MISTing: Garfield: Royal Rescue (pt. 4)

[Owenfan]

[Bridge]

WHISKERS: I don't know about you guys, but I'm having problems accepting this action hero version of Garfield.
CANDY: Yeah, it seems so weird.
SPUD: I know, but it's not uncommon for people to want to apply a little action to things they may consider bland or lame. Look at *Weapon Brown* for example.
XR: Good point.
SPUD: In fact, let's think about other potential edgy makeovers for comic strips. Say, for example, Marmaduke is now a hard-drinking private eye.
XR: That would still be better than the actual "Marmaduke" movie.
ALL: Oh yeah.
RILEY: Oh I see. Or maybe, the kids from "Family Circus" are like a group of Tokusatsu fighters with a giant robot. My friend Tasumi told me about that genre.
XR: I got one. Ziggy is now a vampire hunter.
WHISKERS: Dilbert works as a secret agent for the government.
CANDY: I don't have one.
SPUD: Then I'll go again. Calvin is now...actually, it's pretty hard to improve on the original strip.
XR: True dat.
SPUD: But the point here is, sometimes people just like things to be dark & edgy, so they apply it to whatever they can. In many ways, it stands as a condemnation of a cynical society.
WHISKERS: That's deep man.
SPUD: Thanks due [alarm] But we've got fanfic sign!

(6)
[5]
{4}
"3"
<2>
(1)

[Theater]

CANDY: Oh, I just got one. Now, Cathy is a superhero who...
XR: Yeah, we're done with that.

>Garfield walked with sternness and determination to destination for he was >on mission.

XR: Impossible.
SPUD: [imiating tape] Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to forget this story ever existed.

>Garfield walked and walked until he came to Buckingham Palace gates.

>"No gate can take my power!" Garfield bellowed with majesticness as he >punched down gate with one punch.

XR: Garfield turned into an anime character all of a sudden.

>Garfield marched with purpose in feet as stormed to wedding place of >matrimony. Royal Guards came rushing to arrest him but they were not of >match.

RILEY: So they decided to use a different dating service.

>"There is Garfield! Arrest him in the name of prince!"

WHISKERS: Isn't he dead?
SPUD: I think they mean Prince William.

>Shouted the Guards >with princely loyalty.

>"Relax my English hombres

CANDY: Garfield seems to have his languages mixed up.
XR: [in Mexican accent] I say my Mexican chaps.

>you are being relieved of duty." Said Garfield chilly

All: [act cold] Brrr!

>as hit royal guards with ?>fists and feet of speed like typhoon sending them >flying miles high and >exploding.

XR: What the..? Did Michael Bay start writing this all of a sudden?
CANDY: I'm not sure he wasn't to start with.

>Garfield picked up a guard and raised him high in air like feather.

>"Here why not enjoy delicacy of fresh fish and chips. " Quipped Garfield as >he tossed the guard into the sea.

XR: Garfield is no James Bond.
SPUD: Heck, he's no Austin Powers.


>"There is plenty of salt for you in there." Said Garfield with cleverness as he >walked away.

RILEY: "Plenty of salt for you in there?" Is that supposed to be some kind of cool line?
SPUD: Not even James Bond could save that one.

>Garfield marched on his mission until he came to wedding parties with >food and drink. More Guards came for ambushing but Garfield handled it >like man.

SPUD: About the house.
XR: With a plan.

>"It is tea time have a sip." Said Garfield as he took tea kettle and tossed it at >the guards.

XR: [sarcastic] Oh yes, it's England so let's use tea as a weapon. What next, scones?
SPUD: Don't give him any ideas.

>"AHH NO." Cried out the guards as the tea melted them into skeletons.

SPUD: Huh, didn't know tea could do that.
WHISKERS: Must've been that special acid tea.

>Garfield came on table of food with wedding guests sitting around on >celebration.

>"No lasagna? What is the blasphemy!" Garfield roared in anger as he threw >table on wedding guests.

RILEY: Ah yes, our *hero* attacks defenseless guests who did nothing to him.

