MISTing: 2 Sides of a Cynic (4/5)

[Owenfan]

[Back on the bridge, a large cauldron is present as XR & Whiskers stand around it]
WHISKERS: Are you sure this is going to work?
XR: Hey, in the story, Mumm-ra was able to make some clones with just some hair and magic, so that's all we need.
[Spud and the others enter]
SPUD: Hey dudes, what's going on?
WHISKERS: We're trying to make evil clones, like in the story. We've got a big cauldron, now we just need some hair.
SPUD: I'll contribute (he pulls some hair out) here you go.
RILEY: What the heck, I want to see how badly this fails (takes out some of her hair)
CANDY: Ditto (gives a few strands)
XR: Okay then, we got the hairs (throws them in the cauldron) now we need some kind of catalyst. Fortunately, I happen to have this available (reaches into his chest and produces a beaker of something)
SPUD: Dude, what is that?
XR: Some kind of intergalactic chemical, but it should work for our purposes. Okay, stand back and prepare to be amazed!
[He throws the beaker into the cauldron, and there is a huge cloud of smoke. When it clears, they peer in]
WHISKERS: Uh, did we make clones?
XR: No, it looks like we ended up with hair soup. Hmm, maybe we need actual evil magic to make this work. Anybody got a forbidden tome or something?
[Alarms]
SPUD: No but we've got story signnnnnn!

6...5...4...3...2...1

XR: Man, I was really looking forward to having some evil clones.
SPUD: I know you were, buddy.

>After school Daria, and Jane followed Jodie back to her house. "Mom a >couple of friends are coming over for a while!" Jodie shouted. "Okay honey" >her mom replied back from the other room.

XR: Jodie's mom is instantly the best character in this story.
SPUD: Because she doesn't actually appear in it?
XR: Bingo.

>"Okay guys lets go" she said and opened the
>door to her basement.

XR: Must be checking on her meth lab.

>When she was down the stairs she approached another more
>boarded up door. Jodie opened it and turned on the light. The room was >filled with all manner of test tubes and technological devices.

SPUD: (as Bunsen Honeydew) Welcome to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.
WHISKERS: (as Beaker) Mee mee mee, meep!

>"Come over to my
>project table and I'll show you my newest developments" she said. "Jodie >my friend you never cease to amaze me" Jane said looking at what >appeared to be some sort of lazer weapon.

CANDY: (as Jane) You never cease to amaze me with the level of military-grade hardware that you create.
RILEY: (as Jodie) Yeah the military's been after me to create a new death ray for them for months.

>"Well it helps that you guys supply me with reward
>money for criminals so that I can design and build these things"

XR: So they're bounty hunters too, huh?

>she said
>"Anyway for you Daria I have this, it looks like a normal eraser, but it you
>rub it against a hard surface it will spark"

XR: A sparking eraser? When would that even be useful?
WHISKERS: If you had to clean the chalkboard in a hurry.
XR: Yeah, well...

>"Just perfect for the junior
>arsonists kit" Daria said. "And for you Jane I have this, it's concentrated
>gunpowder disguised as artists chalk Just use it, set it on fire and watch >the results."

SPUD: Should we be concerned that both of these involve fire in some way?
XR: (as Beavis) Fire! Fire!

>"Thanks this will fool those damn brats down the street who keep
>wanting to borrow my chalk." "Thanks for the gear Jodie I'm sure will find
>good uses for it" Daria said. "Your welcome, now you had better get home, >I'll let you know of any upcoming events"

CANDY: (as Jodie) There's an upcoming concert this week

>"Okay so long" said Jane and the 2 girls left the house.

>"Boy that was nice now we've got some nice new gadgets" Jane replied. >"Yeah now if we only had something to try them out on" Daria said. >Suddenly a band

SPUD: Which band?
XR: I'm gonna say the Rolling Stones, those guys are everywhere

>of shapti rushed from concealed hiding places. "Be careful what you say >next time Daria"

RILEY: (as Daria) Okay, let me try again. I wish we were out of this story. Dang it.

