CROW: How x-i-ting!
> FATTY MEETS JIMMY RABBIT
MIKE: Jimmy meets Fatty Rabbit.
TOM: Rabbit meets Jimmy Fatty.
> For once Fatty Raccoon was not hungry.
TOM: Hold me, Mike, I'm scared!
> He had eaten so much of
> Farmer Green's corn that he felt as if he could not swallow another
MIKE: So he's taken to just rubbing corn on his belly and hoping for the best.
> He was strolling homewards through the woods when someone
> called to him. It was Jimmy Rabbit.
TOM: Y'know, if Fatty had an ear of corn to introduce to Jimmy, but was indifferent to how the meeting went, Fatty could say, 'Jimmy, Green's Corn, and I don't care.'
MIKE: [ Sighing ] You too?
> "Where are you going, Fatty?" Jimmy Rabbit asked.
CROW: The big meeting in Toronto.
> "Home!" said Fatty.
> "Are you hungry?" Jimmy Rabbit asked anxiously.
MIKE: [ As Jack Benny, putting his hand on his cheek ] 'Well!'
> "I should say not!" Fatty answered.
TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Um ... should I? Did I get my line wrong?'
> "I've just had the finest
> meal I ever ate in my life."
MIKE: By 'finest' he means 'most recent'.
CROW: Say this for Fatty, he's a great person to cook for.
> Jimmy Rabbit seemed to be relieved to hear that.
TOM: [ As Jimmy ] 'Hooray! It wasn't me!'
> "Come on over and play," he said. "My brother and I are
> playing barber- shop over in the old sycamore tree; and we need you."
CROW: Wait ... why are rabbits playing barber shop?
MIKE: Why are they not playing hare salon?
> "All right!" said Fatty. It was not often that any of the
> smaller forest-people were willing to play with him,
TOM: Wonder why that could be.
> because generally
> Fatty couldn't help getting hungry and then he usually tried to eat
> his playmates.
MIKE: You know, when we make that joke it's just sick, but when the book makes it it's ...
> "What do you need me for?" Fatty asked, as he trudged
> along beside Jimmy Rabbit.
TOM: We need somebody to be the guy off in back complaining about the Giants.
> "We need you for the barber's pole," Jimmy explained. "You can
> come inside the hollow tree and stick your tail out through a hole.
CROW: [ As Fatty ] You need me to do a stick's job?
> will make a fine barber's pole---though the stripes DO run the wrong
> way, to be sure."
MIKE: Well, you could lean sideways a little?
> Fatty Raccoon was greatly pleased. He looked around at his tail
> and felt very proud.
CROW: A fine horsehair tail, one of the most elegant ... wait, I'm being handed a bulletin.
> "I've got a beautiful tail---haven't I?" he asked.
> "Um---yes!" Jimmy Rabbit replied, "though I must say it isn't
> one that I would care for myself...
TOM: Frish --- *Frith* Worshippers have to say that.
MIKE: Hard saying 'Frish Wor' --- that *is* hard.
> But come along! There may be people
> waiting to get their hair cut."
CROW: I've lost all understanding of the level of anthropomorphization here.
> Sure enough! When they reached the make-believe barber-shop
> there was a gray squirrel inside,
MIKE: Can touch that up with a little Just For Squirrels.
> and Jimmy Rabbit's brother was
> busily snipping the fur off Mr. Squirrel's head.
TOM: Uh-oh ...
> "How much do you charge for a hair-cut?" Fatty asked.
TOM: Fatty! Get out of there! IT'S AN IMPROV TROUPE!
> "Oh, that depends!" Jimmy Rabbit said. "Mr. Squirrel will pay
> us six cabbage leaves.
CROW: But for you?
MIKE: Yes, yes?
CROW: Six cabbage leaves, who do you think you are?
> But if we were to cut your hair we'd have to
> ask more. We'd want a dozen cabbage leaves, at least."
CROW: Oh, dang.
MIKE: This is about that time I ate your best friend, isn't it?
> "Well, don't I get anything for the use of my tail?" Fatty
CROW: Well, what does your tail need to use?
> He had already stuck it out through the hole; and he had half a
> mind to pull it in again.
TOM: Just picturing the dignity of Fatty here.
> Jimmy Rabbit and his brother whispered together for a few
CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'No, no, no, no. I don't know your name either.'
> "I'll tell you what we'll do," Jimmy said. "If you'll let us
> use your tail for the barber's pole, we'll cut your hair free.