>"Lasagna is food of warriors and kings.

WHISKERS: [as Garfield] And also of fat, gluttonous cats, like me.

>Do not be forgetting this you worms." Garfield roared

SPUD: Why does Garfield keep roaring? Is he actually a lion?

>as he walked on.

>Garfield soon came upon wedding ceremony with Prince William and Kate >Middleton at alter being wed. Everyone heard Garfields manly footsteps like >thunder in the sea.

XR: More like *Thunder in Paradise.*
SPUD: Dude, you called out Whiskers for an obscure reference, now you're making one.
XR: I know I'm a hypocrite, so sue me.

>Prince William Turned around saw his fears become realities.

XR: But then he went to the chemists and got some pills and then everything was fine.

>"GARFIELD?" Yelled out Prince William in tones of squealing horror.

WHISKERS: Squeal- the pigs horror.

>"How rude have you not heard royal tradition? It is the rules that I am first to >have woman before marriage." Garfield stated with cold fact.

RILEY: What cold fact?
XR: So, Garfield can just have any woman he wants before someone marries them? Where is this documented? And how can I change it to benefit me?

>"Garfield you will never have my woman! I am prince I am above all!"

CANDY: [as Prince William] And all above prince.

> Declared Prince William with arrogant laugh.

>Garfield looked at Prince William with eyes of seeing and spoke with words >of saying.

RILEY: As we mocked with mouths of riffing.
XR: And plotted to beat up the author with fists of punching.
CANDY: And fell asleep with snores of boredom.

>"Even princes must obey the law of the fist.

XR: I think that's the law Chuck Norris lives by.
SPUD: Dude, Chuck Norris doesn't live by any law, he's a law unto himself.

>But do not being worrying for I will give you fair trial. Here is the JUDGE and >here is the JURY." Garfield said as he raised his two fists for showing.

SPUD: Okay, I will admit, that was pretty funny.

>"Enough nonsense!

XR: Too late, we've been dealing with this nonsense all day.

>Feel might of royal jewels!" Said Prince William as he snapped his fingers.

WHISKERS: And disintegrated half the universe.
XR: I knew you were gonna go with that one.
SPUD: [as Prince William] I am inevitable.

>At Prince Williams commands noise was heard. Mighty Big Ben >transformed into giant laser cannon and aimed at Garfield with blasting >intent.

RILEY: Technically, Big Ben is the bell, not the whole clock tower, so that would be a pretty lame giant robot.
XR: Thanks for the fun fact, Miss Geography.
RILEY: Hey, my mom is British.

>"Tick Tock it is 12 o'clock. Time to die!" Said Prince William with mocking >words.

SPUD: Pop quiz- who's worse at the quips, Garfield or Prince William?
RILEY: No contest, both are.
XR: Yeah.

>At these words Big Ben fired at Garfield with beams of fury.

WHISKERS: That movie was pretty good.
SPUD: I think that was *Balls of Fury* dude.
WHISKERS: Oh yeah.

>However Garfield was not laser fazed and backhanded laser beam with >ease.

XR: Having somehow transformed into Goku.

>" IMPOSSIBLE." Cried out Prince William with shock.

SPUD: Hey, we feel the same way bra.

>"Do you not learn physics in prince school?

XR: I think the more pertinent question is, did the author learn physics?

>Lasers bounce off of my mighty man muscle." Garfield tutored with >teachings.

RILEY: Garfield makes extra money on the side as a tutor I guess.
SPUD: [as Garfield] Okay, I'm here to help you with your nap lessons.

>"I silence your mockery forever! Die!" Yelled Prince William as he took out >long sword and thrust it at Garfield, but Garfield caught his arm in midair >and crushed bones with crab like grip.

WHISKERS: Oh. I get it now. The reason all of this seems weird is because this is about a *crab* named Garfield, not the cat.
SPUD: Makes sense.

>"It looks like your time has just run up."

CANDY: A large bill.

>Quipped Garfield as he tossed Prince William into Big Ben exploding them >both.

