MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 14 [ 1 / 1 ]

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Joseph Nebus

Feb 23, 2023, 6:36:10 PMFeb 23

JOEL: So that's eleven less than five, this is chapter minus four?
CROW: Sounds right.


TOM: Is ... is the book over?

> Grumpy Weasel

TOM: Guess not.

> was quick to see

CROW: Yeah, we know he's quick, that was the whole Jimmy Rabbit race.

> that fat Mrs. Hen
> swallowed every word he said as greedily as if it had been an
> angleworm.

JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Hey, I only eat diet angleworm.'

> "Yes! You have a fine house here," he said.

TOM: [ As Groucho ] 'I've had a fine house here but this isn't it.'

> "But
> of course you're crowded," he added gloomily,

JOEL: Ever since that four-star review in Better Nests and Gardens.

> to show Mrs.
> Hen that he knew she had no place for him.

CROW: Is ... is he looking for ... _snugglebunnies_?
JOEL: Not since Jimmy Rabbit escaped.

> "Oh! Not at all!" Mrs. Hen assured him.

TOM: It's called a sub-efficiency apartment and there's really lots of space once you move everything out into the hall.

> "And the door's always shut tight at night," he
> added, "on account of that prowling Tommy Fox."

CROW: Have you ever considered that Tommy Fox only prowls around because he's wondering why you're shutting the door so tight?

> "Yes! We have to be careful," said Mrs. Hen.

TOM: Hence our choice to wear helmets all the time.
CROW: *Hens* our choice.

> "And there's Peter Mink, too," Grumpy went on.

JOEL: Hey, he was your biggest fan in the Jimmy Rabbit race!

> "Don't
> leave an opening big enough for him!

TOM: Give him the slightest conversational opening and he'll talk to you for hours!
CROW: He has *opinions* about the 1960s Popeye cartoons.

> He can get through a
> small hole, too---any that's big enough for his head."

JOEL: Smaller than that, if he leaves his head at home.

> At that Mrs. Hen looked startled, as if she had just
> remembered something that made her feel uneasy.

TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'My rat closet!'

> "He couldn't get through a rat hole, could he?" she
> inquired nervously.

CROW: I started on a rat hole but I couldn't get past the first thirty pages.

> "Why---there isn't one here, is there?" Grumpy asked.

JOEL: I want to know how many holes it takes to fill Ratigan's hall?

> "There is an old one," she admitted. "It hasn't been
> used in my time."

TOM: But an ancient prophecy speaks of a great uniter of the rats who will someday emerge from it.

> "If I could see it I'd know at once whether Pete
> could crawl through it," Grumpy Weasel said,

CROW: Or you could just ask Pete?
TOM: Maybe it would be more convenient to take the hole to Pete and see if it fits around him?

> talking to
> himself---or so it seemed to Mrs. Hen.

JOEL: [ As though just now realizing ] OH!

> "I'll show it to you gladly!" she cried.

CROW: I'm sorry, Grumpy Weasel can't do anything gladly.

> "Do come
> right in and look at our rat hole, Mr. Weasel!"

TOM: Please don't mind the clutter, it's a bit of a rat's nest around the hole --- oh say!

> As she spoke, Mrs. Hen started for the henhouse.

CROW: Oh, you keep the hole *inside* the henhouse, how elegant.

> And
> after her crept Grumpy Weasel,

TOM: Being creepy.

> hoping that nobody else would
> see him.

JOEL: You don't want to cause a scene with Mr Hen.

> So far as he could tell, the hens were all out of
> doors, scratching in the dirt.

CROW: Boy, the ground is *itchy* today!

> But suddenly Mrs. Hen's
> jealous neighbor began to set up a great squawking,

TOM: It's the Great Squawking, Charlie Brown.

> calling
> upon Mrs. Hen to be careful, for she was in great danger.

CROW: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'How does my being careful help you with your great danger?'
JOEL: [ As Neighbor ] 'No, no, I mean ... you know what, go ahead.'

> Fat Mrs. Hen turned about with a vexed look upon her
> handsome but somewhat stupid face.

TOM: Stupid face! Read a book sometime, face, it'll do you good!

> "Walk right in!" she said to Grumpy.

CROW: [ Singing 'The Walking Blues' ] o/` Walk right out, walk right in, walk right out o/`

> "I must stop and
> settle with her. She has gone too far."

TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Imagine a neighbor preferring I were not dead!'
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'I can't, it's like imagining a square circle or something.'

> And leaving Grumpy to
> find the rat hole without her help,

JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Just go up the ladder and take a right at the grizzly-bear hole, you can't miss it!'
TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Wait, there's a grizzly bear hole?'
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yes, but you'll never see a rat use it!'

> Mrs. Hen fluttered across
> the henyard with her head thrust forward,

JOEL: o/` She clucks right in ... o/`

> to give her
> meddlesome neighbor a number of hard pecks and so teach her
> to mind her own affairs.

TOM: [ As Mrs Hen ] '*Now* am I a woman of scandalous virtue or what?'

> With a low chuckle

JOEL: A low dishonest chuckle.

> Grumpy Weasel slipped inside the
> henhouse,

TOM: Whoops!

> where he found himself quite alone.

JOEL: Apart from that Henry Bemis guy.

> It took him but
> a few moments to discover in one corner of the building the
> old rat hole of which Mrs. Hen had spoken.

TOM: He's going to dare the Ninja Turtles to a race and grab Splinter.

> And then he went to the door and looked out,

CROW: Look out!
[ ALL duck ]

> for Mrs.
> Hen and her neighbor were making a terrific racket.

TOM: Oh, they must really like playing tennis together!

> He saw
> the end of the squabble. And soon Mrs. Hen came running back,
> with her feathers sadly rumpled, and her comb awry.

JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Yeah so we've got yetis and they're not nice.'

> "I settled with her," she gasped. "And now tell me
> about the rat hole.

CROW: What, with your comb awry like that?

> Could Peter Mink get through it?"
> "No, he couldn't!" Grumpy Weasel said.

TOM: He didn't bring his fake ID and the bouncer is strict.

> Then he dodged
> strangely back into the henhouse.

JOEL: Uh ... incoming?

> And though Mrs. Hen hopped
> in after him she couldn't find him anywhere.

TOM: Invisiweasel!

> She couldn't understand it.

CROW: She was all but sure objects had permanence and yet here we are.

- End of Chapter 14 -
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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