MISTing: 2 Sides of a Cynic (1/5)

[Owenfan]

In the present time period.
A day or two ago.
A scheming mad scientist.
Had an evil plan ready to go.
But he needed a patsy to make it complete.
Someone kinda dim, but also sweet.
So he picked the dim Spud as his test case.
And he knocked him the head and shot him into space.
(SPUD: Dude!)
RODNEY: I'll send him terrible net posts.
The worst, I can find (la la la).
He'll have to sit and read them all,
And I'll monitor his mind (la la la).
Now keep in mind Spud cannot choose.
When the posts begin or end (la la la).
Luckily for him he's got the help.
Of some of his Disney friends.
Disney Roll call:
Whiskers ("food?")
Riley ("Why me?")
Princess Candy ("Whatever")
XR ("money")
If you're wondering how they eat & breathe.
Or other science facts.
Just keep in mind they are cartoons.
So you should just relax.
For Mystery Disney Theater 3000.

[INT. Satellite of Toons, Spud is on the bridge]
SPUD: Hey dudes and dudettes, welcome to the Satellite of Toons. Not its' official name, we decided to call it that ourselves. Anyway you know the drill, gnarly mad scientist dude makes us read bad Internet junk, the usual. Otherwise, things have been pretty quiet around here.
[Next to him, XR is talking on a phone]
XR: Okay, so you want a hundred on Baltimore? Can do.
SPUD: Uh XR dude, who are you talking to?
XR: [into phone] Could you excuse me for just a moment? [to Spud] if you must know, I'm in the middle of my side hustle.
SPUD: *Side hustle*?
XR: An alternate job that many people have in addition to their main one. So, while I'm officially a space ranger and comic relief robot, I also make a little money on the side as a bookie.
SPUD: I guess that makes sense, being a robot you can probably run some scientific-like program to determine the best results.
XR: Yup. And then, because I'm in space and my clients are *conveniently* still on Earth, I don't have to pay them anything and really clean up.
SPUD: Dude that's terrible, how do you think Buzz would react if he learned about this?
XR: He wouldn't like it, but then, he's not here, is he? [back to phone) Hello? Yes, you want to put 5 big ones on the Chicago game? Okay, I can assure you that one will have quite the payout.
SPUD: We'll be right back, I guess [hits commercial sign button]

["Commercials"]

[Back on the bridge, everyone is there now, as XR still talks on the phone].
SPUD: So do all of you guys have side hustles?
RILEY: Well, I don't have a job per se, but I do run a blog where I give romantic advice to others.
CANDY: What do you know about romance? Didn't your boyfriend break up with you because you were controlling and obcessive?
RILEY: Yeah, but I don't tell my readers that.
SPUD: [notices flashing light] Hang on, Dear Abby is calling.

[Int. Rodney's lab. The scientist is standing there, flanked by his robot Chloe].
RODNEY: Greetings my little guinea pigs.

[Satellite]
All [save XR]: Hi Rodney.

[Rodney's lab]
Rodney: I told you, I insist you address me by my full name- Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein.

[Satellite]
SPUD: Yeah, we're not gonna be doing that.

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: Never mind, it's time for the invention exchange.

[Satellite]
SPUD: [surprised] Invention exchange? Hang on dude, we didn't do one of those last time.

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: I know, but we're throwing a few things on the wall this week and seeing what sticks. Naturally, I shall go first, since anything you create will obviously pale in comparison to my brilliance. Now then, my Millenials, what is one of the most popular things nowadays?

[Satellite]
CANDY: Are you asking us because you don't actually know, or is this rhetorical?
RILEY: I'm gonna say something to do with the Internet.
WHISKERS: Yeah, I'm going Internet.

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: I of course am talking about the mining of cryptocurrency, in which people can rich online. Naturally, I can't have that, unless I can profit somehow. So I have invented the Cryptocurrency Devalue-inizor. One blast and it will make anyone's cryptocurrency worthless. Allowing me to mine all I want and amass a fortune in fake Internet money!

[Satellite]
All: [agape]
SPUD: Uh dude, what happens when cryptocurrency loses its' value?

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: Silly fool, this is the wave of the future, and I plan to ride it until I get rich. Now, do you pathetic peons have anything?

[Satellite]
SPUD: Well, our invention isn't quite as elaborate, but we think it provides a useful service. Our invention today deals with a problem that is close to all of us.
ALL: Live-action remakes.
RILEY: Even though people aren't exactly clamoring for them, Disney seems determined to make them.
WHISKERS: So to better help people enjoy them, we created these [holds out a pair of goggles] Anima-lenses.
SPUD: Simply put them on when you're watching one of the live-action versions, and they play the original animated version over it.
RILEY: [looking at a TV] Hey, it's the original genie, instead of that nightmare-inducing Will Smith abomination!
WHISKERS: Watching *Beauty and the Beast* is a lot easier with all those shoehorned in feminist messages gone.
CANDY: Wow, *The Jungle Book* is...well, you can't win them all.
SPUD: What do you think sir?

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: Bah, you fail to reach the level of my brilliance. Anyway, your story today is a bit of a hybrid. It takes a scoop of *Daria* adds in a pinch of *ThunderCats*, mix together and you've got an even worse combination than that disgusting triple scoop garlic roach cone that Doofy likes. Send them the story, Chloe.
CHLOE: Yes doctor.

[Satellite, there are alarms and lights]
All: Ahh! We got story sign!!!!!

{6}
{5}
{4}
{3}
{2}
{1}