SPUD: Both Garfield and the prince?
XR: We can only hope.

>"NOOOOO." Cried out Prince William as he crashed into Big Ben for >explosion.

XR: See, explosion, I told you Bay was involved in this somehow.
SPUD: So send him an angry letter later.

>"Good night, sweet prince." Said Garfield with cool words as he walked >away.

XR: And then William Shakespeare came back from the dead and beat him up for misusing a line from *Hamlet.*
SPUD: Story making you a little bitter?
XR: Just a skooch.

>After victory Kate Middleton ran to Garfield and embraced him with arms.

RILEY: In this case meaning "guns."
XR: Not bad orphan girl.
RILEY: Well, this story's bringing out the worst in me. Also, call me an orphan again, and I'll rip you apart!

>"Garfield thank you. When I was marrying him I only thought of you."

Candy: [as Kate] Which is why I was vomiting all the time.

>Thanked Kate Middleton with gratitude.

>"No problem my British biscuit. You must save me juicy piece of your >shepherd's pie." Garfield responded with flirtations.

XR: I don't know what's worse, Garfield's quips or his innuendo.
SPUD: They're about even.

>"Garfield you are true hero and real man.

RILEY: [as the Queen] Oh, I was thinking of James Garfield. You're just a lazy, good-for-nothing cat.

>We want to make you honorary king of England." Queen Elizabeth said with >royal orders.

XR: Sure, put a fat, gluttonous, lazy guy on the throne of the England, what could go wrong?
SPUD: Hey, it worked for Henry VIII.

>"I am sorry but I am busy living fast life of fast adventures and faster >women."

RILEY: Garfield doesn't do anything fast except eat.
WHISKERS: I wonder how Arlene would react to all this?
XR: I'd guess with anger.

>Garfield rejected with sympathies.

>"Very well at least accept position of Duke of Ireland." Said the Queen >ofEngland.

SPUD: [as Garfield] Ireland huh? Do they have lasagna there?

>"Fine but I must first be attending to important business." Said Garfield as >he picked up Kate Middleton and brought her to royal bedroom where he >could show her how real men love women.

XR: Except, not being a man, he had no idea.

>"Garfield please make me your queen." Said Kate Middleton with warm tone.

>"I do not have castle to give you but I have a mighty tower for you to climb."

CANDY: You'll have to share it with this girl with long hair, but she's pretty fun, and artistic too.

>Garfield Said with seduction.

SPUD: "Garfield" and "seduction"- two words that should never be used in the same sentence.
WHISKERS: Like "intelligent" and "executive."
RILEY: Or "live-action" and "remake."
CANDY: Or "Trump" and "President."
SPUD: Okay, I call a ban on political jokes.
XR: Fine, but you're really limiting me here.

>"Garfield I want you to joust me like valiant knight." Kate Middleton cried >out with desire.

XR: So Kate's a fan of "Prince Valiant?"
WHISKERS: Guys, you don't think we might actually see Garfield...you know.
SPUD: I hope not little dude.

>Garfield then rode Kate Middleton like mighty knight taming wild stallion.

All: Arrgh!
SPUD: Dude, this is sick! What kind of twisted person would write something like this?
XR: I don't know, but I think England needs to bring back public executions if you get what I'm saying.
SPUD: I don't know dude, I think it's a little harsh to want the kill the author.
XR: Author nothing, I was just stating my opinion.

>With mighty force Garfield Jousted Kate Middleton with manly lance

RILEY: I sure hope they mean *actual* jousting.
XR: That I'd pay to see.

>into late hours of night and all heard sound of their romances.

XR: It sounded a lot like vomiting, strangely.

>The end…?

WHISKERS: A question mark? Oh no, does that mean there's more of this?!
XR: It's like at the end of a monster movie when you think the monster's dead, but he comes back to life to wreak more havoc. Only this time, the monster is a Mary Sue version of Garfield!
SPUD: Well, this one's over dudes, so let's head out.

[They Exit].