>Jane said as she prepared one of her paintbrushes. "Well well we meet >again"

SPUD: (as voice) Even though this is the first time we've actually met.

>said a voice from in front of them, the 2 girls turned to see
>Mongor, an evil goat standing there.

XR: An evil goat? What's he going to do, eat their garbage?
SPUD: Actually dude, the idea that goats eat garbage is actually a myth.
XR: Just let me have this, okay?

>"Mongor I should have guessed Mumm-ra
>would send a fleabag like yourself to head this group." Jane replied.

WHISKERS: (as Mongor) Hey, I don't have fleas. Okay, a few.

>"Clever young one, destroy them!" he shouted. Jane readied her paintbrush >but a blast from one of the blasting spears disarmed her. "Hey" she said >and attempted to pick up her lost weapon. Daria meanwhile used her lazer >pen to slice through one shapti, but Mongor taking advantage of this >distraction, swung his sickle.

>"Uhh" Daria groaned as she dodged the blade, however 2 shapti grabbed >her from behind.
>"Hey Jane a little help here" she said "love to Daria but as you can
>see I've got my own problems"

CANDY: (as Jane) I'm still in this stupid story.

>said Jane as she fought off a shapti. His spear
>knocked away her weapon and before she could reach for a new one, one >grabbed her from behind.

XR: A thrilling action sequence. Wait, did I say "thrilling?" I meant boring.

>"Excellent all is going according to plan" Mongor said and
>turned to his left "get the truck."

SPUD: So an ancient evil goat dude needs a truck?

>Soon a large white truck, driven by 2 shapti drove up.

WHISKERS: It's Shapti Movers, for all your Egyptian-themed moving needs.

>"Now for you two" he said to Daria and Jane and sprayed a
>white threadlike substance from his fingers,

XR: Now he's Spider-Man all of a sudden? Was the author on narcotics when he wrote this?
OTHERS: (singing) Spider-Goat, Spider-Goat, does crazy things on a boat.

>instantly wrapping up the girls.
>"That should hold them" he said and turned to his troops "put them in" the
>shapti opened the trucks door and tossed the 2 girls in,

XR: Don't just toss them in, you'll break them.
SPUD: Man, some movers can be so inconsiderate.

>then they piled in the back and drove off. "Daria" Jane whispered "where do >you think they're taking us?" "Id' rather not know" Daria replied.

RILEY: (as Daria) I just hope it's not Lollapalooza.

>Soon the truck came to a stop outside an old warehouse on the outskirts of
>town.

XR: Again, Mumm-ra is an ancient, evil mummy with immense magical powers, yet he has both a truck and an abandoned warehouse?
WHISKERS: Well, it pays to modernize.

>"Okay grab the girls and bring them inside" Mongor ordered. The shaptis
>picked up the girls and took them inside the warehouse. They set them >down on chairs and tied them up.

WHISKERS: This turned into a fetish story quick.

>"Thanks for the convenient service" Jane said, "shut up fools" Mongor said >"Mumm-ra should be here shortly and then the fun will begin."

XR: Oh good, they're ripping off *Pulp Fiction* now. Maybe the Gimp will show up and put this story out of its' misery.
WHISKERS: Or someone will hit us in the head with a mace, so we can forget about it.

>"In the meantime" he said grinning "why don't you meet some friends of
ours?"

SPUD: (as Mongor) Some more characters we can squeeze into this thing for no reason.

>he whistled and the evil twins revealed themselves from the shadows.
>"What the?" asked an amazed Jane "it's me only with worse fashion sense."

RILEY: In other words, *normal* Jane.
CANDY: Zing!

>"They are your evil twins created by Mumm-ra to destroy you" Mongor replied.

XR: (as Mongor) And not at all as a stupidly created plot device.

>"Right" said Nega-Daria "oh and goat boy bad news seems your boss won't >be showing up tonight....or ever"

RILEY: (as Nega-Daria) He realized he was in a bad crossover and got the heck out of here.

