MiSTied "Understanding" (1/2)

[castel...@nd.edu]

Story #2. Enjoy.
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[Normal opening sequence.]

0...2...3...4...5...6...*

[<SoL> Gypsy stands/sits towards the left of the bridge, watching TV.
Crow enters via the right.]

CROW: Hi, all. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. We're just waiting for
the call from our local Dr. Forrester. Watcha' doing, Gyps?

GYPSY: I'm watching my soaps.

CROW: Yeah, which one?

GYPSY: "As the World Turns."

CROW: Well, what's going on?

GYPSY: Well, Lily overheard a conversation between Diego and Pilar,
therefore realizing the awful truth about him. Lucinda fired Emily when
she wouldn't help her nail Diego, but Paul then offered Emily a job at
EAS. Diego sabotaged Ludy Belle to pay back Mike for questioning Pilar.
Then Nikki was suspicious when Diego wanted to help Ryder build a race
car.

CROW: Well, what about Brooke?

GYPSY: That's "Bold and the Beautiful."

CROW: Oh, is that where she found the dead woman in her father's room?

GYPSY: No, that's Maggie in "One Life to Live."

CROW: Wait, I thought Maggie was the one who branded Kristen a lying fake.

GYPSY: Crow! That's Laura from "Days of Our Lives."

CROW: Oh, did she recover?

GYPSY: NO! That's Katherine from "General Hospital."

CROW: Well then who's the one that tried to stall her wedding to Grant in
hope of Ridge stopping it?

GYPSY: That's Brooke.

MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in fifteen seconds.

CROW: [Looking towards Cambot.] Just goes to show, that you can't tell
these silly soaps apart.

MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign now.

[Crow hits the commercial button. MST 3K logo goes by. Followed by
Mentos, Zima, and local car dealerships.]

[<SoL> Gypsy and Crow are now watching the soaps together. Crow seems
very intent upon it.]

CROW: Do you think Holden will find Lily?!?

[Mike and Tom enter via the right.]

TOM: Hi guys. What up?

GYPSY and CROW: We're watching our soaps.

MIKE: Oh, "As the World Turns"! Did Tim track down Meg after she dumped
him on their wedding day?

CROW: Mike! That's "Sunset Beach"!

[Mad light flashes.]

TOM: Uh, Mike. Nick and Lorraine are calling.

MIKE: Huh? Oh! [Mike hits the mad light.]

[<Deep 13> Mrs. Forrester is watching TV in the background with her feet
up. Clayton is massaging her feet for her.]

DR. F: Anything else I can do for you mother?

MRS. F: Yes, Clay. Go microwave me some more popcorn. "Another World" is
coming on. [She hands him a bowl.]

DR. F: [Taking the bowl and looking quite humble.] Yes, mother. [He
looks up and notices Mike and the rest. He heads over to the screen.]
Ah, Mike. Robots. I'm just trying to help mother feel comfortable.
[Whispering.] Her gout has been acting up.

<SoL>

TOM: Uh huh, sure. [Makes a whip cracking noise.]

<Deep 13>

DR. F: Well, uh, all these soap operas set my mind to zero in on today's
style of drabble. As I promised, it comes from the Star Wars Fan Fiction
Library Page, but one would swear it was a script from "All My Children."
It's an actionless piece of crockery with a heart-warming Luke and Leia
interaction that leaves one wondering if they really care that they're
related. I present to you "Understanding", by Stacy Galler. Have fun.

[<SoL> Lights and sirens are going hyper.]

ALL: We've got fanfic sign!

*...6...5...4...3...2...0

TOM: What do you think he meant when he said it will leave you wondering
if they care if they're related?

MIKE: I have a bad feeling we're going to find out.

>This story contains characters and draws upon situations created by >George Lucas.

TOM: Do you think Lucas gave his permission for this?

MIKE: Highly doubtful!

> This story is purely for the enjoyment of the reader and >the author,

CROW: But mostly for the author.

> and no money is being >exchanged.

TOM: No kidding!

> Feel free to pass this story

ALL: [Giggling hysterically.]

CROW: We will!

>
on to anyone, and to use the situations in anything >you may write.

>
>--Stacy Galler, December 1996

>
>Understanding

TOM (singing): Love and understanding is what you get, a wookie for
Christmas when he already has a comb...

>Time: Immediatly after the Battle of Endor

>
> They had all returned: Lando, Wedge, Admiral Ackbar, and finally, >Luke. They were all here, and safe, and the party was in full swing.

ALL: Toga! Toga! Toga!

> The

Ewok music pounded triumphantly >through the forest as comrades and old
friends related new stories that >were destined to become bedtime stories
for grandchildren in another >forty years.

CROW: ...And there, on the handle, was the hook!

