy.
> hoping that nobody else would
> see him.
JOEL: You don't want to cause a scene with Mr Hen.
> So far as he could tell, the hens were all out of
> doors, scratching in the dirt.
CROW: Boy, the ground is *itchy* today!
> But suddenly Mrs. Hen's
> jealous neighbor began to set up a great squawking,
TOM: It's the Great Squawking, Charlie Brown.
> calling
> upon Mrs. Hen to be careful, for she was in great danger.
CROW: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'How does my being careful help you with your great danger?'
JOEL: [ As Neighbor ] 'No, no, I mean ... you know what, go ahead.'
>
> Fat Mrs. Hen turned about with a vexed look upon her
> handsome but somewhat stupid face.
TOM: Stupid face! Read a book sometime, face, it'll do you good!
>
> "Walk right in!" she said to Grumpy.
CROW: [ Singing 'The Walking Blues' ] o/` Walk right out, walk right in, walk right out o/`
> "I must stop and
> settle with her. She has gone too far."
TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Imagine a neighbor preferring I were not dead!'
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'I can't, it's like imagining a square circle or something.'
> And leaving Grumpy to
> find the rat hole without her help,
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Just go up the ladder and take a right at the grizzly-bear hole, you can't miss it!'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Wait, there's a grizzly bear hole?'
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yes, but you'll never see a rat use it!'
> Mrs. Hen fluttered across
> the henyard with her head thrust forward,
JOEL: o/` She clucks right in ... o/`
> to give her
> meddlesome neighbor a number of hard pecks and so teach her
> to mind her own affairs.
TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] '*Now* am I a woman of scandalous virtue or what?'
>
> With a low chuckle
JOEL: A low dishonest chuckle.
> Grumpy Weasel slipped inside the
> henhouse,
TOM: Whoops!
CROW: THUD!
> where he found himself quite alone.
JOEL: Apart from that Henry Bemis guy.
> It took him but
> a few moments to discover in one corner of the building the
> old rat hole of which Mrs. Hen had spoken.
TOM: He's going to dare the Ninja Turtles to a race and grab Splinter.
>
> And then he went to the door and looked out,
CROW: Look out!
[ ALL duck ]
> for Mrs.
> Hen and her neighbor were making a terrific racket.
TOM: Oh, they must really like playing tennis together!
> He saw
> the end of the squabble. And soon Mrs. Hen came running back,
> with her feathers sadly rumpled, and her comb awry.
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yeah so we've got yetis and they're not nice.'
>
> "I settled with her," she gasped. "And now tell me
> about the rat hole.
CROW: What, with your comb awry like that?
> Could Peter Mink get through it?"
>
> "No, he couldn't!" Grumpy Weasel said.
TOM: He didn't bring his fake ID and the bouncer is strict.
> Then he dodged
> strangely back into the henhouse.
JOEL: Uh ... incoming?
> And though Mrs. Hen hopped
> in after him she couldn't find him anywhere.
TOM: Invisiweasel!
>
> She couldn't understand it.
CROW: She was all but sure objects had permanence and yet here we are.
- End of Chapter 14 -
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
>
> XIV
JOEL: So that's eleven less than five, this is chapter minus four?
CROW: Sounds right.
>
> GRUMPY VANISHES
TOM: Is ... is the book over?
>
> Grumpy Weasel
TOM: Guess not.
> was quick to see
CROW: Yeah, we know he's quick, that was the whole Jimmy Rabbit race.
> that fat Mrs. Hen
> swallowed every word he said as greedily as if it had been an
> angleworm.
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Hey, I only eat diet angleworm.'
> "Yes! You have a fine house here," he said.
TOM: [ As Groucho ] 'I've had a fine house here but this isn't it.'
> "But
> of course you're crowded," he added gloomily,
JOEL: Ever since that four-star review in Better Nests and Gardens.
> to show Mrs.
> Hen that he knew she had no place for him.
CROW: Is ... is he looking for ... _snugglebunnies_?
JOEL: Not since Jimmy Rabbit escaped.
>
> "Oh! Not at all!" Mrs. Hen assured him.
TOM: It's called a sub-efficiency apartment and there's really lots of space once you move everything out into the hall.
>
> "And the door's always shut tight at night," he
> added, "on account of that prowling Tommy Fox."
CROW: Have you ever considered that Tommy Fox only prowls around because he's wondering why you're shutting the door so tight?
>
> "Yes! We have to be careful," said Mrs. Hen.
TOM: Hence our choice to wear helmets all the time.
CROW: *Hens* our choice.
>
> "And there's Peter Mink, too," Grumpy went on.
JOEL: Hey, he was your biggest fan in the Jimmy Rabbit race!
> "Don't
> leave an opening big enough for him!
TOM: Give him the slightest conversational opening and he'll talk to you for hours!