>"What do you mean?" Mongor asked "well seems that while you were out >me and Nega-Jane masterminded a series of electronics

RILEY: (as Nega-Daria) Basically, we created Samsung.

>robberies.." "You said that was to create a machine to help Mumm-ra"

WHISKERS: (as Mongor) Get a flatscreen TV!

>Mongor replied. "It did help him it helped him right back to where he came >from and now that we've sent him back..." "You're next" Nega-Jane finished.

XR: Nega-Jane will be played by Goldberg.

> "No I'll destroy you" Mongor shouted

SPUD: Apparently without enthusiasm, due to the lack of an exclamation point.

>charging at them with his sickle upraised. "That's
>very unlikely"

XR: So is the whole premise of this story and yet, here we are reading it.

>Nega-Daria said, and she revealed she was standing next to he machine

RILEY: Hey, how come the machine has to be a he?
CANDY: Yeah, evil machines can be female too!
SPUD: Of course they can, ladies can be just as much of evil machines as dudes.

>"Hasta la vista goat man"

SPUD: (as Arnold Schwarzenegger) I'll be back, to acting after my career as Governor of California ended in scandal.

>she said firing up the machine whoosh!

XR: Scientific Process Goes "Whoosh."
SPUD: "Calvin & Hobbes," good one.
XR: I do what I can.

>it fired a beam of lazer energy than opened into a wormhole.

SPUD: Stephen Hawking immediately wrote a book about it.

>"What ahhhh nooo!" Mongor shouted as he unwittingly ran into the hole. >"Game over man"

XR: (as Hudson) It's a bug hunt, a bug hunt!

>Nega-Daria said and she turned off the machine.

"Listen we appreciate you evil twins disposing of Mumm-ra and his friends >for us but I really want to know why?"

RILEY: (as Daria) Why do you look like someone's badly made OC.

>Jane asked. "Simple enough" Nega-Daria said
>"Mumm-ra created us to destroy you, once we had done so, we would be >worthless and would be destroyed. We couldn't have that you see I have >plans for this world,

RILEY: (as Nega-Daria) To create a whole army of poorly made evil twins of everyone on Earth.
SPUD: (as Daria) You monster!

>and he didn't fit in any of them.

RILEY: (as Nega-Daria) He had gone on the Atkins diet, but still couldn't fit into my plans.
XR: That one was a bit of a reach.
RILEY: Mock one of my riffs again and I'll *reach* over there and tear your arms off!
XR: Geez, take a chill pill.

> But the last of his emissaries is gone now so no one ,except for you, can stop me"

RILEY: (as Nega-Daria) Well no one except you and whatever stupid plot contrivance the author comes up with to make me fail.

>"Okay my turn" Daria said "how were you made?"

XR: Well, when a mommy & daddy evil twin love each other very much, they put hair and some magic into a cauldron...

>"From strands of hair and lots of dark magic, I was
>created to be your evil twin I would do things that you wouldn't ever think of
>doing, like blowing up your school, or picking out matching clothes, or even
>kissing your friends very attractive musician brother."

XR: Except for the blowing up the school part, doesn't sound quite so evil.
RILEY: (as Nega-Daria) Oh, and giving Quinn a Wet Willy (laughs evilly)

>"Hey she likes Trent how about that,

XR: Cash me outside, how bout dah?
SPUD: Dude, we need to call a limit on meme riffs.
XR: Fine, how about at least 5 per story?
SPUD: Deal.

>and also Daria probably would blow up ourr school" Jane said

XR: Again, how are these twins any more *evil* than our so-called protagonists?
SPUD: Well, they worked with an ancient mummy dude.
XR: Whom they got rid of. For selfish reasons admittedly, but still.
RILEY: You know I hate to agree with XR, but he does have a point.

>"Stuff it, and I'd rather destroy art than create it." Nega-Jane said. "You
>twin bastard" Jane replied.

WHISKERS: So, she was born out of wedlock?
SPUD: I'm not sure how you know that term bro, but come on, time for a break.

[Exit theater].