> Han and Leia, exhausted from the

day's events, just sat, >snuggled together, in a corner of >one of the
Ewok huts and watched the >activities of the others, happy just to be
close to one another. Before >long, the music lulled them into a deep,
sound sleep.

[Tom and Mike have slowly drifted asleep by now from the music.]

CROW: Hah, that's likely! Right guys? Guys? [He looks over to them.]
GUYS! WAKE UP! Don't you leave me here alone!

[Tom and Mike jerk violently awake at this.]

> Leia came hazily awake, and it took her a few moments to realize

MIKE: That she was still stuck within this fanfic.

>
that she'd even been asleep. >She was lying more or less on top of Han,

[They all make wolf calls and annoying "woo-hoos."]

>

>who was lying half on his side, half on his back on the bench they had >been sitting on before they'd fallen asleep,

CROW: And when he moved, a wet crunching sound erupted from his back like
fresh celery being bitten into.

TOM: Ugg. Crow!

> and Han had an arm thrown >around her. She could hear him snoring, rather obnoxiously. She glanced >at her chrono;

MIKE: It's a Swatch!

> the last time she had been aware of was a little over >three hours ago. She lifted her head a little; the revelry had died;

CROW (Leia): Oh my God, I slept with Han. What will Luke think?

TOM: Crow, are you trying to make me sick or something?

> >there were still

some whispers here and there; some movement, but the >music was gone,
and many others were snoring along with Han.

MIKE: Such as the readers.

> Leia was suddenly very restless; her head buzzed.

MIKE: So she hit the snooze button.

>The fatigue she had felt earlier was gone. What was left in its place >was a dizzying

sense of all that had happened in the past day: the >Emperor and Darth
Vader's deaths, the destruction of the Death Star, >Luke telling her she
was his sister, and....

TOM: ...the haunting memory that she tongue kissed him on Hoth.

CROW: Oh, and how dare you criticize me!

> She shook her head, and disentangled herself from Han's arms,
somehow >managing not to wake him up.

MIKE: Just like when they have sex.

> She stepped out into the cool

night air, drawing a >long inhalation into her lungs, instantly feeling
a little better. Her >head still spun though,

CROW: Ah! The Exorcist!

> and her chest was full;

TOM: I see Carrie finally hit puberty.

CROW: [Wolf calls.]

> it felt as if there
were a great weight pressing on her >ribcage.

CROW: That's your chastity belt.

MIKE: You know, I've been pretty lenient up until now, but you guys are
starting to get a little too spicy.

CROW: You're not innocent either, pal!

> She started to walk,

absently, not >knowing where she was going, hoping that it would clear
her head.

> Leia just followed her feet;

CROW: Where're you going, man?

TOM: No where in particular.

CROW: Man, I wish I was you.

> down walkways, past ancient trees,
through >foliage that crunched softly beneath her feet.

MIKE: Getting incredibly lost.

> Before long, she
found Luke sitting under a >tree with his back very straight and his eyes
closed. Leia wasn't sure >whether he was asleep >or not; you could never
quite tell these things >with Luke.

CROW: Such as how an incredible wuss such as he became a Jedi knight.

> She stopped a few feet from him, regarding him silently. She stood >there for a long few moments trying to decide whether to interrupt >his.... whatever it was he was doing.

MIKE: [Clamps Crow's beak.] No, no Crow. Resist it.

> Before she could, however, Luke
opened his eyes and smiled >at her.

> "I didn't...wake you, did I?" she asked.

> Luke shook his head. "I haven't been able to sleep. I've gone >through two Jedi relaxation exercises, to no avail. My head is just too >full."

TOM: Of what? Not brains.

> Leia smiled more to herself than at him, "Yours too?"

TOM: So stupidity is genetic.

CROW: It's on the same gene as the Force.

> Luke shrugged marginally. "A lot has happened in these past few >days."

> Leia sat down next to Luke and rested her back against the tree.
She >suddenly felt drained again, but not sleepy.

MIKE: Probably boredom.

> There was too much to ask; too much to say.

MIKE: Too much to pronounce.

BOTS: Huh?

> Luke settled against the tree >himself. For a long
moment they just sat there in silence, considering >what to do; how to
begin.

CROW: You begin at the vein and then cut upwards...

MIKE: Stop that!

> Suddenly, at the same time, they blurted:

TOM: [Belches.] Oh, excuse me!

> "Luke, there's so much I..."

> "Leia, I must tell you..."

> They laughed uncomfortably, and Leia nodded in Luke's direction.

MIKE (Leia): Oh my God! Luke what is that coming behind you... LUKE! Look
out!

CROW (Luke): Huh? ARRRRGGGGGG!

TOM: [Makes growling and ripping noises while Crow screams.]

> "You first."

