_TV_Stinkers_this_week_(8/21-8/27)
Brian K!z!K MacDonald
**** NOTES FOR THIS WEEK *****
After surmising my possessions from a dying host that took most of my
files with it to its grave, I've recreated a proper template for
TV Stinkers and can resume sending it... (VERY fortunately, one of
the few files I could muster was the mailing list for TV Stinkers)
ONCE AGAIN, if you have a slow news server preventing you from
catching the stinkers in time, and want to be on the mailing list,
just e-mail me at:
eai...@rigel.oac.uci.edu (until October 1st)
(October 1st, I will assume a new internet habitat, probably at
Netcom somewhere. You understand, me being one ahead of the
devil and everything.)
I mail these out anytime on Sunday between the afternoon and the
evening, depending on my schedule that day.
So far here's the list:
Bill Georges <ACC...@vaxc.hofstra.edu>
Chris Frost <cfr...@netcom.com>
I know, it's a short list.. but the first official mailing is this
week anyway, so join up!
Well, regarding the stinkers this week, it's a nice well-rounded
week... Lots of variety and glitz....
Oh, but the HORROR that TNT will unleash this Saturday evening!
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* All symbols and pertinent info on this weekly newsletter *
* are now presented after the list... *
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AND NOW...
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*_8_HOURS_&_45_MINUTES of Monstrous Terror on TNT. <Blurp. Hack.> *
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Yup, Saturday night starting at 6:45pm PST and ending at 3:30am PST
TNT shows us a series of classic late 50's monster/terror flicks,
Here they are:
THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD (1957) (6:45pm to 8:30pm)
THE BLOB (1958) (8:30pm to 10:20pm)
IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA (1955) (10:20pm to 12:05am)
20 MILLION MILES TO EARTH (1957) (12:05am to 1:55am)
IT! -- THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE (1958) (1:55am to 3:30am)
Actually most of these movie aren't exactly that bad. "IT CAME
FROM BENEATH THE SEA" got three stars in the guide while three
others got two stars. TV Times is generally accurate about their
ratings.. so far, most of the one stars I list end up being very bad.
Although, they DID give "FLASH GORDON", the one with Sam Jones,
three stars.
Of course, that doesn't save these films from MSTability. Sure,
they may not be so bad, but riffback should be a natural reaction
to these classics, so I feel they are worth mention.
Oh, did I mention that ONE of these movies got the one star rating?
In my trust for TV Times, I now present to you....
********** MOST PROBABLE MST3K CANDIDATE OF THE WEEK **************
IT! -- THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE
(1958, science fiction) Marshall Thompson.
Astronauts return from Mars with an alien vampire as a stowaway.
1 hr. 35 mins. TNT Sun 1:55am
[ That's this coming Sunday, 8/28 ]
****************** "<WHEEEZ> MISSED CALL...." *********************
KILL A DRAGON
(1967) Jack Palance.
Chinese peasants hire a mercenary to guard salvaged explosives
a villain wants back.
2 hrs. TNT Sun 11pm
[ Insert Jack Palance journal entry here. ]
****************** IT CAME FROM THE 70's **************************
CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC
(1980, musical) Valerie Perrine.
A lawyer helps an ex-model and a songwriter promote a gay
singing group called the Village People. (PG)
2 hrs. KTLA [!!] Wed 4am
Believe me, this movie is unbelievable... thanks to Ned Raggett for
subjecting me to it. It's an Alan Carr production, yup the guy
who did the 1984 "Where The Boys Are" and that theatrical
Rob Lowe/Snow White intro for the 1987 Academy Awards. Other
Notes... Steve Guttenberg plays the "songwriter" and the
"lawyer" is played by none other than Bruce "Minimax" Jenner
in a career apex. Who plays the Village People? Well...
anyway, this is the quintessential 70's movie.. moreso than
_Xanadu_ (which Ned ALSO subjected me to). Way overblown.
Too campy for people who are into camp. Life is never worse
than a perfect Eggo Waffle breakfast in this movie. The movie
just shoots UP and UP and UP and basks in its own fireworks. Yup,
Alan Carr, ladies and gentleman. I mean, come on... A movie about
the 70's done in 1980? It HAS to be bad. It's worth it alone to see
the numbers "I Love You To Death" and "The Milkshake".
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* THE TV STINKERS THIS WEEK IN FULL CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER *
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KILL A DRAGON
(1967) Jack Palance.
Chinese peasants hire a mercenary to guard salvaged explosives
a villain wants back.