TOM: I mean, all hair that's cut is free. That's how it can fall off.
> that fair enough?"
MIKE: [ As Fatty ] 'Will I have to bring my own hair?'
> Fatty Raccoon was satisfied. But he insisted that Jimmy begin to
> cut his hair at once.
TOM: Me, I demand to know if they have, like, bunny-size scissors or what.
CROW: Oh, man, those stupid bunny scissors that you can't actually cut anything with.
> "I'm doing my part of the work now," he pointed out. "So
> there's no reason why you shouldn't do yours."
MIKE: Jimmy counter-offers with Fatty leaving his tail there and comes back for it later.
> With that Jimmy Rabbit began. He clipped and snipped at
> Fatty's head, pausing now and then to see the effect.
CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'So, uh, no eating each other right?'
> He smiled once
> in a while, behind Fatty's back, because Fatty certainly did look
> funny with his fur all ragged and uneven.
TOM: Oh, now, how bad could it OH MY GOD! RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS!
> "Moustache trimmed?" Jimmy Rabbit asked, when he had finished
> with Fatty's head.
MIKE: Ah yes, the most renowned feature of a raccoon's markings: the moustache.
> "Certainly---of course!" Fatty Raccoon answered.
CROW: You feel like Fatty shows up a lot in Animal Reddit threads about jerk customers.
> And pretty soon
> Fatty's long white moustache lay on the floor of the barber-shop.
CROW: That's *lie* on the floor.
TOM: No it's not.
MIKE: Do I have to separate you two?
TOM: I mean, you do.
> Fatty felt a bit uneasy as he looked down and saw his beautiful
> moustache lying at his feet. "You haven't cut it too short, I hope,"
> he said.
CROW: Aw, c'mon, you're not hardly bleeding at all!
> "No, indeed!" Jimmy Rabbit assured him. "It's the very latest
TOM: This is all the rage in Raccoon Paris.
> "What on earth has happened to you?" Mrs. Raccoon cried,---when
> Fatty reached home that night. "Have you been in a fire?"
MIKE: [ As Fatty ] 'You should ... see ... the other fire?'
> "It's the latest style, Mother," Fatty told her.
CROW: [ As Fatty ] 'It's by Mangee. On the Left Bank.'
> "At least,
> that's what Jimmy Rabbit says." He felt the least bit uneasy again.
MIKE: [ As Mrs Raccoon ] 'Did you tell him your Jimmy-Green's-corn joke? Is that why he did that?'
> "Did you let that Jimmy Rabbit do that to you?" Mrs. Raccoon
TOM: There was also his brother, what's-his-name!
> Fatty hung his head. He said nothing at all. But his mother
> "Well! you ARE a sight!" she exclaimed.
CROW: I guess? Since so far all we've been told is his fur's uneven and he lost his moustache?
MIKE: Telling us there's something funny without showing what it is; very Funky Winkerbean-y.
> "It will be months
> before you look like my child again. I shall be ashamed to go anywhere
> with you."
MIKE: Who's gonna see? You go everywhere in the middle of the night.
> Fatty Raccoon felt very foolish. And there was just one thing
> that kept him from crying. And THAT was THIS:
TOM: For three months, he'll be the chupacabra!
> he made up his mind that
> when he played barber-shop with Jimmy Rabbit again he would get even
> with him.
CROW: Jimmy's one of those nasty prank-playing children from a 1910 comic strip.
MIKE: The Katzenjam-hare Kids.
> But when the next day came, Fatty couldn't find Jimmy Rabbit
> and his brother anywhere. They kept out of sight.
TOM: They were wearing his eye mask as *their* eye masks!
> But they had told
> all the other forest-people about the trick they had played on Fatty
MIKE: Also they could see he was shaved naked-ish ... we guess?
> And everywhere Fatty went he heard nothing but hoots and jeers
> and laughs.
TOM: [ As Forest-People ] 'Hah, hah, doesn't have a moustache!'
CROW: [ As Forest-People ] 'Look at the uneven fur on that raccoon!'
MIKE: [ As Forest-People ] 'We assume there's something else funny about your appearance!'
> He felt very silly. And he wished that he might meet Jimmy
> Rabbit and his brother.
CROW: Funny thing is by the time he finds them, Fatty's decided this look really works for him.
MIKE: Life, y'know?
[ End of Chapter XIII ]
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