> Luke shook his head, "No, you. I insist."

> Leia blew her

CROW: I'd say something, but I know I'd be punished for it.

MIKE: Good move.

> breath out. She got up and started to pace
restlessly. >She hoped that acting out her disquiet physically would help
her clear >the noise in her brain.

TOM (singing): The voices in my head, la la la la la.

> "So much has happened in the >past few
days. I'm just trying to get it all straight in my head."

> "Begin at the beginning," Luke advised.

MIKE: It was a dark and stormy night...

> Leia drew in a long preparatory breath, and began at what

seemed a >logical place. "If someone had told me a month ago that the
Emperor >would be dead soon and that I'd learn about my past, I would
have said >that was wishful thinking." She paused, and then went on
quietly, "And >if they'd have told me that it would all happen in the
same day, I would >have laughed in their face."

ALL (singing ala Monty Python): Laugh in my face, and tell me that you
love me...

> She sat down again, facing Luke.
"And now I >have to figure out where to go and what to do."

TOM: Well, for starters, don't ever kiss Luke again.

> Luke reached out and stroked her

CROW: Mike, please! I'm begging you!

MIKE: No, Crow.

CROW: Aw!

> hand in a gesture of comfort,
"That's not a >decision you have to make immediately, Leia."

> "No, but it has to be made soon, while the Empire is still reeling >from this shock."

MIKE: How does the war fit in with your personal crisis, Leia?

> She lowered her head, looked into her hands, feeling the silence envelop her.

TOM (Leia): Get it off of me!

> A soft breeze tugged at her >loose hair, and she reached up and brushed a few strands from her face.

MIKE (montone): And the wind cries Leia.

> Luke watched her hands form into tight, hard fists.

[Crow really fidgets a great deal at that, but keeps quiet.]

> But he just regarded her quietly, >trying to read her
jumbled thoughts.

TOM: Luke's not very good at Junior Jumble.

> He wanted so much to help her make peace with >all
that had happened.

> Her mood softened after a little while, and her fists with it. She >looked up, an incredulous grin gracing her features. "A brother, huh? >Whoever would have thought?"

MIKE: At this point, only Freud.

CROW: [His jaw is shuttering.] Ohhhhhh.

MIKE: Crow, buddy, what's wrong?

CROW: Mike, I can't hold back these comments much longer. This story is
just so full of opportunity.

MIKE: Come on Crow. Be strong!

> Luke nodded, "A twin brother."

> The surprise registered immediately on Leia's face. "How... how
did >you come to know all of this?"

TOM: They're identical, of course.

MIKE: No they aren't.

TOM: No? Huh.

> "Ben told me," he stated matter-of-factly.

MIKE: So neyha!

> The anger welled up in Leia, and Luke felt it rise up

MIKE: Come on Crow! Stay tough.

CROW: Can't do it much longer, pal. [The pain he's feeling is visible on
him, even as a silhouette.]

> as a wall

between them; between >all he was trying to do. "Obi-wan? You've known
all this for two and a >half years and you haven't told me until now?!"

TOM (Luke): I forgot.

> "Leia." Luke put a calming hand on his sister's shoulder. "I can >communicate with him through the Force. I only found out about our being >related shortly before we >met at the rendezvous. I wanted to wait until >the right moment."

> Leia let her anger go with a breath, and the wall crumbled.

MIKE: Here, Leia. Have a Tic-Tac.

> Of

course. Things had been >so busy lately, and this wasn't something you
tossed off in casual >conversation. "I'm sorry." She searched his face
for a moment, looking >for strength.

TOM: But definitely not finding it.

>"And Vader your...our..." She trailed off.

TOM: Plot twist? Is that the word she's looking for?

> Suddenly, Leia felt cold.

MIKE: What do you mean "suddenly"?

> It was if all the fervor and idealism and
honor she >had held so dear had been sucked from her. A sour, burning
pit formed >in her stomach.

MIKE and TOM: Tum, T-tum tum TUMS!

CROW (screaming): AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!

[Then they both look at Crow when he screams. In his effort keep from
saying something naughty, he disconnected his power source in a hara-kiri
manner, and lies slumped over his chair.]

TOM: Oh, COWARD!

MIKE: [Turns Crow back on.] Sorry pal. All for one, one for all.

CROW: Oh, damn.

>This wasn't true; it couldn't be true. This man...
this _monster_

CROW: Torgo's a monster?

> that had tortured her >mercilessly; causing her more
physical pain than she had endured before >or since.

TOM (Vader): Does this bug you? Does this bug you? I'm not touching you.

> This _creature_

MIKE: Oh no! John Winston co-wrote this story!

ALL: (Screams in terror.)

> that
had stood by and let Tarkin destroy her world. >This _beast_

CROW: Oh stop with the unnecessary emphasizing already!