2 hrs. TNT Sun 11pm
PREHISTORIC WOMEN
(1967, adventure) Martine Beswick.
Brunettes and their queen of the white rhinoceros capture a hunter
and boss around blondes.
2 hrs. TBS Mon 10:05am
[ This is not the same as Women of the Prehistoric i.e. MST3K #104 ]
CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC
(1980, musical) Valerie Perrine.
A lawyer helps an ex-model and a songwriter promote a gay
singing group called the Village People. (PG)
2 hrs. KTLA [!!] Wed 4am
HYPER SAPIEN: PEOPLE FROM ANOTHER STAR
(1986, science fiction) Sydney Penny.
A Wyoming rancher's son befriends a three-eyed thing and two
females from the planet Taros. (PG)
1 hr. 34 mins. CINEMAX Wed 1:30pm
SINBAD AND THE EYE OF THE TIGER
(1977, fantasy) Patrick Wayne.
Sinbad and a princess try to save her brother, turned into a baboon
by a wicked sorceress. (G)
2 hrs. 10 mins. TBS Thu 9:05am
SWORD OF THE VALIANT
(1984, fantasy) Miles O'Keeffe.
The Green Knight tricks Gawain of the Round Table, then gives
him a year to solve a riddle or die. (PG)
2 hrs. WGN [@@] Thu 9:30pm
GYMKATA
(1985, action) Kurt Thomas.
U.S. agents send a gymnastic martial artist to secure a missile-base
site by the Caspian Sea. (R)
2 hrs. TBS Fri 10:05am
ULTRA WARRIOR
(1992, science fiction) Dack Rambo.
A troubleshooter leads a mutant and her people in a zirconium-rich
area nuked by World War III. (R)
1 hr. 15 mins. CINEMAX Sat 5:45am
[ Sorry folks. The title just asked itself to be put on the list
this week. ]
IT! -- THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE
(1958, science fiction) Marshall Thompson.
Astronauts return from Mars with an alien vampire as a stowaway.
1 hr. 35 mins. TNT Sun 1:55am
[ That's this coming Sunday, 8/28 ]
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The TV Stinkers are movie titles/descriptions culled from the
_TV_Times,Central_Orange_County_ guide, distributed with the Sunday
_L.A._Times,_Orange_County_edition_. Orange County is in
Southern California between Los Angeles and San Diego counties.
All movie descriptions come directly from _TV_Times_.
ALL TIMES listed are PACIFIC STANDARD TIME... This may not matter
if the station activates time delays for different time zones.
But some stations, such as TBS, base all programs around their
Eastern Standard Time schedule. (i.e. someone in Seattle taping
a TBS show at 10:00am will see it advertised on TBS as showing
at 1:00pm).
The following are symbols attached to stations you may not be
familiar with, describing what they are and their availability to
you. Most of the time, they are local stations.. in which case
I could tape these movies for you at your request. If no symbol
appears next to a channel, assume it's a standard basic cable
channel.
[##] These are local major network affiliated stations. In this case,
they are:
KCBS (CBS)... KNBC (NBC)...
KABC (ABC)... KTTV (FOX)...
These stations will be denoted by [##-net] where "net" will
be replaced by the network name. Any stinkers denoted by these
may or may not be available to you.
[@@] Some independent stations around the nation get some nationwide
access via some cable systems. Dimension cable in Irvine, CA
gets Chicago independent WGN for example. Stinkers denoted
by [@@] may or may not be available to you.
[!!] These are local independent stations. In most cases this will
involve stations KTLA Channel 5, KCAL Channel 9, KCOP Channel
13, KDOC Channel 56, or other local international channels
in this area. Stinkers denoted by [!!] are most likely
unavailable to you.
[$$] These are pay-per-view channels. Stinkers denoted here
require a phone call and some cost... that is, if the same
channel is offering the movie in your area, and the cable
systems carries it. I'm not familiar with nationwide PPV
business, so I don't know if most are independent or not.
Once again, if you REALLY want movies unavailable to you, I could
tape them for you at your request. We could work some deal out.
Keep in mind that TV Stinkers never claims to be a COMPLETE list
of weekly bad movies by any means. Dimension Cable in Irvine, CA
doesn't have the SciFi Channel or fX or any channels that bring a good
source of cheese to viewers. Also due to the Sunday mailings of postings
of TV Stinkers, movies that deserve inclusion whose air times range from
early Sunday mornings to Sunday afternoons are never included, as they
most likely will air by the time you read the list.
And AS ALWAYS... check you local listings for more accurate times.
(enjoy!) K!z!K