CROW: He has *opinions* about the 1960s Popeye cartoons.
> He can get through a
> small hole, too---any that's big enough for his head."
JOEL: Smaller than that, if he leaves his head at home.
>
> At that Mrs. Hen looked startled, as if she had just
> remembered something that made her feel uneasy.
TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'My rat closet!'
>
> "He couldn't get through a rat hole, could he?" she
> inquired nervously.
CROW: I started on a rat hole but I couldn't get past the first thirty pages.
>
> "Why---there isn't one here, is there?" Grumpy asked.
JOEL: I want to know how many holes it takes to fill Ratigan's hall?
>
> "There is an old one," she admitted. "It hasn't been
> used in my time."
TOM: But an ancient prophecy speaks of a great uniter of the rats who will someday emerge from it.
>
> "If I could see it I'd know at once whether Pete
> could crawl through it," Grumpy Weasel said,
CROW: Or you could just ask Pete?
TOM: Maybe it would be more convenient to take the hole to Pete and see if it fits around him?
> talking to
> himself---or so it seemed to Mrs. Hen.
JOEL: [ As though just now realizing ] OH!
>
> "I'll show it to you gladly!" she cried.
CROW: I'm sorry, Grumpy Weasel can't do anything gladly.
> "Do come
> right in and look at our rat hole, Mr. Weasel!"
TOM: Please don't mind the clutter, it's a bit of a rat's nest around the hole --- oh say!
>
> As she spoke, Mrs. Hen started for the henhouse.
CROW: Oh, you keep the hole *inside* the henhouse, how elegant.
> And
> after her crept Grumpy Weasel,
TOM: Being creepy.
> hoping that nobody else would
> see him.
JOEL: You don't want to cause a scene with Mr Hen.
> So far as he could tell, the hens were all out of
> doors, scratching in the dirt.
CROW: Boy, the ground is *itchy* today!
> But suddenly Mrs. Hen's
> jealous neighbor began to set up a great squawking,
TOM: It's the Great Squawking, Charlie Brown.
> calling
> upon Mrs. Hen to be careful, for she was in great danger.
CROW: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'How does my being careful help you with your great danger?'
JOEL: [ As Neighbor ] 'No, no, I mean ... you know what, go ahead.'
>
> Fat Mrs. Hen turned about with a vexed look upon her
> handsome but somewhat stupid face.
TOM: Stupid face! Read a book sometime, face, it'll do you good!
>
> "Walk right in!" she said to Grumpy.
CROW: [ Singing 'The Walking Blues' ] o/` Walk right out, walk right in, walk right out o/`
> "I must stop and
> settle with her. She has gone too far."
TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Imagine a neighbor preferring I were not dead!'
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'I can't, it's like imagining a square circle or something.'
> And leaving Grumpy to
> find the rat hole without her help,
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Just go up the ladder and take a right at the grizzly-bear hole, you can't miss it!'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Wait, there's a grizzly bear hole?'
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yes, but you'll never see a rat use it!'
> Mrs. Hen fluttered across
> the henyard with her head thrust forward,
JOEL: o/` She clucks right in ... o/`
> to give her
> meddlesome neighbor a number of hard pecks and so teach her
> to mind her own affairs.
TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] '*Now* am I a woman of scandalous virtue or what?'
>
> With a low chuckle
JOEL: A low dishonest chuckle.
> Grumpy Weasel slipped inside the
> henhouse,
TOM: Whoops!
CROW: THUD!
> where he found himself quite alone.
JOEL: Apart from that Henry Bemis guy.
> It took him but
> a few moments to discover in one corner of the building the
> old rat hole of which Mrs. Hen had spoken.
TOM: He's going to dare the Ninja Turtles to a race and grab Splinter.
>
> And then he went to the door and looked out,
CROW: Look out!
[ ALL duck ]
> for Mrs.
> Hen and her neighbor were making a terrific racket.
TOM: Oh, they must really like playing tennis together!
> He saw
> the end of the squabble. And soon Mrs. Hen came running back,
> with her feathers sadly rumpled, and her comb awry.
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yeah so we've got yetis and they're not nice.'
>
> "I settled with her," she gasped. "And now tell me
> about the rat hole.
CROW: What, with your comb awry like that?
> Could Peter Mink get through it?"
>
> "No, he couldn't!" Grumpy Weasel said.
TOM: He didn't bring his fake ID and the bouncer is strict.
> Then he dodged
> strangely back into the henhouse.
JOEL: Uh ... incoming?
> And though Mrs. Hen hopped
> in after him she couldn't find him anywhere.
TOM: Invisiweasel!
>
> She couldn't understand it.
CROW: She was all but sure objects had permanence and yet here we are.
- End of Chapter 14 -
--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
--------------------------------------------------------+---------------------
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