> that had been willing to kill >the only man she had ever loved, just when she was
beginning to >realize >it, and had taken him from her all the same. This
_fiend_

TOM: You know, this story would be perfect for Shatner to narrate.

MIKE: Silence, child!

> that had mutilated and nearly >killed, on more than one occasion,
the best friend she had ever had; her >_brother_,

CROW (weird voice): You killed my brother. You killed my only brother.
I'm gonna get on your ass like a pair of fruit-of-a-loons.

(*Author's note: can anybody identify the source of this quote.)

>in every sense of the
word. This _devil_

ALL: Quit it!

> was his...their... her... Her adrenalin >rushed as the

gateway to her emotions that she had been holding shut so >she could get
through the mission suddenly surged open. She jumped to >her feet, ran
several meters away until her heart had used up the extra >energy. From
the bottom of her soul, she screamed the only possible >truth into the
night; "NO!"

CROW: Carrie Fisher as Ator.

> The sound ripped through the stillness of the sylvan night,

MIKE: That was me, sorry.

> the

echoes seeming to go on >forever. Luke rushed to his sister's
trembling side, holding her,

CROW: Fondling her.

MIKE: Crow!

CROW: Sorry Mike, I gotta say what I gotta say. You shouldn't have turned
me back on.

> trying to comfort her.

> "Leia, Leia, look at me." He shook her gently, turned her face to >his with a gentle hand. "I denied it for a long time after I found out >too."

TOM (Luke): But we really are related.

>

He whispered to her fervently, but >gently. "It is hard to accept, but
we have to. It's our destiny."

MIKE: Your only destiny is to star in "Emerald Forest" and make guest
appearances on "Sea Quest", all powerful Jedi knight!

> "I hardly call 3 days a long time," Leia replied bitterly, still >shaking.

> Luke shook his head. "No. I've known for about six months.

Shortly >after Han was frozen, I had that duel with Vader, where I lost
my hand,

>remember?"

CROW: Vader should have aimed lower.

MIKE and TOM: OW!

>He looked at her earnestly, hoping she was understanding; believing. She >nodded. "He told me during that fight."

MIKE (Vader): One word Luke: plastics.

> "Oh, Luke..." Her features softened. She hugged him, and drew

TOM: A stick figure.

>
a deep breath. >"It's just that... this is so ironic.

MIKE: It's like rain on your wedding day.

> This isn't real life.. this is some opera >libretto."

TOM: Any moment now, Faust is going to come crashing out of the woods

> She shook her head and >plunged on fervently,

CROW: Take the Nestea plunge.

> still

not willing to believe. "I just can't >accept the fact that the person
we have spent our entire adult lives >fighting to defeat; the most evil
man I have ever known, is our >_father_."

MIKE: Oh, no. Stacy, we warned you about that.

> Luke released her shoulders and took her hands,

TOM: Well, he does need a new one.

> as if to see if
she could support >herself with just his words.

MIKE: But she crashed to the floor, like a limp cucumber.

> "See, but that's just it, Leia,
and talking to Ben >the other day >made that all clear to me."

CROW: Schrodinger's equation *is* solvable.

> He squeezed

her hands. "Darth Vader isn't our >father. The man that became Darth
Vader, Anakin Skywalker, is. And >Anakin Skywalker was a good man,
Leia, strong in the Light side of the >Force.

TOM: Same as the regular Force, but with fewer calories.

> It's his heritage that we carry. And >it's that heritage that predestined us to cause his downfall, and to >bring him back to the light." Luke; his gaze became glassy; faraway. >"And
I did."

MIKE: Hold on. I thought arrogance and egotism were paths to the Dark
Side.

TOM: Like father, like son.

CROW: Besides, all he did was get his butt kicked by Palpatine.

> Leia looked at him quizzically, not understanding.

CROW: Neither do we.

> He plunged on.
"Just before he died, >he renounced the Dark Side; he became Anakin
Skywalker again. He told >me to tell you that I was right;

TOM: Yeah, so's Limbaugh. That doesn't make him correct.

> there was good in him." Leia looked at him with wide eyes, >listening intently, finally beginning to accept the truth.

ALL (Nation of Islam): Yes sir! Speak the truth!

> "I brought his body back here to Endor >and burned it
on a funeral pyre.

CROW: He made s'mores, too. Want one?

> There's nothing left of Darth Vader anymore, >Leia. Not
even that awful armor that kept him alive all those years. >And Anakin
Skywalker is one with the Force."

> Leia shook her head;

TOM: Change fell out.

> the picture was still murky.

MIKE: "Answer unclear. Ask again later."

> Her mind reeled
with >implications.

CROW: Oh she's a biggie. Yeah, that's a keeper.

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